She slammed her locker door hard and put her forehead on the cool metal
surface. She was having a bad day, to put it simply. She was on her period
and emotions where running super high. Her father still hasn't called her
and she started to feel like he hated her and didn't care. Her mother was
busy with the gallery and was working very late, which led Buffy to
maintain the house, cook, clean, and other things mothers should do. Giles
was helping her mother and spending most of his time at the art gallery, so
she couldn't talk to him. Spike was the only one she could even stand, but
he was hanging out with his guy friends. She felt alone and helpless.
Buffy didn't feel like going to class, she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. Buffy found a comfortable spot at the side of the school, where a live oak tree was. She curled up against the tree, closed her eyes, and let her thoughts drift. "God my life sucks," she wined. Buffy grabbed her legs and brought them up to her chest, so that her chin rested on the top of her knees. Stray tears left her eyes. She rocked back and forth. "Why is my life so difficult?" she asked to the tree's leaves. Her bottom lip trembled. Why did it do that?
"Didn't expect to find you out here, love," Spike said while taking a long drag on his fag. He blew the smoke out into the wind and observed it being swirled by the dark wind. She turned her head hoping that he would just go away. He stood there for minutes it seemed, just silent and watching the wind pick up colored leaves from the ground and twirl through the air. "What are you doing here?" she asked gaining the courage to talk and wishing that her voice didn't seem so cracked. "Just out for a smoke," he dropped the used cigarette on the ground. "And what are you doing here, pet?"
She clenched her teeth. "I am not your pet," she sneered. "And I wanted to come out here to wallow!" Why was she being so mean to him? All he ever did to her was be nice. But today she didn't want anyone to be nice to her. She was aiming to pick a fight and it looks like he was the winner. "Looks like that time of the month," he smirked. "You bastard!" she screamed trying to hide back the tears. "Get over it Goldilocks!"
"Why are you being so mean?" she asked while standing up and facing him. "Because, pet, everyone has a bloody fucked up life. So yea, you had a soddin' tough time with blokes, doesn't mean others don't have bloody problems too!" He didn't know why he was being so angry. He was tired of all her "Woe is me" crap. It just killed him that he couldn't touch her. So many times he just wanted to kiss her and make it all better for her, for him. But he couldn't. She wouldn't. Why was it so hard? It was never hard before. It's different this time. Why is it different? Buffy is different. Is that why? God, why didn't he know?
"Oh yea? And tell me what has fucked up your life so badly, 'cause I am dieing to know," Buffy said, eyes narrowed and watered with her teeth clenched. "You want to sodding know?" he asked while raising his eyebrow. She didn't give him an answer, just crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down. "Fine then love. 'S not a pretty story. When me da' found out me mum was pregnant, he left. Me mum raised me 'till I was five, then the whelp came back. Mum wanted him back, not for her, but for me –wanted me to have a da'. Ever' night I would hear fighting, things being broken, stuff little that. One night, when I was 'bout ten, I heard screaming and "no's" and things like that, but I didn't think it was anything. A Couple weeks later, mum found out she was pregnant. Didn't put two and two together, 'till I was older. I'm guessing she was raped. Don't know though." He looked away, so Buffy couldn't see his watery eyes. "'Bout six months later she died. Was told it was suicide, but she was a happy woman. She would never, though, I-she. Anyway, after that dad got custody over me and started to beat me. Always my fault, he'd say. He'd still love me mum, if I didn't come into the bloody picture. He got drunk often, even before mum passed. When da' beat me, he told me not to cry. 'Boys don't soddin' cry," he would say. So he'd test me. He'd take this sharp knife and cut me until I wouldn't cry. I got addicted to the pain, and this girl, Drusilla. She used me, cheated on me –she did everything to me. But I bloody stood for it, because I didn't want to be alone. The pain made me feel better, it was my bloody haven."
Buffy felt stupid, worthless, terrible...the list could go on. She just wanted to take Spike in her lap and hold him; make everything better. "I didn't. I didn't know," she whispered while hugging herself. Spike never told anyone his story before. He was almost shocked that he told her. "Ya? Well now ya' do." He just wanted to cry, but he shouldn't, he couldn't. He had to get away from her. She made him so mad, and he didn't know why. He just walked away, leaving her alone once again. "Damnit," she whispered only to be heard by the wind.
Tara noticed the difference between Buffy and Spike during the week. Spike didn't eat, zoned out, and when he actually went to class, he would sleep, while Buffy became like her old self, and started to be quieter and keep to herself more. What happened between the two?
A couple sobs came from a restroom stall. Tara listened closer. She recognized that sound. "Buffy?" she said with her hand on the door of the stall. "Uhuh," Buffy answered, her voice too shaky to speak. "Are you okay?" Buffy took some toilet paper and wiped her face. She closed her eyes before she answered, "Yea." Buffy opened the door. "We have to stop meeting like this." She smiled, "I agree." Tara graciously took a wet paper towel and ran it under her eye. "Thanks," Buffy murmured. "No problem." Tara paused, "I haven't seen you much this week." She looked at her shoe. "Sorry. I just have been really busy?" Tara continued her sentence, "Busy avoiding Spike." Buffy let her head fall, "That obvious?" Tara bit her lip, "More like Spike avoiding you more." Buffy nodded.
"I have never seen him so hurt. He just so out of it. I never seen him this way before and I saw him get over Drusilla." Tara paused once again. "Did anything happen between you two?" Buffy shook her head. "No we just got into a fight and he got really mad at me. I didn't know-about his life. I acted like an idiot." Tara pushed some hair out of Buffy's face, "It might just be me, but apologies always makes things better." She faintly smiled. 'Sometimes they do,' she thought to herself.
She walked out of the bathroom ready and willing to apologize to Spike. She needed him in her life –this was too hard. Buffy saw Spike sitting at a lunch table by himself. He looked confused and lonely. 'Poor man,' she thought. She was about to walk over to him, but a slutty blonde caught her eye –Harmony. Harmony sat down across from Spike and put her hands over his. He smiled. She smiled. Buffy frowned. She said something that made him laugh. When was the last time Buffy saw Spike laugh? She couldn't remember. Buffy walked closer to the two and could hear their conversation.
"So there's that dance coming up, Spikey, and I was wondering if you would go with me?" she asked while twirling her hair with her finger. Spike thought, 'Have nothing bloody better to do.' He nodded. "Sure, why not." Harmony got up and hugged his head. "Thank you so much Blondie Bear. We'll have so much fun. Call me later, okay?" And she walked off perkily down the hall.
Buffy saw red. Yea he was hurt all right! How could he like her? He was supposed to like Buffy! Fine then, two can play at that game. (Even though there is no game to play...)
"Hey Parker," Buffy said sheepishly fiddling with her hands. He broke away from his group of friends and coldly bobbed his head. He crossed his hands over his chest. "I just-I just wanted to say sorry for the other night. I was drunk and when I get alcohol in my system, I get all weird and freaky." Parker's lips curved into a smile. "It's not a problem. Ya' didn't hurt me that much, after all you're just a girl." A couple chuckles came from his group and some, "Oh yea, Girl Suck's" also came. "Thanks," she said wanting to pound Parker's friends into the ground. Buffy turned around to leave, but he caught up with her. "Hey, I was wondering, do you want to go to that dance with me?" Buffy smiled, "Yea I'd love to." She walked away and one of Parker's friends pulled his arm. "Dude, that girl kicked you in the nuts and you want to go back out with her again." Parker smirked. "It's okay, man. I heard she was real easy. I am talking about you say 'I love you' and she's down on the ground givin' it to ya. It's all good." He got some high fives from his crowd.
Chapter 18 Tara noticed the difference between Buffy and Spike during the week. Spike didn't eat, zoned out, and when he actually went to class, he would sleep, while Buffy became like her old self, and started to be quieter and keep to herself more. What happened between the two?
A couple sobs came from a restroom stall. Tara listened closer. She recognized that sound. "Buffy?" she said with her hand on the door of the stall. "Uhuh," Buffy answered, her voice too shaky to speak. "Are you okay?" Buffy took some toilet paper and wiped her face. She closed her eyes before she answered, "Yea." Buffy opened the door. "We have to stop meeting like this." She smiled, "I agree." Tara graciously took a wet paper towel and ran it under her eye. "Thanks," Buffy murmured. "No problem." Tara paused, "I haven't seen you much this week." She looked at her shoe. "Sorry. I just have been really busy?" Tara continued her sentence, "Busy avoiding Spike." Buffy let her head fall, "That obvious?" Tara bit her lip, "More like Spike avoiding you more." Buffy nodded.
"I have never seen him so hurt. He just so out of it. I never seen him this way before and I saw him get over Drusilla." Tara paused once again. "Did anything happen between you two?" Buffy shook her head. "No we just got into a fight and he got really mad at me. I didn't know-about his life. I acted like an idiot." Tara pushed some hair out of Buffy's face, "It might just be me, but apologies always makes things better." She faintly smiled. 'Sometimes they do,' she thought to herself.
She walked out of the bathroom ready and willing to apologize to Spike. She needed him in her life –this was too hard. Buffy saw Spike sitting at a lunch table by himself. He looked confused and lonely. 'Poor man,' she thought. She was about to walk over to him, but a slutty blonde caught her eye –Harmony. Harmony sat down across from Spike and put her hands over his. He smiled. She smiled. Buffy frowned. She said something that made him laugh. When was the last time Buffy saw Spike laugh? She couldn't remember. Buffy walked closer to the two and could hear their conversation.
"So there's that dance coming up, Spikey, and I was wondering if you would go with me?" she asked while twirling her hair with her finger. Spike thought, 'Have nothing bloody better to do.' He nodded. "Sure, why not." Harmony got up and hugged his head. "Thank you so much Blondie Bear. We'll have so much fun. Call me later, okay?" And she walked off perkily down the hall.
Buffy saw red. Yea he was hurt all right! How could he like her? He was supposed to like Buffy! Fine then, two can play at that game. (Even though there is no game to play...)
"Hey Parker," Buffy said sheepishly fiddling with her hands. He broke away from his group of friends and coldly bobbed his head. He crossed his hands over his chest. "I just-I just wanted to say sorry for the other night. I was drunk and when I get alcohol in my system, I get all weird and freaky." Parker's lips curved into a smile. "It's not a problem. Ya' didn't hurt me that much, after all you're just a girl." A couple chuckles came from his group and some, "Oh yea, Girl Suck's" also came. "Thanks," she said wanting to pound Parker's friends into the ground. Buffy turned around to leave, but he caught up with her. "Hey, I was wondering, do you want to go to that dance with me?" Buffy smiled, "Yea I'd love to." She walked away and one of Parker's friends pulled his arm. "Dude, that girl kicked you in the nuts and you want to go back out with her again." Parker smirked. "It's okay, man. I heard she was real easy. I am talking about you say 'I love you' and she's down on the ground givin' it to ya. It's all good." He got some high fives from his crowd.
Buffy didn't feel like going to class, she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. Buffy found a comfortable spot at the side of the school, where a live oak tree was. She curled up against the tree, closed her eyes, and let her thoughts drift. "God my life sucks," she wined. Buffy grabbed her legs and brought them up to her chest, so that her chin rested on the top of her knees. Stray tears left her eyes. She rocked back and forth. "Why is my life so difficult?" she asked to the tree's leaves. Her bottom lip trembled. Why did it do that?
"Didn't expect to find you out here, love," Spike said while taking a long drag on his fag. He blew the smoke out into the wind and observed it being swirled by the dark wind. She turned her head hoping that he would just go away. He stood there for minutes it seemed, just silent and watching the wind pick up colored leaves from the ground and twirl through the air. "What are you doing here?" she asked gaining the courage to talk and wishing that her voice didn't seem so cracked. "Just out for a smoke," he dropped the used cigarette on the ground. "And what are you doing here, pet?"
She clenched her teeth. "I am not your pet," she sneered. "And I wanted to come out here to wallow!" Why was she being so mean to him? All he ever did to her was be nice. But today she didn't want anyone to be nice to her. She was aiming to pick a fight and it looks like he was the winner. "Looks like that time of the month," he smirked. "You bastard!" she screamed trying to hide back the tears. "Get over it Goldilocks!"
"Why are you being so mean?" she asked while standing up and facing him. "Because, pet, everyone has a bloody fucked up life. So yea, you had a soddin' tough time with blokes, doesn't mean others don't have bloody problems too!" He didn't know why he was being so angry. He was tired of all her "Woe is me" crap. It just killed him that he couldn't touch her. So many times he just wanted to kiss her and make it all better for her, for him. But he couldn't. She wouldn't. Why was it so hard? It was never hard before. It's different this time. Why is it different? Buffy is different. Is that why? God, why didn't he know?
"Oh yea? And tell me what has fucked up your life so badly, 'cause I am dieing to know," Buffy said, eyes narrowed and watered with her teeth clenched. "You want to sodding know?" he asked while raising his eyebrow. She didn't give him an answer, just crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down. "Fine then love. 'S not a pretty story. When me da' found out me mum was pregnant, he left. Me mum raised me 'till I was five, then the whelp came back. Mum wanted him back, not for her, but for me –wanted me to have a da'. Ever' night I would hear fighting, things being broken, stuff little that. One night, when I was 'bout ten, I heard screaming and "no's" and things like that, but I didn't think it was anything. A Couple weeks later, mum found out she was pregnant. Didn't put two and two together, 'till I was older. I'm guessing she was raped. Don't know though." He looked away, so Buffy couldn't see his watery eyes. "'Bout six months later she died. Was told it was suicide, but she was a happy woman. She would never, though, I-she. Anyway, after that dad got custody over me and started to beat me. Always my fault, he'd say. He'd still love me mum, if I didn't come into the bloody picture. He got drunk often, even before mum passed. When da' beat me, he told me not to cry. 'Boys don't soddin' cry," he would say. So he'd test me. He'd take this sharp knife and cut me until I wouldn't cry. I got addicted to the pain, and this girl, Drusilla. She used me, cheated on me –she did everything to me. But I bloody stood for it, because I didn't want to be alone. The pain made me feel better, it was my bloody haven."
Buffy felt stupid, worthless, terrible...the list could go on. She just wanted to take Spike in her lap and hold him; make everything better. "I didn't. I didn't know," she whispered while hugging herself. Spike never told anyone his story before. He was almost shocked that he told her. "Ya? Well now ya' do." He just wanted to cry, but he shouldn't, he couldn't. He had to get away from her. She made him so mad, and he didn't know why. He just walked away, leaving her alone once again. "Damnit," she whispered only to be heard by the wind.
Tara noticed the difference between Buffy and Spike during the week. Spike didn't eat, zoned out, and when he actually went to class, he would sleep, while Buffy became like her old self, and started to be quieter and keep to herself more. What happened between the two?
A couple sobs came from a restroom stall. Tara listened closer. She recognized that sound. "Buffy?" she said with her hand on the door of the stall. "Uhuh," Buffy answered, her voice too shaky to speak. "Are you okay?" Buffy took some toilet paper and wiped her face. She closed her eyes before she answered, "Yea." Buffy opened the door. "We have to stop meeting like this." She smiled, "I agree." Tara graciously took a wet paper towel and ran it under her eye. "Thanks," Buffy murmured. "No problem." Tara paused, "I haven't seen you much this week." She looked at her shoe. "Sorry. I just have been really busy?" Tara continued her sentence, "Busy avoiding Spike." Buffy let her head fall, "That obvious?" Tara bit her lip, "More like Spike avoiding you more." Buffy nodded.
"I have never seen him so hurt. He just so out of it. I never seen him this way before and I saw him get over Drusilla." Tara paused once again. "Did anything happen between you two?" Buffy shook her head. "No we just got into a fight and he got really mad at me. I didn't know-about his life. I acted like an idiot." Tara pushed some hair out of Buffy's face, "It might just be me, but apologies always makes things better." She faintly smiled. 'Sometimes they do,' she thought to herself.
She walked out of the bathroom ready and willing to apologize to Spike. She needed him in her life –this was too hard. Buffy saw Spike sitting at a lunch table by himself. He looked confused and lonely. 'Poor man,' she thought. She was about to walk over to him, but a slutty blonde caught her eye –Harmony. Harmony sat down across from Spike and put her hands over his. He smiled. She smiled. Buffy frowned. She said something that made him laugh. When was the last time Buffy saw Spike laugh? She couldn't remember. Buffy walked closer to the two and could hear their conversation.
"So there's that dance coming up, Spikey, and I was wondering if you would go with me?" she asked while twirling her hair with her finger. Spike thought, 'Have nothing bloody better to do.' He nodded. "Sure, why not." Harmony got up and hugged his head. "Thank you so much Blondie Bear. We'll have so much fun. Call me later, okay?" And she walked off perkily down the hall.
Buffy saw red. Yea he was hurt all right! How could he like her? He was supposed to like Buffy! Fine then, two can play at that game. (Even though there is no game to play...)
"Hey Parker," Buffy said sheepishly fiddling with her hands. He broke away from his group of friends and coldly bobbed his head. He crossed his hands over his chest. "I just-I just wanted to say sorry for the other night. I was drunk and when I get alcohol in my system, I get all weird and freaky." Parker's lips curved into a smile. "It's not a problem. Ya' didn't hurt me that much, after all you're just a girl." A couple chuckles came from his group and some, "Oh yea, Girl Suck's" also came. "Thanks," she said wanting to pound Parker's friends into the ground. Buffy turned around to leave, but he caught up with her. "Hey, I was wondering, do you want to go to that dance with me?" Buffy smiled, "Yea I'd love to." She walked away and one of Parker's friends pulled his arm. "Dude, that girl kicked you in the nuts and you want to go back out with her again." Parker smirked. "It's okay, man. I heard she was real easy. I am talking about you say 'I love you' and she's down on the ground givin' it to ya. It's all good." He got some high fives from his crowd.
Chapter 18 Tara noticed the difference between Buffy and Spike during the week. Spike didn't eat, zoned out, and when he actually went to class, he would sleep, while Buffy became like her old self, and started to be quieter and keep to herself more. What happened between the two?
A couple sobs came from a restroom stall. Tara listened closer. She recognized that sound. "Buffy?" she said with her hand on the door of the stall. "Uhuh," Buffy answered, her voice too shaky to speak. "Are you okay?" Buffy took some toilet paper and wiped her face. She closed her eyes before she answered, "Yea." Buffy opened the door. "We have to stop meeting like this." She smiled, "I agree." Tara graciously took a wet paper towel and ran it under her eye. "Thanks," Buffy murmured. "No problem." Tara paused, "I haven't seen you much this week." She looked at her shoe. "Sorry. I just have been really busy?" Tara continued her sentence, "Busy avoiding Spike." Buffy let her head fall, "That obvious?" Tara bit her lip, "More like Spike avoiding you more." Buffy nodded.
"I have never seen him so hurt. He just so out of it. I never seen him this way before and I saw him get over Drusilla." Tara paused once again. "Did anything happen between you two?" Buffy shook her head. "No we just got into a fight and he got really mad at me. I didn't know-about his life. I acted like an idiot." Tara pushed some hair out of Buffy's face, "It might just be me, but apologies always makes things better." She faintly smiled. 'Sometimes they do,' she thought to herself.
She walked out of the bathroom ready and willing to apologize to Spike. She needed him in her life –this was too hard. Buffy saw Spike sitting at a lunch table by himself. He looked confused and lonely. 'Poor man,' she thought. She was about to walk over to him, but a slutty blonde caught her eye –Harmony. Harmony sat down across from Spike and put her hands over his. He smiled. She smiled. Buffy frowned. She said something that made him laugh. When was the last time Buffy saw Spike laugh? She couldn't remember. Buffy walked closer to the two and could hear their conversation.
"So there's that dance coming up, Spikey, and I was wondering if you would go with me?" she asked while twirling her hair with her finger. Spike thought, 'Have nothing bloody better to do.' He nodded. "Sure, why not." Harmony got up and hugged his head. "Thank you so much Blondie Bear. We'll have so much fun. Call me later, okay?" And she walked off perkily down the hall.
Buffy saw red. Yea he was hurt all right! How could he like her? He was supposed to like Buffy! Fine then, two can play at that game. (Even though there is no game to play...)
"Hey Parker," Buffy said sheepishly fiddling with her hands. He broke away from his group of friends and coldly bobbed his head. He crossed his hands over his chest. "I just-I just wanted to say sorry for the other night. I was drunk and when I get alcohol in my system, I get all weird and freaky." Parker's lips curved into a smile. "It's not a problem. Ya' didn't hurt me that much, after all you're just a girl." A couple chuckles came from his group and some, "Oh yea, Girl Suck's" also came. "Thanks," she said wanting to pound Parker's friends into the ground. Buffy turned around to leave, but he caught up with her. "Hey, I was wondering, do you want to go to that dance with me?" Buffy smiled, "Yea I'd love to." She walked away and one of Parker's friends pulled his arm. "Dude, that girl kicked you in the nuts and you want to go back out with her again." Parker smirked. "It's okay, man. I heard she was real easy. I am talking about you say 'I love you' and she's down on the ground givin' it to ya. It's all good." He got some high fives from his crowd.