The Furuba Jedi Mole Attack by thedarksquiggle

Chapter 3: Drunk Gremlins and Fish Fillet

Author Note~~~~~~

*silence* Munching can be heard in the background**RADIO BUZZING* DANGER!!!! DANGER THE BROCOLLIS HAVE WON!! EVACUATE EVACUATE EVA-- *explosion* NARF NARF NARF!!!!!!

Candace Goodnight: MUAHAHHAHA!! YES THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE HYPER! FF.NET+HYPERNESS=INASNITY!

CrazyInsaneAnimeFanGirl: No, I don't hate Tohru, I just find her niceness... not real. I like her better in the manga... Plus I disagree with her strategies. She's living with people who turn into animals and every time she accidentally *poofs* them she's all "I'm sorry!!!" If it were me MUHAHAHAHA *evil laugh* I'd be friggin jumping on them 24/7 changing them into animals! I LOVE ANIMALS!!!!!!! SAVE THE WHALES!!! CUDDLEY WUDDLEY ANIMALS!!!

aktiosohma: Many people are going to suffer from Akito's abuse because of what you said. CURSE YOU!!! *sob sob* I'll go write him in....

Lavendar Valentine: Odd people rule the world....

Dani: Yay! I shall give you a cheese stick! Cow Rebellion!!!

Naoru-chan: A FELLOW BELIVER! WE CAN SPREAD THE TRUTH AND TAKE ON THE FBI!!!!!! DON'T LET THE WOMBATS EAT YOU!!!! ('cause of you wombats are gonna make a special appearance in this chapter.) ^_^

Sophi-chan: Gracias for the review ^_^

MikoMimi89: Squiggle on!

THANKS FOR REVIEWING FOLKS!!!!!!

Flashback~~~~~~

Last time in Furuba Jedi Mole Attack: All our crazy people have been captured by mole people and put in REALLY SMALL CAGES!!!! Kyou's gone insane, Aya's half-dead and Hatori quit smoking (and Tohru's stupid but that's old news).

*Door creaks open*

TDS: ???? *shuts door**turns around* AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Akito: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THEM! YOU CAN'T BREAK THE CURSE!!!!*starts beating the crap out of me*

TDS: *sob sob* I'm just writing a story...

Akito: WHY AM I NO LONGER IN THIS STORY!!!!!!!! STUPID AUTHOR I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER!!!!

TDS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Newscaster: We interrupt this broadcasting to bring you live on the scene of a terrible crime. Today at approximately Nine 'o clock in the evening TheDarkSquiggle was found beaten unconscious with a whoopee cushion. The victim is currently in therapy and has been mentally abused. If you have any information please call 1-800-666-6666.

TDS: *In rubber room* NO THE FUZZLES!!! SQUISH THEM LARKY!!! BIRDS!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!! HELLO MR. FLUFFENBURGER!!!!! MUHAHAHAHA! I LIKE MARSHMELLOWS!! BURN IN HELL BIRDIES!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! *trying to break dance in straightjacket*

Hatori: A hopeless case...

Dani: She was born that way...

Story~~~~~~

It was so silent you could've heard a pin drop in that room... er... cave... Momiji looked close to tears, he didn't want to suffer! Especially without a reason! The mole people had just informed the rag tag bunch of Sohmas (plus one Tohru) that they were going to be tortured to death. Yet, why they would do such a thing seemed uncertain, especially form stupid looking Mole people who get blinded by the all HOLY MIGHTY SUNNIENESS LIGHT BULB IN THE SKY!!!!! (The sun)

M.P.: Just kidding.

Everyone: *sigh of relief*

M.P.: We're only going to eat you all alive.

Haru, Momiji, and Shigure: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Aya: N-o *cough* ooo *cough* ooooooo *cough**cough* X_X

Tohru: Oh I have some good recipes for this type of stuff! ^_^ And I can wash the dishes when your done!

Hatori and Yuki: ....

Yuki: Tohru, this means we are all going to die...

Kyou: I'LL SEE YOU IN HEAVEN ROGER!!!!! *jumps up and hits head on ceiling*

Tohru: *sob sob* I'm so glad to have met all of you. E-even you cannibalistic-light-bulb-in-the-sky-hating-mole-people. Deep down we're all good people *sobbing really hard* I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!! *Jumps on all the guys**poof x 6* AMINALS!!!!!! AWWWWW CUDDLEY WIDDLY WITTLE AMINALS!!! *suffocating Sohmas**petting them all really, really hard on the head*

Mole people: Ahh.... Animals... a rare delicacy...*grabs certain dogs and seahorses*

Shigure: YOU BREAK IT YOU BUY IT!!!!!!!! *trying to bite them to death**gets a muzzle put on**pisses on them*

Hatori: This is undignified. *Not really doing anything... seahorses have no teeth*

Kyou: HAND PUPPET ONE TO HANDPUPPET TWO!!!!!!! WIGGEL BURGER WITH LARGE FRIES!!!*pulls off socks and starts staging a puppet show* TOHRU RHYMES WITH TOFU!!! AND SOYBEANS CAN POWER CARS!!! (both of these statements are true).

And with that the mole people put Hatori in a frying pan so they could have fish fillet, which tastes like crap anyways, but these moles are stupid so they forgot to bread the fish. Shigure was tied to a stick and put in a big stew pot while the mole people danced around it singing David Bowie's Space Oddity... which didn't have anything to do with the situation.

M.P.: THIS IS MAJOR TOM TO GROUND CONTROL!!!!! *SINGING LOUDLY*

Hatori: *sizzle sizzle* I'm dead x_x

Shigure: IT BURNS!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!! *note that the mole people haven't lit a fire under Shigure's stew pot*

M.P.: *who are not singing* We shall have a feast!!! We need more food!!!!! *drags out old hippie guy*

Old hippie guy: I am the Flower Child!!! Bitch'n party yo!

Everybody except dinner items: O.o

Flower child: *singing* Lets all be friends!!!! THE WORLD IS A RAINBOW!!!!!!! FULL OF MANY COLORS!!!!!! *everyone waving hands from side to side*

Everyone except future meals: *hugging and singing*

Shigure: THE WORLD IS A RAINBOW!!! (somehow he got out of his pot).

Hatori: I'm dying... nobody cares

TDS: USE THE FORCE YOUNG JEDI!!!!

Hatori: ...

TDS: Oh, screw... *knocks over frying pan with hand* nobody saw that...

At this point everyone was swaying form side to side singing and hugging everyone in sight (the Sohma's had transformed back a long time ago *they found their clothes too*). The mole people (plus Hatori and Shigure) were waving their lighters from side to side singing along, while the almighty Flower Child kept on playing his guitar. Then the mole people grabbed a bunch of strobe lights and glow sticks and it became a sixties rave!!!!!!!!! Just then the door opened and out came AKITO!!!! Sadly, Akito was ready to start kicking Sohma ass, but then to his surprise, everybody jumped on him!!!!

Everyone: WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Akito: Really?

Everyone: YUP!!!!!

Akito: I DON'T ALLOW SUCH HAPPINESS!!!! ARRRRGG!!!!! *starts whacking Yuki mercilessly*

Yuki: ^_^ I LOVE YOU TOO!!! *hugging*

Momiji: LOVE LOVE LOVE HUG HUG HUG!!!! ^_^

Akito: AHHHHHHHH!!!! *starts whacking Hatori's other eye*

Hatori: I LOVE YOU!!!! ^_^

Shigure: FEEL THE POWER OF 60's LOVE!!! *grabs hippie's guitar and starts playing Love Shack*

Akito: IT BURNS!!!!!!!!! @_@

Kyou: GNARLY MAN!!! *chucking glow sticks everywhere*

At that very disturbed moment the walls of the cave exploded revealing THE GHETTO GRIMLIN ARMY and JUMPING JASPER JEDI ARMY!!!! Of course when they saw all these mentally disturbed people hugging and singing and playing with glow sticks, they got very scared.... But the Gremlin army joined right in!!!!! AND THEY JACKED THE JEDI'S ALMIGHTY LIGHT SABER GLOWSTICK THINGYS!!!!!

Gizmo: *Using light saber as glow stick* AHHH! BRIGHT LIGHT! BRIGHT LIGHT! @_@ *light saber flies through air and destroys guitar*

Everyone: *gasp*

Hatori: *out of it* What are we doing?

Jedi Leader ROKENSNOFF: Agent Fuzz where are you?

Kyou: Right here, Roger! Phase One of Operation Holy Cheese Stick commenced.

So the Jedis got their sabers back and went about beating the hell out of the mole people YAY! In the dark, the mole people were blinded by the florescent lights emanating from the light sabers and soon enough found themselves running for the hills. The good guys cheered and the gremlins started bringing out the beer!!! DRUNK GREMLINS WHOOOOO!!! In reality however, the mole people were just regrouping for a counter attack with their all-powerful POTATO GUNS OF DOOM!!! With the cover of darkness to aid them, they started snipering the wasted gremlins argh!!!!!!!!

Yuki: What was that?

Tohru: Did you hear something Yuki? ^_^

Kyou: Did you get stoned Yuki?

Nat the All Mighty Gung-ho Jedi: DUCK AND COVER!!!! *dives fifty feet, cartwheels through air and chucks angry wombats at potato shooters!*

Wombats: HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY!!!

Random People: AHHH MY ARM!! THE WOMBATS ARE EATING ME!!!!!

Nat the All Mighty Gung-ho Jedi: ... woops. PHASE 2: OPERATION HAND PUPPET!!!

Kyou: Roger that!

Everyone else: O.o

Yuki: So Kyou wasn't insane... he was communicating with the intergalactic forces in code language!

Random Jedi: AH YOU ARE HURT YOUNG CROSS-DRESSING PADAWAN! *Heals Aya with the force* EVERYBODY RUN!!!!! HALF OF YOU COME WITH ME! WE'RE HEADED TO THE I.S.S. F.A.R.T.I.C.U.S.!!!!!

Momiji: Haha! Your ships name is fart?

Jedi: No it's I.S.S. F.A.R.T.I.C.U.S. or International Space Ship Fabulous Auto Radar Targeting Indestructible Cucumber Bus Scallop.

Everyone: O.o

Nat the Jedi: The other half of you come with me! We're headed to the I.S.S.!

Everyone: ?

Flying Pet Rock Named Jessica : *Magically Appears* It stands for International Space Ship... Nat has no imagination *poofs outta there before getting whacked*

The Furuba groupies plus the Jedi's and one non-wasted Gremlin named Gizmo all ran to the designated areas where the space ships were. They dogged the potatoes and cart wheeled by thousands and thousand of mole people (there were more than they thought). They thought they were in the clear when suddenly THEY WERE GRABBED BY GIANT 10-EYED BROCOLLIS!!!! AHHHH!!!! (You see the singing broccolis from space actually won the war... and BRAIN WASHED ME INTO WRITING THEM INTO THE STORY AHHHH!!!!!!! That's when Tohru pulled out the kitchen knives!

Tohru: We're having broccoli soup tonight! ^_^ *starts kung-foo cutting broccoli and picking up potatoes*

Everyone: O.o

And so thanks to Tohru and her amazing martial arts vegetable cooking skills everyone got to the ships safe and sound. Wait! Where's our favorite Trio? Sadly, Ayame, Shigure, and Hatori found themselves surrounded by thousands of evil moles and were simply standing there as the twos ships took of without them. See, Yuki decided to be evil because Shigure bugs the crap out of him, Ayame bugs him even more, and because Hatori erased his, oh-so-precious-childhood-friends' memories... which didn't really matter because they would have forgotten about Yuki eventually anyways.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What will happen next time?

Will Aya, Shigure, and Hatori survive?

Will the Jedi's actually eat broccoli and potato soup?

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Momiji: I guess Kyou's not really crazy after all!

TDS: Yup ^_^

Momiji: GIVE ME A HUG!!!

TDS: Deja vu? *hugs*

Disclaimer~~~~~

Don't own Furuba, Jedis, Star Wars, Gremlins, The Rainbow song, Love Shack or Space Oddity..

Naoru-chan owns wombat ideas...