I'm going to start tying this fic up now... I had a good idea for something else, which I may or may not start before I finish this one. I'm sorry if this fic starts to feel a little repetitive, but things aren't going to be perfect straight away... you know what a commitment-phobic Chandler is! Keep reading, just keep reading... Lilian xXx
"Chandler? Chandler!"
Rachel's eyes darted frantically everywhere. his suitcase had vanished, all his clothes were gone, nothing that said "Chandler" was to be seen. Had he gone... had he left her? What had happened?
Joey came out of his bedroom, shrugging. "He's not in there," he told a stunned Rachel.
She stared at him for a second. "Joey... WHY would Chandler be in your bedroom?"
"I don't know! You said think of all the possibilities!" he retorted. Rachel threw up her arms in desperation.
"Oh my god! I can't believe this! Chandler has run off and you're looking in your bedroom??!!" she asked disbelievingly. "I meant in the city, at Ross's, maybe at Phoebes. Not here! He's quite obviously not here! Grrr!" she said loudly, before running into her room.
"What are you doing?" Joey called from the kitchen. He'd gone to make himself a sandwich, suddenly feeling quite hungry.
"I'm going to get dressed and go and find him. I need to talk to him." She reappeared in her bedroom doorway. "Can you drive me around? We've got to check everywhere... the coffee house, Ross's, his mums maybe, oh, and Las Vegas!"
"Woah!" Joey said. "We are NOT going all the way to Las Vegas. Why would he be there?"
"I don't know!" she exclaimed, exasperated. She tugged on a shoe. "And maybe he's with his dad. JOEY, PUT THAT SANDWICH DOWN!"
Joey looked upset, and slammed it down on the table. "You're mean when you're worried," he whimpered.
Rachel exhaled loudly. "Come on Joey, we've got to find him. Does he have a phone?"
Joey nodded. "Yeah, I've got his number somewhere..."
"Well, ring him!" she said, annoyed. "Try his number!"
"OK, ok," Joey said, a little cross. "Jeez, woman..."
He hunted for a few moments for his address book, opened it, realised he didn't have any male friends in it, and threw it at the floor. Catching sight of Rachel's worried face, he hunted in the cupboards until eventually finding a small piece of white paper with a number on it. He proudly held it up at Rachel, before dialling the number. Rachel breathed a sigh of relief.
"Chandler?" Joey asked. His face broke into a grin, and Rachel smiled, happy that they'd finally traced him.
"Oh, sorry," Joey continued. "I thought you were my friend... Chinese takeaway? Really? At this time of day? Well, I'll have a-"
"JOEY!" Rachel screamed. "PUT DOWN THE PHONE AND FIND CHANDLER'S NUMBER!"
Joey scowled at Rachel. "I'm sorry, I have to go and find my friend," he apologised to the Chinese take-out, and put the phone down. "Rachel, anger really isn't becoming of you..."
"I don't care, ok? We have to find Chandler before he runs off again! He's obviously got some problem and we need to sort it out!" Rachel stated, before collapsing on the couch in tears. Joey was startled, and went over to sit with her.
"Rache... what happened between you and Chandler?" he asked gently. "Obviously something happened... you wouldn't be this upset."
Rachel sniffed. "I love him," she admitted to a shocked Joey. "And he loves me. But clearly he's confused. He loved Monica. Perhaps he still does. And he thinks that he's betraying her memory by falling in love with me."
Joey didn't know what to say. He knew there had been something between the two, but he never would have guessed it was love. He hugged his friend, before standing up.
"Let's call a search party," he suggested. Rachel smiled weakly, and nodded.
"I like that idea."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I've found it!" Phoebe yelled triumphantly, holding up a yellow post-it. "Chandler's number!"
The other three looked up, smiling. "Well, go on, ring it," Rachel said, leaning against the foose-ball table. "See where he is."
Phoebe dialled the number slowly, careful not to get it wrong. Ross went and stood next to Rachel, and put his arm around her. "Don't worry, Rache, we'll find him," he assured her. "He's not too faraway, don't worry."
"I hope you're right," Rachel whispered. "God knows how long he's been gone."
"Chandler?" Phoebe asked suddenly. "Chandler, it's Phoebe."
"Has he answered?" Rachel asked, amazed, having half-thought that perhaps he would ignore the phone call.
Phoebe nodded quickly at Rachel, before going back to the call. "Where are you?" she asked. "What... why?"
Rachel feared the worst, as Phoebe's face went white with worry.
"Chandler... why are you there? Come back... you've got to Chandler, we love you..." She moved the phone away from her ear, and shrugged at Rachel. "He cut me off," she said quietly, before replacing the phone.
"Where is he?" Rachel asked her fearfully, tugging at her sleeve.
Phoebe looked at her. "He's at her grave," she said, everyone knowing who she meant. "He's been there since three this morning."
Rachel looked confused. "But... that's like an half hours-drive away. And... why's he gone there anyway?" she asked, although Phoebe knew as little as she did. "Does he still.... does he still love her?" she asked, tears forming at her eyes. Everyone knew now about Chandler and Rachel, how they had told each other how much they meant to each other, how they'd promised to try and work things out between them. Phoebe felt terrible as she saw Rachel crumple up in front of her.
"Maybe he just needs to make peace with himself," she said hopefully, though that wasn't what it had sounded like to her. He had sounded far away, wistful, upset... scared. Scared of a life without Monica, his true-love, his soul mate? Perhaps. Phoebe didn't know, and for once, she couldn't even begin to guess.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The cold didn't seem to affect Chandler. In fact, he didn't even notice it, as he sat staring at Monica's grave. The stone wasn't there yet-he'd heard Ross saying it wouldn't be put there until the ground had settled, which could take months- and he'd spent hours wondering what it might say. "A wonderful daughter, grand-daughter, sister and friend" perhaps. Well, gravestones often lied. People liked to think the best of the dead.
Even Chandler was finding it difficult to remember Monica's bad points. It seemed to be a part of grieving, forgetting the bad, remembering the good, exaggerating the best parts. Then he remembered. Richard. Their wedding. He'd even known something might go wrong-he'd run away, hadn't he? Hid in his office. And just like then, he was running away again.
But what was really in New York for him? He had no guarantee that Rachel would stay with him forever. She'd broken it off with Ross that many times. Maybe she was a commitment-phobic too. Or maybe Ross just hadn't been right for her. Maybe Chandler wouldn't be right for her either. Maybe they were kidding themselves, both wanting someone, and settling for the only half-decent person around. Maybe his dream was right. Rachel was a convenience, someone to have, so he wouldn't feel lonely at his age. Heck, he should have been married years ago... he should have had children by now.
If only he'd agreed to meet Monica, find out why she did it... especially if she realised she'd made a mistake. But you couldn't live on "If only's" all your life. You had to make a stand, before you spent the whole of your living days wishing you had something, or someone, that you could never have. Time to bury the ghosts. But if only it was that easy.
Chandler's dream had scared him. It made him scared of going to sleep again. But perhaps, if he was with someone who understood, perhaps he could get through it. Running away had crossed through his mind. He was sitting in a graveyard with a suitcase, for gods sake. People had walked past him giving him sympathetic looks, presuming a loved-one had recently passed away. The pile of living flowers on top of the mound signified a recent death, if nothing else, and the fact that there was no headstone proved it only further.
Chandler heard a quiet cough behind him, and for a minute thought it might be Ross or Rachel, come to find him. His friends knew where he was now, and he turned round, a small smile on his face, ready to admit defeat and come home.
But as he turned and stood, the person slouched before him made his blood run cold.
"Richard..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Turn left, and then... no, that was the left we should have taken," Phoebe said. Ross gritted his teeth, wishing he'd read the map AND driven the car.
"Phoebe!" he said, exasperated.
"I'm sorry, Ross, you know, worrying about your sister-in-law's ovarian cyst makes map-reading difficult," Phoebe said, hoping for the sympathy vote. Ross sighed at this typical Phoebian comment, and apologised before swinging the car round and trying to find the right turning to get to the graveyard. He'd been there only yesterday, yet he couldn't for the life of him remember where it was, and had no idea how to get there.
"Are we nearly there?" asked a worried Rachel from the back of Ross' convertible. She was sitting with Joeys hands wrapped around hers. Both of them were terribly worried about their friend, worried about how he was feeling right now.
"Nearly," Ross replied. "Just round here... yes, here it is," he said, relieved. As soon as he pulled over, Rachel jumped out of the car and walked speedily into the graveyard, followed closely by Joey and Phoebe. Ross went to find a space to park the car.
"Where is it, where is it?" Rachel repeated over and over. "Wait! I see him!... with some man..."
Joey peered over. In the distance he could see Chandler talking... no, arguing with another man. "I hate to be negative, but that man looks remarkably familiar..."
"It's Richard!" Phoebe hissed. "Richard's there! Oh god, guys, what do we do?"
"We watch," Rachel said determindly. "If it looks like things are going wrong, we get in there and help. At least they're not fighting."
Ross caught up with the trio, breathing heavily. He stopped when he saw Richard. "Oh my god, Chandler's going to kill him!" he exclaimed.
"Hey, this is Chandler we're talking about!" Joey said, seemingly annoyed.
Ross nodded. "Yeah, Chandler's not that horrible..."
Joey looked at Ross in surprise. "No, I meant he would never hit a man that much bigger than him," he explained, to which Ross nodded understandingly.
"Excuse me, guys, I think we have a situation here," Phoebe said, interrupting them. "Chandler and Richard... arguing... Chandler obviously still misses Monica..." here Rachel sniffed loudly, but Phoebe ignored her. "...and Richard being the one that took her away from him... this isn't the best scene ever, you know," she finished, before hugging Rachel.
"Rache, just cos he misses Monica doesn't mean he still loves her," Joey said. "Anyone can see he's crazy about you."
"Really?" she asked, hopefully. Joey nodded, then turned back to the scene in front of them.
"What do you think they're saying?" Ross asked. Rachel, Phoebe and Joey all shrugged simultaneously. They wanted to help Chandler, but they didn't want to storm up to Richard and make a bad situation worse. Chandler needed to sort this out on his own. They would just stand in the sidelines and be there if he needed them.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"What are you doing here?" Chandler asked quietly.
"I came to say goodbye," Richard replied, not looking at Chandler.
"OK. Goodbye. There you go. Now leave," Chandler said threateningly.
"Chandler, please..."
"Oh, so now you're asking my permission?" Chandler asked angrily. "Funny, I don't remember a please when you took my fiancée away from me!"
Richard looked at him. "You're right. It was wrong of me. We should have all met up, talked about it, come to some sort of decision shouldn't we?" Chandler looked away, confused. "No, I didn't think so."
"Yeah, well, it still wasn't right, was it? You don't take away Monica and expect me to be your best friend? I never want to see you again, Richard," he said. "I can't believe I looked up to you once."
"If you don't want to see me again, then you leave," he responded. "I'm not going anywhere. You've been here for hours. I think it's my turn to spend some time with Monica."
"How dare you!" Chandler exclaimed. "You think it's your turn? Since when did I care about what you thought? You have no right to say what you think. You weren't even invited to the funeral."
"Actually..."
Chandler stepped back, amazed. "You... you were?"
Richard looked dismal, but nodded. "Yes, I was. I'm still friends with Jack, you know. And Jack knew how much Monica meant to me."
Chandler couldn't speak. "You were invited to the funeral... you??!!"
Richard looked away, focussing on the flowers. "I didn't want to cause a scene. I sent flowers instead."
"Well that's decent of you," Chandler spat furiously.
"Chandler, why are you so angry with me?" he asked, confused for a second. "Why aren't you more angry with Monica?"
It was Chandler's turn to be confused. "Why should I be? You took her away from me."
Richard shook his head. "Chandler, she didn't just leave you on your wedding day. Monica told me that you'd broken up, you'd finished things with her because you couldn't stand the fact that I'd tried to propose aswell. I didn't find out until her dad sent me an invite to the wedding that you two were still together. Chandler... she'd been having an affair, behind your back, without telling me. You have to believe me."
Chandler was taken aback. "She... she cheated on me?" he asked, shocked. "What had I done to her that made her want to cheat on me? Was I that horrible?"
Richard suddenly felt incredibly sorry for Chandler. Monica had pulled the wool over his eyes... made out she had been "stolen" almost, and that she had been swept off her feet, unable to put him off. When in fact, Monica had been lying to both of them for months.
"Chandler... it felt wrong," he tried to explain. "When I realised exactly what she'd done-lied to you, cheated on you-I realised, as much as I loved her, I didn't trust her. If she could do that to you, then she could do it to me too. That's why I left her. And then I heard that Monica was making out that she wanted to put things right with you, and she was saying the reason I'd left her was because I knew that she still loved you." He didn't need to finish the story. If Richard was telling the truth-and Chandler couldn't help but suspect that he was- then Monica felt alone when Richard left her. She needed someone. And she thought she could get Chandler back.
Chandler stood stock-still, confused and hurt. For the past couple of weeks, he'd told himself that Monica had never stopped loving him. Now, from this new development, he began to realise that perhaps she had never loved him at all.
Woo, that was a little longer wasn't it? And a fast (ish) update. Please r&r. xXx