"Gordie! What a pleasant surprise!"
Gordie stood on his porch, leaning against the door archway and arched an eyebrow at me, amusement evident in his dark features. "Err Lark—you knocked up for me."
I sighed and shrugged. "Eh—so? Can I come in or are you going to make me stand out here all afternoon in the freezing cold?"
Gordie grinned his tired grin and my stomach dropped. I felt suddenly so bad—for some reason, I felt that Gordie had grown apart from Chris and I ever since we'd started going out. Sure, it was inevitable that Chris and I were together a bit more—but I couldn't help but feel...guilty? Maybe, but I knew I didn't like what I felt. Gordie was always there, always there to offer a smile, to talk to, to reassure you that you were his best friend...to make you just feel better. But what happened when that person—Gordie—was the one who needed to feel better? I suddenly felt selfish for all the years of our friendship I'd wasted away complaining about my life, when Gordie was there, listening. God, I loved him, and I wish he knew just how much sometimes. Gordie needed reminding—he needed people to know he loved him. He needed love.
"It's not very cold out," Gordie observed, smirking at me. "Winters almost ever—reckon spring's just around the corner."
I smiled—honestly, I couldn't wait for spring. Spring and summer. The days were longer, the outside was welcome, flowers bloomed, tans were fresh—it was just great. I loved being outside every day in the summer, sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade—anything really. Summer was a time when we could just be...innocent again. Forget about everything that went on in our lives, everything annoying and depressing that formed us into the people we are. Summer was a time for relaxation—a time to be young again. A time to shine.
"Can I come in?" I asked, grinning now. Gordie smiled his warm, slightly quirky, smile and shrugged, moving aside to let me in.
"Why thank you," I said happily, as he closed the door behind us.
Gordie's house was—empty to say the least. Sure, there was furniture and a TV and things like that—but it was empty. Old. Creaky. Lonely. I didn't go over Gordie's much, mainly because it wasn't a happy place to be. Gordie usually came to my house. A cold, bitter feeling immediately washed over me and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad—all the pictures hanging on the walls of Denny and the LaChance family before that horrible accident. It was so...depressing. There was no other word for it. It was bright in his house, but somehow, it was so dark. Stepping into the living room I suddenly recalled why I hardly came to the LaChance home. It was absolutely deprived of love and happiness.
"Want to go to my room?" Gordie asked. I nodded, happy to get out of the downstairs. We made our way silently to his bedroom and once inside the room, I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding. I was happy I didn't have to face Mr. or Mrs. LaChance. Mr. LaChance was a burly man, a permanent scowl etched across his once handsome face, and Mrs. LaChance, a fake smile plastered across her lovely but tainted features. It hurt to be near them—every time I heard them speak I couldn't help but be reminded of Denny and that led me to be reminded of how miserable Gordie was and that led me to be angry at how Mr. and Mrs. LaChance treated him. Overall, I didn't like their company much.
"So what brings you here?" Gordie asked me, sitting down on his bed, looking through a magazine that had been thrown on his bed. I hopped on top of his desk and sighed, looking at him.
"I haven't talked to you for days," I said. "It feels so much longer. I needed to talk to you."
Gordie grinned. "I feel touched."
"You should," I said, grinning. I sighed and searched my brain for something to talk about with Gordie. I suddenly remembered several months ago at the dance and Mary Louise and then his date—forget her name again—and I suddenly realized I'd never found it if Mary Louise and Gordie worked things out or what the hell his love situation was.
"Hey—did you ever talk to Mary Louise?" I asked. Gordie immediately looked up at the mention of her name and a sudden weariness crept along his features. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. I frowned and wondered what was up.
"Yes."
I arched an eyebrow, waiting for more. But Gordie didn't further his answer so I took it upon myself to find out what this guy was hiding from me.
"Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddd?" I pried.
Gordie grinned tiredly. "And what? There's nothing to be said. We're done—broken up. That's that. I've moved on. We're—okay I guess."
I frowned. "You guess? Are you talking?"
Gordie shrugged. "I don't know. Why are we talking about Mary Louise—I honestly have no interest."
I shrugged and cracked my knuckles, much to Gordie's disgust. He could be such a girl sometimes...sigh. "Um, fine. Who do you want to talk about?"
Gordie grinned lazily, leaning back on his bed. He put his hands behind his head and I hopped off the desk, immediately interested. I jumped onto his bed and giggled when he yelped.
"Oooh Gordie, who is it?"
"Who's what?"
"Who's 'it'!"
"Who's WHAT?"
I sighed and leaned on my elbows, looking down at Gordie, who was laying the opposite way as me. He looked up at me, an amused look on his face I couldn't help but laugh a bit.
"Who's your next...victim," I said. Gordie rolled his eyes.
"I like someone."
"No shit Gordie," I said, now rolling my eyes. Can guys be any slower? Damn morons. "Who is this someone?!"
Gordie laughed at my aggravation and sighed happily. "Jenny."
I raised my eyebrows for a moment, slightly let down by his answer. Jenny was the girl he'd brought to the dance and honestly, I hadn't liked her. She was very perky and bubbly, with light brown hair and cheery green eyes. She was always so...smile-y and...Hey-y! I just found her a bit annoying. Gordie noticed my discomfort and frowned.
"What's wrong with her?" He asked sharpness in his voice. I cringed at his tone—I hated that tone.
"Nothings WRONG with her," I said, shrugging. "If you like her, that's great Gordie. You should be happy—if you like her, then I like her." I offered a warm smile and was relieved when he returned it, however, his eyes continued to stay skeptical.
"I like her," he said to me. "You don't have to like her; I don't need your permission. But I like her. I'm not going out with her or anything; I'm taking it slow this time."
I grinned again, hoping I hadn't set Gordie in one of his 'moods.' "That's good...I hope it works out for you."
Gordie sighed and smiled at me, and this time I knew this smile was genuine. "I hope so."
I sighed and flopped down, laying my head on his shoulder. "If it doesn't I'll beat her up."
Gordie laughed and looked down at me. "Rrrright..."
"You deserve someone who can take care of you," I told him, not really caring if he cared or not. "You deserve someone who will love you for you."
Gordie sighed and shrugged. "I hope so..."
I nodded and played with my fingers. I wanted Gordie to know that I did love him, that I would always be there for him not matter what—now matter if he drifted apart, or if we changed in the future. I'd always be there for him, he was like my brother, and I couldn't imagine my life without him.
That was the power Gordie had over people—the same power Denny had. The same power that left everyone around them longing for more—and that power...that was Gordie.
~*~*~
Life sometimes takes surprising turns, and when we least expect it. It's kind of crazy how the world works...it's like everything around me is sleeping, and then one day...everything just kind of wakes up. Sometimes the things we do when we aren't even thinking have the greatest effect on us, whether we like it or not. If I had never kissed Chris, I would never be with him, which is kind of scary but amazing at the same time. I had never had a boyfriend in my life, just a bunch of guy friends. So I think sometimes...how in the hell did I get a guy? Am I living in some kind of quirky fairy tale with a sick and twisted ending? I didn't know how I got the guy—how I got the guy I've always loved for my whole life. Was it luck? Perhaps...Fate? Doubt it...id idn't know what it was, and a part of me didn't want to know, but at the same time I couldn't help but be curious. How did I get the guy?
So it all comes down to this, when I think about it. My life isn't perfect—far from it. I'm not especially pretty...a few nice features, that's about it. I don't have a tall, thin, or even petite body...I'm just me. Lark. I'm not very sweet, and I say things before I think about them. I'm not perfect, who is in this fucked up world? I have so many flaws, but somehow, love blinds them all...for in my eyes, Chris hadn't one single flaw.
And so I've come to the conclusion that my life is a fairy-tale, but not the kind that my mother read to me when I was five. No...it's kind of like a disturbed child's fairy tale. There's the good guy, Gordie...There's the hopeless fool, me. There's the suave prince everyone loves, Chris. And there's the bad guys...not really bad guys...more so the real world. When you reach a certain age, goblins and trolls stop being the bad guys. Instead it's peers, homework, pressure, angst...it's all of these things. And I can't escape them—it's like there's always a dark shadow hovering...tainting the world around me. But through this darkness, through this inner storm of ire and wrath, there is a light, if you look hard enough. And this light...this light is so strong—this light can kill of any evil without even harming it. This light is what you wake up for in the morning, this light is what gives you the will to go to school and endure the mindless immature freaks dubbed our social peers, this light is what you live for. This light is whatever you see it to be. A parent, a friend, a sibling, a love. For me...this light...this light is him.
For the greater part of my life I lived in the darkness—always watching from the outside in, never really experiencing anything for myself. It's sculpted me into the person I am, it's changed my life, it's MADE my life. But then—I dunno, it's like a wake up call. I woke up and realized I wasn't going to sit around any longer and watch everything happen—and that was when I kissed Chris that first evening on the dirt road. He was my light, and I knew if I didn't keep it burning, it'd die out.
So why am I boring you with this insight and rather annoying soliloquy? Because I've discovered something...not all stories have happy endings. Not all stories have bad endings. I don't know what the ending to the story of my life, Lark, will be. I've discovered that life just goes and goes, and we have to go with it or we'll be left in the dust. I've figured that I can't live my life from afar, I won't sit down any longer. I will stand up, and everyone will hear my voice, whether they want to or not. My voice will be heard, and I will not have any regrets. And I don't know how my story will end...but I do know...that when it does...I won't look back once.
~*~*~
"Chris?"
"Hm?"
"Can...can I ask you a question?"
Chris looked up at me as we sat up in the tree we'd climbed so many times when we were little. It was in the middle of a vast field, and sometimes I'd just go out there to think, relax, get away from home, anything. Chris and I sat on the tree, watching the sky slowly turn pink and a few butterflies dance around. Spring was beautiful...the snow had all melted away several weeks before leaving little kids angry but I delighted. I didn't like the snow—it left me feeling morbid. But the spring...I didn't want it to end.
"Depends on what the question is," Chris said grinning. He looked over at me, several locks of his hair falling lazily over his right eye. What did I do to deserve this beautiful individual beside me?
"I..." I trailed off, wondering exactly how to word the question that haunted me so many days, everyday. "Listen, at the risk of sounding melodramatic and farfetched, I need to ask you something, and please, please, please don't get mad at me."
Chris looked at me amused, snatching a dead leaf from the tree and crumpling it in his hands. "Okay."
"It's just...it's just that...I've been thinking."
"Oh no..."
I swatted his shoulder. "Hey, I'm pouring my heart out here!" I rolled my eyes but smirked nonetheless. "Okay. Well...it's just...you're the first person I've ever truly cared about like this and...it's just...there's so many girls out there who are so much prettier than me and nicer than me who'd love to have you as their boyfriend—and...well...I mean, I'm just afraid that you'll run off to a prettier girl...oh I know this sounds so lame and foolish!"
I put my head in my hands and wondered why I had even brought this up. I just needed to know. I had to know—but how could I know? How did I know Chris wouldn't run off with a pretty girl who was sweet and nice and forget about me? It hurt my heart to think about it, but I couldn't help it. I felt so foolish.
"Uh Lark," Chris said. I looked up at him through spread fingers. "I'm not gonna run off to some girl just because they are pretty."
I took a long, deep rattling breath, and I was afraid I'd start crying. He just didn't see it—how could I take his word for it?
"But—but you say that...I get so scared! I—it's...I've never had something as special as you before in my life and I don't want to lose it!" My voice was definitely cracking and uneven. It had that quaver people get before they start crying—right before they start crying. I was afraid I'd start crying...I couldn't cry. I didn't want Chris to be upset.
"Isn't my word good enough?" Chris asked. I looked up into his eyes shamefully. He set his jaw in a tight line. "I knew this was going to happen—I fucking knew it. How could you think that I'd dump you and go off to someone just for sex appeal? I fucking knew this was going to happen—it's because of my rep at school, isn't it? Man, I thought you were different Lark..."
This was what I hoped would not have happened. I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut...why did I have to ask dumb questions and feel sorry for myself? It was true that I couldn't help but feel a bit forlorn ...who wouldn't feel cautious? Chris had been with many a girl and how did I know he would just suddenly stop his whorish ways for me? That was asking a lot for a seventeen year old boy...but I saw the hurt in his eyes and my heart immediately broke.
"Chris!" I said shakily...I felt the burning behind my eyes and knew I was so close to crying. "You said you weren't going to get mad at me!"
Chris rolled his eyes and glared at me. He began to descend the tree and I couldn't let him go down.
"Wait!" I said, grabbing onto his arm. "Please—listen to me. I can't help it, Chris! I care about you and I'm just afraid you don't care about me half as much! It's just—I'm sorry, please don't be upset!"
Chris sighed angrily and looked at me. "Listen Lark, I'm going to say this again, and I'm only going to say it once. I. Love. You. I am not gonna run off to some other girl just because they are pretty. I do care about you, and if that's not enough than I don't know what is."
I shook my head and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry for asking the question—I dunno why I did...I just...I really don't want to lose you. I get hurt a lot."
Chris looked at me and his face fell slightly, but he recovered and leaned back into the tree. "You're not gonna lose me, I'm not going anywhere. So stop freaking out."
I sighed and sat across from him, feeling embarrassed and stupid. I rubbed my eyes and looked into the sky, wishing things were less complicated. I really did love Chris, but it was just too unreal for me. It was strange and amazing and scary and unreal. But I embraced it—all I cared about was Chris, and I had him. So why did I have to doubt his trust? Sometimes I could really confuse myself.
"Sorry," I mumbled, after a few moments. Chris shrugged and seemed disgruntled.
"I shouldn't have freaked out...I guess I see where you're coming from. But Lark, I do love you."
I smiled tentatively and looked back into the sky. "I know..."
It had been a weird night...Chris and our argument was so pointless looking back on it—I should have never brought it up. I needed to go with the flow...and you know, if Chris did ever break up with me, there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I just needed to love him while I had him.
We sat there in silence as the rest of the sky turned pink, and I just thought about Chris and me...how I was in love with him, and how I'd never been in love...and how so damn lucky I felt to have him...
And the sun set.
~*~*~
[Wow, sorry for the delay on that chappie. It was a bit confusing to write—I don't really know what it was about. I do know that there are only like 2 chapters left for this story. I'm trying to think about how to end it and whether or not I should do an epilogue. Let me know what you think! Epilogue—not epilogue? And I'm kind of stumped on an ending—thanks to Chelsea (storm shadow) for help with that!! I have like two ways to end it but I don't know how, and I'm thinking of going with the more easier ending, just because it fits my story. I'm trying my best to not make this story clichéd, so let me know if it is. Review! Yay...]
Gordie stood on his porch, leaning against the door archway and arched an eyebrow at me, amusement evident in his dark features. "Err Lark—you knocked up for me."
I sighed and shrugged. "Eh—so? Can I come in or are you going to make me stand out here all afternoon in the freezing cold?"
Gordie grinned his tired grin and my stomach dropped. I felt suddenly so bad—for some reason, I felt that Gordie had grown apart from Chris and I ever since we'd started going out. Sure, it was inevitable that Chris and I were together a bit more—but I couldn't help but feel...guilty? Maybe, but I knew I didn't like what I felt. Gordie was always there, always there to offer a smile, to talk to, to reassure you that you were his best friend...to make you just feel better. But what happened when that person—Gordie—was the one who needed to feel better? I suddenly felt selfish for all the years of our friendship I'd wasted away complaining about my life, when Gordie was there, listening. God, I loved him, and I wish he knew just how much sometimes. Gordie needed reminding—he needed people to know he loved him. He needed love.
"It's not very cold out," Gordie observed, smirking at me. "Winters almost ever—reckon spring's just around the corner."
I smiled—honestly, I couldn't wait for spring. Spring and summer. The days were longer, the outside was welcome, flowers bloomed, tans were fresh—it was just great. I loved being outside every day in the summer, sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade—anything really. Summer was a time when we could just be...innocent again. Forget about everything that went on in our lives, everything annoying and depressing that formed us into the people we are. Summer was a time for relaxation—a time to be young again. A time to shine.
"Can I come in?" I asked, grinning now. Gordie smiled his warm, slightly quirky, smile and shrugged, moving aside to let me in.
"Why thank you," I said happily, as he closed the door behind us.
Gordie's house was—empty to say the least. Sure, there was furniture and a TV and things like that—but it was empty. Old. Creaky. Lonely. I didn't go over Gordie's much, mainly because it wasn't a happy place to be. Gordie usually came to my house. A cold, bitter feeling immediately washed over me and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad—all the pictures hanging on the walls of Denny and the LaChance family before that horrible accident. It was so...depressing. There was no other word for it. It was bright in his house, but somehow, it was so dark. Stepping into the living room I suddenly recalled why I hardly came to the LaChance home. It was absolutely deprived of love and happiness.
"Want to go to my room?" Gordie asked. I nodded, happy to get out of the downstairs. We made our way silently to his bedroom and once inside the room, I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding. I was happy I didn't have to face Mr. or Mrs. LaChance. Mr. LaChance was a burly man, a permanent scowl etched across his once handsome face, and Mrs. LaChance, a fake smile plastered across her lovely but tainted features. It hurt to be near them—every time I heard them speak I couldn't help but be reminded of Denny and that led me to be reminded of how miserable Gordie was and that led me to be angry at how Mr. and Mrs. LaChance treated him. Overall, I didn't like their company much.
"So what brings you here?" Gordie asked me, sitting down on his bed, looking through a magazine that had been thrown on his bed. I hopped on top of his desk and sighed, looking at him.
"I haven't talked to you for days," I said. "It feels so much longer. I needed to talk to you."
Gordie grinned. "I feel touched."
"You should," I said, grinning. I sighed and searched my brain for something to talk about with Gordie. I suddenly remembered several months ago at the dance and Mary Louise and then his date—forget her name again—and I suddenly realized I'd never found it if Mary Louise and Gordie worked things out or what the hell his love situation was.
"Hey—did you ever talk to Mary Louise?" I asked. Gordie immediately looked up at the mention of her name and a sudden weariness crept along his features. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. I frowned and wondered what was up.
"Yes."
I arched an eyebrow, waiting for more. But Gordie didn't further his answer so I took it upon myself to find out what this guy was hiding from me.
"Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddd?" I pried.
Gordie grinned tiredly. "And what? There's nothing to be said. We're done—broken up. That's that. I've moved on. We're—okay I guess."
I frowned. "You guess? Are you talking?"
Gordie shrugged. "I don't know. Why are we talking about Mary Louise—I honestly have no interest."
I shrugged and cracked my knuckles, much to Gordie's disgust. He could be such a girl sometimes...sigh. "Um, fine. Who do you want to talk about?"
Gordie grinned lazily, leaning back on his bed. He put his hands behind his head and I hopped off the desk, immediately interested. I jumped onto his bed and giggled when he yelped.
"Oooh Gordie, who is it?"
"Who's what?"
"Who's 'it'!"
"Who's WHAT?"
I sighed and leaned on my elbows, looking down at Gordie, who was laying the opposite way as me. He looked up at me, an amused look on his face I couldn't help but laugh a bit.
"Who's your next...victim," I said. Gordie rolled his eyes.
"I like someone."
"No shit Gordie," I said, now rolling my eyes. Can guys be any slower? Damn morons. "Who is this someone?!"
Gordie laughed at my aggravation and sighed happily. "Jenny."
I raised my eyebrows for a moment, slightly let down by his answer. Jenny was the girl he'd brought to the dance and honestly, I hadn't liked her. She was very perky and bubbly, with light brown hair and cheery green eyes. She was always so...smile-y and...Hey-y! I just found her a bit annoying. Gordie noticed my discomfort and frowned.
"What's wrong with her?" He asked sharpness in his voice. I cringed at his tone—I hated that tone.
"Nothings WRONG with her," I said, shrugging. "If you like her, that's great Gordie. You should be happy—if you like her, then I like her." I offered a warm smile and was relieved when he returned it, however, his eyes continued to stay skeptical.
"I like her," he said to me. "You don't have to like her; I don't need your permission. But I like her. I'm not going out with her or anything; I'm taking it slow this time."
I grinned again, hoping I hadn't set Gordie in one of his 'moods.' "That's good...I hope it works out for you."
Gordie sighed and smiled at me, and this time I knew this smile was genuine. "I hope so."
I sighed and flopped down, laying my head on his shoulder. "If it doesn't I'll beat her up."
Gordie laughed and looked down at me. "Rrrright..."
"You deserve someone who can take care of you," I told him, not really caring if he cared or not. "You deserve someone who will love you for you."
Gordie sighed and shrugged. "I hope so..."
I nodded and played with my fingers. I wanted Gordie to know that I did love him, that I would always be there for him not matter what—now matter if he drifted apart, or if we changed in the future. I'd always be there for him, he was like my brother, and I couldn't imagine my life without him.
That was the power Gordie had over people—the same power Denny had. The same power that left everyone around them longing for more—and that power...that was Gordie.
~*~*~
Life sometimes takes surprising turns, and when we least expect it. It's kind of crazy how the world works...it's like everything around me is sleeping, and then one day...everything just kind of wakes up. Sometimes the things we do when we aren't even thinking have the greatest effect on us, whether we like it or not. If I had never kissed Chris, I would never be with him, which is kind of scary but amazing at the same time. I had never had a boyfriend in my life, just a bunch of guy friends. So I think sometimes...how in the hell did I get a guy? Am I living in some kind of quirky fairy tale with a sick and twisted ending? I didn't know how I got the guy—how I got the guy I've always loved for my whole life. Was it luck? Perhaps...Fate? Doubt it...id idn't know what it was, and a part of me didn't want to know, but at the same time I couldn't help but be curious. How did I get the guy?
So it all comes down to this, when I think about it. My life isn't perfect—far from it. I'm not especially pretty...a few nice features, that's about it. I don't have a tall, thin, or even petite body...I'm just me. Lark. I'm not very sweet, and I say things before I think about them. I'm not perfect, who is in this fucked up world? I have so many flaws, but somehow, love blinds them all...for in my eyes, Chris hadn't one single flaw.
And so I've come to the conclusion that my life is a fairy-tale, but not the kind that my mother read to me when I was five. No...it's kind of like a disturbed child's fairy tale. There's the good guy, Gordie...There's the hopeless fool, me. There's the suave prince everyone loves, Chris. And there's the bad guys...not really bad guys...more so the real world. When you reach a certain age, goblins and trolls stop being the bad guys. Instead it's peers, homework, pressure, angst...it's all of these things. And I can't escape them—it's like there's always a dark shadow hovering...tainting the world around me. But through this darkness, through this inner storm of ire and wrath, there is a light, if you look hard enough. And this light...this light is so strong—this light can kill of any evil without even harming it. This light is what you wake up for in the morning, this light is what gives you the will to go to school and endure the mindless immature freaks dubbed our social peers, this light is what you live for. This light is whatever you see it to be. A parent, a friend, a sibling, a love. For me...this light...this light is him.
For the greater part of my life I lived in the darkness—always watching from the outside in, never really experiencing anything for myself. It's sculpted me into the person I am, it's changed my life, it's MADE my life. But then—I dunno, it's like a wake up call. I woke up and realized I wasn't going to sit around any longer and watch everything happen—and that was when I kissed Chris that first evening on the dirt road. He was my light, and I knew if I didn't keep it burning, it'd die out.
So why am I boring you with this insight and rather annoying soliloquy? Because I've discovered something...not all stories have happy endings. Not all stories have bad endings. I don't know what the ending to the story of my life, Lark, will be. I've discovered that life just goes and goes, and we have to go with it or we'll be left in the dust. I've figured that I can't live my life from afar, I won't sit down any longer. I will stand up, and everyone will hear my voice, whether they want to or not. My voice will be heard, and I will not have any regrets. And I don't know how my story will end...but I do know...that when it does...I won't look back once.
~*~*~
"Chris?"
"Hm?"
"Can...can I ask you a question?"
Chris looked up at me as we sat up in the tree we'd climbed so many times when we were little. It was in the middle of a vast field, and sometimes I'd just go out there to think, relax, get away from home, anything. Chris and I sat on the tree, watching the sky slowly turn pink and a few butterflies dance around. Spring was beautiful...the snow had all melted away several weeks before leaving little kids angry but I delighted. I didn't like the snow—it left me feeling morbid. But the spring...I didn't want it to end.
"Depends on what the question is," Chris said grinning. He looked over at me, several locks of his hair falling lazily over his right eye. What did I do to deserve this beautiful individual beside me?
"I..." I trailed off, wondering exactly how to word the question that haunted me so many days, everyday. "Listen, at the risk of sounding melodramatic and farfetched, I need to ask you something, and please, please, please don't get mad at me."
Chris looked at me amused, snatching a dead leaf from the tree and crumpling it in his hands. "Okay."
"It's just...it's just that...I've been thinking."
"Oh no..."
I swatted his shoulder. "Hey, I'm pouring my heart out here!" I rolled my eyes but smirked nonetheless. "Okay. Well...it's just...you're the first person I've ever truly cared about like this and...it's just...there's so many girls out there who are so much prettier than me and nicer than me who'd love to have you as their boyfriend—and...well...I mean, I'm just afraid that you'll run off to a prettier girl...oh I know this sounds so lame and foolish!"
I put my head in my hands and wondered why I had even brought this up. I just needed to know. I had to know—but how could I know? How did I know Chris wouldn't run off with a pretty girl who was sweet and nice and forget about me? It hurt my heart to think about it, but I couldn't help it. I felt so foolish.
"Uh Lark," Chris said. I looked up at him through spread fingers. "I'm not gonna run off to some girl just because they are pretty."
I took a long, deep rattling breath, and I was afraid I'd start crying. He just didn't see it—how could I take his word for it?
"But—but you say that...I get so scared! I—it's...I've never had something as special as you before in my life and I don't want to lose it!" My voice was definitely cracking and uneven. It had that quaver people get before they start crying—right before they start crying. I was afraid I'd start crying...I couldn't cry. I didn't want Chris to be upset.
"Isn't my word good enough?" Chris asked. I looked up into his eyes shamefully. He set his jaw in a tight line. "I knew this was going to happen—I fucking knew it. How could you think that I'd dump you and go off to someone just for sex appeal? I fucking knew this was going to happen—it's because of my rep at school, isn't it? Man, I thought you were different Lark..."
This was what I hoped would not have happened. I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut...why did I have to ask dumb questions and feel sorry for myself? It was true that I couldn't help but feel a bit forlorn ...who wouldn't feel cautious? Chris had been with many a girl and how did I know he would just suddenly stop his whorish ways for me? That was asking a lot for a seventeen year old boy...but I saw the hurt in his eyes and my heart immediately broke.
"Chris!" I said shakily...I felt the burning behind my eyes and knew I was so close to crying. "You said you weren't going to get mad at me!"
Chris rolled his eyes and glared at me. He began to descend the tree and I couldn't let him go down.
"Wait!" I said, grabbing onto his arm. "Please—listen to me. I can't help it, Chris! I care about you and I'm just afraid you don't care about me half as much! It's just—I'm sorry, please don't be upset!"
Chris sighed angrily and looked at me. "Listen Lark, I'm going to say this again, and I'm only going to say it once. I. Love. You. I am not gonna run off to some other girl just because they are pretty. I do care about you, and if that's not enough than I don't know what is."
I shook my head and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry for asking the question—I dunno why I did...I just...I really don't want to lose you. I get hurt a lot."
Chris looked at me and his face fell slightly, but he recovered and leaned back into the tree. "You're not gonna lose me, I'm not going anywhere. So stop freaking out."
I sighed and sat across from him, feeling embarrassed and stupid. I rubbed my eyes and looked into the sky, wishing things were less complicated. I really did love Chris, but it was just too unreal for me. It was strange and amazing and scary and unreal. But I embraced it—all I cared about was Chris, and I had him. So why did I have to doubt his trust? Sometimes I could really confuse myself.
"Sorry," I mumbled, after a few moments. Chris shrugged and seemed disgruntled.
"I shouldn't have freaked out...I guess I see where you're coming from. But Lark, I do love you."
I smiled tentatively and looked back into the sky. "I know..."
It had been a weird night...Chris and our argument was so pointless looking back on it—I should have never brought it up. I needed to go with the flow...and you know, if Chris did ever break up with me, there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I just needed to love him while I had him.
We sat there in silence as the rest of the sky turned pink, and I just thought about Chris and me...how I was in love with him, and how I'd never been in love...and how so damn lucky I felt to have him...
And the sun set.
~*~*~
[Wow, sorry for the delay on that chappie. It was a bit confusing to write—I don't really know what it was about. I do know that there are only like 2 chapters left for this story. I'm trying to think about how to end it and whether or not I should do an epilogue. Let me know what you think! Epilogue—not epilogue? And I'm kind of stumped on an ending—thanks to Chelsea (storm shadow) for help with that!! I have like two ways to end it but I don't know how, and I'm thinking of going with the more easier ending, just because it fits my story. I'm trying my best to not make this story clichéd, so let me know if it is. Review! Yay...]