I'm glad my few *sniff* reviewers seemed happy with what I did in the last chapter. Please, people, review! Please! Make me happy! I don't care if you want to tell me bad things (so long as they're not lies) just please review! Have I said it enough? Hugs to all my lovely reviewers. If it wasn't for you I might die... Lilian xXx
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I kissed Rachel... I kissed Rachel...
I kissed Chandler... god, what have I done?
After an hour, a restless Chandler finally fell asleep, and woke to the sounds of Joey showering. He groaned as he remembered the previous night, and turned over to stare at the ceiling. He'd kissed Monica's best friend. He'd shown her how he really felt. And the worst part was, he knew now that she felt the same. He couldn't deny it. There was something between them...
And he had to get away from it.
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The day of the funeral loomed suddenly, like a dark cloud. Rachel and Phoebe were quiet in the morning as everyone got ready. Ross was with his parents, comforting them. Joey and Chandler were getting ready, Joey reassuring Chandler that everything would be okay.
Rachel sighed loudly as she and Phoebe put on suitable make-up for the occasion. Phoebe, not sure what had happened in the last couple of days, took this sigh as an oppurtunity to find out.
"Rache, what's wrong sweetie? And don't tell me it's the funeral. You wouldn't get this affected by it. You hated her, for gods sakes."
Rachel looked up at Phoebe. Memories of that night, three nights ago, came flooding back and she tried to block them out. Her and Chandler had avoided each other, not even really talked to each other, and she was getting infuriated by it, little knowing that he felt a similar way. Though he too was trying to block out his feelings. He felt more guilty than her. Despite what he said that night about Monica, he felt as if he'd betrayed her by kissing Rachel. He didn't want to go any further. To him, it was wrong, in Monica's eyes.
She opened her mouth, a lie ready formed in her throat, but she couldn't do it. Shaking her head, she whispered "I can't tell you."
Phoebe was surprised, half-expecting Rachel to deny anything out of the ordinary was wrong. She put her arm around her best friend, and Rachel hugged her back, trying hard not to cry.
"Rachel, if it's bothering you, I want to know," Phoebe said. "You need someone to confide stuff to. Now that... there's just us... it should be me."
Rachel gulped, praying that the tears forming in her eyes would not betray her and fall. "That just makes it worse," she said honestly to Phoebe. "Even if it... wasn't just us, this problem wouldn't have arisen. I would have kept my feelings under lock and key. Nothing in the world would make me do it if.. if Monica was still here."
Phoebe was curious. "Do what, hon?" she asked gently.
Rachel looked at Phoebe, and wiped at her eyes, not caring if they smudged her mascara. She didn't care about much these days, except Emma, and Chandler. But did she trust Phoebe? Rachel wasn't sure how Phoebe would react if she'd know what she'd done.
"I kissed Chandler," she blurted out, her tongue not heeding her instructions, her voice telling Phoebe before she'd had a chance to stop herself. She stared, shocked at what she'd said, before burying her head into Phoebes outstretched arms. As Phoebe stroked Rachels hair, Rachel knew that Phoebe wasn't cross with her.
"So?" Phoebe asked her quietly. "Did he not kiss you back? Is that the problem?"
Rachel took a step back, staring at Phoebe. "No, Phoebs, that's not the problem," she said slowly. "He kissed me back. But did you not hear me? I-kissed-Chandler. You know, Monica's ex? Monica, my best friend? The one whose funeral is today?"
Phoebe shrugged. "Again, so? Monica's dead. She was horrible. If you both feel this way, don't let the past stop you."
Rachel mused on this thought. It made sense. Sort of. "That would be great advice, if we weren't avoiding each other right now," she said sadly. "I think he hates me, Phoebs."
Phoebe tutted. "Rachel Karen Green, do you have no self-respect? You need to talk to him. Don't grieve more than you have to today. You guys need to get together. Talk. Express yourself."
Rachel tilted her head to one side, staring at Phoebe. "For once, my strange little friend, you make sense," she half-laughed. "Now come on hun. Let's go mourn."
Phoebe, a little surprised at the way Rachel was handling her grief, offered her friend an arm as they walked out of the bathroom together.
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"How much more boring can this get?" Joey whispered to Phoebe, as they each held a tiny glass of wine. "When do you think it will be okay to leave?"
Monica's wake was rather surreal. No one except Monica's parents and Ross seemed to be full of much grief, and many people were just talking, often about everyday things such as the weather or the latest films at the cinema. To Rachel, Joey and Phoebe, it seemed a little pointless.
Rachel was feeling upset, still blaming herself, and also feeling guilty because of Chandler. Chandler... where was he? He had disappeared after the funeral, and she had only just realised that he hadn't returned.
"Joey!" Rachel hissed. "Where's Chandler?"
Joey looked surprised. "Didn't he tell you Rache?" he asked, sipping at his wine which he was only drinking to be sociable. Earlier he had enquired about beer, only to be met by a stony glare from Jack Geller. "He went back to ours. Needed to sort some things out."
"Well, I'm going too," Rachel said quietly. "I have things to sort out as well."
She decided it was only polite to say goodbye to Judy and Jack. She hugged a crying Judy and a white-faced Jack, before whispering that she would visit them soon. She still felt close to Monica's parents. When she was younger they had always welcomed her into their house, and when she had dated Ross they had been happy for the two of them.
"Look after our little girl," Judy said, meaning Emma, Rachel presumed. She nodded, before turning to leave.
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"Tickets... passport..." Chandler muttered under his breath, never knowing he was being watched from the door to the apartment. Never noticing there was a woman, a friend, someone who wanted to be with him, watching with tears spilling down her face as he made to leave. He promised he'd stay for the funeral, and he'd done that. Now he wanted to leave, get out, forget about his old life and start with a new one. He couldn't bear it much longer. Living with Rachel was agony. It tore his heart apart to live with a girl who he was... falling in love with.
He sealed a letter, addressed to all four of his remaining friends, still not seeing Rachel stand at the door and watch him. He was preoccupied with what he was doing. Tutting to himself as he got a paper cut, he reached for his suitcase and stood up, jumping back in shock as he saw Rachel, her eyes red from where she had cried, her whole body shaking as she prepared to watch the man she knew she felt more for than anyone else walk out of her life for the second time in three years.
"Rachel..."
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Sorry this is slightly shorter. I think I've got more reviews than it actually said, a couple were emailed to me but they never showed up. One from Exintaris I think. *shrugs*. I'm confused. Anyway, please read, review, and pray they show up! Lilian xXx