Title: Four Companions
Author: Egwene
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Sirius/James (what is it with this couple and angst??)
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, admirers, enemies…
Summary: Each Marauders deals with the aftermath of the Whomping Willow Incident on his own terms. Peter's POV.
Note: A great thank you to Sophocles who is a wonderful beta and to everybody on the SiriusxJames list for their incredible support!
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Chapter 2: The Breaking of the Fellowship
They were together again. Sirius and James.
Peter had thought it was over for good but that bastard had found his way back into James' bed.
And now what? Were they supposed to act as if nothing had happened at all, as if Sirius had never betrayed Remus, had never betrayed them?
That was not fair.
Before they got together they were all friends, equals. They did nothing if it wasn't the four of them.
He had been important in James' eyes. But after that he had hardly seen him at all.
Everything had been destroyed because Sirius had managed to convince James that they were in love with each other.
Why did it have to be James?
He didn't care that they were gay, but Sirius should have understood that he could not have a boyfriend amongst the Marauders.
They had been equals. But since the moment they had become a couple, he had felt just like a tag along, and he had hated every minute of it.
He didn't understand James. Why had he agreed to go out with Sirius in the first place? Surely he had realised his other friends needed him too, hadn't he?
Sirius and James were best friends before, but they were still part of the group. When they became boyfriends on top of it they did almost everything just the two of them. Remus and he had been forgotten, part of the furniture of the Gryffindor common room, he guessed.
Peter had felt like he had been punished for something he had not done. He was not the one to have a boyfriend. Why did he have to suffer the consequences?
The worst was that Remus hadn't seemed to mind.
All James had cared about was Sirius. Of course he had appreciated Peter's support on the Quidditch field or when he had showed off but he hadn't cared about him the way he had about Sirius. No, Peter was not in love with James, he did not want to be his boyfriend but he wanted some of the attention he had reserved to Sirius. In his eyes they had not mattered anymore, or anyway that was what it had looked like, what it had felt like.
Of course Remus had been furious when Sirius had told Snape about the Whomping Willow, but he had forgiven him all too quickly. He had said he knew what it felt like to be alone and deserted by those you love and he hadn't wish it upon anybody, even his worst enemy, least of all Sirius.
The good thing about all this had been James and Sirius' break up. James had been furious. He had felt betrayed, ashamed to have trusted Sirius and he had been shaken to the core.
Peter had wanted his friends back. He had wanted things the way they had been before. He had known he could not have that, but having James and Sirius estranged by some stupid mistake had been the next best thing.
James had wept. That was the first – and only – time Peter had ever seen him cry.
But after that everything had been back to normal.
Oh, they didn't talk to Sirius much, just in the Great Hall for meals or in es. But James had been doing things with them again. He took time to tell them about his life, his projects for the future, his fears of the new Dark Lord. Peter had felt like they were friends again.
They could all see that Sirius was desperate and hurt but it had seemed best to ignore it.
During the Christmas holidays he had ran away from his house. Peter didn't know why. Sirius didn't tell. He didn't ask. James and Remus didn't ask either. In fact they wouldn't even know about it if Regulus – Sirius' younger brother, third year Slytherin – hadn't bragged in front of the whole school about how he was the Heir to the Black fortune now that Sirius had been disowned.
He didn't know what his parents had done to him, Sirius had never told them much about his home, but it must have been pretty ugly to make him leave. Because, as much as he hated Sirius these days, he was a true Gryffindor and he wouldn't have left before his coming of age unless his life had become unbearable.
He deserved every minute of it.
It was almost two months since the Incident when James realised he still loved Sirius. He told them he was miserable without him and he was ready to forgive him.
Peter had tried to change his mind of course, but he hadn't succeeded.
Remus told him to do everything he could to be happy. He explained he had forgiven Sirius already and he would be glad to see them together again because they seemed so lonely and sad when apart.
He had hoped Remus would have been on his side, on the Marauders' side. But no, he had to play the part of the good understanding friend. Didn't he realise that it would destroy them again?
He should have known James would not last long, he should have seen they were going to be together again, but he had refused to see it.
He had been so happy to have James back, he hadn't wanted to dwell on how long his respite would last.
They had even planned and played a few pranks, just the three of them. Life had been normal again.
James was with him now, in the dorm while they waited in the common room. Remus was reading, as usual, something on Dark Curses and How to Counter Them. He said they had to be prepared.
When they would climb down the stairs together, he would be forgotten again, the everlasting tag along that needed his stronger friends to survive, not the friend that they could cherish, but more likely the pebble in their shoe.
It had been so hard to watch James and Sirius together – laughing, having fun, enjoying life, not seeing him.
He did not want to do that again.
But the choice was not his to make.
James had said he had felt betrayed by Sirius. Peter felt he had been betrayed by James when he had accepted to go out with Sirius the first time, and then again when he had agreed to forgive him.
He knew he should be happy for James and Sirius, but he couldn't. Wasn't there some saying that explained how the individual must disappear in front of the greater good?
Sirius should not have been able to destroy the Marauders so easily.
He would pay for it. Peter would see to it. Not now, he had time, but he wouldn't forget.
And he would let Sirius know who did it.
James should not have let him destroy what they had together. He would pay also.
Nothing would make him happier.
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Next chapter will feature James' POV on the Incident.