Disclaimer: Tolkien owns everything. Oh, wait...wrong disclaimer. J.K. Rolling, wonderful woman that she is (although I'm beginning to doubt about that. Read a certain chapter in a certain book) owns all. Sometimes, I think, even me.
Notes: Part three, in which it all goes downhill.
Severus Snape chuckled darkly to himself as he walked down the hall, heading for the Slytherin common room. His plan was working out perfectly. He had seen the effects of the potion take place at breakfast, and he hadn't been found out yet. During a rather loud giggle, he accidentally dropped his History of Magic textbook on his toe.
"Ow!" he exclaimed. Grumbling, he knelt down to pick it up. He stared at the book in his hands in confusion as a large shadow enveloped it. He turned around slowly, shrieking as he was grabbed roughly and shoved against the wall.
"What did you do to Sirius?" asked James, holding Snape against the wall as Remus kept his wand pointed at Snape's chest. Snape struggled, trying to escape.
"He deserved it! He deserves every bit of it!" Snape cried wildly, trying to escape James' grasp.
"No one deserves that! Now, tell us exactly what you did to him," James said, tightening his hold around Snape's throat. Snape began to choke.
"This is abuse!" he exclaimed, kicking at James' shins madly. James backed up slightly, keeping his hnads around Snape's throat. Remus stood there awkwardly, still holding his wand in case something went wrong.
"What spell did you use?" he asked. Snape spit on his shoe.
"Remus, turn him into a pidgeon," James said. Remus gave James a startled look.
"I don't know how-" he began, before he was cut off by James' meaningful stare. "Oh, uh...alright-" Remus swished his wand around awkwardly, trying to look like he knew what he was doing. Snape screeched.
"No! Don't!" he wailed, his efforts at struggling doubled.
"Tell us the spell you used on Sirius!" James hissed. Snape started to sob dramatically. Remus sighed weightedly at the cloak-and-dagger feel of the situation.
"N-nothing too complicated...just a simple spell from, "Simple Spells: Nothing Too Complicated"!" Snape sputtered, trying to breathe with James' hands wrapped firmly around his neck.
"Spells like that aren't exactly easy, Snape," Remus said. Snape looked at him oddly.
"Of course they're easy! Even first years can do simple somatic spells!" Snape choked out.
"...What? I'd hardly call it a somatic spell.It's more of an...idolatry spell," Remus said. Snape looked confused.
"What are you talking about? I just gave him unmanageable bedhead! I don't know anything about any idolatry spell!" Snape protested. James let go of him in surprise.
"I think that's an even worse form of revenge as the Peter- worshipping," Remus commented. Snape raised an eyebrow.
"You mean...you didn't make Sirius awestruck with Peter? Then who did?" James asked incredulously. Snape began to back away darkly, returning to the shadows where he felt safe.
"I don't know.Who has Sirius angered lately?" Remus asked. James thought for a moment.
"Hmm. Oh! He did keep getting that answer wrong in Transfiguration....you know, the one about the spell pronunciation..."
"Are you saying Professor McGonagall cursed Sirius because he got an answer wrong?" Remus repeated doubtfully.
"Well, he just kept coming up with answer after answer, and none of them made any sense at all, although it was pretty funny..." James laughed weakly. "You never know, Moony. Even McGonagall's got to have a dark side."
"Come on, lets go find Sirius," Remus said dismissively, turning and walking down the hall. James followed.
Snape finally snuck away, having been left forgotten, and resumed his cackling. They had found out his evil plan, but they had been so preoccupied with another problem that they had forgotten to extract their revenge! The scales were beginning to tip in his favour. He double over with devious laughter, clutching his stomach as he leaned heavily against the wall of the castle.
"Oh, do give it a rest," announced a suit of armour irritably. Snape's mouth snapped closed. He glared at the suit of armour for a moment, before he turned and sprinted down the hallway, his cloak billowing out behind him (as it tended to do a lot).
"Snape's innocent," James announced as he and Remus stepped through the portrait hole into the common room. Peter, who had returned from the Hospital Wing, was sitting in a chair, looking exhausted. He was letting Sirius rub his feet. Sirius looked up, his hair resembling a large cotton swab.
"We have to find the counter-curse for that hair," Remus muttered to James. James nodded gravely.
"What?" Sirius asked, slightly offended.
"Come on, Sirius. Your hair looks ridiculous," James said, gesturing to Sirius' dark hair. Sirius sighed.
"I know. I tried to change it to a bowl cut like Peter's, but it didn't work and I can't find any scissors," Sirius said mournfully, sitting back and temporarily abandoning Peter's weary feet. Peter looked miffed, but said nothing. He was quite enjoying the effect the spell had had on Sirius.
"Have you gotten anybody else mad at you lately, Sirius?" Remus asked.
"Uuh..." Sirius thought. "Not lately. I mean, I stepped on McGonagall's foot the other day, but that was an accident. Mostly," Sirius admitted. James gasped.
"I told you so!" he cried enthusiastically. "I always knew it would come to this..." Remus frowned.
"Professor McGonagall did NOT curse Sirius!" Remus stressed. James looked very put-out.
"If McGonagall didn't curse him, then who did?" he asked sulkily, angry that his McGonagall theory hat been shot down.
"I don't know," Remus said, sighing. "I just hope it wears off soon."
James woke up on Saturday to find Sirius sitting on his four-poster, staring down at a tall pile of parchment thoughtfully.
"Sirius?" he asked the poofy-haired Gryffindor cautiously. It wasn't as bad as it had been a couple days ago, so James assumed that Snape's spell was wearing off. If only other spells would work as fast. Sirius looked up at him quickly.
"I finished it," he said quietly, looking dazed. James grabbed his glasses off his endtable, slid out of bed and padded over to Sirius' four- poster, looking down at the pile of parchment.
"What did you finish?" he asked tiredly, yawning.
"Peter's musical," Sirius replied, chewing on his nail nervously.
"Oh," James said stupidly. "Thats...good," he said awkwardly, toeing the carpet. "Can I see?" Peter walked into the room at this moment with Remus in tow. He gave the room a dazzling smile.
"You want to read it? Are you serious?" Sirius asked. Peter, seeing his chance, responded almost immediately.
"No, YOU'RE Sirius," Peter said, chuckling to himself. Remus and James looked unamused. He looked to Sirius, expecting him of all people to at least crack a smile. He looked pained.
"So...uh," James coughed, trying to be rid of the awkward silence. "...I can read it?
"Sure, go ahead," Sirius said dispassionately, looking to the ground silently. James raised an eyebrow.
"What's wrong?" he said, beginning to skim through the many pages of parchment. He was very quickly intrigued, although he thought Peter's supposed heroism was a bit exaggerated.
"Nothing," Sirius said, looking lost. "It's just...it feels like something's missing for some reason..."
"You writers. So eccentric," James said, shaking his head and reading.
"No, it's not that, it's-" Sirius looked over at Peter, who was grinning at the room conceitedly, as if he was blessing it with his mere presence. "-Why am I writing a musical about PETER?"
Peter's grin faded, although James was too busy reading to notice.
"Why...because I deserve a musical, right, Remus?" Peter asked, turning to Remus for confirmation. Remus looked away quickly and pretended he hadn't heard. James laughed out loud at something on the parchment.
"Does this mean you're cured?" Remus asked. Sirius looked at him like he had three heads.
"What do you mean, 'cured'?" he asked, looking confused. Remus shook his head, sighing.
"Nevermind," he said wearily. Peter, meanwhile, looked like a lost child at Hogsmeade.
"So...nobody idolizes me anymore?" he asked, looking stricken. He placed a bracing hand over his heart.
"I might, after this," James said, gesturing to the parchment he was reading. He refused to pull his eyes away from the script.
"Come on, James. Let's go get some breakfast," Sirius said, rising from his bed. James shook his head.
"You go ahead, Padfoot. I'm busy," he said, gripping the parchment tighter and bringing it closer to his face.
Sirius wolfed down (Remus appreciated the irony of that statement, sitting across from Sirius) his cereal hungrily. Remus stared at him calmly, before glancing over at James, whom they had convinced to come. His face was still hidden behind the parchment. He shuffled them and turned to the next page, his eyes widening as he did so.
"I feel like I haven't eaten a full meal in days," Sirius remarked, tearing apart a roll.
"You haven't. Peter's grown fond of seconds," Remus said, stirring his own cereal idily. Sirius looked confused.
"What?" he asked, pausing.
"Nothing," Remus said, smiling. Sirius smiled hesitantly back, still confused. James made a strangled gasp as a dramatic twist in Peter's musical unfolded. He clutched at his heart, as if afraid it would explode. Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"Speaking of Peter, where is he?" he asked, realizing for the first time that Peter was nowhere in sight. Remus looked around.
"...I don't know..." he said slowly. Sirius shrugged.
"Wierd," he remarked, before returning to his cereal.
Meanwhile, deep within Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardly, a short, mousy-looking boy stood hunched in the shadows of a dark, secluded corner, comtemplating the sucess of his idolization spell. True, it had worn off, but he had plenty more jars of the potion shoved down to the bottom of his trunk. He would never be deemed the most unpopular Marauder ever again!
Harry Potter looked down at the youthful Wormtail through the Pensieve and smiled bitterly at the irony of it all.
Author's Note: I realize that Harry couldn't actually see all that through the Pensieve, seeing as one person wasn't in every scene, but pretend, just for a moment, that Harry only saw part of it, and I've filled in the blanks. There's my excuse. As I said, this is the first Harry Potter fic I've done, so of course the characterization is all off (I guess thats kind of allowed in Humour fics, but it's still no excuse) and I need to get used to the universe, but I had a lot of fun writing this, so I want to write another fic sometime. So, there you go. Reviews would be appreciated! Thanks!
-L