It's six 'o clock in the morning and I'm on my way to the clinic to get my first three doses of methadon. I couldn't wait any longer. This afternoon I am going to the pub with Susan and my mum and dad. I think Susan knows that I told her lies about my dad, because she liked the idea of going to the pub with them. I finally get in the bus and 10 minutes later I'm at the clinic. I get three clean needles and 3 little bottles of methadon. I get outside the clinic and sit down on a bench. I take off my coat and inject the first dose. Then the next and the last one. And now I have 23 hours to go until my next shot. It's not enough. I take the bus to Susan's house and cook her some breakfast. We did grocery's that morning and watched a movie. And now it's time to go to the pub.

My parents are already there when me and Susan arrive. We talk about music and football and my mum keeps saying to Susan that she is so thankful that she got me in this program and that I finally get off the smack. But I'm not listening to her. The only thing I can think of is a hit. And it's even worse than the last time I had that. I had to do something, and I had to do it now. So I said that I had to go to the toilet, but instead of going there, I went trough the fire-exit. I had to go to Swanney. For one hit. One fucking hit, to get us over this long, hard day. I climb on some beerbarrels and then on a wall and throw myself off it. I run to the busstation and get a bus to Swanney. I arrive at Swanney's and ask for a hit. I pay and he serves me. I take the needle and think. Should I do it or shouldn't I? I do it. I inject it and it's the best stuff I've ever had. I feel like I'm flying.

After a couple of minutes Swanney gets me down the stairs and outside his house. He had called a cab for me to the hospital. I didn't know that because I was somewhere on cloud nine. Swanney throws me in the cab and puts some money in my pocket for the taxidriver. The cabdriver throws me out of his taxi when we arrive at the emergency entrance and then rides away. Two nurses got me on a stretcher and ride with me through the hospital and I see all these people looking at me. Then a nurse hangs over me and keeps screaming "wake up, wake up." " Oh fuck off bitch, I'm feeling fantastic right now," I think. But she injects something into me and I'm launched back into the world. About half an hour later I see my mum and dad and Susan coming into the room. I can see Susan has been crying and my dad looks extremely angry. My mum doesn't look at me. I know, it's wrong what I did, but I needed it so bad. Dad calls a cab and Susan and mum help me with walking to it.

And there we sit. The four of us in the cab. I have absolutely no idea where we are going to. But I will soon notice that we are going to my parents place. My dad pays the cabdriver and my mum and Susan bring me to my old room. It's still the same wallpaper. Little cars all around my room. They put me on the bed and my mum leaves the room. Susan get's my shoes off and my coat and t-shirt and puts an old shirt of my father on me. She puts the sheets over me and gives me a kiss. And she says that she's disappointed in me and that she wants me to get off the shite. And then she walks away. And when she closes the door I hear the extra locks on the door.

About ten minutes later the door opens again and my mum and dad come in with some soup. I'm absolutely not hungry so I turn my head away. "We will help you son," says my mum. "I don't want any help, I just need a shot," I think. I ask my mum if she can bring me to the clinic but she refuses. " You're staying here where we can keep an eye on you," she says. I get angry. " I really appreciate what you guys are doing," I said, " but I just need one more score you know, just bring me one more hit." My parents are walking to the door. " I need one more fucking hit!!" I'm screaming,"You fuck!!" and when I hear the locks again I think Shit!! and then it begins. The junky limbo. Too ill to sleep, too tired to stay awake. Sweat, chills, nausea, pain and craving. I close my eyes and open them immediately. And then I get a fucking headache. And I hear Sick Boy talking. I put my head above the sheets and he's sitting there on a chair and my mum is standing next to him and he's saying stuff about quiting with the shite. If I had the strength I would have killed the fucking cunt. Like he has never used heroin. I put my head back under the sheets and stay there for a long time. But than I wake up and I hear somebody's singing. It's Susan. She's sitting on my bed. Slowly her face is turning into a skeleton. It's the scariest thing I've ever seen. I scream so loud that the glass with water is almost breaking.