Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story idea.
A/N: See Chapter One for full premise. To sum up, this is an AU (Alternate Universe) in which Jess Mariano never existed. In his place, Jessie Danes, daughter of Liz, has come to live with her Uncle Luke for the summer. I am very pleased that so far people are enjoying this. Reviews are always welcome, no matter how short or long (just in case you're reading and not reviewing…you know who you are). One of you mentioned that a great writer like me shouldn't need reviews and to that I say this: insecurities plague us all and I am no different. When I post a story I immediately think people are going to hate it, no matter how many of my friends have read it and said they like it. So, please, indulge me if you will and let me know what you think. I really, really appreciate it. Thank you to all of you have been reviewing. It does mean a lot. A special thanks goes out to Lindsay for letting me bounce all my crazy ideas off of her. This story would not be here without her. Literally. She had to talk me into posting it. And another big thanks goes out to my new friend Sarah for taking the time to read drafts of recent chapters.
July: Cowboys and Ballerinas
Chapter Eleven
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Jessie sank her pitchfork into the pile of hay and manure at her feet as Joe, the man who took care of the horses at the Dragonfly, lifted his own pitchfork and tossed the load into a nearby wheelbarrow. The barn smelled good in the hot July afternoon - warm, clean and earthy. Jessie's arms wobbled a little and sweat beaded on her forehead as she tried to maintain her balance with the heavy tool. To repay Lorelai for letting her ride whenever the horses weren't with the guests, Jessie had volunteered to help out around the barn whenever she was there. It was kind of fun, actually. She got to brush the horses, feed them, water them and give them treats. In addition, she also helped keep the stalls clean. Ladling the latest pile of dung into the wheelbarrow as Joe looked to make sure she didn't overdo it, Jessie puffed a little as she worked. Her hair was tied back into a pony tail and her backwards baseball cap kept the sweat out of her eyes, but she was still winded from the exercise.
She had come downstairs for breakfast just as Lorelai had arrived and they'd eaten together, chatted about ballet class the night before and then headed for the Dragonfly. Luke had eyed the pair warily, but felt fairly certain that he'd made his point. He prayed Jessie wouldn't say anything else to Lorelai. He still cringed to think of what she'd said already. He'd had some trouble looking Lorelai in the eye that morning. You can be his girlfriend as long as you don't sleep over. Mother of God, as if he weren't pathetic enough with that stupid hand move yesterday.
In the Dragonfly's barn, Jessie was shoveling her last load into the wheelbarrow when she heard someone call her name.
Lifting her head to try to see over the stall door, Jessie yelled back, "Yeah?"
Rory came into view, rounding the corner to smile in and say, "It's lunchtime. Sookie set up some sandwiches for us on the front porch. Are you hungry?"
"Yeah!" Jess said with an enthusiastic nod.
After saying goodbye to Joe and making a pit stop to wash her hands, Jessie followed Rory to the porch where Sookie had indeed created a feast for them.
As they settled onto the wicker furniture to eat, Rory chuckled as Jessie attacked her food. Once the sandwiches were gone and they were working on the cookies for dessert, Jessie sat back and asked Rory thoughtfully, "Do you date?"
"Um," Rory faltered, a little confused, "I have dated, but I'm not dating anyone right now. Why?"
"Uncle Luke says that you date people to see if you like them," Jessie offered by way of an off-hand explanation.
"That's true," Rory concurred, still confused. "What brought this on?"
Jessie chewed on her gingersnap cookie as she pondered the situation. "I just don't understand why you don't date someone if you already like them," she finally confessed.
Rory didn't have to think very hard to figure out whom Jessie was talking about. With a delicate shrug of her shoulders, Rory answered, "Sometimes it's best to leave well enough alone."
With a huge eye-roll, Jessie decided to call 'em as she saw 'em. "That's stupid. They already like each other. I don't understand what the big deal is."
"You and everyone else in this town," snorted Rory. "They've both been in denial for so long that it's become a way of life."
Jessie kicked her feet out in front of her thoughtfully. "Denial?" she asked with pursed lips.
Catching herself, Rory shook her head and said, "Nothing. Finish your cookies and I'll take you home."
At the request, Jessie happily stuffed the last of her cookie into her mouth and stood up. The walk back to the diner was slow due to the oppressive heat and when they arrived they were both sweaty.
Luke looked up as they entered and he nodded at them from across the room as they made their way to a table. Kirk, who'd been at the counter having pie, immediately stood and made a hasty exit. "'At's my girl," Luke muttered happily as he arrived at their table.
"Hey, Rory," he said as he joined them. "Can I get you anything?"
With a shake of her head Rory stood up and said, "I've dinner with my grandparents tonight so I should get home and get ready."
"Bye Rory," Jessie called to her as Rory waved and left the diner.
Turning from the door to his niece, Luke observed affectionately, "You're filthy."
"I helped clean the stalls today," Jessie told him proudly.
Luke regarded her with a twitch of his lips. She was tanned and healthy looking. Her skin glowed from sweat and she was not as lean as she'd been when they had first met. Her hair was thicker and shiny and she smiled more. Right now she was pretty grubby looking but she carried herself differently. She had more confidence. She was thriving. He felt proud, too.
"How 'bout a shower?" he suggested.
"Okay," Jessie agreed as she stood and headed for the stairs.
After cleaning up, Jessie pulled her bag of library books from the corner of her room and sorted through them, looking for something new. She and Luke were halfway through Charlotte's Web and she wanted to leave that for them to finish. She needed something just for her to read.
Immediately, Jessie came across one of Rory's countless recommendations: Ramona and Her Mother, by Beverly Cleary. The apartment was quiet and cool and Jessie settled down on her bed to happily read for a few hours.
After an hour of giggling over Ramona's adventures, Jessie pensively wondered what her own mother was doing. They hadn't seen each other in almost six weeks. She wondered if Jerry was still around. She wondered if Jerry would ever meet her Uncle Luke. If they ever did meet she hoped that Uncle Luke would pound on Jerry. Jessie took a moment to picture the scene in her head. Pound him to a pulp. That would be fun to watch. She would cheer Uncle Luke on from the sidelines.
But Uncle Luke was acting so strangely over this Lorelai business, she thought with a frown. She couldn't believe his outburst last night. Jessie never dreamed that his feelings would be so strong. For the first time, there was a subject that was taboo and it made her feel…separated from him. They used to be able to talk about anything and now there was this wedge between them…this weird silence.
Her eyes drifted down to the cover of the book. Ramona was standing with her back to a bathroom sink filled with swirls and curlicues of toothpaste. Her mother was looking on with a horrified expression while Ramona tried to hide the evidence. Jessie smiled and again wondered what her own mother was doing. She also wondered vaguely what denial was.
Later, when Luke came up to get her for dinner, Jessie followed him downstairs still wearing a contemplative expression. As he placed a plate of broiled fish, green beans and scalloped potatoes in front of her, she lifted her eyes and curled her lip. "Fish?" she asked with a grimace.
"Yeah," he said, "fish. Something wrong with fish?"
"Nothing except that it's gross. It smells like a lake," she told him with a matter-of-fact scowl.
"It's good for you," Luke argued patiently.
"It's gross." Jessie repeated, pushing the plate away. Then, "I want to call my mom."
Startled, Luke blinked but recovered quickly. "Have you heard from her?" Jessie had been very quiet upstairs all afternoon and now he worried that perhaps Liz had tried to get in touch with her.
"No," Jessie replied petulantly.
"But you want to call her."
"Yes," she said firmly, unable to meet his gaze.
Slowly, Luke pushed her plate back toward her and said, "Okay. Eat your dinner and then we'll go call."
Surprised at how easy that had been, Jessie's dark brown eyes fluttered up to his and found him staring at her intently. She squirmed a little under his gaze and looked away as she picked up her fork. He watched silently as she took a few bites before leaving to check on the other diners.
As he refilled Andrew's coffee cup, Luke pondered this new development. Of course he couldn't forbid her to call her mother, but he worried that it would only end badly. He hadn't even heard from Liz since he'd called to get the clothes from her back in June. She hadn't even called to check in and see how her daughter was doing.
Concerned, he hazarded a glance at Jessie's back. She was hunched over her plate eating. Frowning, Luke took Andrew's empty plate and made his way into the kitchen. The person who usually made him feel better about stuff like this was Lorelai and she was probably on her way to her parent's house. Not that she would be interested in listening to him rant again after last night.
What an idiot I am, he thought as he tossed the dishes into the bussing bin. Pressing his lips into a firm line, he left the kitchen and busied himself with his customers until he saw that Jessie had finished.
Just as Jessie put down her fork Uncle Luke appeared before her to take the plate away. She looked up at him and saw his lips twitch as if he were trying not to say something. "Ready?" was all he could get out.
Nodding, Jessie hopped down off the stool and headed for the stairs walking with more confidence that she felt. Suddenly it didn't sound like such a good idea. Ramona's mother lived with her and made her dinner and was married to her father. These differences suddenly seemed too big. Unwilling to admit that she might be wrong about this venture, Jessie walked determinedly up the steps listening to Uncle Luke's steady footfalls behind her.
In the apartment Jessie headed for the phone and with little outward hesitation, picked it up. Luke sat at the kitchen table with his hands folded in front of him and apprehension clearly written across his face. Jessie turned her back to him as she dialed the familiar numbers.
As she heard the line ring, she suddenly hoped that her mother wouldn't be home. That the answering machine would pick up so that she could leave a message. As the phone rang again, she thought about just hanging up. She felt her heart rate speed up as she seriously considered cutting her losses. Just as she was about to hastily put the phone back into its cradle a familiar voice filled her ear. "Hello," Liz answered.
Jessie hesitated, not knowing what to say at first. "Hello?" Liz repeated, annoyed.
"Mom?" Jessie said. "It's me."
"Jessie?" With a smile, Jessie relished her mother's voice and felt a deep pang in her chest. She missed her mother. Sure, she wasn't perfect, but Jessie had spent the better part of eight years with her and in that kind of time, anything can grow on you.
Happily, Jessie gushed, "Yeah, it's me! I miss you, how are you? Do you wanna come for a visit soon?"
"Visit?" Liz repeated with a snort of laughter. "Jess, I lived there, remember?"
"Oh," Jessie said, deflated. "Well…could I come for a visit?" she asked, her voice sounding small even to her. As she waited for the answer, Jessie held onto the receiver for dear life and concentrated on twisting the phone cord around the index finger of her right hand.
"Jessie," Liz began with a tired sigh. "I need a break, okay? I mean, I'm not just your mother, I'm someone's girlfriend. I want to be on my own this summer."
"You're not alone," Jessie muttered.
"Oh, that's just great," Liz burst out. "Are you judging me? Because that would just be perfect. I finally have a chance to be happy and what do you do? You come whining back to me. I mean, I need some space!"
Sucking air in through her nose, Jessie tried not to cry. "Okay," she mumbled and put the phone back into its cradle. She didn't care that she hadn't said a proper goodbye. Her face crumpled as she hung up the phone, tears sliding down her cheeks and dropping with some speed to the floor.
Luke sat at the kitchen table and stared at her back with clenched fists and a pained expression. It hadn't sounded like it had gone well from what he'd heard Jessie say, but he didn't want to get all up in her face either and make something out of nothing if it was indeed nothing. As she turned toward him, though, he saw that she was just barely able to maintain her composure. Her eyes were closed tight and her mouth was turned down, but the tears were already slipping down her face. With shoulders stooped and head down Jessie took a few steps toward him and he immediately stood and met her half way. Kneeling down, Luke pulled her into a soft hug. As she gently sobbed into his shoulder he just rubbed her back feeling helpless and angry. Whatever Liz had said, he wished she hadn't.