I saw a bright light. I thought I was in heaven. I saw a tunnel and then.. it all became black again. And I couldn't feel anything. Then my eyes opened, and I was in a white room, with all kinds of electric machines. Oh no, I fucked up!! I didn't die. I truly hated myself for this. But then I looked to the end of the bed. There was lying someone with his head on the bed. I couldn't move but I could speak softly. I couldn't see very well, but I thought it was my mum lying there. "Mum ,mum,wake up," I said, and I saw the face moving. When it came closer to me I saw it wasn't mum. It was Susan. I couldn't talk to her right now. I couldn't see her. I didn't want to see her. I can't believe she's here. After all I've done to her, after the letter I wrote.

I heard something and lifted my head up. Mark was awake. "It's alright Mark, I'm right here with you." And I hold his hand. But he pulled it back. "What's wrong Mark?" But he didn't even looked at me. I didn't know what was going on. "Mark, is everything OK? Mark? For fuck's sake say something!" I yelled. I was scared of myself. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mark, just say something to me, please." But I didn't hear anything. I began to cry and asked him, if the things that were in the letter were true. He still didn't say anything but I saw he was blushing. He was just to scared to say something.

Oh no, why is she here? I asked myself. She probably got the letter I wrote to her. I truly mean everything I write, but I'm just not good at saying it. So I just pretend that I don't hear or see her. But when she asks me about the letter, my cheeks are blushing.

"Mark, you don't have to be shy about the letter, I thought it was really sweet. And, I forgive you for the things you've done to me. I really love you." I said to him and I put my mask off and kissed him on the cheek. His face was still watching to the other side of the room, but when I said that, he turned my way and I saw that he was crying. And I kissed him again. And then he began to speak to me slowly. "I don't deserve you Susan, you're too good for me, I'm a drugaddict you know. And you're so sweet and I feel things inside but I can't say them to you. And all the things I've written in the letter are true and..." I tried to calm him down but he went crazy. "And I want to go off the shite, I want to move on with you and get a nice house and do all the things that Lou Reed sings about and.." He stopped speaking and took a deep breathe. "And.. I love you." And he kissed me.
Two days later he got fired from the hospital and he moved in with me. He was trying to get off of the smack.