Part 22
Xander softly growled as he paced the inner courtyard at Angel's mansion. The soft fading light of the sunset wasn't enough to calm his racing thoughts like it normally did. He'd heard about the shifters and what they accomplished in the last war but he didn't trust them. He didn't trust anything that could so easily switch shapes and be undetectable even with his vampiric senses.
When he'd first heard Jesse's shout his heart had dropped. The first thought that crossed his mind was that Ethan had finally told his army to begin the assault and they were now attacking the mansion. When they had lost Willow a part of his childhood had died along with her. Sure they'd survived things that even adults couldn't have and it was mainly due to their core of friendship. Jesse used to quote that stupid Garth Brooks' song all the time, "Blood is thicker than water and love was thicker than blood." Secretly Xander loved when Jesse would do that but of course he'd always groused when Jesse had started to sing it.
They had been the three musketeers since first grade. Inseparable and loyal to each other almost to a fault. When Jesse's feelings toward Willow began to change from friendship to love they never made Xander feel like a third wheel. They may not have been related through blood but they were related through love and even the pull he felt toward his sire and clan couldn't dull the pull he felt towards the only remaining member of his FAMILY. A soft noise behind him caused him to spin and face the intruder.
Willow paused as she saw that Xander seemed to be working through something. She hadn't wanted to interrupt but the instinct to comfort her childhood friend had taken over and she took a tentative step inside the courtyard.
Her heart began to race as Xander spun with his brow ridged and fangs bared. She didn't think he'd attack and she knew she was powerful enough to hold him off if his vampiric instincts did take over.
Xander's yellow eyes faded to his normal chocolate brown as he saw that it was Willow that had come into the patio. However, his ridges remained on his brow without his realizing it.
"Are you okay?" Willow had the uncontrollable urge to run away in fright dueling with the urge to wrap her arms around him like she would her Xander.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just not used to being around strangers and having to fight the urge to have a taste. William says it'll be awhile before I'm strong enough to control it. It's easier around you guys 'cause you're familiar."
Willow didn't answer but kept her concerned eyes trained on him. Finally she gave a little half smile, "You know you're not any better at lying than my Xander was. Plus, the whole ridged forehead kinda gives you away. I'm here if you ever want to talk. I know from experience that sometimes it's easier to spill your guts to a stranger than someone you care about."
Xander raised his fingers and felt the ridges. Damn, he needed to learn how to mask his emotions better. As he forced his thoughts away from picturing Jesse lying lifeless on the front stoop his ridges slowly faded.
The silence between them stretched but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. Finally Xander spoke, "You told us about your rampage after Tara died but what would you have done if it had been your Xander?"
She didn't answer right away, her first reaction was to say that she'd have mourned him but didn't think she'd have rampaged. Their life on the Hellmouth and helping Buffy lent itself to danger and death. If Xander had died as a result of fighting the good fight Willow did believe that she would've mourned and gone on like when Jesse died. Probably devoting more energy to defeat the big bad.
"I think it would depend on the circumstance. If it was in a battle where we knew the chances were good that we'd die then I think I'd mourn but not have rampaged. But, honestly, if Xander were murdered instead of being killed I probably would have done almost the same thing as when Tara died. Minus the whole trying to end the world and beating the crap out of my friends thing of course." She grew silent as she wrestled with her memories until she finally continued, "I don't think I'd have embraced the dark magic but I would have used everything in my power from the supernatural to the natural to avenge his murder. I've never told anyone this even my friends but when I went with Giles to the coven to help control my powers one of the hardest to control was my ability to play god. I held and can still hold the lives of others in the palm of my hand. I can decide whether they will live or die. That's a very powerful feeling and one I struggle with even now."
Willow took a deep, calming breath before she continued, "Do you know how hard it is not to try to embrace my powers here, teleport to Ethan where I can torment and torture him for all that he's put everyone through?"
Xander interrupted her, "Yeah, I DO know how hard it is. It's how I have to fight my demon all the time. When I heard Jesse's yell, I immediately pictured Ethan's army attacking and Jesse staring lifeless on the front porch. I had an overwhelming desire to torture Ethan, plunge my hand into his chest and rip out his still beating heart. So yeah I know how hard it is to not embrace your power when you can hold the life of someone in the palm of your hand, especially someone like Ethan."
Willow smiled wryly and held her hand out to Xander. He smiled and gently pulled her into his embrace, "What a pair we are, huh?"
~~~~
Rupert gently faded back into the shadows not wanting to interrupt Willow and Xander. He'd been concerned about Willow when she'd abruptly left the room so he had gone in search of her while the Shifters and Council continued the discussion on their assault strategies.
He'd overheard her confession to Xander and his heart broke just a little more for her. He had gone through the almost the same thing with the whole Eyghon disaster of his youth. He hadn't confessed this to anyone especially Ethan but he had been loved the feeling of power that Eyghon had given them. He had been very close to following Ethan and turning to the Dark Arts. It was only the death of their friend that had been enough to pull him back. He shuddered as memories flooded his mind of everything he had done at Ethan's side. Things that he'd reveled in doing at Ethan's side. It was one of the reasons that he understood Ethan so well he was very close to being like Ethan.
It was truly one of those "there but for the grace of God go I" that separated him from Ethan. Ethan hadn't had a solid background to catch him when he fell like his family had been for him. Ethan had mocked him when he had told him that he wouldn't follow him but was going home. "Do you really think you're so different than me? Do you think you can look your family in the eyes and see their disappointment when you walk back into your family home? You'll come back when you realize they'll never invite you back into their home after what they know about you… about what we've done."
Rupert was afraid that Ethan would have been right that if his family had turned their back on him when he went home to think about the direction his life was taking he would have returned to Ethan and been just as ruthless. But thankfully his family had opened their arms both literally and metaphorically even when they knew about the blood on his hands.
He was very glad that Willow had had the same support back in her Sunnydale. He was infinitely proud of this other self for being there for her. He was also very glad that the Giles of her world didn't see Willow in the same way that he saw her. He didn't even want to think about what psychologists would have to say about him fighting with himself over the love of Willow.
A small laugh escaped him as he pictured both of them in their "Ripper" mode going at each other as Willow stood horrified on the sidelines.
The sound caused Willow to turn in Xander's embrace and see Rupert in the shadows. "What's so funny?"
Rupert made his way over to the two, "Nothing, just glad that you're here with us."
Xander placed a small kiss at the top of Willow's head, "Second that, G-man."