A/N: Sorry about this but Goatman will be no more after this episode but
his family will avenge him later. There are modernisms in this one as well
as some Eponine/Grantaire (It ain't onsided anymore after this one though
Marius thinks it is). I do not own Les Mis, or the Gorey person in this
(You'll get it later). Sorry for the reference and I hope this doesn't
offend anyone but I had to do it for Scott. Enjoy!
Chapter 8- Capital R defeats Goatman
(The mild-mannered Grantaire pays a visit to his beloved fiancée.)
Thenardier answered the door to see the ugly, unshaven Grantaire standing outside.
"Whaddaya want?"
"Is mon cher Eponine home?"
"Ha! Well, I can get her, for a price."
"Ah! A dowry! Here!" Grantaire said handing over one franc. "I hope that's enough."
Thenardier looked at Grantaire, then at the franc, then at Grantaire again. "Eponine, a customer is here!" He called out.
Eponine ran to the door and saw Grantaire. She shuddered inwardly, imagining why he was PAYING her father for time with her. She then continued on.
"Go on. What're you waiting for?" Thenardier bellowed.
(Grantaire hears a noise! He grabs his sidekick and they become Capital R and Hat Girl!)
Grantaire threw off his clothes and ran off with Eponine in tow. Thenardier stared after them. "Well, he was a little eager... should I trust her with him? Yeah..."
Grantaire dragged Eponine down the street past a man in a business suit much like something you would find at Suits for less or something like that. He was crying on a doorstep. "First I lose the 2000 presidential election and now I'm stuck in a time period I don't want to be in! How could things be any-" He looked up and passed out at the hideousness of the nudist.
Meanwhile, Inspector Javert (whose suicide attempt after seeing the naked Grantaire the first time was thwarted by what he thought was 24601 but was really a squirrel) was helping the just recovering General Lamarque outside to get his first breath of fresh air.
"See, monsieur. Everything is as you left it... the poor are taken care of, the streets are clean, Paris is still as beautiful as-" His sentence was cut short when General Lamarque gasped as Grantaire streaked across dragging the bewildered Eponine. Lamarque promptly passed out. Javert cried out, "Help! His heart's given out!"
(Capital R arrives at a field. He sees his archenemy, Goatman.)
The goat taunted him and bleated at him. Eponine just rolled her eyes as Grantaire glared.
(Goatman attacks!)
The goat rammed Grantaire in the stomach, knocking him over, and then used his stomach as a trampoline, bouncing with his head ramming into Grantaire's stomach. Eponine felt a new feeling in her as she watched Grantaire scream in pain. Was it love and anger at this animal? Eponine started to shake.
(Capital R sees his sidekick shake with anger.)
"Get offa him you *insert two expletives here* goat!" Eponine said as she grabbed the goat by his hind legs. Eponine then began to fight violently with the goat. The goat got the advantage though and rammed her, knocking her out.
("No!" Capital R cries. "Goatman! You will pay!")
The goat was suddenly very scared.
("How will you defeat me?" Goatman growled. "Through cancer and addiction!" Capital R replied. "Have a light!" Capital R growled while jamming a cigar in the goat's mouth and lighting it.)
Grantaire stuck a lit stick of dynamite in the goat's mouth. The goat bleated in horror as Grantaire carried away the unconscious Eponine. The goat's last thoughts were, "Oh no! It's a six second fuse and I can't spit!"
Later, I the café, Grantaire had put on his clothes again and was coaxing Eponine awake. Joly ran in late again to the meeting.
"Sorry I'm late again, Enjolras, but my cousin's goat exploded and I had to help pick up the pieces."
"I know something else that should explode!" Enjolras said while glaring at Grantaire.
Gavroche suddenly ran into the café. "Everyone! General Lamarque is dead!"
Enjolras began to rally the students as Grantaire cursed under his breath because he was sure to get involved.
Meanwhile, in the pasture, a nanny goat and two kids plotted their revenge...
Will Grantaire fight in the upcoming insurrection? Will he survive? Will the goats get their revenge? Will Eponine fall madly in love with Grantaire? Why? Tune in next time for more Adventures of Capital R and Hat Girl!
A/N: Sorry again but I had to do that to Goatman but his family will have their revenge... poor Grantaire. And to Scott, was that GOREY enough for you? No flames please.
Chapter 8- Capital R defeats Goatman
(The mild-mannered Grantaire pays a visit to his beloved fiancée.)
Thenardier answered the door to see the ugly, unshaven Grantaire standing outside.
"Whaddaya want?"
"Is mon cher Eponine home?"
"Ha! Well, I can get her, for a price."
"Ah! A dowry! Here!" Grantaire said handing over one franc. "I hope that's enough."
Thenardier looked at Grantaire, then at the franc, then at Grantaire again. "Eponine, a customer is here!" He called out.
Eponine ran to the door and saw Grantaire. She shuddered inwardly, imagining why he was PAYING her father for time with her. She then continued on.
"Go on. What're you waiting for?" Thenardier bellowed.
(Grantaire hears a noise! He grabs his sidekick and they become Capital R and Hat Girl!)
Grantaire threw off his clothes and ran off with Eponine in tow. Thenardier stared after them. "Well, he was a little eager... should I trust her with him? Yeah..."
Grantaire dragged Eponine down the street past a man in a business suit much like something you would find at Suits for less or something like that. He was crying on a doorstep. "First I lose the 2000 presidential election and now I'm stuck in a time period I don't want to be in! How could things be any-" He looked up and passed out at the hideousness of the nudist.
Meanwhile, Inspector Javert (whose suicide attempt after seeing the naked Grantaire the first time was thwarted by what he thought was 24601 but was really a squirrel) was helping the just recovering General Lamarque outside to get his first breath of fresh air.
"See, monsieur. Everything is as you left it... the poor are taken care of, the streets are clean, Paris is still as beautiful as-" His sentence was cut short when General Lamarque gasped as Grantaire streaked across dragging the bewildered Eponine. Lamarque promptly passed out. Javert cried out, "Help! His heart's given out!"
(Capital R arrives at a field. He sees his archenemy, Goatman.)
The goat taunted him and bleated at him. Eponine just rolled her eyes as Grantaire glared.
(Goatman attacks!)
The goat rammed Grantaire in the stomach, knocking him over, and then used his stomach as a trampoline, bouncing with his head ramming into Grantaire's stomach. Eponine felt a new feeling in her as she watched Grantaire scream in pain. Was it love and anger at this animal? Eponine started to shake.
(Capital R sees his sidekick shake with anger.)
"Get offa him you *insert two expletives here* goat!" Eponine said as she grabbed the goat by his hind legs. Eponine then began to fight violently with the goat. The goat got the advantage though and rammed her, knocking her out.
("No!" Capital R cries. "Goatman! You will pay!")
The goat was suddenly very scared.
("How will you defeat me?" Goatman growled. "Through cancer and addiction!" Capital R replied. "Have a light!" Capital R growled while jamming a cigar in the goat's mouth and lighting it.)
Grantaire stuck a lit stick of dynamite in the goat's mouth. The goat bleated in horror as Grantaire carried away the unconscious Eponine. The goat's last thoughts were, "Oh no! It's a six second fuse and I can't spit!"
Later, I the café, Grantaire had put on his clothes again and was coaxing Eponine awake. Joly ran in late again to the meeting.
"Sorry I'm late again, Enjolras, but my cousin's goat exploded and I had to help pick up the pieces."
"I know something else that should explode!" Enjolras said while glaring at Grantaire.
Gavroche suddenly ran into the café. "Everyone! General Lamarque is dead!"
Enjolras began to rally the students as Grantaire cursed under his breath because he was sure to get involved.
Meanwhile, in the pasture, a nanny goat and two kids plotted their revenge...
Will Grantaire fight in the upcoming insurrection? Will he survive? Will the goats get their revenge? Will Eponine fall madly in love with Grantaire? Why? Tune in next time for more Adventures of Capital R and Hat Girl!
A/N: Sorry again but I had to do that to Goatman but his family will have their revenge... poor Grantaire. And to Scott, was that GOREY enough for you? No flames please.