Amazing how Kaiba hadn't noticed the passage of time since he had returned to Domino. Where had winter gone? He barely remembered it. It was already early June – Joey had been gone for two weeks.
Kaiba had been back in Domino for about six months.
So much had happened in that unheeded time: he had brought his company up out of a rut, employed Joey, developed feelings for him, watched Yugi leave, learned his secretary's name, and – most prominently – been reminded that hopes were for the weak and poison to the strong.
He'd known it had been stupid.
He'd known it'd end badly.
He'd welcomed it despite all he'd known… He even missed it. Missed the good times.
"Sir, there's a visitor for you," Marianne's voice invaded his reverie from the intercom on his desk; she sounded hesitant, even a little anxious. "He says it's important."
"Send him in," he said simply, and turned to see her opening the door, letting Bakura in.
Bakura was a lot like Kaiba remembered him – similar dress, same mane of hair, and not much taller – but he smiled differently, looked more relaxed than he had seemed as a teenager. He held up a plastic bag as if in greeting and then shooed Marianne out the door, closing it behind her. He took a seat across from Kaiba as he set the bag on the floor beside him.
"Want to talk?" he asked as he made himself comfortable.
"I thought Joey's nuisances left with him," he replied icily.
Bakura smiled. "Nah. Look, I know you're not a big talker, but if I hadn't promised I'd try this, then Tristan was going to come up here and beat some answers out of you."
Answers to what? Kaiba didn't even know what the question was. "Why do either of you care?" he challenged. "It's no one's business except mine."
"And Joey's," Bakura added. "You should know that Joey's business becomes the business of everyone close to him."
"A shame for them, but I'm still not talking to you about it." Whatever it is.
"Fine then, we'll have to make it interesting for you."
Kaiba raised an eyebrow. "And how do you expect to do that?"
"We'll make it a game – you like games, right? By my feet I have a six-pack. We'll take turns asking each other questions, no limits. You don't have to answer the questions, but if you don't, you take a sip from your bottle. The game is over when someone forfeits or all six bottles are empty – whoever has the most empty bottles on their side loses."
Kaiba saw the ploy immediately – it was all about lowering his inhibitions. It was simple, really. The more personal the questions were, the more a person was unlikely to answer and the more they would drink. As they grew more inebriated, their sips would get bigger, and the bottles would empty faster. Plus, the losing player would be more likely to divulge information; it would be a lose-lose situation all around.
That was what Bakura was probably trying to do: hoping to play on Kaiba's dislike of revealing personal information to get him drunk enough to talk about Joey. Why the hell Bakura would want to talk about it – what there would be to talk about – was beyond him, though. But the game had one built-in flaw: for fairness, it could play into his hand just as well. He did have a few questions he'd like to ask…
With a roll of his eyes Kaiba retorted, "All that work just to ask a few questions?"
Bakura ignored his question. "You can ask whatever you want too – about anything. Hell, you can even go first."
"Fine."
Bakura nodded and reached down, pulling up two bottles – one he kept, the other he passed to Kaiba. The bottles had been stripped of their labels – only the paper's residue remained. Suspicious, but Kaiba let it slide and took that as an indication to start.
"The night that you watched Alex, what did you keep asking Joey on the phone?"
"How big you are." Bakura laughed at the dumbfounded expression on Kaiba's face and asked, "Do you miss Joey?"
Kaiba weighed his options. He could handle a few drinks. He opened his bottle and took a sip. The liquid burned down his throat, surprisingly stronger than beer – what he had suspected they were drinking. Bakura laughed again, and Kaiba felt the overwhelming urge to embarrass the smug grin off the white-haired man's face. "So," he said neutrally, "are you top or bottom?" He didn't really care, but it didn't get much more personal than that.
"Bottom – usually."
Kaiba gawked. That wasn't the reaction he had been hoping for.
"And you, top or bottom?" Bakura continued.
Kaiba growled low in his throat and took another sip – his sex life was no one's business. "Weren't you shy at one point?"
"Let's just say I've had someone beat some confidence into me." Kaiba looked at Bakura seriously; the other man immediately held up a hand and added, "Not literally, metaphorically. No one's ever laid a hand on me like that in my life. So… Have you been enjoying Domino?" Bakura was obviously stalling, waiting for something. What that something was… well, Kaiba wasn't sure he wanted to know.
"Not particularly. You?" It sounded more like a parlor conversation than a game.
"Of course. I'm in love and I've got friends; there's nothing not to like about this place. You: didn't you enjoy Domino while Joey was with you?"
Kaiba took another drink, his silent protest at Bakura's prying into his life. "How hard did you and Tristan push Joey about our relationship?" It even felt like too much to say the word 'relationship' to Bakura; he'd never called it that to anyone except Joey.
"Hardly at all. We just gave him some advice."
"Did he ask for it?"
Bakura clicked his tongue. "That's cheating, Kaiba; I have to ask you a question before you can ask another."
"Then hurry up and ask one," Kaiba demanded.
"Fine – do you think Joey would have done anything he didn't want?"
"I never know with him. Again, did he ever ask for your advice?"
"Always. He needed help with a few things, and he came to us. He was worried about a lot of things; I once heard him tell Tristan that he was worried that when it came to sex, he'd suck in bed. Did he ever talk to you about things like that?"
Never. Another drink. "You ever fuck Joey? After all, no better way to give advice than demonstrate, right?"
"What? Never. Do you think Joey cheated on you?"
"No." The pace of the questions was more rapid, and Kaiba felt them coming without even thinking about it – one simply led to another. "What about Tristan?"
"Not once; are you jealous?"
Another question Kaiba wouldn't answer, and his first bottle was already half empty. "And Yugi; did Joey ever talk about something between him and Yugi?"
"Yugi is straight as they come; trust me, I tried once. You ARE jealous! Do you love Joey?"
Kaiba didn't just sip his drink; he gulped. "What am I drinking?"
With a sneaky smile Bakura opened his bottle and knocked back his first sip. That probably wasn't a good sign. "Do you love Joey?"
"You already asked that," Kaiba argued.
"I never said I couldn't repeat questions."
Fuck! Kaiba hadn't thought of that, and he realized immediately that was cornered. Either he would have to come up with an answer, or he'd have to deal with losing. Unless he could find a question that Bakura wasn't willing to answer.
But close to half an hour passed and Bakura answered every question Kaiba threw at him, from his sex life to favorite candy. Bakura just repeated his question, over and over; it was like a wave wearing down the shore – and Kaiba definitely felt himself wearing down. With each drink he took his head swam just a little more, and he grew more and more pissed off. He kept seeing Joey curled in his arms, smiling, laughing, gasping, screaming, sweating…
"Do you – "
"I don't know!" Kaiba shouted. "Sure, I'm not weeping over him, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him!" Kaiba didn't really want to say it, but the words were coming unbidden. Maybe Bakura's plan had succeeded; maybe the alcohol had loosened him to his breaking point. "But you want to know if I love him? Well, I don't know."
A disgustingly sympathetic look crossed Bakura's face, and he nodded. "You win."
"Huh?"
"I forfeit the game. You win."
"You…" Kaiba clutched the bottle he was holding. That was all Bakura had wanted. He had toyed with Kaiba for just one answer.
"That's all I wanted to know," Bakura confirmed. "If I could give you some advice, you should sort out your feelings sometime soon."
"Get out," Kaiba ordered. His feelings were his own to worry about, and he wasn't overly worried.
"Right. If, by chance, someone I know stops by, tell them I said hi."
What?
Bakura was out the door, leaving Kaiba alone with two and half bottles of alcohol. He took another drink. If he was going to be drunk, he was going to do it right.
"What's with the sh– are you drinking?" Marianne was staring at him from the doorway.
"It was a game," Kaiba answered darkly. "I won."
"But drinking at work…" She stepped forward, taking the full bottles away and knocking the couple of empty ones into the trash. She didn't touch the one he was holding. "Should I call your driver?"
"No," Kaiba said stubbornly, tipping back the rest of his drink and throwing the bottle towards the trashcan; it barely made it in. "I'll work just fine."
"Sir…" She looked at him with concern. For a second, Kaiba hated it. He didn't pity himself, never had; seeing it in her eyes disgusted him.
"I'm fine," he snapped. "Don't you have work to do?"
"Yes sir."
She left him alone, and Kaiba found himself staring out the window. The sun was shining as it made its descent to the horizon, the sky was a clear blue, and people below were running on the sidewalks. Kaiba was sure they were laughing – it would mean the world below was perfect.
He didn't want to be in Domino anymore. Kaiba Corp was doing better than before; he could disappear for another fifteen years without notice. Hell, he could disappear forever without notice; Yugi was gone, Joey was gone, and there wasn't really anyone else who would miss him if he left.
Even those two probably hadn't missed him much – they had each other.
His focus was back to the outside world. It had shifted into sunset; the sky had become a brilliant show of orange and pink, and he had to stare in awe. For a minute, he could understand why people wasted their time staring at the sky, and he wondered why he hadn't, with such a view at his disposal. In the midst of that revelation, a voice softly called out, "Kaiba?"
Kaiba closed his eyes. It couldn't be, it was impossible. Of all people…
He looked back to see Yugi. The last person he had expected to see walking into his office. "I thought you were in Seattle," he said neutrally. His words were a little too heavy for his tastes, and he was feeling uncomfortably warm.
"I convinced Tea to come back." Yugi didn't sit down but opted to stand a few feet from Kaiba's desk.
"Oh. So the whole big happy family is back?" Kaiba asked sarcastically.
Yugi shook his head. "No; Joey is helping Tea pack up our things. I came back early because I had some important things to do."
"Like what?"
"You." Kaiba cringed, and Yugi blushed, shaking his head quickly. "Wait, that's not what I meant! Oh damn." He sighed. "I…" He looked nervous. "Kaiba, every time I've lost someone, Joey's been there for me; no matter what was going on in his life, he always dropped it all to help me."
"Lucky you."
Yugi continued undaunted, "But I had to be there for him."
Kaiba snorted. He was beginning to wish that Marianne had left some of that alcohol; it would've made the whole confrontation a little less unpleasant. "Are you going somewhere with this?"
With a frown Yugi continued, "I was the one to listen to Joey while he ranted, swore… I think he even cried, though he'd be damned before he let me see it. He hated every second of it. The whole time – "
Kaiba held up a hand to silence the man before him. "I've heard enough. You're desperate if you think I pity him; if he's so disgusted – "
"That's not it!" Yugi interrupted. "Not once in the entire time he was with us did he say a bad thing about you. You don't get it; he's sabotaged every relationship he's ever been in. I've watched him do it for years, but he's never been so… goddamned broken about it." Yugi's shoulders heaved, and he was red-faced with anger. "But I guess I'm just wasting my breath, right? What would it matter to you – pity never moved the heart of Seto Kaiba. You probably don't even care that – "
"Don't be foolish," Kaiba said quietly. "Of course I care."
"You're probably just drunk," Yugi spat. Kaiba almost grinned; he had forgotten how angry Yugi got when it came to his friends' well being.
"I'm not."
"Sure you are," Yugi said. "I can smell it. Besides, I know all about Bakura's game. It was my idea."
Kaiba blinked, licked his lips. No, Bakura was one thing; he hardly knew Bakura, and being manipulated by him… it was irritating, but little else. But for Yugi to do it… "Is this all some grand fucking plan?" he yelled suddenly; the words surprised even him. Maybe he was drunk; he didn't quite feel like himself. "Did everyone wake up this morning and say 'hey, let's fuck with Kaiba, he looks like he doesn't have enough on his mind!'?"
"No!" Yugi protested. "We just – "
"Out!" he bellowed, slamming his first down on the desk. It felt nice; he hadn't had a good outburst in a while. "I've had enough of you people and your excuses. I told Bakura, and I'll tell you and anyone else who decides to butt in, this is no one's business but my own. Now get out!"
"Kaiba…" Yugi scowled and shook his head, but he left. That was all that Kaiba really wanted. He twirled around in his chair, glaring out the window again. The sky had faded to cooler nighttime colors; the stars were twinkling playfully against a backdrop of evening blue. A perfect summer night.
Kaiba had a feeling it would have been much better if Joey had been there to see it.
The phone rang – another introspective moment ruined. Kaiba was quick to answer.
He didn't particularly enjoy soul-searching anyway.
"Yes?"
"Sir, we've got a problem in security."
"What is it?" Kaiba barked, standing and looking around. First Bakura and Yugi, then security…
"Random security cameras all over the building are going out; it could be a glitch, but just in case, we suggest you leave the building as soon as possible."
"Understood."
"We'll send – "
"That won't be necessary."
"But sir – "
"Find the problem!" he ordered, slamming down the phone. He pulled on his jacket as he left the office. Marianne wasn't at her desk, and for a moment Kaiba worried. If there had ever been anyone he wanted to see make it out of the building in case of an emergency, she was one of them. As for the other… well, he wasn't in the building, so that wasn't a problem.
The moment passed, and he made his way for the emergency stairs, running down them one by one – he stumbled towards the bottom and barely caught himself on the railing. After a minute he stood straight and shook his head before heading for the exit.
He made it the parking lot in one piece, leaning wearily against his car. His head was fuzzy; he was in no condition to drive, and he knew it. Hesitantly he reached for his cell phone, intent on calling his driver. He'd make it home, sleep off whatever the hell he had drunk, and in the morning he could go back to work and pretend nothing had ever happened. He nodded and looked down at the phone in his hand.
"Fuck!" he swore. The battery was dead. He shoved it back into his pocket; his keys were in the same pocket, and they brushed temptingly against his knuckles.
It was official: the whole world really was out to get him.
He looked at the car, at the ground, and then up at Kaiba Corp. He couldn't remember a day where he had felt so out of control, so utterly at the mercy of others. He could go inside and use the phone… but he didn't want the help. So pathetic that he couldn't even keep his own cell phone running? No. In fact, what better way to prove that he could control his own life than to get home without assistance?
Yeah. He'd be fine.
He felt better the instant he was inside the car, felt indestructible as the engine came to life. No, he didn't just feel it – he was it. No one had ever broken him, no matter how hard they twisted and pulled.
"Fuck them," he declared loudly, peeling out of the parking lot. He'd survived his imitation childhood, survived attempts on his life – hell, he'd survived himself for thirty-one years. No alcohol or automobile was going to be able to strip him of that accomplishment.
For someone so boastful, I sure did bend quickly under Bakura's questioning. That looks a lot like breaking.
He frowned. He couldn't say that wasn't his fault. He didn't lie, and he was quick to take responsibility for his own faults, but… Joey was just as much to blame, simply for existing. For worming his way into Kaiba's life, for finding a place there where he fit…
"Fuck you!" he shouted. He ran a red light. Everything he never said was suddenly spilling from his lips, and he felt that delicious power he'd claimed slipping away as quickly as it had come. "Fuck every second of my time you wasted, and every time you lied about what you felt; to hell with your secrets, with everything you refused to tell me!" He was gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white, and though he was staring at the road, he didn't really see it. In fact, his eyes were burning. He tried to blink the sensation away.
Seto Kaiba didn't cry.
"And fuck everything you made me feel," he growled. He stomped down on the brake, not paying attention to where he stopped as he rested his head on the steering wheel. God, he needed to lie down. Too late he decided that he was wrong; he really shouldn't have been driving, not when he couldn't focus.
He didn't even see the other car coming.
notes
Thanks Sarasusa! ^_^
lol, given that I updated on April Fools (okay, the night before, unless you count FF.net), I shoulda cracked some sort of joke here -- like, haha, they didn't break up: april fools!! XD
That've been really funny.
But, alas, no joke. As you can see. I want to say there weren't many jokes in this chapter at all, actually. ^^;;; Originally, when I was coming up with what to do in this chapter, the accident wasn't at all Kaiba's fault -- the security cameras going out were actually very serious, he was sober, there was a bomb, an explosion, and *end chapter*. Buuuttt that didn't seem to do the drama right. It made more sense that Kaiba would suffer because of his own stubborn stupidity. Plus Bakura was bent on doing something devious. o.O
Little thing that bothers me -- there's supposed to be a little ` over the "e" in Tea, but for some unknown reason, when its there, some places absolutely refuse to recognize it. Now every time I see her name, I think they're talking about tea. *bothered* Anyway, now that THAT'S out of my system...
You know, this whole Kaiba and his angst reminds me of an Ani DiFranco song (actually, a lot of KaibaxJou reminds me of Ani DiFranco music, and, erm, vice versa). In this particular case, it's "Untouchable Face," and while I could quote half the song (lol, I'm exaggerating. a little.), there's one particular part that sticks out at me:
"Fuck you
And your untouchable face
And fuck you
For existing in the first place
And who am I
That I should be vying for your touch?
Said who am I?
I bet you can't even tell me that much"
..::review responses::..
Dream-Chaser668: lol, I didn't do it -- it was all them. XD Thanks. :)
Angel-Belle: yup, read your analysis. ^_^ Heh, yeah, Kaiba probably should have done something more, but Kaiba and doing something like that... doesnt seem to mix well, lol. XD
Elsalhir Erestar: :) Thanks! lol, you naughty perv. XD but Jou... apparently decided that being reasonable was too difficult. ^^;;; So we'll have to see what happens.
Girl of Grace: Aww, gentle on the Yuugi-kun -- he's got to live. ^_^ Thanks, and Jou and Kaiba could use a swift kick in the ass, lol. XD
Nenya85: ^_^ You know, that line was so random -- it got thrown in there right before I sent it the beta. Hmm, interesting, that you picked that up about Joey. ^_~ Glad you liked it. :)
Sorrow/Dark Star Goddess: *has gone into a diabetic coma* lol *kidding -- not diabetic* Aww, yes, goodbye fluff. Ahh, how we shall miss you. *salute* Worry not about the lack of reviews. :)
Tanya Maxwell: Happy (belated) April Fools. We'll have to see what happens to them. :)
Lightning Sage: lol, awww! ^_^ Thanks. Don't hyperventilate too much. ^_~
shadow-demon18b: You'll have to wait and see. :)
ColeyCarissa: aww, *kleenex*. I imagine Joey was just being distant and stubborn. Strikes me as something he'd do. Yeah, Kaiba probably could've used someone here to stop him from doing something stupid. *cringe* ^^;;
BarbedWire23: #^_^# Sankyuu.
Mors Laminil: Ooh, but being stabbed isn't on my list of things to do. (no matter what my brother wants to think. XD) Thanks!
Tadashi: Yeah, lol -- they were doing so well! XD Thanks, and will do. :)
youko-moon: lol, it wasn't me, it was them, I swear. XD Thanks! Yeah, maybe its the effects of winter wearing off -- I'm sure we'll see more fluff with spring and summer. Or more creative, warm angst. If that makes sense. ^_~
Katie: lol, no worries. ^_^ But maybe getting the stick OUT of his butt isn't quite the issue.... *bad humor*shame*
Ranma Higurashi: ^^;; Yes, sadness indeed. :)
darkmus: *snicker* I remember the wibble... XD Anyway, hmm, I cannot tell you if you're being too critical or not. So negh. XP lol, yes, poor Seto. He needs some lovin'. Damn Jou. ^^
Fire Dragon of Darkness: You know, something about a pairing that DEMANDS dysfunction makes me giggle. ^^ Thanks! (and I'm ~in~ Kansas, but not from it, thankfully. ^^;;) Hmm, interesting observation on the L-word -- we'll have to see indeed. ^^ (Haha, I loved your make-up sex observation. XD)