A New Life
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 6
The sun wakes me. I sit up, disoriented for a moment, not sure where I am. I'm sitting on a couch in an office. I glance around, and when I see Carter curled up against the arm of the couch, I remember everything about last night. He's asleep now, and though he murmurs as I stand up, he doesn't wake.
I look at my watch. Quarter after seven. Bella should be awake by now. Way down here we wouldn't hear her crying. I don't want to leave Carter, but I have to go check on the baby.
She is crying. I hear her when I reach the stairs. I take the step two at a time. The first thing I see is her little fists pumping the air. Her feet too. Her fact is beet red. She's been crying a while.
"Hey, sweetheart," I lean over the playpen she's sleeping in. Her head turns toward my voice. "I'm sorry, honey. Car---Daddy and I were downstairs. He's not feeling so good." I pick her up and hold her against my chest.
She continues to cry for several minutes. I pace the bedroom, singing whatever I can think of to help her calm down. She finally settles, and rubs her face against my shoulder.
"I bet you need a diaper change, huh?" I put her down, and the crying resumes full force. Not the best work conditions, but I get her changed. "Come on, sweetheart. I'm sorry. We fell asleep downstairs and I couldn't hear you crying. But I'm here now."
This time doesn't take so long to settle her down. Once she's quiet, I take her down to the kitchen and fix her bottle. I don't dare put her down, and it's not exactly easy to fix the bottle with her in my arms, but I manage.
And then she won't take it.
I feel like crying. I feel like throwing the bottle across the room just to see it splatter against the wall.
I take a deep breath and shift her to my other arm. "Bella, honey, I know you're upset. A lot has happened in a very short time, and I'm really sorry about this morning. I'm still getting used to this. I've never had a baby in the house before, except Eric and that was a long time ago. I was just a little girl. So it's going to take some time for all of us to adjust. But you have to eat. Come on, sweetheart. Take the bottle. I know it's not what you're used to, but it's the best we can do right now."
Her little hands push the bottle away from her mouth. I sigh and set it on the table. Forcing her will only frustrate both of us.
I lean my head back to look up at the ceiling. I don't even hear Carter come in, I don't know he's there until he lifts Bella out of my arms. I bring my head back around to look at him.
He looks like hell. He's pale, his hair is a mess, his eyes are sunken and wildly unfocused. He takes a step back and stumbles, catching himself on the edge of the table.
He rights himself and grabs the bottle. "Carter..." I put my hand on his arm and the overhead light catches the stone in my ring, the ring he gave me last night. That seems so long ago now.
"Let me do this," he says softly. "I need to do this." He walks out of the room, his steps uncertain, as if he were drunk.
* * * * * * *
I hate this house. It's insane. Why anybody would feel the need to live in a house this big is beyond me. It must stretch a mile in each direction. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it feels like it.
I wonder what Carter would say if I told him I don't want to stay here? My apartment is too small for the three of us, and baby-proofing the place would be nearly impossible…I'd like a small house, a quaint little house with a white picket fence…
I almost laugh out loud at the thought. But I've got half the fairy tale already. I've got a huge rock on my finger, the promise of marrying a doctor, a beautiful little girl…Why can't I have the house with the white picket fence?
I follow the sounds of Bella crying. Carter has her in the study. He's sitting on the floor with her in his lap. His legs are bent to support her weight.
The bottle is still full, on the floor beside him. He looks up at me, and there are tears in his eyes. "I don't know if I can do this," he says softly.
"Carter, she's probably just confused. She doesn't know where she is, she doesn't know what's happening. She misses her mother. It hasn't even been a week. She's grieving."
I kneel beside him and he turns to me, puts his arm around me and his face to my shoulder. I sit on my bottom and scoot closer to him, so I can put my arms around him.
I'm not sure how long we sit like this, I don't think there is any way to measure time like that. I'm almost afraid of what he'll do or say when he pulls back. At least Bella has quieted down.
Carter looks at me for a long moment, then reaches up to comb my hair away from my face with fingers as gentle as butterfly wings.
"My mother had a nervous breakdown after…after Bobby." I close my eyes and put my palm against his cheek. "It was his birthday, four months after he died. She just couldn't handle it."
"Carter…"
He shakes his head. He looks like he might say more about his mother, but Bella starts fussing again. He looks down at her and traces the line of her cheek, her lips, her chin, her neck. Then he looks up at me and sighs. "We have to get a crib for her." He braces himself on the couch with one hand and pulls himself up.
Of course money is not an issue at all, so he buys her the most expensive crib set he can find. I just stand back and let him take care of things, even though it seems kind of ridiculous to spend fifteen hundred dollars on toys for an eight week old baby. I don't care how much money he has, fifteen thousand is a lot of cash.
We're stopped at a red light. Bella is asleep. He glances at her through the rearview, then reaches over to grasp my hand. "I really do love you."
"I love you too," I answer.
The car behind us honks. The light is green.
"I was thinking," I say without thinking about what I'm going to say. "What do you think about getting a smaller house? The mansion is…it's so big. Last night we couldn't hear Bella crying, and I…" I stop because I notice he's gripping the steering wheel tighter than he should. "Carter?"
"The mansion is all I've got."
"No, it isn't. You've got memories. You've got Bella."
He hits his palm against the wheel. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" He screams and Bella starts crying. I put my hand on his arm to try to calm him, but he only seems to get more agitated. He jerks the wheel, causing us to swerve into the other lane. Thank God there is no one there.
"Carter, Pull over. Please. Pull over." He jerks the wheel harsh in the other direction, spinning us off the road into the ditch. The car from behind us pulls over just a head of us.
Carter is collapsed over the steering wheel crying. Bella is screaming. I want to scream and cry and stomp my feet, but I get out of the car with several deep breaths to keep calm.
"Everything all right, Miss?"
I nod and push my hair out of my face. "My husband is just upset." I call him 'husband' because 'boyfriend' sounds so lame.
"Is there anything I can do?"
He has a soft voice and beautiful blue eyes. I shake my head. "We're fine. Really, but thank you for your concern."
He seems hesitant to leave us, so I turn back toward our car. I sit down and put my hand on Carter's arm. "I'm sorry."
"It's happening to me." I don't like the ominous tone of his voice.
"What's happening to you?" I move my hand up to the back of his head. He turns to look at m, his forehead resting on the steering wheel.
"I can feel it. Inside me. It's happening."
"I don't understand. Carter, what is it? What's happening What do you feel happening?"
He starts beating both his hands against his head. I grab his wrists and hold his arms down. "Carter, stop. Please stop. You're scaring me." I look up but the other car is already gone, and more cars are just driving past us like nothing is happening. Why don't they know I need help? Dear God, I need help…
His arms go slack, his head rolls forward, to the steering wheel again. I check his pulse instinctively.
"Shut up!" I scream at Bella. "Just shut up!" Of course she doesn't. She doesn't even know what I'm saying to her. I take a deep breath. "Okay, Abby. Think."
I realize the only thing I can do is pull Carter over to the passenger's side. It's not easy, because he's like dead weight, but I manage. I strap the seatbelt on him and walk around to the driver's side and drive back to the mansion.
* * * * * *
Aye yi yi. Poor Carter. He's one messed up puppy. So, thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? I want it all. All you have to do is hit review and give me a few seconds of your time. Come on, you know you want to (and yes, I am BEGGING)Thanks so much for reading!
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 6
The sun wakes me. I sit up, disoriented for a moment, not sure where I am. I'm sitting on a couch in an office. I glance around, and when I see Carter curled up against the arm of the couch, I remember everything about last night. He's asleep now, and though he murmurs as I stand up, he doesn't wake.
I look at my watch. Quarter after seven. Bella should be awake by now. Way down here we wouldn't hear her crying. I don't want to leave Carter, but I have to go check on the baby.
She is crying. I hear her when I reach the stairs. I take the step two at a time. The first thing I see is her little fists pumping the air. Her feet too. Her fact is beet red. She's been crying a while.
"Hey, sweetheart," I lean over the playpen she's sleeping in. Her head turns toward my voice. "I'm sorry, honey. Car---Daddy and I were downstairs. He's not feeling so good." I pick her up and hold her against my chest.
She continues to cry for several minutes. I pace the bedroom, singing whatever I can think of to help her calm down. She finally settles, and rubs her face against my shoulder.
"I bet you need a diaper change, huh?" I put her down, and the crying resumes full force. Not the best work conditions, but I get her changed. "Come on, sweetheart. I'm sorry. We fell asleep downstairs and I couldn't hear you crying. But I'm here now."
This time doesn't take so long to settle her down. Once she's quiet, I take her down to the kitchen and fix her bottle. I don't dare put her down, and it's not exactly easy to fix the bottle with her in my arms, but I manage.
And then she won't take it.
I feel like crying. I feel like throwing the bottle across the room just to see it splatter against the wall.
I take a deep breath and shift her to my other arm. "Bella, honey, I know you're upset. A lot has happened in a very short time, and I'm really sorry about this morning. I'm still getting used to this. I've never had a baby in the house before, except Eric and that was a long time ago. I was just a little girl. So it's going to take some time for all of us to adjust. But you have to eat. Come on, sweetheart. Take the bottle. I know it's not what you're used to, but it's the best we can do right now."
Her little hands push the bottle away from her mouth. I sigh and set it on the table. Forcing her will only frustrate both of us.
I lean my head back to look up at the ceiling. I don't even hear Carter come in, I don't know he's there until he lifts Bella out of my arms. I bring my head back around to look at him.
He looks like hell. He's pale, his hair is a mess, his eyes are sunken and wildly unfocused. He takes a step back and stumbles, catching himself on the edge of the table.
He rights himself and grabs the bottle. "Carter..." I put my hand on his arm and the overhead light catches the stone in my ring, the ring he gave me last night. That seems so long ago now.
"Let me do this," he says softly. "I need to do this." He walks out of the room, his steps uncertain, as if he were drunk.
* * * * * * *
I hate this house. It's insane. Why anybody would feel the need to live in a house this big is beyond me. It must stretch a mile in each direction. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it feels like it.
I wonder what Carter would say if I told him I don't want to stay here? My apartment is too small for the three of us, and baby-proofing the place would be nearly impossible…I'd like a small house, a quaint little house with a white picket fence…
I almost laugh out loud at the thought. But I've got half the fairy tale already. I've got a huge rock on my finger, the promise of marrying a doctor, a beautiful little girl…Why can't I have the house with the white picket fence?
I follow the sounds of Bella crying. Carter has her in the study. He's sitting on the floor with her in his lap. His legs are bent to support her weight.
The bottle is still full, on the floor beside him. He looks up at me, and there are tears in his eyes. "I don't know if I can do this," he says softly.
"Carter, she's probably just confused. She doesn't know where she is, she doesn't know what's happening. She misses her mother. It hasn't even been a week. She's grieving."
I kneel beside him and he turns to me, puts his arm around me and his face to my shoulder. I sit on my bottom and scoot closer to him, so I can put my arms around him.
I'm not sure how long we sit like this, I don't think there is any way to measure time like that. I'm almost afraid of what he'll do or say when he pulls back. At least Bella has quieted down.
Carter looks at me for a long moment, then reaches up to comb my hair away from my face with fingers as gentle as butterfly wings.
"My mother had a nervous breakdown after…after Bobby." I close my eyes and put my palm against his cheek. "It was his birthday, four months after he died. She just couldn't handle it."
"Carter…"
He shakes his head. He looks like he might say more about his mother, but Bella starts fussing again. He looks down at her and traces the line of her cheek, her lips, her chin, her neck. Then he looks up at me and sighs. "We have to get a crib for her." He braces himself on the couch with one hand and pulls himself up.
Of course money is not an issue at all, so he buys her the most expensive crib set he can find. I just stand back and let him take care of things, even though it seems kind of ridiculous to spend fifteen hundred dollars on toys for an eight week old baby. I don't care how much money he has, fifteen thousand is a lot of cash.
We're stopped at a red light. Bella is asleep. He glances at her through the rearview, then reaches over to grasp my hand. "I really do love you."
"I love you too," I answer.
The car behind us honks. The light is green.
"I was thinking," I say without thinking about what I'm going to say. "What do you think about getting a smaller house? The mansion is…it's so big. Last night we couldn't hear Bella crying, and I…" I stop because I notice he's gripping the steering wheel tighter than he should. "Carter?"
"The mansion is all I've got."
"No, it isn't. You've got memories. You've got Bella."
He hits his palm against the wheel. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" He screams and Bella starts crying. I put my hand on his arm to try to calm him, but he only seems to get more agitated. He jerks the wheel, causing us to swerve into the other lane. Thank God there is no one there.
"Carter, Pull over. Please. Pull over." He jerks the wheel harsh in the other direction, spinning us off the road into the ditch. The car from behind us pulls over just a head of us.
Carter is collapsed over the steering wheel crying. Bella is screaming. I want to scream and cry and stomp my feet, but I get out of the car with several deep breaths to keep calm.
"Everything all right, Miss?"
I nod and push my hair out of my face. "My husband is just upset." I call him 'husband' because 'boyfriend' sounds so lame.
"Is there anything I can do?"
He has a soft voice and beautiful blue eyes. I shake my head. "We're fine. Really, but thank you for your concern."
He seems hesitant to leave us, so I turn back toward our car. I sit down and put my hand on Carter's arm. "I'm sorry."
"It's happening to me." I don't like the ominous tone of his voice.
"What's happening to you?" I move my hand up to the back of his head. He turns to look at m, his forehead resting on the steering wheel.
"I can feel it. Inside me. It's happening."
"I don't understand. Carter, what is it? What's happening What do you feel happening?"
He starts beating both his hands against his head. I grab his wrists and hold his arms down. "Carter, stop. Please stop. You're scaring me." I look up but the other car is already gone, and more cars are just driving past us like nothing is happening. Why don't they know I need help? Dear God, I need help…
His arms go slack, his head rolls forward, to the steering wheel again. I check his pulse instinctively.
"Shut up!" I scream at Bella. "Just shut up!" Of course she doesn't. She doesn't even know what I'm saying to her. I take a deep breath. "Okay, Abby. Think."
I realize the only thing I can do is pull Carter over to the passenger's side. It's not easy, because he's like dead weight, but I manage. I strap the seatbelt on him and walk around to the driver's side and drive back to the mansion.
* * * * * *
Aye yi yi. Poor Carter. He's one messed up puppy. So, thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? I want it all. All you have to do is hit review and give me a few seconds of your time. Come on, you know you want to (and yes, I am BEGGING)Thanks so much for reading!