The cool air whipped my face as Chris and I walked down the road
towards my house. We'd decided to ditch the diner idea since both of us
were short on cash and see what my fridge had in store for us. I was so
happy to get out of that dance—sincerely. Though, I didn't have a bad time,
actually I quite enjoyed myself, but I was never one for big crowds. They
gave me headaches and smelled funny. I sighed and looked over to Chris...the
gentle wind was playing with those wild locks of his and he had his hands
stuffed in his pockets. His white dress shirt was rolled up at the sleeves
to his elbows, and the first couple of buttons were undone. He literally
took my breath away and I was frightened I'd never be able to breathe
again.
I'd never think in a million hundred years that I'd be walking beside Chris Chambers the way I was. I'd never in a million years guess that I'd fall so deeply in love with my best friend that it actually hurt to think about him, to actually want him so badly I'd feel like crying. I'd never think in a million years that I'd lose my one precious gift that could never be given back to him, to Chris Chambers, to my beautiful best friend that I loved with intensity enough to kill. I'd never even think that I, Lark O'Rielly, would be capable emotions...I'd never think that I was mature enough to handle a relationship so deep and strong as the one Chris and I shared. Oh God how I loved him so much, and he barely knew...
That was just it. Did Chris know exactly how much I loved him? And what scared me the very most...what scared me so badly that I wanted to run away and cry, was...did Chris love me back? Sure, I knew he cared about me and loved me, but was he IN love with me? I'd wanted to tell him before that I loved him, oh how so many times I'd wanted to tell him, but that tiny stab of rejection haunted me each time the words etched up my throat...but they laid to rest inside my mouth. They'd never escape my lips—not anytime soon. But then...I had taken a chance by kissing Chris, which wasn't so long ago, although it felt ages. I'd risked years of friendship, I'd risked losing Chris himself...so how had we ended up together? And...and how did I know Chris wasn't using me for just a couple of good lays, and that was it? I began to panic, paranoid like I usually got when I was too far gone.
I felt Chris turn and look at me, his eyebrow arched. I grinned and turned to him. He grinned at me.
"You look deep in thought," he said softly. I nodded silently.
"I like to think," I said smiling. "It helps."
Chris arched an eyebrow. "Helps what?"
I shrugged. "Have no idea...it just does. Mmm, I'm hungry...dances work up an appetite!"
Chris laughed. "Oh yes, they just make me so hungry. No seriously, I'm starving, walk faster woman."
I smirked as we turned the corner to my street. "Mmm, I can taste it now...waffles...icecream...mmm what bliss! What ecstasy!"
Chris smirked and we hurried into my house, both about to collapse from lack of food. I always that it funny when Chris was hungry—he'd get all crazy and quirky...lack of energy to the brain I guess. We quickly entered my house and I was surprised to find Danny and some girl watching TV in the living room.
"Shit, what time is it?" I whispered to Chris as we shut the door quietly. Chris glanced at his watch.
"It's only quarter of eleven," he said. "The dance ends in an hour."
I raised my eyebrows. "I could never stay that long! How did you do it all those other times you went to dances?"
Chris shrugged and smirked. "Well I had dates that loved to dance."
I punched him in the shoulder and he pretended to be hurt as we crept into the kitchen. My parent's and other siblings were asleep because I heard no noise coming from upstairs, so I figured they had hit the sack early. My kitchen was cold as we entered and I shivered a bit. It wasn't that cold out, but somehow my house was always freezing. I flicked on the light and kicked off my shoes...I always hated wearing shoes inside. It just made me feel all uptight...Chris was already going through my cabinet and I snorted.
"Hmm," I said, opening my refrigerator. "What do you have in store for two hungry teenagers? Mmm, left over casserole...gack..." I opened the freezer and grinned when I found the strawberry ice-cream. "Yay! Strawberry ice-cream..."
Chris popped in some waffles in the toaster for us and I sat down at the table, beginning to eat the ice-cream with a large spoon. I always was addicted to strawberry ice-cream. Chris sat down across from me and watched me with amused eyes.
"Soooo," I said, once I had got something in my belly. I pushed the ice-cream box over to Chris who began to eat some. "That was more fun than I thought. Thank you."
Chris looked up at me and grinned. "For what?"
I shrugged. "Don't really know. Having a good time with me. I really did have a nice time—even with that whole Marlou run in."
Chris snickered. "Yep, it was fun. I'm glad you came with me."
I laughed. "Who else you think I'd go with?"
Chris shrugged, that ghostly smile of his gracing his features. Once again, I was blown away. It was quite pathetic actually, how he could just smile and I'd just...melt. Whenever he smiled, or even when he just looked at me, I knew that I wanted to always take care of him, always be there for him no matter what. No matter what, I would be there for him, even if we weren't together, I'd still always be Lark, and Chris would always be my best friend, and we'd always laugh and tease each other, and bicker. And I'd always love him. Always.
~*~*~
"Lark, you don't have to do this. I don't want you to do this. Please. Don't. Do. This."
I looked at Chris, amused and worried all at the same time. "Chris, I don't mind...I know what to expect...please?"
Chris sighed and looked at me as we stood on his front porch. He eyed me carefully and shook his head.
"I'm warning you—I swear..."
I shrugged helplessly. "Fine—if it's that serious, we don't have to...I just thought...you know, I don't know what I thought. I'll leave if you want, okay?
Chris looked at me pained. I knew what he was facing each time he came home—that beast of a father that had so tortured the boy before me. I wanted to cry and scream and kill all at the same time for all the pain that Chris' father had caused him. I wanted to make it all go away for Chris—if I could, I would take all the pain, leaving Chris unharmed. I looked into his eyes, reassuring him that I would be there for him. I needed to be there for Chris when he went home.
I understood why Chris didn't want me at his house—it was obvious. But I wanted to be there...I wanted to take the pain with Chris, he shouldn't be alone, and I didn't want him to be alone. All I wanted was to be with him for once, to let him know he didn't have to be afraid when he stepped into his home. He looked up at me, that innocent-aged look he gave me, like a little lost boy that wanted nothing more than to be held safely.
"Fine," he finally sighed. "But you know what to expect—I don't know why you want to do this..."
I sighed and looked sternly at him. "Listen to me Chris. You shouldn't have to be alone all the time—you shouldn't have to feel so worthless the way you do. You're not worthless. I'm trying to prove that to you—I...I care about you and I wish I could stop the pain."
Chris shook his head, his complexion becoming clammy. "You can't do anything for me, Lark. It's the way he is—he hates me and that's that. I've become numb to it all—that's what I have to do. I've just become numb."
"Chris," I said tiredly. "I want to go in there with you—I don't feel right leaving you to that. Leaving you to your doom. For Christ's sake, look at yourself! You look so...so lost, Chris! Don't—fine, come home with me, then, please? Just don't go in there alone!"
Chris raked his hands through his hair. "I'm always alone in that hell hole! I've gone through this before, my old man's in there, probably cussing off my ma, and he'll see me and ask where the hell I was, and he'll...goddamn he'll hit me—and how do I know he won't fucking hit you too? It's not safe!"
I felt tears come to my eyes and I swallowed them. I forced Chris to look at me. "Then don't go—please? Come with me, we can go for a walk or go to Gordie's or—"
Chris shook his head sternly. "I've got to go, okay? My mom needs me. Please, Lark, you have to understand. I don't care about the beatings, the scars, anymore...I just...you wouldn't understand...I feel so guilty leaving my family to him..."
I nodded, understanding, but wishing I didn't. I hated leaving him like this—that was why I wanted to go in with him in the first place. I wanted to be there for him...maybe I was just wrong. I was just being too naive—what was I thinking? I couldn't be there for someone who didn't want me there...but just the thought of leaving Chris to that...that monster made me want to cry.
I looked down as tears began to fall down my face. "Chris...I—I just hate how you...how he...plea—"My voice cracked and I wiped vigorously at my eyes with embarrassment. I didn't want Chris seeing me like this—he had no idea how much it hurt me when he got hurt...if he even knew the pain it caused me to see his scars, or to see him fall apart every time he left for home, if he even knew the fucking half of it...I began to shake.
"Please," I pleaded, looking up into his aged eyes. "Please don't go in there...I'm not saying this for me, I'm not being selfish...you deserve so much more than this Chris..."
Chris gently held my shoulders and made me look into his eyes. "Lark, I'll be fine—I always am...I just need to be home to look after my mom and brothers and sisters...that's my job as the older brother...I can't let him hurt them so..."
I cursed Chris for being so loyal and looked away. Perhaps I was being foolish...perhaps this all was some sick, fucked up dream that I needed so desperately for Chris to wake up. I opened my mouth to apologize, when we heard a crash from inside the house, then a muffled cry. Chris grimaced and I knew he needed to go in, but I was so scared for him.
"I—I don't want you to get hurt anymore Chris," I said softly, crying weakly. "Please don't think I'm foolish for crying, I just hate seeing you like this!"
Chris shook his head. "Lark, I have to go...I'll come by your house later okay? I'll call you, I promise."
I nodded weakly and reluctantly turned to leave. Chris gently gave me a kiss on the cheek and turned and opened the door to go in. I quickly walked off the porch and held my breath when I heard Mr. Chambers begin to yell at his son, and I heard more crashes and cries, and the soft 'thud' of flesh hitting ground. I closed my eyes tightly and my breathing was unsteady. I didn't want to leave...I couldn't leave...but I knew Chris wouldn't want me to stick around. Slowly I began to walk away from Chris and I couldn't help but cry feebly. The boy I loved was getting hurt and all I could do was walk away...I'd never felt so helpless.
And I'd never loved Chris more.
~*~*~
[Yes, this chapter was a bit awkward. The last part was meant to show how much Lark cares about Chris, but how little she can do to change what he goes through...it didn't come out exactly how I planned, but I didn't want Lark to come off selfish or cheesy. So please tell me if that was too cheesy or harsh...eeek feedback is gracious! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed that chapter, though it was painful to write. Anyways...I'm thinking of how the story should end. Not too many more chapters left, but just enough. Anywho, review please and take care! Love and Strawberries, The Good Girl.]
I'd never think in a million hundred years that I'd be walking beside Chris Chambers the way I was. I'd never in a million years guess that I'd fall so deeply in love with my best friend that it actually hurt to think about him, to actually want him so badly I'd feel like crying. I'd never think in a million years that I'd lose my one precious gift that could never be given back to him, to Chris Chambers, to my beautiful best friend that I loved with intensity enough to kill. I'd never even think that I, Lark O'Rielly, would be capable emotions...I'd never think that I was mature enough to handle a relationship so deep and strong as the one Chris and I shared. Oh God how I loved him so much, and he barely knew...
That was just it. Did Chris know exactly how much I loved him? And what scared me the very most...what scared me so badly that I wanted to run away and cry, was...did Chris love me back? Sure, I knew he cared about me and loved me, but was he IN love with me? I'd wanted to tell him before that I loved him, oh how so many times I'd wanted to tell him, but that tiny stab of rejection haunted me each time the words etched up my throat...but they laid to rest inside my mouth. They'd never escape my lips—not anytime soon. But then...I had taken a chance by kissing Chris, which wasn't so long ago, although it felt ages. I'd risked years of friendship, I'd risked losing Chris himself...so how had we ended up together? And...and how did I know Chris wasn't using me for just a couple of good lays, and that was it? I began to panic, paranoid like I usually got when I was too far gone.
I felt Chris turn and look at me, his eyebrow arched. I grinned and turned to him. He grinned at me.
"You look deep in thought," he said softly. I nodded silently.
"I like to think," I said smiling. "It helps."
Chris arched an eyebrow. "Helps what?"
I shrugged. "Have no idea...it just does. Mmm, I'm hungry...dances work up an appetite!"
Chris laughed. "Oh yes, they just make me so hungry. No seriously, I'm starving, walk faster woman."
I smirked as we turned the corner to my street. "Mmm, I can taste it now...waffles...icecream...mmm what bliss! What ecstasy!"
Chris smirked and we hurried into my house, both about to collapse from lack of food. I always that it funny when Chris was hungry—he'd get all crazy and quirky...lack of energy to the brain I guess. We quickly entered my house and I was surprised to find Danny and some girl watching TV in the living room.
"Shit, what time is it?" I whispered to Chris as we shut the door quietly. Chris glanced at his watch.
"It's only quarter of eleven," he said. "The dance ends in an hour."
I raised my eyebrows. "I could never stay that long! How did you do it all those other times you went to dances?"
Chris shrugged and smirked. "Well I had dates that loved to dance."
I punched him in the shoulder and he pretended to be hurt as we crept into the kitchen. My parent's and other siblings were asleep because I heard no noise coming from upstairs, so I figured they had hit the sack early. My kitchen was cold as we entered and I shivered a bit. It wasn't that cold out, but somehow my house was always freezing. I flicked on the light and kicked off my shoes...I always hated wearing shoes inside. It just made me feel all uptight...Chris was already going through my cabinet and I snorted.
"Hmm," I said, opening my refrigerator. "What do you have in store for two hungry teenagers? Mmm, left over casserole...gack..." I opened the freezer and grinned when I found the strawberry ice-cream. "Yay! Strawberry ice-cream..."
Chris popped in some waffles in the toaster for us and I sat down at the table, beginning to eat the ice-cream with a large spoon. I always was addicted to strawberry ice-cream. Chris sat down across from me and watched me with amused eyes.
"Soooo," I said, once I had got something in my belly. I pushed the ice-cream box over to Chris who began to eat some. "That was more fun than I thought. Thank you."
Chris looked up at me and grinned. "For what?"
I shrugged. "Don't really know. Having a good time with me. I really did have a nice time—even with that whole Marlou run in."
Chris snickered. "Yep, it was fun. I'm glad you came with me."
I laughed. "Who else you think I'd go with?"
Chris shrugged, that ghostly smile of his gracing his features. Once again, I was blown away. It was quite pathetic actually, how he could just smile and I'd just...melt. Whenever he smiled, or even when he just looked at me, I knew that I wanted to always take care of him, always be there for him no matter what. No matter what, I would be there for him, even if we weren't together, I'd still always be Lark, and Chris would always be my best friend, and we'd always laugh and tease each other, and bicker. And I'd always love him. Always.
~*~*~
"Lark, you don't have to do this. I don't want you to do this. Please. Don't. Do. This."
I looked at Chris, amused and worried all at the same time. "Chris, I don't mind...I know what to expect...please?"
Chris sighed and looked at me as we stood on his front porch. He eyed me carefully and shook his head.
"I'm warning you—I swear..."
I shrugged helplessly. "Fine—if it's that serious, we don't have to...I just thought...you know, I don't know what I thought. I'll leave if you want, okay?
Chris looked at me pained. I knew what he was facing each time he came home—that beast of a father that had so tortured the boy before me. I wanted to cry and scream and kill all at the same time for all the pain that Chris' father had caused him. I wanted to make it all go away for Chris—if I could, I would take all the pain, leaving Chris unharmed. I looked into his eyes, reassuring him that I would be there for him. I needed to be there for Chris when he went home.
I understood why Chris didn't want me at his house—it was obvious. But I wanted to be there...I wanted to take the pain with Chris, he shouldn't be alone, and I didn't want him to be alone. All I wanted was to be with him for once, to let him know he didn't have to be afraid when he stepped into his home. He looked up at me, that innocent-aged look he gave me, like a little lost boy that wanted nothing more than to be held safely.
"Fine," he finally sighed. "But you know what to expect—I don't know why you want to do this..."
I sighed and looked sternly at him. "Listen to me Chris. You shouldn't have to be alone all the time—you shouldn't have to feel so worthless the way you do. You're not worthless. I'm trying to prove that to you—I...I care about you and I wish I could stop the pain."
Chris shook his head, his complexion becoming clammy. "You can't do anything for me, Lark. It's the way he is—he hates me and that's that. I've become numb to it all—that's what I have to do. I've just become numb."
"Chris," I said tiredly. "I want to go in there with you—I don't feel right leaving you to that. Leaving you to your doom. For Christ's sake, look at yourself! You look so...so lost, Chris! Don't—fine, come home with me, then, please? Just don't go in there alone!"
Chris raked his hands through his hair. "I'm always alone in that hell hole! I've gone through this before, my old man's in there, probably cussing off my ma, and he'll see me and ask where the hell I was, and he'll...goddamn he'll hit me—and how do I know he won't fucking hit you too? It's not safe!"
I felt tears come to my eyes and I swallowed them. I forced Chris to look at me. "Then don't go—please? Come with me, we can go for a walk or go to Gordie's or—"
Chris shook his head sternly. "I've got to go, okay? My mom needs me. Please, Lark, you have to understand. I don't care about the beatings, the scars, anymore...I just...you wouldn't understand...I feel so guilty leaving my family to him..."
I nodded, understanding, but wishing I didn't. I hated leaving him like this—that was why I wanted to go in with him in the first place. I wanted to be there for him...maybe I was just wrong. I was just being too naive—what was I thinking? I couldn't be there for someone who didn't want me there...but just the thought of leaving Chris to that...that monster made me want to cry.
I looked down as tears began to fall down my face. "Chris...I—I just hate how you...how he...plea—"My voice cracked and I wiped vigorously at my eyes with embarrassment. I didn't want Chris seeing me like this—he had no idea how much it hurt me when he got hurt...if he even knew the pain it caused me to see his scars, or to see him fall apart every time he left for home, if he even knew the fucking half of it...I began to shake.
"Please," I pleaded, looking up into his aged eyes. "Please don't go in there...I'm not saying this for me, I'm not being selfish...you deserve so much more than this Chris..."
Chris gently held my shoulders and made me look into his eyes. "Lark, I'll be fine—I always am...I just need to be home to look after my mom and brothers and sisters...that's my job as the older brother...I can't let him hurt them so..."
I cursed Chris for being so loyal and looked away. Perhaps I was being foolish...perhaps this all was some sick, fucked up dream that I needed so desperately for Chris to wake up. I opened my mouth to apologize, when we heard a crash from inside the house, then a muffled cry. Chris grimaced and I knew he needed to go in, but I was so scared for him.
"I—I don't want you to get hurt anymore Chris," I said softly, crying weakly. "Please don't think I'm foolish for crying, I just hate seeing you like this!"
Chris shook his head. "Lark, I have to go...I'll come by your house later okay? I'll call you, I promise."
I nodded weakly and reluctantly turned to leave. Chris gently gave me a kiss on the cheek and turned and opened the door to go in. I quickly walked off the porch and held my breath when I heard Mr. Chambers begin to yell at his son, and I heard more crashes and cries, and the soft 'thud' of flesh hitting ground. I closed my eyes tightly and my breathing was unsteady. I didn't want to leave...I couldn't leave...but I knew Chris wouldn't want me to stick around. Slowly I began to walk away from Chris and I couldn't help but cry feebly. The boy I loved was getting hurt and all I could do was walk away...I'd never felt so helpless.
And I'd never loved Chris more.
~*~*~
[Yes, this chapter was a bit awkward. The last part was meant to show how much Lark cares about Chris, but how little she can do to change what he goes through...it didn't come out exactly how I planned, but I didn't want Lark to come off selfish or cheesy. So please tell me if that was too cheesy or harsh...eeek feedback is gracious! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed that chapter, though it was painful to write. Anyways...I'm thinking of how the story should end. Not too many more chapters left, but just enough. Anywho, review please and take care! Love and Strawberries, The Good Girl.]