Disclaimer: (I keep forgetting to do this!) I do not own any of the characters (except Tony) in this story. Yet.
Chandler had a restless sleep that night. The thought of returning to New York after two years scared him somewhat, yet a part of him felt excited. He was also racked with grief over Monica. He hadn't felt this many emotions since she left him at the altar three years before.
He couldn't sleep. He had resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't going to get any rest that night, and so got up to make himself some coffee. He hated making his own coffee, and remembered how, back in New York, the coffee house was near enough, and cheap enough, to go there everytime he had a thirst for it, or felt tired. The coffee there was so good too. They didn't just go there for the great furniture, he laughed to himself, although that was a bonus. What was he doing, thinking about furniture? He tried to pull himself together. His ex-finacée, the only woman he had ever loved, had just died and he was thinking about colourful couches in a coffee house of his past. Well, he thought dryly, that's what grief does to you.
He heard movement from Tony, his room-mates, bedroom, and the tall dark haired man that he'd come to get on with well appeared in the doorway, scratching his head. Chandler sighed to himself as he remembered how "normal" Tony was, unlike Joey, his old "roomie."
"Can't sleep?" Tony asked, getting himself a mug. Chandler almost replied with a sarcastic comment, something like he might have done a few years ago, but then remembered that Tony was not amused by sarcasm-again, unlike Joey, who just didn't get it- and so stopped himself.
"No," he said blandly, and sipped his coffee. It tasted weak and milky, but he couldn't be bothered to strengthen it.
"So, did you book your flight?" Tony asked conversationally. The two men were friends, but sometimes ran out of things to say to each other, and settled for making random noises to be sociable from time to time.
"Yeh. I'm leaving tomorrow," Chandler said, not offering much more information. "I don't know when I'll be back though. Most probably in a couple of weeks." He didn't tell Tony that he thought it was likely he might stay longer. Work had been very sympathetic, and had given him quite a long holiday, as he had never taken a holiday in the past two years. They felt they owed him a break.
Tony shrugged. "Fine by me. I'll just have a few wild parties while you're gone." He tried to make Chandler smile, but failed miserably. "Look, Chandler, I know you're going though a tough time. Just remember what she did to you. Be upset, by all means, but don't ruin your life because of it. Were you ever really going to see her again?" He was trying to be helpful but Chandler didn't feel like he was being much use.
"I guess not," Chandler said, though he wasn't sure. He thought that one day, perhaps, everything would have blown over and he would have met up with Monica again, and perhaps they would have... No, it wouldn't have worked. Maybe Tony was right.
Tony smiled sadly at his friend, and left him to deal with his thoughts. He knew that Chandler was going through a lot, but he was sure he'd get over it one day soon.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Chandler!"
Chandler picked up his suitcase and looked up to see who was calling his name. His heart sank as he saw a flash of dark brown curly hair.
"Janice!" he exclaimed, but through gritted teeth. "How are you?"
Her familiar laugh returned, startling an old couple standing near them. "I'm great, Chandler Bing, and how are you?"
"Oh I'm... swell," Chandler said, trying not to cringe at his ex's oh-so-annoying chuckle.
"Anyways, why haven't I seen you for the past couple of years? Have you and Monica moved away? How is she? Where is she?"
"Would you stop with all the questions!" Chandler explained. "I moved to Tulsa, Janice. Monica left me at the altar three years ago. And... she died, three days ago. I've returned for the funeral."
Janice was lost for words, for once in her life, and Chandler took the oppurtunity to leave quickly. She didn't try to stop him, and when he looked back he could see tears in her eyes. She had liked Monica. He felt bad, but he had to try and find his way out of the airport.
He was stopped by a hug that seemed to come out of nowhere and a kiss on his cheek. "Chandler," came a familiar voice. "You're home."
Chandler stopped, put his case down and hugged the woman tightly. He hadn't seen her in two years. More than that. He felt tears prick at his eyes again, for the second time in two days.
"Hey, Rachel," he whispered. "I'm so happy to see you."
Rachel smiled to herself, and pulled back so she could get a good look at Chandler. "You've changed," she noted sadly. "You seem so much... older now. Sadder."
"Well, what a surprise," Chandler said sarcastically.
"It's not right," Rachel said, in an undertone. "You used to be the comic. The one that cheered me up, with your stupid witty remarks. And now it looks like you're the one who needs cheering up."
Chandler attempted to smile at her, and linked arms with Rachel, picking up his suitcase at the same time with the other hand. "You didn't have to come and meet me, you know," he said. "I could'a found my way to the appartments."
Rachel shook her head. "Of course I had to come and meet you," she said, scolding him. "I haven't seen you in two and a half years. I wanted to see you as soon as possible. Why haven't you visited Chandler?" she asked. "I would have visited you, you know, but what with Emma, and Ross wanting..."
"It's okay," Chandler said, reassuring her. "I don't mind. I've got a new room mate now. His name's Tony, and he's great, to be honest. He's really friendly, and we get on well." But something was missing, and Rachel didn't want to press it. In the back of her mind, she hoped that once Chandler had visited them, he would decide that he needed to return. She missed him terribly. Life hadn't been fun since he left, although she had Joey to keep her amused. But, despite what many people thought, she was too bright to appreciate Joey for too long. She needed someone who was smart, but funny too. Ross fitted that description to a degree, but he was missing something. He wasn't Chandler.
Chandler didn't want to bring it up, but knew he would have to sooner or later. As they got into Rachel's car - Chandler commented on how impressed he was, and Rachel was flattered- he asked her the question she knew was coming; "Why did she do it?"
Rachel looked at him as she turned the key in the car. She didn't want to tell him. He probably felt bad enough anyway. "Chandler... she made a mistake leaving you," she said, trying to simplify it. "Richard wasn't what she wanted. She'd lost you. She knew you hated her..."
"Wait a minute," Chandler said. "I didn't hate her. I got over it. If she'd realised she'd made a mistake, she could have contacted me, we could have talked..."
Rachel bit her lip, as they left the car park. "Let me rephrase it. She thought you hated her. She came to try and see me a few weeks ago..." Rachel tailed off, not wanting to continue her story.
"What happened?" Chandler asked, inquisitive. "Did she seem upset? Confused? Sorry?"
He wasn't sure what was wrong. Rachel seemed very aloof and not wanting to tell him everything. "Rachel," he tried again. "Please tell me what happened."
"OK," Rachel said finally. "But you've gotta realise I was very, very upset with her, cross for you. You weren't there. I felt someone should stick up for you."
Chandler nodded. "OK, I realise. Just tell me before one of us dies," he joked weakly.
"I told Monica I never wanted to see her again. Never wanted to hear from her again. She'd hurt someone who I cared about... a lot," Rachel said, not looking at Chandler. "She asked to see Ross. I told her that he didn't want to see her either. Told her that he'd informed me to tell her on his behalf that he wanted nothing more to do with her. A little extreme, I know, but Chandler, she completely cut us out of her life. No cards at Christmas, no present for little Emma... no nothing. She didn't care about us anymore, Chandler. And... and I told her that we didn't care about her. She had no one."
"Richard left her, apparently," she continued, braking at the lights. "He knew that he wasn't what she wanted. He moved away. She was alone, and tried to seek us out. Tried to make amends. But I was bitter, Chandler. I really disliked her.. maybe I even hated her, and I was spiteful. I told her that you hated her and never wanted to see her again. I told her that everyone was disgusted with what she'd done. I don't know if she tried to contact her parents... maybe she did, but I think they would have said something..."
"And then what?" Chandler asked quietly.
Rachel hesitated. "I felt bad. I knew where she was staying, at some hotel nearby, so I decided I'd go and visit her. They gave me her room number and said she hadn't left the hotel. Chandler... I went up there. Room 1-3-4," she mused, as if the number was important. "I thought I'd go and apologise. But, as the saying goes, it was too late. Her door was left unlocked... maybe on purpose... I knocked and walked into her room, and she was asleep on the bed. I tried to wake her but she wouldn't... then I saw the empty bottle..." Rachel's voice faltered, and she turned into a layby and began to sob. Chandler watched her for a few seconds, before pulling her into a hug. She sighed, still sobbing, with relief.
"Oh Chandler," she cried, shaking with tears. "I thought you'd hate me. It's my fault she's dead, Chandler, it's my fault."
Chandler didn't say anything. He held her to him, feeling sorry for her but at the same time feeling slight anger. She was right. It was her fault that she was dead. In a way. But he knew he would have done a similar thing.
Yet if it hadn't been for Rachel, maybe some of this could have been solved. Maybe Chandler could have talked to Monica, and explained how he felt, instead of shutting her out completely. It seemed that Monica wanted a second chance with Richard. She'd realised that she had made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Yet because of what Rachel had said to her, Monica was dead.
Realising this, Chandler pulled away, and stared out of the window. Rachel glanced at him, and realised that perhaps now wasn't the best time to talk. They drove the rest of the way to the apartment in silence.
Chapter Two done! I'm really trying hard not to hurry this one, see, chapter two and still nothing's really been resolved, yet I hope you've got a good idea of the background by now. Any advice? Comments? Or just a nice review? PLEASE review this! Make me happy! Go on... Lilian xXx