Naruto Primer: Naruto and Kiba
Uchiha Wallet
Naruto had to take a little while to recover from his field day as Sasuke. It wasn't that the Jutsu drained him or anything, it was just everyone beating him up, especially Sasuke, after the fact. But what did he expect? He figured he'd get beat up by Sasuke even if he had returned the body right away.
Kiba also took a little while to recover from his feud with Akamaru. While he was perfectly fine physically, his emotional sense was a wreck. He had lost his very best friend momentarily to the point in which he actually didn't believe he would be getting him back. Luckily, it all worked out in the end but he knew never to let it happen again.
So anyway, we've skipped all that boring recovery time and now they're both just fine. So Kiba exited his house with Akamaru in his hood at 4:00 going at approximately three miles an hour. Two miles away, Naruto exited the hospital at 4:15 going at two miles an hour. If they both continue at that pace, where will they meet?
Why, at a wallet in the middle of the street that they both just so happened to stumble across at the exact same time!
"What's this?" said Naruto, picking up the wallet and opening it up.
"Hey, you don't have any right to look in that!" said Kiba, swiping it away.
"And you do?" Naruto said angrily.
"I wasn't going to!" Kiba said. "I was just going to look at the ID so that I knew who it belonged to so I could return it!"
"That's no fun…" Naruto complained.
"Geez, good thing I was here." Said Kiba. "There's no telling what you would have done with this sort of opportunity!" He opened the wallet and fished around it for a while before pulling out an ID card. "Here we go…Uchiha Itachi! Now, that sounds familiar…"
"THAT'S SASUKE'S EVIL BROTHER!!!!" yelled Naruto, but then he threw his hands over his mouth and looked around.
"Oh right!" said Kiba as if he found Sasuke's evil brother's wallet every day. Then he closed the wallet. "I guess the little Uchiha fan on the front should have clued me in."
"Don't you get it?" said Naruto, taking the wallet. "We found Sasuke's evil brother's wallet! Do you know what this means?"
"…Sasuke's evil brother will eventually claim it?" Kiba tried.
"Exactly!" Naruto said. "Sasuke's been looking for his evil brother for only HE knows how long!"
"You actually think Sasuke's evil brother will just waltz in and claim his wallet?" Kiba said with a raised eyebrow.
Naruto put his head down. "You know what?" he said finally. "You're absolutely right. That's why we shouldn't even bother to turn it in." He opened the wallet back up and looked inside. "Look, a credit card and at LEAST a hundred dollars."
Kiba paused. Then Akamaru barked a few times. "We can't spend HIS money on Kibbles and Bits!" Kiba scolded Akamaru.
"There's all sorts of crazy things in here!" Naruto said. "Look, a phone number! And here's his address."
"We should show it to Sasuke." Kiba said.
"Look, a frequent buyer's card!" Naruto said. "Only one more stamp and we could get…A FREE NINJA STAR!!!"
"Once again, we should show that to Sasuke." Kiba said. "I think he would want the address."
"Why?" said Naruto skeptically. "So that he can find his brother, lose to his brother and then be sent to Angstville again?"
"Maybe he'll be smart and wait until he's strong enough." Kiba shrugged.
"Sasuke already thinks he's strong enough." Naruto said. "Strike that, Sasuke KNOWS he's strong enough."
"We can't hold onto something like that." Kiba said since he's not one to just stand there bashing people. "Let's say Sasuke's evil brother comes back to get it and finds out that we have or have used the stuff in it. He'll probably want to kill us! Considering he's…well, evil."
"Let's at least use this frequent buyer card!" said Naruto as he started walking in the direction of Shuriken R Us.
"Wait," said Kiba, grabbing his arm. "How about we pretend that just for one second that I'm going to actually let you go off and spend Sasuke's evil brother's wallet? What do you think he'll do once he finds out that you spent his money and his frequent buyer's card?"
"Come on, Kiba!" said Naruto. "You always struck me as the cool one! Why are you so wussy all of a sudden?"
Kiba looked more offended than he should have been. "I am NOT being wussy." He said.
"Then come on!" said Naruto. "We're going to get two ninja stars after all. One we'll pay for, and the other one will be the free one. You can have one if you want."
"I don't use ninja stars." Kiba pointed out.
"EVERYONE uses ninja stars." Naruto said.
"I don't." Kiba replied.
"Well, it's never too late to start." Naruto said.
Kiba eventually gave into peer pressure and followed Naruto into Shuriken R Us where they purchased a brand new ninja star and then received their free one. They were marveling at their new purchases; HOW SHINY THEY WERE!! Akamaru started to bark a few times.
"Geez, Akamaru, it's not always about you." Said Kiba, rolling his eyes. "Naruto, can we use some of the leftover money to buy Akamaru some Kibbles and Bits?"
"Some of the leftover money?" said Naruto. "Kiba, we have a credit card. We can do whatever we want."
"You're not serious." Said Kiba. "We're not going to use the credit card. I thought we decided that we were only going to use the cash."
"Fine, fine!" said Naruto. "But let's at least buy ourselves some new clothes and THEN we'll stop!"
Kiba battled with some turmoil within him. But with a few extra words from Akamaru, he finally agreed. "As long as we can get some Kibbles and Bits for Akamaru." He said in that 'under one condition' tone.
"No problem!" said Naruto as he and Kiba frolicked into a clothing store. After purchasing one set of nice clothes, they became shopaholics and couldn't stop! They started to buy everything they ever wanted! Akamaru even got a brand new set of matching chew toys!!
"Where did Sasuke's evil brother get all this money?" Kiba wondered as they got in line of another store.
"Well, probably when he wiped out his entire clan, he took all their money." Naruto concluded.
"That makes sense." Kiba said. "I would do that. If I wiped out my entire clan, that is. But I would never do THAT."
When they got to the front of the line and presented the credit card to the cashier, she couldn't seem to make it work. "Sorry, this card is maxed out." She said, handing it back to them.
"MAXED OUT?!" gasped Kiba and Naruto as they slapped their cheeks and each turned into that screaming person from that weird painting.
They exited the store looking very depressed. "I can't believe we just maxed out Sasuke's evil brother's credit card!" said Naruto.
"Man, I would be terrified if we maxed out Sasuke's credit card…" Kiba said hopelessly. "But to make out his evil older brother's…! What are we going to do now?!"
"Nothing!" said Naruto, getting an idea. "We could just…wash our hands of this whole mess! We could take all our new stuff, leave the wallet somewhere and pretend as though none of this ever happened!"
Akamaru suddenly started barking madly. "Calm down, Akamaru!" said Kiba. "Speak more slowly. I can't understand a word you're saying! What's that…? Sasuke's evil brother is…?" Kiba slowly turned around to see SASUKE'S EVIL BROTHER STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!
Just kidding, he was actually really far away but you could tell that it was him.
"Naruto, we have to get out of here!" said Kiba. "Drop the wallet and let's run!"
"No arguments!" said Naruto, dropping the wallet. They picked up all their new merchandise and sprinted off as fast as they could.
Itachi slowly walked over to where they were before. He bent over and picked up the wallet. "Oh, here it is!" he said, sounding mildly happy. "Don't worry, Kisame. I found it!"
"Let's go now." Said Kisame. And then the two of them walked off into the sunset. Even though it's morning. Again.