A New Life
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 5
I throw my arms around him and hold my hand out so I can see the ring. "You really did just ask me to marry you, didn't you?" I say. "It's not a dream, is it?"
He leans back and shakes his head. "It's not a dream."
"Oh Carter, I love you so much."
"I love you too." I tilt my head back, he leans in to kiss me. Nothing has ever felt more right in all my life.
There's just one problem. I do not want to live in a mansion. But we can talk about that later. Right now I just want to hug him and kiss him and be with him. I never want this moment to end.
"We should go in and check on Bella," he says after a few minutes. He stands and holds his hand out to me. He's shaking, and I can't help but smile. It's somehow comforting to know he's as nervous as I am.
I shake my head and put my hand out to him.. "Bella is just fine." I don't want to lose this moment, this feeling. I want to hold on to it as long as I can. "Just sit with me out here a little longer." He glances at the house, then sits beside me on the bench. I lean into him with another kiss and gently tug his shirt out of his pants so my hands can slide under the material.
He shivers at my touch. "Abby…" he moans, and I feel the hairs stand on the back of my neck. I wouldn't have ever believe I could feel so much love for him that it threatens to suffocate me.
Impossible to remember how we fought, just five days ago, when he said hew as leaving for Africa to join Luka in the fight to save the world. Crazy to think how I felt that night, how I believed it was over between us, how his harsh tone made me think he never wanted to see me again.
None of that matters now. He didn't go to Africa, he came back to me, he knew he could lean on me despite everything. He *knows* he can lean on me always.
* * * * * * * * *
I roll over and reach for him, but my hands come up empty. I sit up and rub the haze of sleep out of my eyes. "Carter?" Of course he doesn't answer, he's not here. I throw the covers back and slip out of the bed. I grab my robe and tip toe across the hall to Bella's room.
I expect to find him sitting with her, but she is sound asleep, alone. I stand in the doorway watching her for a moment before I remember I have to find Carter. My first thought is this house is so big, he could be anywhere.
I work my way through all the rooms upstairs, saving his grandmother's room for last. I figure he might go there to feel closer to her, but no. There is no sign of him, no sign that he had been there at any point since the furniture was covered with protective plastic.
I expand the search to downstairs. The kitchen seems the most likely place, but it is as empty as all the other rooms. I'm starting to feel a little bubble of panic form in my gut, and my feet respond by moving a little faster through the house.
"Carter?" I call out. Nothing.
In his grandfather's study, I find the outside door open. I rush across the room and into the night. "Carter!" I yelp. The moon is high, and full, giving just enough light to see basic shadows and outlines of objects.
My eyes scan the yard, searching for any sign of him. Movement to my left, in the garden. It may have just been a tree swaying in the breeze, but I take off running toward it. "Carter!" I have no idea if I'm yelling or whispering, I can't hear my own voice over my heart pounding in my ears.
He's there, pacing. His hands are in his hair, gripping it, like he means to pull it out at the roots. "Carter…" I slow my step and approach him cautiously. He looks at me and I have the eerie feeling he's looking right past me, or maybe right through me. Like he doesn't even see me. He gasps like he can't catch his breath, and even in the darkness I can see the tears streaking his face.
"Carter? Carter, what is it? What's wrong?"
"I don't know. I don't know. I'm dying. I'm dying. I can't…I'm dying…" The words tumble out of his mouth so fast I can barely understand him.
"No, baby. No. You're not dying." I reach out to him. "You're having a panic attack." He treats at least half a dozen people a week who think they are having a heart attack, but it turns out to be a good old fashioned panic attack, but I don't think this is the time to remind him of that.
He pulls away from my hand and resumes pacing. "Gamma died. Mom died. Barbara died. Grandpa died. Bobby died. Everybody's dying."
I can only stand there and watch him for a moment. My mind races with a thousand jumbled thoughts. I have to get him inside. I have to calm him down. I have to stay calm myself.
"Let's go inside." I hope he will respond to the simple suggestion. "I'll fix you some tea."
"I don't want any tea!" he yells. He's really clawing at his head now and I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself. If I could grab him and drag him inside, I would. I have to do something. I can't just stand here and watch him fall apart.
I take a step toward him so he can't take another step without going around me. He stops, and I reach up and catch both his wrists in the circle of my fingers. I gently pull his arms down.
His lip trembles, his eyes close, and his breath falters. He sways and I let go of his wrists to put my arms around him. I pray he doesn't throw his weight against me because I'm not sure I can hold him up, but I take a step back toward the house.
I don't know how, but I manage to get him inside. I get him on the couch in his grandfather's study. He curls up as much as he can, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs.
I sit down beside him, and for a moment it's all I can do to concentrate on my own breathing to get my heart rate under control. Then I put my arms around him and just hold him until he calms down.
* * * * * * * *
As always, I invite you to use the review option to let me know what you think of the chapter. In fact I'm begging you to review me ;) And thanks so much for reading…Oh, one more thing: This chapter is dedicated to my very own personal stalker, you know who you are ;) Thanks for all the encouragement and inspiration. You're the best!
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 5
I throw my arms around him and hold my hand out so I can see the ring. "You really did just ask me to marry you, didn't you?" I say. "It's not a dream, is it?"
He leans back and shakes his head. "It's not a dream."
"Oh Carter, I love you so much."
"I love you too." I tilt my head back, he leans in to kiss me. Nothing has ever felt more right in all my life.
There's just one problem. I do not want to live in a mansion. But we can talk about that later. Right now I just want to hug him and kiss him and be with him. I never want this moment to end.
"We should go in and check on Bella," he says after a few minutes. He stands and holds his hand out to me. He's shaking, and I can't help but smile. It's somehow comforting to know he's as nervous as I am.
I shake my head and put my hand out to him.. "Bella is just fine." I don't want to lose this moment, this feeling. I want to hold on to it as long as I can. "Just sit with me out here a little longer." He glances at the house, then sits beside me on the bench. I lean into him with another kiss and gently tug his shirt out of his pants so my hands can slide under the material.
He shivers at my touch. "Abby…" he moans, and I feel the hairs stand on the back of my neck. I wouldn't have ever believe I could feel so much love for him that it threatens to suffocate me.
Impossible to remember how we fought, just five days ago, when he said hew as leaving for Africa to join Luka in the fight to save the world. Crazy to think how I felt that night, how I believed it was over between us, how his harsh tone made me think he never wanted to see me again.
None of that matters now. He didn't go to Africa, he came back to me, he knew he could lean on me despite everything. He *knows* he can lean on me always.
* * * * * * * * *
I roll over and reach for him, but my hands come up empty. I sit up and rub the haze of sleep out of my eyes. "Carter?" Of course he doesn't answer, he's not here. I throw the covers back and slip out of the bed. I grab my robe and tip toe across the hall to Bella's room.
I expect to find him sitting with her, but she is sound asleep, alone. I stand in the doorway watching her for a moment before I remember I have to find Carter. My first thought is this house is so big, he could be anywhere.
I work my way through all the rooms upstairs, saving his grandmother's room for last. I figure he might go there to feel closer to her, but no. There is no sign of him, no sign that he had been there at any point since the furniture was covered with protective plastic.
I expand the search to downstairs. The kitchen seems the most likely place, but it is as empty as all the other rooms. I'm starting to feel a little bubble of panic form in my gut, and my feet respond by moving a little faster through the house.
"Carter?" I call out. Nothing.
In his grandfather's study, I find the outside door open. I rush across the room and into the night. "Carter!" I yelp. The moon is high, and full, giving just enough light to see basic shadows and outlines of objects.
My eyes scan the yard, searching for any sign of him. Movement to my left, in the garden. It may have just been a tree swaying in the breeze, but I take off running toward it. "Carter!" I have no idea if I'm yelling or whispering, I can't hear my own voice over my heart pounding in my ears.
He's there, pacing. His hands are in his hair, gripping it, like he means to pull it out at the roots. "Carter…" I slow my step and approach him cautiously. He looks at me and I have the eerie feeling he's looking right past me, or maybe right through me. Like he doesn't even see me. He gasps like he can't catch his breath, and even in the darkness I can see the tears streaking his face.
"Carter? Carter, what is it? What's wrong?"
"I don't know. I don't know. I'm dying. I'm dying. I can't…I'm dying…" The words tumble out of his mouth so fast I can barely understand him.
"No, baby. No. You're not dying." I reach out to him. "You're having a panic attack." He treats at least half a dozen people a week who think they are having a heart attack, but it turns out to be a good old fashioned panic attack, but I don't think this is the time to remind him of that.
He pulls away from my hand and resumes pacing. "Gamma died. Mom died. Barbara died. Grandpa died. Bobby died. Everybody's dying."
I can only stand there and watch him for a moment. My mind races with a thousand jumbled thoughts. I have to get him inside. I have to calm him down. I have to stay calm myself.
"Let's go inside." I hope he will respond to the simple suggestion. "I'll fix you some tea."
"I don't want any tea!" he yells. He's really clawing at his head now and I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself. If I could grab him and drag him inside, I would. I have to do something. I can't just stand here and watch him fall apart.
I take a step toward him so he can't take another step without going around me. He stops, and I reach up and catch both his wrists in the circle of my fingers. I gently pull his arms down.
His lip trembles, his eyes close, and his breath falters. He sways and I let go of his wrists to put my arms around him. I pray he doesn't throw his weight against me because I'm not sure I can hold him up, but I take a step back toward the house.
I don't know how, but I manage to get him inside. I get him on the couch in his grandfather's study. He curls up as much as he can, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs.
I sit down beside him, and for a moment it's all I can do to concentrate on my own breathing to get my heart rate under control. Then I put my arms around him and just hold him until he calms down.
* * * * * * * *
As always, I invite you to use the review option to let me know what you think of the chapter. In fact I'm begging you to review me ;) And thanks so much for reading…Oh, one more thing: This chapter is dedicated to my very own personal stalker, you know who you are ;) Thanks for all the encouragement and inspiration. You're the best!