She told him everything, which was hard for her. "I-I-I don't know what to
bloody say," he said while making lazy circles on her discolored stomach.
"That's pretty amazing for you," she said with a slight grin. Her face got
serious. "I'm sorry for being so distant an un-me and everything. I just, I
don't know. I don't know why I couldn't tell. I was just. I was so screwed
up and. Why is this so hard?" He shrugged.
They were sitting on Buffy's bed, surrounding by pillows and heavy blankets. She was still shirtless, but felt comfortable around him enough to not worry about it. She was snuggled beside him. He made everything that was wrong in the chaotic world seem right. Love was visible in his eyes; he didn't need to say it because it was already there. Spike decided, even though he felt it, that he would wait to tell Buffy he loved her. This way, when she said it, she will really mean it and not be required to say it because he did. She knew that Spike loved her; whenever he looked at her, a passionate haze of love would invade her. She loved the way it felt. Buffy was scared of love. It always came back to hurt her, but with Spike she could tell it was different. Everything else was different about him, why wouldn't love be different with him too. Her body, soul, and heart were telling her that she was falling for him, but she didn't have the guts to tell him. What if he denied her? What if she wasn't giving him what he needed? What if he only loved her as a friend? There was too much at risked. She didn't want him to leave her. She loved him too much.
"It's-it's getting late. Maybe you should. It's not that I don't want you to stay. It's that. Can you handle-with me? And." She paused. "Can you?" it was a whisper this time. "Buffy. I can handle bein' in bed wit' you. I am no' gonna jump your bloody bones...yet." She sighed. "Are you sure?" He exhaled noisily. "Yes I am bloody sure." He took her face into his hands. "I'll stay celibate f'r as long 's I live, just to be with you." She smiled. "I know. Thank you so much."
His body was stretched out on his side. She was facing towards him, no space dividing them. Her face was positioned in his chest and took advantaged of his healing touch. "Spike. I have-I have to tell you something," she started while biting her lip. He moaned, meaning that he was listening to her. "Spike I think-I think I am in lo..." She was distracted by a door slam. Her mother wasn't supposed to be home until after midnight. She was going on a "date" with Giles to an art gallery fair.
Footsteps became louder and Buffy's heart started to race. Was it Angel? Could it be? Spike awoke to her shivering. "'Re ya' cold, love?" he asked concerned. She shook her head. "Listen," she spoke softly. He heard the footsteps, too. "Ya think it's..." She silenced him with her finger on his lips. "There are more. It sounds like...two maybe three." Her door squeaked open a smidge. "Buffy?" a soft voice asked. "Willow?" A red head peaked its way out. "We're not interrupting anything, are we?" Buffy smiled, "No. You can come in."
"Your-you don't have your shirt on," Tara stated while coming in behind Willow. "Spike will you hand me a shirt, please," Buffy asked while trying not to expose her stomach. He handed her a sweatshirt. She was about to put her shirt on, but was stopped by a cool hand on her stomach. She couldn't see whose hand it was because the shirt was still around her head, but she knew it wasn't Spike's. His hands were warm and cold at the same time. This hand was cold and sent chills up her body.
"What happened?" Willow questioned. Buffy stuttered mumbled words. "Aha! It's that wild and kinky monkey sex! I knew it. How many times, Spike, have I told you that using candle wax as foreplay was going to hurt your partner," Willow said humor evident in her voice. Buffy still blushed at the comment and so did Tara. They were both innocent, no matter what their partners' said. "Ya' know how I am Red." He winked. "That is not the case," Buffy insisted, not really wanting her friends to think she has been having sex with Spike, but not really wanting them to know the truth. It was final...her life sucked!
"So whatcya guys doing? Obviously talking to us and sittin' in my room, but I mean...yea." Tara smiled at Buffy's long-winded ability. "Everyone was really worried and especially Xander. He is really upset, particularly since he was the one who found you." Spike spoke up, "Yea. Ya' should h've seen his bloody face. 'E was so white from findin' ya in the men's room. It was damn funny." He got a nostalgic look on his face. "Good bloody times." The room went silent again. Buffy couldn't handle the glares of her friends. "Spike," she said not even looking at him. "Spike honey, will you fix us something, like a snack?" His face scrunched up. "What are you bloody..." She slapped him. "Ah. I get it. Soddin' girl talk." He got off of the bed. "See ya Glenda, Red, Buffy." Tara blushed at her nickname Spike gave her, Glenda after the Good Witch of the North from Wizard of Oz. "See ya Spikey," Willow said.
"Are-Are you all right?" Tara asked while walking over to sit on the edge of Buffy's king sized bed. The blonde sighed. "Define the definition of that word please," she said dryly. "Is something wrong with me?" she asked out of the blue. Tara and Willow both gave her questioning looks. "I mean do I have a sign on my back or on my forehead that says, 'My life sucks...come add more suckage?'" The two Wicca's looked at each other. "I don't think so," Willow stated, "But I could have overlooked it. Not likely though." Tara stepped in. "Why does your life seem so overwhelming?" Buffy jumped off the bed and started to walk around her room, crazily. "I don't know," she said while extending her arms out. She almost acted drunk. "It's- It's just that. God, I hate my life!" She picked up a vase that had dead flowers in it. She slowly turned the vase upside down, watching the crispy flowers and water make a puddle on the floor. Willow and Tara were getting frightened. They have never seen Buffy act like this before. "My dad. No. No, make that -my-dead-beat- fucking-dad sent these for my birthday. He hasn't called me since I came here. He didn't-he didn't even call me after 'That Night'. Nope he just sent me a fucking card that wasn't even in his own damn handwriting." She started at the frosty, glass, green vase in her hand. It was cheap, not even worth ten bucks at damn WalMart. She could do three things to that vase. Two of them only sounded good to her ears: throw it against the wall, or crush it in her hand. She could have done both, maybe not at the same time though. The third thing was to place it nicely back on her nightstand, but that didn't sound like fun!
Appalled by her father's lack of concern and not fighting against Angel, she took the vase in her right hand and threw it at the corner of the wall, so it would break on contact. She had pretty good aim for a girl her size. The container smashed against the wall. As the pieces fell to the ground, so did Buffy. Her face was in her hands, trying to control the sobs. She forgot the two lovers where still in her room. They quickly came to her side, kneeling to the panic-stricken girl. Her whole body jerked with her sobs. Her stomach was sore and tender. The girls were going to speak, but Buffy broke first. "He won't stop haunting me." She got off of the ground and went into the bathroom –she felt sick, again.
Spike strolled into her room, missing the action. He had sandwich in his hand and eating it greedily. "What's up wit' all the bloody noise?" he asked, mouth full. He noticed the glass on the floor. "Did she attack again?" Spike mentally slapped himself for sounding so ill mannered. "What's wrong with her?" Willow asked, still not believing what she saw. "Don't think I h've the right ta tell ya. It's her story to tell." He took another bite and swallowed. "Don't feel personal that she hasn't told ya yet. I only know 'cause I was at th' right place at th' right time." He looked down the hall, at the bathroom door. "She-She needs help, but I don't bloody know what to do." Tara smiled at the compassion of her friend. He wasn't known to get so emotional while talking. "Do-Do you l-love her?" she asked. He chuckled. "Yea. Yea I think I do."
Buffy was on the floor, knees curled beside her, head on Tara's lap sobbing. Willow was kindly stroking her hair. There was nothing they could do.
"You guys deserve to know," Buffy said while using her arm strength to pull herself off of Tara. "You don-don't have to tell us anything," Tara insisted. She wanted Buffy to tell her story on her own volition. "I think- I think I'm ready to come out."
Willow and Tara felt like they were watching a movie, just without the popcorn and the bratty kids throwing food at the screen and the privilege of hearing the "crunching" noise made when stepping on the popcorn and knowing how it was going to end...so maybe it wasn't exactly like the movie theaters. "I had a boyfriend back home. Really rich, snobby, asshole...everything you really want in a guy. Oh, I left out one thing..." She breathed deeply. "Add rapper to that list." The Wiccans were shocked. No words could come out of their mouth. "He was put into jail for his defense against me." She took of her shirt, not caring if the girls "ogled" her body. Two shaky hands reached her stomach. Buffy winced at the pain, which caused the two to draw back. "It's from Angel." Tears were flowing from her eyes. "But they look new?" Willow said. "That's because-because they are." Fear broke out on the girls' faces. "Why? How?" Buffy sighed. "I don't know." She paused and traced her finger over his "signature". "God it hurts." Desperation came over her. "Why can't it just be over?" she cried out. "Why?"
They were sitting on Buffy's bed, surrounding by pillows and heavy blankets. She was still shirtless, but felt comfortable around him enough to not worry about it. She was snuggled beside him. He made everything that was wrong in the chaotic world seem right. Love was visible in his eyes; he didn't need to say it because it was already there. Spike decided, even though he felt it, that he would wait to tell Buffy he loved her. This way, when she said it, she will really mean it and not be required to say it because he did. She knew that Spike loved her; whenever he looked at her, a passionate haze of love would invade her. She loved the way it felt. Buffy was scared of love. It always came back to hurt her, but with Spike she could tell it was different. Everything else was different about him, why wouldn't love be different with him too. Her body, soul, and heart were telling her that she was falling for him, but she didn't have the guts to tell him. What if he denied her? What if she wasn't giving him what he needed? What if he only loved her as a friend? There was too much at risked. She didn't want him to leave her. She loved him too much.
"It's-it's getting late. Maybe you should. It's not that I don't want you to stay. It's that. Can you handle-with me? And." She paused. "Can you?" it was a whisper this time. "Buffy. I can handle bein' in bed wit' you. I am no' gonna jump your bloody bones...yet." She sighed. "Are you sure?" He exhaled noisily. "Yes I am bloody sure." He took her face into his hands. "I'll stay celibate f'r as long 's I live, just to be with you." She smiled. "I know. Thank you so much."
His body was stretched out on his side. She was facing towards him, no space dividing them. Her face was positioned in his chest and took advantaged of his healing touch. "Spike. I have-I have to tell you something," she started while biting her lip. He moaned, meaning that he was listening to her. "Spike I think-I think I am in lo..." She was distracted by a door slam. Her mother wasn't supposed to be home until after midnight. She was going on a "date" with Giles to an art gallery fair.
Footsteps became louder and Buffy's heart started to race. Was it Angel? Could it be? Spike awoke to her shivering. "'Re ya' cold, love?" he asked concerned. She shook her head. "Listen," she spoke softly. He heard the footsteps, too. "Ya think it's..." She silenced him with her finger on his lips. "There are more. It sounds like...two maybe three." Her door squeaked open a smidge. "Buffy?" a soft voice asked. "Willow?" A red head peaked its way out. "We're not interrupting anything, are we?" Buffy smiled, "No. You can come in."
"Your-you don't have your shirt on," Tara stated while coming in behind Willow. "Spike will you hand me a shirt, please," Buffy asked while trying not to expose her stomach. He handed her a sweatshirt. She was about to put her shirt on, but was stopped by a cool hand on her stomach. She couldn't see whose hand it was because the shirt was still around her head, but she knew it wasn't Spike's. His hands were warm and cold at the same time. This hand was cold and sent chills up her body.
"What happened?" Willow questioned. Buffy stuttered mumbled words. "Aha! It's that wild and kinky monkey sex! I knew it. How many times, Spike, have I told you that using candle wax as foreplay was going to hurt your partner," Willow said humor evident in her voice. Buffy still blushed at the comment and so did Tara. They were both innocent, no matter what their partners' said. "Ya' know how I am Red." He winked. "That is not the case," Buffy insisted, not really wanting her friends to think she has been having sex with Spike, but not really wanting them to know the truth. It was final...her life sucked!
"So whatcya guys doing? Obviously talking to us and sittin' in my room, but I mean...yea." Tara smiled at Buffy's long-winded ability. "Everyone was really worried and especially Xander. He is really upset, particularly since he was the one who found you." Spike spoke up, "Yea. Ya' should h've seen his bloody face. 'E was so white from findin' ya in the men's room. It was damn funny." He got a nostalgic look on his face. "Good bloody times." The room went silent again. Buffy couldn't handle the glares of her friends. "Spike," she said not even looking at him. "Spike honey, will you fix us something, like a snack?" His face scrunched up. "What are you bloody..." She slapped him. "Ah. I get it. Soddin' girl talk." He got off of the bed. "See ya Glenda, Red, Buffy." Tara blushed at her nickname Spike gave her, Glenda after the Good Witch of the North from Wizard of Oz. "See ya Spikey," Willow said.
"Are-Are you all right?" Tara asked while walking over to sit on the edge of Buffy's king sized bed. The blonde sighed. "Define the definition of that word please," she said dryly. "Is something wrong with me?" she asked out of the blue. Tara and Willow both gave her questioning looks. "I mean do I have a sign on my back or on my forehead that says, 'My life sucks...come add more suckage?'" The two Wicca's looked at each other. "I don't think so," Willow stated, "But I could have overlooked it. Not likely though." Tara stepped in. "Why does your life seem so overwhelming?" Buffy jumped off the bed and started to walk around her room, crazily. "I don't know," she said while extending her arms out. She almost acted drunk. "It's- It's just that. God, I hate my life!" She picked up a vase that had dead flowers in it. She slowly turned the vase upside down, watching the crispy flowers and water make a puddle on the floor. Willow and Tara were getting frightened. They have never seen Buffy act like this before. "My dad. No. No, make that -my-dead-beat- fucking-dad sent these for my birthday. He hasn't called me since I came here. He didn't-he didn't even call me after 'That Night'. Nope he just sent me a fucking card that wasn't even in his own damn handwriting." She started at the frosty, glass, green vase in her hand. It was cheap, not even worth ten bucks at damn WalMart. She could do three things to that vase. Two of them only sounded good to her ears: throw it against the wall, or crush it in her hand. She could have done both, maybe not at the same time though. The third thing was to place it nicely back on her nightstand, but that didn't sound like fun!
Appalled by her father's lack of concern and not fighting against Angel, she took the vase in her right hand and threw it at the corner of the wall, so it would break on contact. She had pretty good aim for a girl her size. The container smashed against the wall. As the pieces fell to the ground, so did Buffy. Her face was in her hands, trying to control the sobs. She forgot the two lovers where still in her room. They quickly came to her side, kneeling to the panic-stricken girl. Her whole body jerked with her sobs. Her stomach was sore and tender. The girls were going to speak, but Buffy broke first. "He won't stop haunting me." She got off of the ground and went into the bathroom –she felt sick, again.
Spike strolled into her room, missing the action. He had sandwich in his hand and eating it greedily. "What's up wit' all the bloody noise?" he asked, mouth full. He noticed the glass on the floor. "Did she attack again?" Spike mentally slapped himself for sounding so ill mannered. "What's wrong with her?" Willow asked, still not believing what she saw. "Don't think I h've the right ta tell ya. It's her story to tell." He took another bite and swallowed. "Don't feel personal that she hasn't told ya yet. I only know 'cause I was at th' right place at th' right time." He looked down the hall, at the bathroom door. "She-She needs help, but I don't bloody know what to do." Tara smiled at the compassion of her friend. He wasn't known to get so emotional while talking. "Do-Do you l-love her?" she asked. He chuckled. "Yea. Yea I think I do."
Buffy was on the floor, knees curled beside her, head on Tara's lap sobbing. Willow was kindly stroking her hair. There was nothing they could do.
"You guys deserve to know," Buffy said while using her arm strength to pull herself off of Tara. "You don-don't have to tell us anything," Tara insisted. She wanted Buffy to tell her story on her own volition. "I think- I think I'm ready to come out."
Willow and Tara felt like they were watching a movie, just without the popcorn and the bratty kids throwing food at the screen and the privilege of hearing the "crunching" noise made when stepping on the popcorn and knowing how it was going to end...so maybe it wasn't exactly like the movie theaters. "I had a boyfriend back home. Really rich, snobby, asshole...everything you really want in a guy. Oh, I left out one thing..." She breathed deeply. "Add rapper to that list." The Wiccans were shocked. No words could come out of their mouth. "He was put into jail for his defense against me." She took of her shirt, not caring if the girls "ogled" her body. Two shaky hands reached her stomach. Buffy winced at the pain, which caused the two to draw back. "It's from Angel." Tears were flowing from her eyes. "But they look new?" Willow said. "That's because-because they are." Fear broke out on the girls' faces. "Why? How?" Buffy sighed. "I don't know." She paused and traced her finger over his "signature". "God it hurts." Desperation came over her. "Why can't it just be over?" she cried out. "Why?"