Chapter 7 - Gilderoy Killed a Balrog Too
Next DADA class. The majority of the students have a great new respect for Gandalf after what they witnessed last week. Except Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil, who are seriously disgruntled with their DADA professor.
Gandalf enters, a little early today, ten minutes after class was to begin. It must be a very important lesson today. Gandalf marches straight to the front of the class, a big rolled-up parchment in hand. He unfurls it, displaying the image to the class. No one quite knows what it is.
Gandalf: Now, you young Hobbits have probably never seen one of these before. Dark these times are indeed, but i have seen no sign of a Balrog yet. Nevertheless, you should know what to do if you encounter one.
No one has yet figured out exactly what the image he is displaying is. Some are arguing that it has wings, others that it does not. Some believe those are fuzzy slippers on its feet. Still others seem to be under the impression that it's got the head of a lion.
Gandalf: Now, this is not a very good likeness of a Balrog, naturally.
Hermione: Mr. Gandalf... what exactly is a Balrog in the first place?
Gandalf: You are the inquisitive little Hobbit arent you, Miss Gardner? Well, a Balrog is a demon of the ancient world, a servant of Morgoth...
It continues like this for roughly 10 minutes. Until at least...
Gandalf: And only the Flame of Anor can hold it at bay.
Harry: Mr. Gandalf, i dont know what the Flame of Anor is, but i am sure none of us has it... so how are we supposed to fight a "Balrog"?
Gandalf: You are not! You are supposed to fly! (mutters) You fools.
Harry: (looks over to Ron, muttering) I didnt think he'd been to a Quidditch game yet. I was expecting some bother about "Hobbits can't fly! Only house elves can do that!"
Malfoy: So how do you fight a Balrog? I am sure my father could do it!
Gandalf looks offended.
Gandalf: I have seen your father speaking to the strange old wizard who runs this school. And no, Haldir could NOT fight a Balrog! I fought a Balrog, Winky... i mean, Glorfindel fought a Balrog. But Haldir... no, Haldir could most definitely not fight a Balrog. It was on the Bridge of Khazad-dum. That fool of a Took woke the bloody thing up from it's nap and it took it out on me. Damn Hobbits all got out fine, mind you. The whole thing was their fault. Mr. Whiney was the one who wanted to go in there, i mean besides the dirty little hairy fellow, what was his name? Gimmels. No one else wanted to go. I didn't, Boro-bastard didnt, Aragorn didn't. Legolas seriously didn't. But no, it wasnt a case of majority rule was it? No, in those days Middle-earth was not the autonomous collective most people fooled themselves into thinking it was. It was a dictatorship, a self perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes.... Well, anyway, it was left up to me, as usual, to get rid of the Balrog, even though there was no chance that it would have left that cave. I had to fight it from the depths up to the peak of the mountain before it would give up and let me get on with taking the detour to Fangorn to hang out with Treebeard and let those ungrateful idiots wander around aimlessly on their own for a while before i graced them with my aid again. Of course, once i did, did i get any thanks? NO! I got "well, you havent changed much." Damned King, who did he think he was?!
Gandalf storms out of the classroom to sulk about the whole matter.
Ron: Yeah... and i'm sure Gilderoy fought a Balrog too.