He's a God. When I saw him for the first time I went crazy. I couldn't imagine that I ever had a relationship with him. I was thinking that he was too good for me. But I still can remember that night. He was a friend of a friend of a friend of me. I saw him every week in the pub. He was always the quiet one. And I like that about guys. I don't like guys who drink a lot and become aggressive. He drinks a lot, but he stays quiet. And he's not some asshole that drives after he's been drinking. I don't understand that kind of people. You're risking yours and others lives. But back to my guy now. His name is Mark Renton. His friends call him Rents or Rent Boy, but I like to say Mark. Well, I saw him for like the sixth time in that pub and yes, I was a bit tipsy. I don't know if friends of me have said something to him, about that I like him or something, but it was like half past 2 and he asked me if I liked to go outside because he couldn't breath so well. So I said "Yeah, that's alright mate." We went outside and I asked him for a lighter because I left mine inside the pub. He gave it to me and I lighted my cigarette. " Don't he look good in that shirt?" I thought, but I didn't say anything to him. I just stared at the ground. It looked like it lasted 5 hours before he said something to me. He asked if it wasn't too cold for me outside, because I left my coat inside the pub. "Aye, I'm a little cold," I said and he took his coat off and gave it to me. Our hands touched and I felt a spark between us. He touched my cheek and then he kissed me softly.

From ice cold I went to sweltering. I held my fingers through his hair and it felt like we kissed for 10 hours when we stopped. I looked him in the eyes and he smiled. I went in the pub to get my coat and then walked with him to my house. I was like 23 and I felt like a girl that's 16 years old and kissed for the first time. And I didn't know anything about him. I only knew who his friends were that were with him every week. There was this one guy, they called him Begbie, and I heard some bad things about him. He's really aggressive and he drinks too much. But I'm not sure if those rumours are true because Mark never talks about his friends. Mark never talks about his personal life. He's a quite guy. To quite sometimes. I know him for 2 months now and I still know nothing about him. I see him in the weekend, in the pub and sometimes he picks me up at night to drink a beer. I like him a lot. Sometimes I even think that I love him. And it scares me a bit, because I have no idea what he thinks about me. I know he must like me because otherwise he wouldn't have a relationship with me. And he doesn't do it for the sex because we didn't make love yet. And I prefer to wait some time longer. I wanna know a lot more about him. I wanna meet his parents and I wanna know more about his friends. But that night was great. He kissed me goodnight on the doorstep of my home. There are days that I wish my dad still lived, so he could see or know some things. I think he would like Mark. Mark likes football, so did my dad. I'm going out tonight with him and I'm going to take him to a nice quite place so we can talk a bit.

It's 7 o'clock and I'm taking a shower. Mark is picking me up around 8 o'clock so I have enough time to change my clothes and stuff. And when I was in the shower I thought back about how I came to Scotland. My dad died and about 1,5 years later me and my mum moved to Scotland. We lived in Holland before. I miss it a lot. I lived there until I was 17. I live for 6 years in Scotland now and I love this country. I especially love the people and their accent. That's like the first thing I liked when I saw Mark. The way he talks is like so sexy. But hey I stop talking about him. It's already 7:30 and I still have to buy some cigarettes in the shop around the corner. I put my shoes on and run to the shop. I buy 2 packets of cigarettes and then ran back to my house. He was waiting for me already. I kissed him on the cheek and we went of to the restaurant. When we arrived there, We sat down at the back of the room and we ordered some food, nothing fancy. We talked a bit about my job, I work with children, and then I asked him how everything was going at his home. "Why would you like to know that?" he asked me. I thought it sounded a bit aggressive. " Well, I'm just interested in you life," I said, " I tell you a lot of things about my life and you tell me nothing. I know you for 2 months now and I don't even know what your favourite music is." "Iggy Pop," he says. "Well, that's a start," I thought to myself. "How's everything with your mum and dad and did you see your friends a lot?" He looked a bit angry. "I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about it now." I got a little pissed too. "Well. you say that every time! I know nothing about you! I'm not even sure if you still live with your parents as you said to me 3 weeks ago!" He looked a bit guilty. "Is that it? Do you have another girl?" I asked him.

He didn't say anything. "I can't believe it Mark, I thought we had something together. I thought you were different from the other guys. I thought you were sweet. I guess I'm wrong." I took my bag, lightened a cigarette and said: "It's over Mark, I want you for me alone, I don't want to share you with half Edinburgh!" And I left. When I passed to the window I saw him staring at me, and he had tears in his eyes. I couldn't believe he did this to me. I could see him with another girl if I closed my eyes. I started to cry and I run back to my house.

I was so tired because I cried for an hour, that I slept immediately when my head touched the pillow. The next morning I woke up I looked at my alarm clock and it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I stood up and made me a lunch. I had no idea what to do that night. Should I just go to the pub and ignore Mark? Or should I not go and made him believe I was crying and sleeping in my bed just because he fucked some other girl? I decided to do the first thing. When it was 11 in the afternoon I went to the pub. Mark was already there with his mates.

"Would you like something to drink?" asked Spud to me. "Aye," I said, "a beer please." Spud, I think he's the most normal guy of the group. You also have Sick Boy, he's obsessed with everything that Sean Connery does. And there's Tommy, who has a girlfriend. But I went down their table and only the chair opposite Mark was free. I sat down and Mark starts looking at me. I turn my head to the right, where Tommy sits and start a conversation with him about the football match from yesterday. But I'm not really listening to him. I'm just getting drunk, so I forget that Mark is sitting at the same table as me. After an hour Mark starts to get annoying. He can't get his eyes off me. And I hate it when a man does that to you. So I need to find a solution for the problem. I take a last drink of my beer and then give Sick Boy a long, hot kiss on the mouth. "That will learn Mark to play with me," I thought. I give Sick Boy a last kiss and then went on my way home. I said goodbye to the guys and not even looked at Mark. I thought he would understand the message.

But no, he walked straight after me. I was 2 streets away from my house when he took me at my coat. "What the fck do you think you were doing there?" he yelled at me. "What did it look like?" I asked him and I tried to walk to my house. But he stopped me. He stood still right before me, and I couldn't move anymore. "Mark, go away will you, I wanna go home." "I'm not going away until you explain to me why you did that." "Well, I think it's just the same as you do to me," I answered. He looked as surprised as I would if I saw a naked guy running down the streets. "What are you talking about?" he asked me. "don't act like you don't know, stupid cunt!" I said, "You are screwing the whole neighbourhood." "What? Who said that to you?" "Well let's see," I answered, "You lie about living with your parents, I have no idea where you live, and I know nothing about you, because you don't answer my questions, I think those are enough reasons to believe that." He took my hand, but I took it back. "I don't want to see you anymore Mark, I'm going to another pub. I already said it yesterday. It's over!" I walked to my house while ignoring all the things that Mark yelled to me. I was so upset. I couldn't understand why he wasn't a real man, that admits his mistakes. I couldn't sleep the whole night.