"Tara, what do you like in his work?" Buffy asked the shy girl pointing at
a large painting in her mom's gallery. "Well, this is a realism piece. I
like how he uses the shadow's to show uncertainty. Like we really don't
know what is going on in the dark." Buffy smiled and noted on how far both
of her 'students' have gotten. "Exactly. You guys are doing great, by this
rate your going to be teaching me things the next time we meet." A red
headed girl came up behind Tara and gave her a kiss on the check. "Bu-
Buffy, this is my girl-girlfriend." Buffy smiled, "Yes. Willow. I know
her." They exchanged knowing glances. "We are done here, so you guys can
go." Joyce called Buffy over. "Oh, hey mom." "Hey honey. How was school
today?" Joyce asked. "Same as usual. So, what's up with you?" Joyce
replied, "I have to work late. There is a new shipment of art coming in and
I might not get home 'till five in the morning. So, I called Rupert and he
said that you could stay over at his place." Buffy smiled, "No problemo,
mom." They traded kisses and left.
Buffy collected all that she would need for a slumber party at Giles –nothing special, just the necessities. Staying over at his place was almost becoming a habit. She already kept an extra pair of clothes there, and her toothbrush. "Yo, Giles, What's up?" She asked not actually looking at him. "I'm not that old, pet," Spike answered. She jumped not knowing it was him and pushed pass him. "Where's Giles?" she asked. He rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch, "Went out. Said he had some official librarian business to take care of. Might be back late."
She sighed dramatically. "Something bothering you, pet?" Spike asked trying to sound nonchalant. "No," she growled. Spike rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the television, "I'm sorry, okay? I just haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately and it has gotten me irritable and edgy." He shrugged, "Why haven't you gotten lots of sleep?" She decided on an answer, "Bad dreams." She hated lying, really she did. But it wasn't all phony. It was just easier to lie or, really, not telling all the truth.
Spike headed out to bed a bit early, leaving Buffy and Giles to talk. "Are you sure you're going to be all right?" Giles asked to a slightly frantic Buffy. She had been acting weird since dinner. "He told me I was fine, so I am fine! Just fine. Did you hear him during the movie?" Giles asked, "Who are we bloody talking about?" She replied, "Him," as she pointed to an empty chair. "Buffy, dear, are you sure you're okay? You don't look so well." She gave him a weak hug, "Giles. I. Am. Fine." She curled on to the couch and fell straight asleep, while Giles reluctantly went to bed.
She tossed and turned all night seeing pictures of Angel in her head. "I will always see you. Always feel you. And always know where you are." She whispered, "St-stop it Angel. Your-your not real." An invisible finger lightly ran it's way down her bare arm. Goosebumps invaded her senses. He brought her into a passionate kiss and she responded despite her conscious telling her no. It didn't last too long before she pulled away from her hallucination; guilt and hate filled her. Vomit started to fill her esophagus and she rushed into the bathroom.
She stared into the mirror and really looked at herself. Buffy reached out and touched her reflection. "No. This isn't what I have become," she whispered. Louder she continued, "This isn't me." Spike woke up from all the noise coming from the bathroom. Tears filled her eyes while she searched for something sharp. She found some dull scissors and searched for something to change. Grabbing her straw hair, she took the clippers and chunked her long hair off. One side was above her shoulders, the other below. Spike groggily walked into the bathroom, unsure of the mess he saw there. She took the scissors to her wrist and used it as a dagger –poking and mutilating her skin. "Bu-Buffy?" he called. She looked up and her eyes grew wide, like a deer in the headlights. "What are you doing?" he asked finally absorbing the scene before him. He took the scissors out of her grasp and sat on his knees. "What in the hell, Buffy?" he asked trying to conceal his anger. "He's everywhere," she exclaimed in a deep, yet quiet voice. "Who's everywhere, pet?" he asked touching the hair in her hands. "Angel." She noticed the confusion on his face and continued, "H-he was my boy-boy friend back in CA." He wiped a tear coming from her eye, "What about him, love?" She started to tear back up, "He. He-he," her voice got low, "raped me." Spike's eyes lighted up with rage and empathy. "I'm sorry," he said while putting a strand of hair behind her ear. "He hurt me so much. He didn't stop, just kept on going. He hit me and told me I was a slut." Her face was now in his chest and he was holding her saying soothing words into her ear. "I wasn't though. I was a virgin. He forced himself on me. I couldn't do anything. I thought he loved me. He told me he did. Why doesn't he love me? I loved him. I think I did. He tells me in my dreams, that he will come after me." Spike pulled her away and looked straight into her red-rimmed eyes, "Why did you try to bloody kill yourself, pet?" Her lip trembled in anger, "Why? Why? Because he is fucking everywhere. He won't leave me alone. Because every night when I go to sleep I dream that it will happen again! Tonight I dreamt that he was here and he kissed me. He told me that he was all I ever had...that he was god. Now tell me, why would you want to end it?" His voice got serious, "I wouldn't. That is just what the bloke wants you to do." She stared straight into his deep blue eyes, "If you end it now, he will win. He's bloody gotten to you this far and that is what he wanted. You need to prove to him that you're still a bloody amazing girl. He didn't sodding break you." She smiled faintly, "Your right. I do need to move on, but it's so hard. He haunts me." He didn't know what to say, so he took her face into his hands, "I will never hurt you, pet. Not every whelp is like that." She nodded and fell asleep in his arms. He carried her to the couch and kissed her on the forehead. "What the hell am I bloody doing?" he asked under his breath while he crawled back to bed. Giles smiled from his doorway and shook his head, "That is what I like to know."
"Buffy, I'm so glad that you're starting to get over Angel. I mean, slowly, but surely, you're starting to live your life again," her mother paused. "But why the sudden change? What made you change your mind?" her mother asked while pouring cereal. "It just suddenly dawned on me that I have to live on with my life. Screw the prick that made my life a living hell," she said while stuffing her mouth with fruit loops. Joyce frowned at her language, but smiled at the change in her daughter's attitude. "Well mom, I am out. I might be home late because I have to help Tara and Spike, with, ya know, art." Joyce smiled, "Okay sweetie." The door closed. "I hope it's not drugs," she mused out loud while setting her coffee creamer on the table.
She walked confidently in the halls, unlike her old unsure stumble to her locker. Buffy heard the talk before. Some thought she was a hermit and moved to England to get over her loner ways. Others thought she was in special education, but most didn't even care. Now they were asking if that was the same girl. She smiled at the reactions.
She walked into the library. Her books were still in her hand and she laid them on the round table. "Hello, may I help you?" he asked, his nose stuck in an old dusty book. He looked up when she didn't answer. "Oh hello Buffy," he greeted her warmly and went back to reading the book. She sat on the table, her feet kicking back and forth. "Notice anything different?" she said in a kiddy voice. He put the book down and straightened his glasses. He stuttered something, but she could understand everything. "I cut my hair," she stated plainly. "And I dyed it." She put her fingers through her hair. "Like it?" He nodded. "Yes it's very-becoming. But why the sudden modify? I thought you said only superficial people needed..." She cut him off. "Yea, I did say that. But I was wrong. And besides, someone reminded me that I wasn't broken yet." Giles smiled. 'That must have been William's doing,' he considered. "I am glad you're taking everything better," he said. Her face went into a thinking mode. "Yea. It's been hard, but life needs to go on." He agreed fully. Maybe he needed to move on also. Get on with his life; Jenny would have wanted him too.
Spike drooled at the new girl. She was beautiful; she reminded him of the old Buffy. Her hair was dyed in a golden blonde. It hung nicely above her shoulders. She was wearing a knee length white jean skirt with a black studded belt; an electric blue hoddie completed the look. Stunning, angelic, gorgeous...they were a few adjectives that came to his mind. "Spike. Spike?" a voice called out to him. "What? Huh?" he called shaking his head out of a daze. "You completely spaced. Who ya' daydreamin' 'bout?" Parker asked. "No one," he snarled. "Whatever dude," Parker replied knowing that he was dreaming about the new girl. This just couldn't be. Parker was always jealous of Spike, ever since he got captain of the rugby team in middle school. Making him madder than hell, he paid some players on the other team to "damage" him. Parker got to be captain, once Spike broke his leg. It was common knowledge that whatever Spike wanted, Parker wanted also. So, when Spike started to take a fancy for Drusilla, Parker seduced her with his romantic ways and stole her from him. "Dude, Mrs. Green wants you," Parker said in his native surfer bum tone.
Walking into Room 14 he saw her. Everything about her was beautiful, now if he could only see her face. He knew that it would be beautiful also. All that Spike got to see was her backside, not that he minded; she had a nice ass. "Spike," Mrs. Green called, smiling happily to see him. "Parker said you wanted t' see m'?" he asked trying to look at the girl. "Do you want to tell him or me?" Mrs. Green asked to the girl. "I will," she spoke while turning around. Buffy? Buffy! "Buffy?" he said confused by her appearance.
She looked nothing like she normally did. Well that wasn't truly correct. She still had those same eyes.; those beautiful hazel eyes that had been through so much. Her skin was lightly tanned, but soft, just like always. She was smiling, also. It wasn't her beautiful smile, which he saw in the photo album, but this one was kind, authentic, and why in the hell was he thinking this? This was Buffy. The geeky girl who was scared of people touching her, only to know that she was raped, which made sense. This was the girl who looked for him when his father abused him –none of his friends would have done that. This was the girl who cried her eyes out in his arms, confessing her painful secret. This was the girl who he saved from committing suicide. This was the girl that he cared about. What? No! He didn't care about her. He couldn't. She didn't care about him, or, like him for that matter. He respected her and hopefully she respected him in return, but he still cared. It hurt him so much when he found out what happened to her. He was about to rip off that git's head and chop of his balls. Damnit. He did care.
"Spike? Spike!" she called, waving her hand in front of his face. He was zoned out, again, and because of her. Damnit. "Sorry," he whispered blushing a little bit. "Anyway, like I was saying," she said not seeing him redden, "I was telling Mrs. Green on how well you are doing with the whole art thing. " He blushed again at her compliment. The big bad isn't supposed to blush! He never blushed before, damnit. What was it about this girl? She noticed it this time and heard his slight, "Thanks." She smiled and continued, "Well, anyway, Mrs. Green decided, since you're doing so well, that you can retake that midterm. Ya' know the one you failed. Anyway. If you pass it, then no more tutoring and say hello to your free days." He smiled. "How hard's 'he test?" Both women sighed. "Not that hard, Spike. You know all the information." He nodded. Mrs. Green added while leaving the room. "Here, I have the old study guide for the midterm in the office. Stay here, Buffy, I have that that article that I told you about."
He sat down on the teacher's desk, while Buffy sat before him, in a student's desk. "'Sup with the new look, pet?" he asked trying to sound like he didn't care. He had to keep his cool. "You," she said. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "We-Well, I mean th-that what you told me. You were right. So, I had to do something to my hair anyway. I mean, I did cut it off while I was crazy. Thanks for stopping me before I did to much damage." She wanted to thank him. She'd been waiting a long time. She hadn't seen him in a couple days. "No problem, love. Had to return the favor," he said. She frowned. It was just a favor.
She stood up and walked over to the window. She started at an invisible bird on the limb, "Please. Please don't tell anyone." Her eyes watered, but she stayed strong. "I just, just don't treat me different because of it. I mean, don't be nice to me because you know." Spike smirked. "Wouldn't dream of it love."
Buffy collected all that she would need for a slumber party at Giles –nothing special, just the necessities. Staying over at his place was almost becoming a habit. She already kept an extra pair of clothes there, and her toothbrush. "Yo, Giles, What's up?" She asked not actually looking at him. "I'm not that old, pet," Spike answered. She jumped not knowing it was him and pushed pass him. "Where's Giles?" she asked. He rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch, "Went out. Said he had some official librarian business to take care of. Might be back late."
She sighed dramatically. "Something bothering you, pet?" Spike asked trying to sound nonchalant. "No," she growled. Spike rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the television, "I'm sorry, okay? I just haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately and it has gotten me irritable and edgy." He shrugged, "Why haven't you gotten lots of sleep?" She decided on an answer, "Bad dreams." She hated lying, really she did. But it wasn't all phony. It was just easier to lie or, really, not telling all the truth.
Spike headed out to bed a bit early, leaving Buffy and Giles to talk. "Are you sure you're going to be all right?" Giles asked to a slightly frantic Buffy. She had been acting weird since dinner. "He told me I was fine, so I am fine! Just fine. Did you hear him during the movie?" Giles asked, "Who are we bloody talking about?" She replied, "Him," as she pointed to an empty chair. "Buffy, dear, are you sure you're okay? You don't look so well." She gave him a weak hug, "Giles. I. Am. Fine." She curled on to the couch and fell straight asleep, while Giles reluctantly went to bed.
She tossed and turned all night seeing pictures of Angel in her head. "I will always see you. Always feel you. And always know where you are." She whispered, "St-stop it Angel. Your-your not real." An invisible finger lightly ran it's way down her bare arm. Goosebumps invaded her senses. He brought her into a passionate kiss and she responded despite her conscious telling her no. It didn't last too long before she pulled away from her hallucination; guilt and hate filled her. Vomit started to fill her esophagus and she rushed into the bathroom.
She stared into the mirror and really looked at herself. Buffy reached out and touched her reflection. "No. This isn't what I have become," she whispered. Louder she continued, "This isn't me." Spike woke up from all the noise coming from the bathroom. Tears filled her eyes while she searched for something sharp. She found some dull scissors and searched for something to change. Grabbing her straw hair, she took the clippers and chunked her long hair off. One side was above her shoulders, the other below. Spike groggily walked into the bathroom, unsure of the mess he saw there. She took the scissors to her wrist and used it as a dagger –poking and mutilating her skin. "Bu-Buffy?" he called. She looked up and her eyes grew wide, like a deer in the headlights. "What are you doing?" he asked finally absorbing the scene before him. He took the scissors out of her grasp and sat on his knees. "What in the hell, Buffy?" he asked trying to conceal his anger. "He's everywhere," she exclaimed in a deep, yet quiet voice. "Who's everywhere, pet?" he asked touching the hair in her hands. "Angel." She noticed the confusion on his face and continued, "H-he was my boy-boy friend back in CA." He wiped a tear coming from her eye, "What about him, love?" She started to tear back up, "He. He-he," her voice got low, "raped me." Spike's eyes lighted up with rage and empathy. "I'm sorry," he said while putting a strand of hair behind her ear. "He hurt me so much. He didn't stop, just kept on going. He hit me and told me I was a slut." Her face was now in his chest and he was holding her saying soothing words into her ear. "I wasn't though. I was a virgin. He forced himself on me. I couldn't do anything. I thought he loved me. He told me he did. Why doesn't he love me? I loved him. I think I did. He tells me in my dreams, that he will come after me." Spike pulled her away and looked straight into her red-rimmed eyes, "Why did you try to bloody kill yourself, pet?" Her lip trembled in anger, "Why? Why? Because he is fucking everywhere. He won't leave me alone. Because every night when I go to sleep I dream that it will happen again! Tonight I dreamt that he was here and he kissed me. He told me that he was all I ever had...that he was god. Now tell me, why would you want to end it?" His voice got serious, "I wouldn't. That is just what the bloke wants you to do." She stared straight into his deep blue eyes, "If you end it now, he will win. He's bloody gotten to you this far and that is what he wanted. You need to prove to him that you're still a bloody amazing girl. He didn't sodding break you." She smiled faintly, "Your right. I do need to move on, but it's so hard. He haunts me." He didn't know what to say, so he took her face into his hands, "I will never hurt you, pet. Not every whelp is like that." She nodded and fell asleep in his arms. He carried her to the couch and kissed her on the forehead. "What the hell am I bloody doing?" he asked under his breath while he crawled back to bed. Giles smiled from his doorway and shook his head, "That is what I like to know."
"Buffy, I'm so glad that you're starting to get over Angel. I mean, slowly, but surely, you're starting to live your life again," her mother paused. "But why the sudden change? What made you change your mind?" her mother asked while pouring cereal. "It just suddenly dawned on me that I have to live on with my life. Screw the prick that made my life a living hell," she said while stuffing her mouth with fruit loops. Joyce frowned at her language, but smiled at the change in her daughter's attitude. "Well mom, I am out. I might be home late because I have to help Tara and Spike, with, ya know, art." Joyce smiled, "Okay sweetie." The door closed. "I hope it's not drugs," she mused out loud while setting her coffee creamer on the table.
She walked confidently in the halls, unlike her old unsure stumble to her locker. Buffy heard the talk before. Some thought she was a hermit and moved to England to get over her loner ways. Others thought she was in special education, but most didn't even care. Now they were asking if that was the same girl. She smiled at the reactions.
She walked into the library. Her books were still in her hand and she laid them on the round table. "Hello, may I help you?" he asked, his nose stuck in an old dusty book. He looked up when she didn't answer. "Oh hello Buffy," he greeted her warmly and went back to reading the book. She sat on the table, her feet kicking back and forth. "Notice anything different?" she said in a kiddy voice. He put the book down and straightened his glasses. He stuttered something, but she could understand everything. "I cut my hair," she stated plainly. "And I dyed it." She put her fingers through her hair. "Like it?" He nodded. "Yes it's very-becoming. But why the sudden modify? I thought you said only superficial people needed..." She cut him off. "Yea, I did say that. But I was wrong. And besides, someone reminded me that I wasn't broken yet." Giles smiled. 'That must have been William's doing,' he considered. "I am glad you're taking everything better," he said. Her face went into a thinking mode. "Yea. It's been hard, but life needs to go on." He agreed fully. Maybe he needed to move on also. Get on with his life; Jenny would have wanted him too.
Spike drooled at the new girl. She was beautiful; she reminded him of the old Buffy. Her hair was dyed in a golden blonde. It hung nicely above her shoulders. She was wearing a knee length white jean skirt with a black studded belt; an electric blue hoddie completed the look. Stunning, angelic, gorgeous...they were a few adjectives that came to his mind. "Spike. Spike?" a voice called out to him. "What? Huh?" he called shaking his head out of a daze. "You completely spaced. Who ya' daydreamin' 'bout?" Parker asked. "No one," he snarled. "Whatever dude," Parker replied knowing that he was dreaming about the new girl. This just couldn't be. Parker was always jealous of Spike, ever since he got captain of the rugby team in middle school. Making him madder than hell, he paid some players on the other team to "damage" him. Parker got to be captain, once Spike broke his leg. It was common knowledge that whatever Spike wanted, Parker wanted also. So, when Spike started to take a fancy for Drusilla, Parker seduced her with his romantic ways and stole her from him. "Dude, Mrs. Green wants you," Parker said in his native surfer bum tone.
Walking into Room 14 he saw her. Everything about her was beautiful, now if he could only see her face. He knew that it would be beautiful also. All that Spike got to see was her backside, not that he minded; she had a nice ass. "Spike," Mrs. Green called, smiling happily to see him. "Parker said you wanted t' see m'?" he asked trying to look at the girl. "Do you want to tell him or me?" Mrs. Green asked to the girl. "I will," she spoke while turning around. Buffy? Buffy! "Buffy?" he said confused by her appearance.
She looked nothing like she normally did. Well that wasn't truly correct. She still had those same eyes.; those beautiful hazel eyes that had been through so much. Her skin was lightly tanned, but soft, just like always. She was smiling, also. It wasn't her beautiful smile, which he saw in the photo album, but this one was kind, authentic, and why in the hell was he thinking this? This was Buffy. The geeky girl who was scared of people touching her, only to know that she was raped, which made sense. This was the girl who looked for him when his father abused him –none of his friends would have done that. This was the girl who cried her eyes out in his arms, confessing her painful secret. This was the girl who he saved from committing suicide. This was the girl that he cared about. What? No! He didn't care about her. He couldn't. She didn't care about him, or, like him for that matter. He respected her and hopefully she respected him in return, but he still cared. It hurt him so much when he found out what happened to her. He was about to rip off that git's head and chop of his balls. Damnit. He did care.
"Spike? Spike!" she called, waving her hand in front of his face. He was zoned out, again, and because of her. Damnit. "Sorry," he whispered blushing a little bit. "Anyway, like I was saying," she said not seeing him redden, "I was telling Mrs. Green on how well you are doing with the whole art thing. " He blushed again at her compliment. The big bad isn't supposed to blush! He never blushed before, damnit. What was it about this girl? She noticed it this time and heard his slight, "Thanks." She smiled and continued, "Well, anyway, Mrs. Green decided, since you're doing so well, that you can retake that midterm. Ya' know the one you failed. Anyway. If you pass it, then no more tutoring and say hello to your free days." He smiled. "How hard's 'he test?" Both women sighed. "Not that hard, Spike. You know all the information." He nodded. Mrs. Green added while leaving the room. "Here, I have the old study guide for the midterm in the office. Stay here, Buffy, I have that that article that I told you about."
He sat down on the teacher's desk, while Buffy sat before him, in a student's desk. "'Sup with the new look, pet?" he asked trying to sound like he didn't care. He had to keep his cool. "You," she said. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "We-Well, I mean th-that what you told me. You were right. So, I had to do something to my hair anyway. I mean, I did cut it off while I was crazy. Thanks for stopping me before I did to much damage." She wanted to thank him. She'd been waiting a long time. She hadn't seen him in a couple days. "No problem, love. Had to return the favor," he said. She frowned. It was just a favor.
She stood up and walked over to the window. She started at an invisible bird on the limb, "Please. Please don't tell anyone." Her eyes watered, but she stayed strong. "I just, just don't treat me different because of it. I mean, don't be nice to me because you know." Spike smirked. "Wouldn't dream of it love."