Hey thanks for the great reviews for the last chapter! I didn't think it would be greeted with such enthusiasm as it was considerably shorter than the others. I found the lyrics to this song "How am I Supposed To Live Without You" and thought they fitted in well for this part of the story. So this is a sort-of SongChapter. Please carry on your reviewing. I get so happy reading them. Disclaimer: I do not own the song used in this fic (or the characters, sadly.) Lilian xXx
"Rachel..."
Chandler dropped his suitcase, letting it crash on the floor. He hadn't planned for this to happen. All he'd wanted was to creep out, unseen, unheard, before anyone could try to contact him and change his mind. He knew that it would be all too easy for him to stay... especially if he was persuaded by Rachel, of all people.
Rachel was standing at the door, staring at him, not quite sure that what she was seeing was what was happening. Why would he leave, without even saying goodbye
I could hardly believe it,
When I heard the news today,
I had to come and get it straight from you.
After a few moments of silence, where both people just stood facing each other, not liking what they saw, Chandler finally shook his head before saying "Why? Why are you here? I thought you were staying at the wake."
They said you were leaving,
Someone swept your heart away,
From the look upon your face I see it's true.
Rachel shook her head sadly, still staying at the doorway. "Joey told me you'd come home," she said quietly. "I thought it would give us a chance to... talk. Alone. Get things out in the open. But it seems that you had other... ideas," she finished, finally moving into the apartment.
So tell me all about it, tell me 'bout the plans you're making,
Tell me one thing more before I go.
"What are you doing?" she asked, though it was obvious to anyone he was running away. "Why are you leaving me, Chandler? Didn't the other night mean anything to you? Were you just planning to run off and leave me, hope I got over you? It's too late for that, Chandler," she said. She was clutching at straws. She'd never even talked to him about liking him. Now she was practically proclaiming her love for him.
Chandler looked surprised. When he finally spoke, it came out quite gently, quite softly. "Rache, of course it meant something to me. But we can't do anything about it. It's not right. And I thought, if I left, it would make things easy for both of us. We could carry on with our separate lives. Forget about what... could have been, between us..."
He broke off, as he realised how difficult it was going to be. But Rachel was shaking her head disbelievingly.
"Why is it such a problem?" she asked, surprised. "Monica-left-you. It's not like she's even around anymore to make you feel guilty. And she caused the problems between you. Chandler... we're good together. We get on well."
Chandler didn't know what to say. He'd already spoken to Candy earlier that day, explained he couldn't stay around, and surprisingly she'd been very understanding. She had even kissed him and wished him good luck. But he knew that saying goodbye to Rachel especially would be much harder.
"Chandler, if you leave..." Rachel paused, before moving to stand right in front of him. "You will ruin something that could have made our lives so great."
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you,
Now that I've been loving you so long,
How am I supposed to live without you,
And how am I supposed to carry on,
When all that I've been living for is gone.
There was no sound as Chandler and Rachel stared into each others eyes. Both could feel something real between them. Both knew there was little point trying to deny it. They loved each other, and had done for longer than either of them had realised.
"Wh..." Chandler tried to speak, but Rachel silenced him with a kiss. She was scared that Chandler might pull away, but had taken the plunge, thinking she had nothing to lose. She was pleasantly surprised when, instead of pulling away, she felt his lips part slightly.
His arms wrapped around her, and she placed her hands on his hips, wondering why she had never realised before how lovely he was. How funny, how sweet, how good-looking. And how great a kisser.
She stopped suddenly, as Chandler's hands groped at her back, not sure what was happening. She pulled back, his arms still round her, staring up into his eyes. "Chandler," she whispered, drawing closer again. "Promise me you won't leave."
Chandler unlocked his grasp, and moved over to the fridge, not sure what to do. All his feelings had been let loose again, and now he was more confused than he had ever been. Not knowing anymore how he really felt about Monica anymore, not knowing whether staying here was best, he turned to tell Rachel how confused and scared he felt, to be greeted with the upsetting scene of her crying. What had she done? All she'd said was "Don't leave." And now, suddenly, commitment-scared Chandler had reared it's ugly head again, and he was frightened of commiting himself to even staying in one city, let alone staying with her.
I didn't come here for cryin'
Didn't come here to breakdown
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end.
"Is it my fault?" she whispered, as he walked back over to her, holding her just for comfort, not in this case for love. "Is it just me who feels this way? Are you just trying not to hurt my feelings? Is that why you're leaving? Have I..."
"Shush," he said softly, placing a finger on her lips. "It's not just you Rache," he said quietly. "I've felt this way about you for some time now. But never... never a feeling this strong. A feeling I've only ever really felt once before, with Mon... Monica," he said, turning away, never letting go.
And how can I blame you
When I built my world around
The hope that someday we'd be so much more than friends.
Rachel realised how difficult it was for him to say those words. But she also realised that even when Monica and Chandler were happy together, in the back of her mind she'd always dreamt that perhaps something would happen so that she could be with someone like Chandler... or perhaps, even better, Chandler. But admitting this to him now could make her lose a friend forever.
And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
When even now it's more than I can take
"Chandler..." she said, biting her lip. It was now or never. "Chandler, I've always liked you."
Chandler looked at her, confused. "I know you've liked me for the past couple of years..."
"No," Rachel said, shaking her head. "Chandler, promise me you won't go tonight, even if you still want to go after tonight, I don't mind. Just please let me explain. Please."
Chandler screwed up his face, thinking. "It's gonna cost me a ticket," he joked weakly. Rachel gave him a small smile, acknowledging that she understood he was willing to stay. For now.
"Rachel," he said quietly, as they made their way to the couch, preparing for the talk and confessions that were about to surface. "Even if I do decide its best to... leave," he began, trying to put into words how he felt. "You've got to know that I haven't felt this way about anyone for... since... Monica... left me. I just don't know whether it's right."
Rachel nodded, understanding. "Just promise you'll listen," she said, as they sat down.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hey, another shortish chapter I know, but the next chapter will be longer, I promise. Stuff coming out from the past, school days, early on in the Friends saga, etc etc. Hope you liked this. Please read and review. Lilian xXx