An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 2
Barbara's funeral is today.
I'm still in the bed, which is the couch in Barbara's living room, listening to Carter talk to the baby. He started calling her Bella yesterday. She's started fussing, and I an tell he's at a loss. He doesn't know what to do.
She's been so good, so content the last two days. He held her as much as humanly possible, and even let her sleep on his chest. She's so little, too little to understand what has happened. But she must know her mother is gone, the one person who was always there with her, taking care of her.
I'm really worried about Carter. He's lost his grandmother, his mother, and his sister within two weeks. He's inherited a family fortune, unfathomable family obligations, and now a baby, and he's never been around kids before, except in the ER and those come and go. This one is his. And he doesn't really know what to do with her.
Especially now. She's crying. He's pacing the small kitchen, trying to give her a bottle. She's not interested. She flails her little fists at him, and I think she would bop him on the nose if she could coordinate herself enough to do it.
She's only seven weeks old. Not even two months.
I think about getting up and helping him, but what would I do? I have more experience with babies because of my time as an OB nurse, but this is totally different. Carter needs to work through the rough spots for himself. I just don't know if it's fair to leave him on his own the day of the funeral.
He must be so torn up inside. He held himself together pretty well at his gamma's funeral, probably because his father was there and he would rather die than show any weakness to his father. His mother's body has already been sent back to Chicago to be buried there.
I wonder how much he can take before he breaks. He's going to break, I know he is. I can feel it in the air. I think that baby is the only thing that has kept it from happening already, because he's so focused on her.
"Come on, sweetheart. You've got to eat something. You haven't eaten since last night, I know you're hungry. Babies are supposed to eat every couple hours. It's been twelve." He tries again to put the bottle in her mouth. She jerks her head from side to side to refuse it. "I know your mama breast fed you, but I can't do that. This is the best I can do, honey. Please eat for me."
He looks, and sounds, like he's about to cry. I untangle my legs from the sheets and get up. I do what needs to be done in the bathroom, then head to the kitchen. He's sitting at the table with her, shifting her to his other arm.
"Carter, can I try?" I put my hand on his shoulder. He looks up at me, tears glistening in his eyes. He looks back down at the baby and nods but makes no move to hand her to me.
I take her gently out of his arms, and hold her against my breast. She stops fussing and looks up at me. Carter hands me the bottle, and I show it to her. She doesn't seem interested. Who can blame her? She can't ask, can't understand where her mother is. She only knows the one person she could always count on is gone.
I walk her to the window, mostly so I can look out. After a minute, I offer the bottle, and she takes it. I can see our reflection in the mirror, and Carter standing behind us. This is what it would be like if we had a child together. I hate that I feel disappointed the baby in my arms isn't ours.
I turn from the window to look at him. His eyes say so much more than words and I want to reach out to him. I want to take him in my arms and hold him to my chest. I want to stroke his hair and run my finger across his jaw. I want to kiss him and surrender to him.
He takes a step toward me and I know he's feeling the same things I am.
He puts his arms around my waist and lays his cheek against my shoulder. One hand comes up to ret on Bella. I feel the energy surrounding us like an electric current.
* * * * * * * * *
He holds her through out the funeral. I sit beside him with my hand on his arm, my fingers occasionally twitching to touch the baby's head. Carter stares straight ahead, listening to the preacher.
There is a small gathering of people behind us. I wonder who they are. Friends? Co-workers? No family, other than Carter. His father, Barbara's father, couldn't even make it. No one from their mother's family wanted to make the trip to Switzerland. Kind of reminds me of my own family. No one really cares enough to go out of the way for anyone else.
I wonder how Carter turned out the way he did. Born into wealth, raised mostly by hired help because his parents were more interested in themselves instead of their children, he should have been as angry and bitter and self-centered as the rest of them. But he doesn't care about the money.
His brother died when they were just kids, which pushed his parents even further away from him, and left him with a gaping hole in his heart. I'm not sure he ever really got over Bobby's death. I know that's why he went into medicine, against the wishes of his family. He wanted to help people.
He and his sister never got along, especially after Bobby died. Barbara inherited the basic Carter mindset: take care of number one and don't waste your time worrying about who you have to step on to do it. But even she broke away from the family as soon as she could.
How did he turn out to be so sweet, so caring, so sensitive? He's the most emotional man I know, and the only man I have ever known who isn't afraid to cry in front of me. Luka kept everything bottled up, Richard found other outlets. There were others, too many to name, too many to remember. But not one ever cried with me or let me hold them or comfort them or just be with them.
Seems kind of morbid to realize just how much I love him at his sister's funeral, but right now I don't think I could love him more. He is so beautiful, and he looks so perfect holding the baby.
As soon as the service is done, he takes Bella to the casket. I want to stand with him, but I think he needs a few minutes alone with the baby and his sister.
* * * * * * * * *
Go on. Use the review button. You know you want to. Just a few seconds, a few words to stroke my ego ;) Please?
Chapter 2
Barbara's funeral is today.
I'm still in the bed, which is the couch in Barbara's living room, listening to Carter talk to the baby. He started calling her Bella yesterday. She's started fussing, and I an tell he's at a loss. He doesn't know what to do.
She's been so good, so content the last two days. He held her as much as humanly possible, and even let her sleep on his chest. She's so little, too little to understand what has happened. But she must know her mother is gone, the one person who was always there with her, taking care of her.
I'm really worried about Carter. He's lost his grandmother, his mother, and his sister within two weeks. He's inherited a family fortune, unfathomable family obligations, and now a baby, and he's never been around kids before, except in the ER and those come and go. This one is his. And he doesn't really know what to do with her.
Especially now. She's crying. He's pacing the small kitchen, trying to give her a bottle. She's not interested. She flails her little fists at him, and I think she would bop him on the nose if she could coordinate herself enough to do it.
She's only seven weeks old. Not even two months.
I think about getting up and helping him, but what would I do? I have more experience with babies because of my time as an OB nurse, but this is totally different. Carter needs to work through the rough spots for himself. I just don't know if it's fair to leave him on his own the day of the funeral.
He must be so torn up inside. He held himself together pretty well at his gamma's funeral, probably because his father was there and he would rather die than show any weakness to his father. His mother's body has already been sent back to Chicago to be buried there.
I wonder how much he can take before he breaks. He's going to break, I know he is. I can feel it in the air. I think that baby is the only thing that has kept it from happening already, because he's so focused on her.
"Come on, sweetheart. You've got to eat something. You haven't eaten since last night, I know you're hungry. Babies are supposed to eat every couple hours. It's been twelve." He tries again to put the bottle in her mouth. She jerks her head from side to side to refuse it. "I know your mama breast fed you, but I can't do that. This is the best I can do, honey. Please eat for me."
He looks, and sounds, like he's about to cry. I untangle my legs from the sheets and get up. I do what needs to be done in the bathroom, then head to the kitchen. He's sitting at the table with her, shifting her to his other arm.
"Carter, can I try?" I put my hand on his shoulder. He looks up at me, tears glistening in his eyes. He looks back down at the baby and nods but makes no move to hand her to me.
I take her gently out of his arms, and hold her against my breast. She stops fussing and looks up at me. Carter hands me the bottle, and I show it to her. She doesn't seem interested. Who can blame her? She can't ask, can't understand where her mother is. She only knows the one person she could always count on is gone.
I walk her to the window, mostly so I can look out. After a minute, I offer the bottle, and she takes it. I can see our reflection in the mirror, and Carter standing behind us. This is what it would be like if we had a child together. I hate that I feel disappointed the baby in my arms isn't ours.
I turn from the window to look at him. His eyes say so much more than words and I want to reach out to him. I want to take him in my arms and hold him to my chest. I want to stroke his hair and run my finger across his jaw. I want to kiss him and surrender to him.
He takes a step toward me and I know he's feeling the same things I am.
He puts his arms around my waist and lays his cheek against my shoulder. One hand comes up to ret on Bella. I feel the energy surrounding us like an electric current.
* * * * * * * * *
He holds her through out the funeral. I sit beside him with my hand on his arm, my fingers occasionally twitching to touch the baby's head. Carter stares straight ahead, listening to the preacher.
There is a small gathering of people behind us. I wonder who they are. Friends? Co-workers? No family, other than Carter. His father, Barbara's father, couldn't even make it. No one from their mother's family wanted to make the trip to Switzerland. Kind of reminds me of my own family. No one really cares enough to go out of the way for anyone else.
I wonder how Carter turned out the way he did. Born into wealth, raised mostly by hired help because his parents were more interested in themselves instead of their children, he should have been as angry and bitter and self-centered as the rest of them. But he doesn't care about the money.
His brother died when they were just kids, which pushed his parents even further away from him, and left him with a gaping hole in his heart. I'm not sure he ever really got over Bobby's death. I know that's why he went into medicine, against the wishes of his family. He wanted to help people.
He and his sister never got along, especially after Bobby died. Barbara inherited the basic Carter mindset: take care of number one and don't waste your time worrying about who you have to step on to do it. But even she broke away from the family as soon as she could.
How did he turn out to be so sweet, so caring, so sensitive? He's the most emotional man I know, and the only man I have ever known who isn't afraid to cry in front of me. Luka kept everything bottled up, Richard found other outlets. There were others, too many to name, too many to remember. But not one ever cried with me or let me hold them or comfort them or just be with them.
Seems kind of morbid to realize just how much I love him at his sister's funeral, but right now I don't think I could love him more. He is so beautiful, and he looks so perfect holding the baby.
As soon as the service is done, he takes Bella to the casket. I want to stand with him, but I think he needs a few minutes alone with the baby and his sister.
* * * * * * * * *
Go on. Use the review button. You know you want to. Just a few seconds, a few words to stroke my ego ;) Please?