She was a cute girl. She was a friend of a friend of a friend. I saw her every week at the pub. She has this cute smile I have never seen with any other girl before. From the moment I saw her, I knew I wanted to be with her and nobody else. But I'm not some guy who has the guts to tell that to a girl. I'm the quite guy and sometimes I hate it. She's gorgeous, and I thought she deserved much better than me. But on that night, a friend of hers, Maggy, came to me. She said that Susan fancied me. I couldn't believe it. I decided to take a chance that night and asked her to walk with me outside. I could see she was a bit nervous, so I asked her if it was too cold for her outside and then we kissed. It felt like the best kiss in my life. Then I walked her home, and we kissed again. I was hoping to get into her apartment, but she didn't asked me, and I found her to special just for a one night stand. So I went back to the pub. Where Begbie immediately started to ask if I had a good lay. I didn't want to look like some geek so I said that she was a beast. He kept whining about her. So I left. I hate that guy. He thinks he is on top of the world. He drinks too much and he fights with everybody. His not even a friend of me actually. The only friend that I really trust is Spud. The other guys are really secretly. The do nice when you are in the room, and the minute you close the door, they make jokes about you. But I have nothing better than them. Well, back to that night. I walked back to my house and went to sleep. The next weeks we saw each other in the pub at the weekends, and sometimes I want to her house on a night and we go out. She tells a lot about herself. That's a thing I like about her, what you see is what you get. She's not some fake girl with a lot of make-up and attitude. And I think she really likes me. But there's one thing she doesn't like about me, I don't like to talk about myself. I think she's far more interesting and she has a much better life than me.

I sometimes feel ashamed of my life, the way I live. I live from shot to shot. I'm a drug addict. And I can't tell her that. I know that she would leave me and I think I don't think I would survive that. So I lie, I say i live with my parents, because my house is full of squirts and heroin. And I knew that one day she wouldn't accept the lying, but I really didn't expect the reason she left me that night. We went to the restaurant. I think I knew her than for about 2 months. We sat down and ordered some food. Than she began to ask me questions. How my parents were, if I saw my friends lately? And I didn't know what to do. So I asked her why she wanted to know al those things. Then she asked me if I still lived with my parents, cause that's what I told her. I couldn't lie to her, so I watched to the ground. And then she began to yell about that it was over and that she knew that I ad other girls and that she hated lying. And then she walked away. I looked at her when she walked across the window. My princess.. And I started to cry. If Begbie was here, he would laugh at me and call me a sissy, but at that time I couldn't care less about what other people think about me. I screwed it. I lost my girl. I went home and cooked some heroin. But it didn't make me happier, it made me feel worse. I dreamed about her that night, but it wasn't a nice dream.

The next day I didn't do anything usefull. I used some and slept the whole day. I wasn't sure if I would go out that night. I really wanted to see Susan again, but she looked really upset when she left me the day before. I decided to go to the pub that night. I was there around 10 o'clock and the rest of my mates were there already. Sick Boy looked like he smoked 10 joints and I think that Begbie already had 50 beers. I said down on a chair and drunk about 15 beers. Then I saw her. She looked even better than yesterday. She looked at me and immediately looked away. Spud asked here if she wanted a drink and she ordered a beer. There was only one chair free, right before my eyes. I saw her face, and she didn't liked sitting in my company. She began a conversation with Sick Boy about football. Like she is interested in what Sick Boy says. I knew that it was just to ignore me. She drunk a lot. She was pretty with a glass of beer in her hand. I stared at her for a long time. And then suddenly she started to kiss Sick Boy. I got really angry, but didn't want to let her see it. So, I looked to Begbie who was fighting with some fat ass guy with glasses. After she kissed him again, she walked to the exit of the pub. At first I didn't want to go after her, but than I did. I run a long way until I finally saw her, about two or three streets before her house.

I took her by her coat and asked what the fck she was doing with Sick Boy. She said: " What did it look like?" And we had this big fight. She thinks I sleep with other girls. I tried to convince her that it wasn't and she asked why I didn't say anything about my life. I couldn't say the truth. I couldn't say: "It's because my house is a meetingplace for drugaddicts and I use heroin too." So I said nothing and took her hand, but she pulled it back, she said she went to another pub and didn't want to see me again. She walked away and I yelled to her that I didn't want her to go away and that I didn't had other girls but she didn't listened to me. I walked to my house and took another shot. It was the sixth that day. Then I lay on the ground and fell asleep.