I was just going to his house, because that girl of him, Susan I think her name was, left something at my house when she asked me what the address of Mark was. She forgot her agenda and I wanted to give it back to her. When I went off the bus and walked on the stairs to Mark's apartment I already smelled the marihuana. He lied to us, his own mum and dad. He said he stopped using. I had to cry but swallowed the tears back in. I walked slowly to the door and then banged on it. But I didn't hear anything. I banged for 15 minutes. I got this strange feeling that there was something wrong with Mark. I don't know why, but I got cold shivers on my entire body. I had to go in that house, so I kicked the door in with my foot. The houses were old, and the doors were rotten. I opened the door and went straight to the livingroom. And he scared the shit out of me. He was lying down on the ground, looking blue, and not moving. I immediately call the ambulance and start to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation until the ambulance comes. They carry him on the stretcher to the ambulance. When they lift Mark up, I saw something on the floor, a letter, and it has Susan written on it. I decide not to read it, but to stick it in my coat and go with Mark to the hospital. We are riding to the other side of town on top speed and with the sirens on. When we arrive at the hospital, they bring Mark immediately to the emergency room. I have to wait in one of the waitingrooms. Time has never gone so slow. Seconds seem like hours. And while doctors are trying to help Mark, I think about how it has come so far.

Mark has always been a quite boy. He didn't had any friends at school. When he was at home, he always was writing, painting or watching television. He was living in his own world. And from one day he went completely different. He still was quiet, but he was going out, had some girlfriends and then he began to use drugs. I think he was about 20 years old than, but I'm not sure. I hated it. I knew the drugs would screw him. He left our house and slept in the air, in a box or something. I wanted to help him, but he refused my help. Than he met the guys and he could sleep with them. And he asked for some money from the state. But with the boys, came the harddrugs like heroin. I still can't believe he does that to himself. When he had that new room, we went to it but he was high and we went back home. I really hate the drugs. Mark isn't Mark anymore since he uses. He steals, lies and manipulates everyone, just to get some money to buy smack. But why did he do something like this? I just knew it wasn't an accident. I think he wanted to kill himself, but for what? At that point, a doctor was walking towards me. When he was right beside me he said that Mark was on all kinds of machines and that they put him on Intensive Care. He said I couldn't visit him today, so I better came back the next day. I went home and told my husband the whole story. Than I tried to find the number of that Susan, because I still had her agenda and the letter from Mark.

I had been lying in my bed for the whole day. I felt useless since I found out about Mark. I fell asleep constantly. The phone rang that afternoon. "Aye, Susan here," I said. It was Mark's mum. I had no idea what she wanted from me. She asked me if it was OK if she stepped by for a couple of minutes, because there was something about Mark. I said I didn't wanted to talk about Mark, but she said it was really important. 10 Minutes later she stood on my stairs. I opened the door and excused me for the mess I was living in. I told her I'd broke up with Mark because I found out he was using harddrugs. She looked surprised I didn't know that. She told me about that time when we went to their house and Mark said to her that he didn't want her to talk to me about his drugproblem. I was getting really angry. "Fuck he is an asshole," I said, "he lied to me about so many things." His mum said to me that I had to sit down and she tells me about how she's got to Mark's appartment and how he lied there and that he went to the hospital and he now is in Intensive Care. I cried for half an hour long while his mum was in the same room as me. "You really love him, don't you?" she asked me. And I answered that I truly loved him, but I didn't want a relationship with a drugaddict. And then she gave me my agenda and this letter. There was Susan written on the back, and I recognize Mark's writing. I fold the letter and began to read.