We were in the pub. Mark, his parents and me. And then he went to the toilet. But he didn't came back. And I knew it. I just knew that he was going to his dealer. I told his dad that it was his first day with the methadon. And we sat down at the pub for half an hour. Talking about Mark and his drugproblems. And I told his dad about what he said about him. And that that was the reason that I wasn't very friendly that time we went to their house. I could see that he was upset and sad about it. And I could understand that perfectly. We sat there for another half an hour and then we took a cab to the hospital.

I cried when we were sitting in the cab. His mum tried to calm me down and gave me a cigarette. I knew that Swanney would bring him to there because Mark had told Swanney about the program. And yes, Mark was already in the hospital when we arrived. We had to wait for an hour until we got permission to go to his room. He looked guilty. And damn, he certainly has the right to look guilty. He knows that there are three people he can trust and who will support him, and he does something like this. I'm not sure if I can forgive him this time. His dad was still really pissed. He went outside to call a cab. His mum and I got him out of the bed and helped him with the walking to the cab. He looked awful. We went in the cab with four people so it wasn't really comfortable. I knew where we were going. His mum, dad and I have been talking about it when we were in the pub. We are taking Mark to his parents house. His father has called his brother, Mark's uncle, to get extra locks on Mark's old bedroom door, so they can lock him up. I know it's sad that you have to do such thing, but it's really for Mark's health. When we arrive at the house, Mark's mum and I help Mark out of the car while his dad is paying the cabdriver. We walk with him to the door and I can feel he's trying to escape. We take Mark to his old room. There's little cars as wallpaper. My dad loved cars. I had to focus myself on Mark now. His mother left the room and I took his shoes, coat and shirt off and put a shirt of his father on him. I put the sheets over him and give him a kiss. And I knew that it wasn't the right time to say it, but I had to say to him that I was dissapointed in him. Then I walked to the door, closed it and put the two extra locks on it.

I go to the kitchen where his mum is making some soup. She asks if I can fill a glass with water and I do that. Than she asks me if I want to sleep here tonight and I'm so happy she asks me because I don't think I could sleep alone at my home. So I go to my house and pick some clothes and a book and than go back with the bus to their home.

Meanwhile his mum is bringing the food to Mark. She later told me that he was screaming and shouting against him. I just can't believe that Mark is doing such things. His mum notices that I don't believe her and she says that it's because Mark can't get another shot and he get's aggresive. Later that day Sick Boy comes to the house and into Mark's bedroom and he talks with his mum about Mark and his addiction. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired. I ask his mum where I can sleep and she tells me where the extra bed is that they have. It's the kind of bed that you can pump up. So I put the bed in the guestroom, pump it up, get my sheets that I got from my house, smoke a cigarette and then fall asleep. And it's only 5 o'clock in the afternoon.

It's about midnight when I wake up. and i try to fall asleep again but I can't. Everybody is sleeping although I do hear sounds from Mark's bedroom. I can't let him sleep alone. I'm so afraid he's going to hurt himself. So I get my bed and walk to Mark's room. I'm wondering how I'm going to do that with the locks. So I got the key from his door, close the door from the inside and put the key somewhere that Mark wouldn't find it, in my bra. Yeah I know, it's not comfortable, but I don't want Mark to find the key and then go to Swanney's again. I see that Mark's been sleeping so I carefully lay down on my bed and try to sleep.