Hey! This is my first official Naruto fic (and shounen-ai one!). My first attempt ("Narcissus") was so horrible I deleted it and decided to wait for the gods of inspiration to be a little more accepting of the idea. Do you ever have that problem where you have really great ideas, but the second you write them down they're worthless? Well, that's what it's like for me.

            This story was inspired (and gets its title) from the name of a tape I have of my ex step mom's singing from the year before we met. She had (and still sort of has) a really great voice. Well on this tape are a much of songs, some her own, but mostly songs from different artists. I haven't yet asked her permission if I can use her songs, so I'll just stick with the one(s) that aren't hers.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. If Naruto was mine there would be sooooo much more romance. If the songs were mine…. Um….  All I own is the tape, probably the only one that exists in the world…

Warnings: shounen-ai of the SasuNaru variety (did I really need to tell you that?), angst galore, slight NC, songfic. I wasn't sure whether this would count as PG-13 or R, so I decided to play it safe with R.

One-shot? More chapters? If there is more chapters it will go backwards in time, starting with this chapter, and getting slightly more fluffy in each chapter until they reach the beginning of their relationship or even earlier….

Climbing

Chapter One?: Indigo Girls: Left Me a Fool

Everybody loves you
And they want to know your story
You go riding out a mystery
Concealed in all your glory

            He sighed, and snuggled closer to other figure, his forehead resting against a pale back. The darkness of the room concealed the clutter of the apartment (ramen cups and ninja scrolls scattered liberally), as well as the bruise on his cheek. His dark haired lover's fangirls had been especially vigorous that day. When they had discovered that Sasuke had escaped their incessant babbling while Naruto had been distracting them all by bragging about how Sasuke was such a jerk and Naruto could beat him any day, they gave him such a beating that that day in the class room after the "first kiss" seemed to pale in comparison. Naturally Kyuubi had healed him, but the final bruise had yet to completely heal. Of course, all the girls were as deeply in love with Sasuke as they had been five years ago. No girl spared a glance toward the now quite attractive Naruto, their parents attitude toward him still blocking their capacity to find him as anything more than a friend. Hinata, who had confessed to him and been politely rejected, had moved on to Kiba.

But when it comes to flesh and bones
You remind me of shallot
Only made of shadows
Even though you're not

Life had been… happy for once when they had first gotten together. The blonde boy's happiest memories were when he was with his boyfriend, kissing, touching, training, or simply just being together, in each other's arms. But things had been changing…. Naruto was beginning to see the real Sasuke, and he didn't like what he saw at all.

I remember how I spent
All my energy and time
With affected conversation
Trying to pry inside your mind

For a long time after being accepted by the one he loved, he had no longer felt the need to drive Sasuke insane with chatter designed to try desperately to figure out what Sasuke thought of him. He knew that the ramblings had driven the Uchiha insane, but he just needed a get a reaction, any reaction out of him…

Lately, he had started doing it again. He hadn't meant to, at first he didn't understand why he did it, but as time went on, and Naruto started to feel more and more insecure, he started talking more and more.

Naruto pressed his head harder against the back, willing its owner to turn around and hold him.

You are as beautiful as truth
And as empty as a shell
And I came to you one night
And it made me feel like hell

A shell… That was the only word that could properly describe Sasuke…. He had subconsciously first come to suspect right before Sasuke had run off to finally kill Itachi. Sasuke had been incredibly restless before he left: snappish, even going so far as to threaten his younger lover's life, Sharingan in full battle mode. Naruto still shivered in the night when he remembered those red eyes, black commas beginning to swirl dangerously. Only Naruto's trembling and frightened face (which had been steadily turning blue from lack of oxygen) seemed to bring Sasuke out of whatever thoughts weighed him down. He had apologized, but….

 When Sasuke had returned… he was like a corpse. Most people didn't notice, of course. To them he was still Sasuke the Ice Prince.

But Naruto noticed.

Oh to reach through all your surface
Just to find an empty pool
And to suffer all your pride
As I lay down by your side
And you swallowed up my heart
And left me a fool
Left me a fool

The dark haired boy had gone back to calling him "Dobe." As if all those years together hadn't meant a thing. He seemed to lord over the other boy, that he had killed Itachi and Naruto hadn't, although why the Hokage wannabe would want to do so in the first place remained a mystery. At night, which had once been a time of gentleness and love confessions, there was nothing. Sasuke would arrive, Naruto would let him in, they'd get undressed, and go to bed. That was it. No words were spoken, there were no caresses, no intimate touching. The few times Naruto had tried to entice his boyfriend had been disastrous. Either Sasuke would push Naruto off in an irritated manner and not come back the next day, or he would be so rough with Naruto it hurt, and didn't feel good at all. Despite all this, the kitsune could no more think of breaking off their relationship as he could physically stop himself from breathing.

Everybody loves a hero
An image to create
The antithesis of everything
Inside ourselves we hate
But you'd better close your eyes
When it's time for them to die
Because you'd hate to think the life
You'd built upon them was a lie

Oh to reach through all your surface
Just to find an empty pool
And to suffer all your pride
As I lay down by your side
And you swallowed up my heart
And left me a fool
Left me a fool

Sasuke was Konoha's hero. Despite his attempt to join Orochimaru, despite the fact that it was Naruto who brought Sasuke back, most of the village still saw Sasuke as the genius and Naruto as the demon. His friends didn't agree with the philosophy, but as of now they were a minority. Maybe when all the elders had died and the new generation took their places that things would change. Naruto still saw the cold glares and the hatred, but he also saw Sasuke trying to indirectly protect him. When he saw that he would remember how much he loved Sasuke and give one of his real smiles for him, not the fox grin, but a real smile. None of this happened anymore. He was no longer being protected.

Sasuke ignored the glares as if it didn't matter and their friends never realized…

I resign myself to silence
I will never blow your cover
No one ever has to know
Who the hero took for lover
But it has come to mind as you blaze on
As brilliant as a star
How many you've left behind
How many casualties there are

            Only one person knew of their relationship: Sakura. It had been impossible to keep it from her. She had known something was up with her teammates and had promptly threatened to leave them to the mercy of Inner Sakura if the didn't 'fess up… She had taken the news that her long time crush was in love with a boy, her own teammate no less, surprisingly well. Apparently, her fangirl tendencies had merely become habit, just as Naruto still called out "SAKURA-CHAAAAAAAN" every morning. She supported them fully, and when she wasn't laughing too hard, she helped Sasuke escape from the rabid fangirls. It had come as a surprise to her when Sasuke, still reluctant to admit to the world that he loved Naruto, asked if it would be alright if she would pretend to be his girlfriend. She had hesitated, glancing anxiously at Naruto, seeing the pained, but accepting look and nod, and had said yes. It had hurt. Oh yes, it had hurt so badly knowing that Sasuke would rather have a pretend girlfriend to try to stave off fangirls (which didn't work -_-;;;) than admit the truth.

            It also hurt how much lower in rank he was. Sasuke was now an Anbu, leader of a squad, and rumored candidate for next Hokage, despite his young age. Naruto had never been able to get away from the villagers' prejudice enough to earn the rank on Jounin. Yes, Naruto was still a Chuunin, working at his favorite ramen stand as a part time job and taking missions. He had given up on becoming Jounin last year. It had killed something in him to give up his dream like that, but what could he do?

Oh to reach through all your surface
Just to find an empty pool
And to suffer all your pride
As I lay down by your side
And you swallowed up my heart

He slipped out of the small bed, making sure the other didn't awaken. Very quietly he got dressed and exited the room softly. After all, it wouldn't do to get caught and stopped, now would it? A note was left on the kitchen table, as a shadow ghosted through the door.

The view of Konoha was splendid from the top of the Hokage monument.

'Sasuke…. Will you miss me? Did you…. Did you ever really love me? I know the villagers will rejoice that I'll be gone. But will you? I hurt when I'm away from you, I hurt when I'm close to you. I can't stand this anymore. My heart… It hurts so much. Maybe Gaara had the right idea. You know, the one about only loving oneself? Yeah. I just wish I knew what you really felt about me. I know longer have any dreams. My only reason for living is you. But when you are so close, yet so far away from me, how am I supposed to feel? Sasuke, I love you. I'll always love you. Good bye.' Dark eyes scanned the note in a panic, having been woken by the loss of warmth by his side. He cursed himself for being so wrapped up in his own Itachi complex, believing that being distant meant his loved one couldn't be hurt. Of course the dark eyed one loved his only reason for living. But Itachi's last threat right before the end of the battle had still been resounding through his head: 'What will you do now, outoto? Two boys cannot make a clan. The next time I see you with him as more than just a teammate, I'll come for him, and kill him.' 'But what about the Kyuubi?...' 'I am tired of constantly trying to get him and failing. No, I'd rather have the satisfaction of killing him now.' True, Itachi was dead now, but the fear of the threat lived on. So he had tried to let Naruto go, intentionally ignoring and sometimes hurting him. It hadn't worked, but had only served to further tear the last Uchiha's heart apart. Who was the real baka now? Dark eyes ran off into the night hoping that he wouldn't be too late before he lost his sunshine.

He stepped off.

And left me a fool
Left me a fool

Rain poured down. Inside a cold mansion, pale wrists stained a tub Sharingan red. Soon… Soon he would be with his sunshine once more. For the first time in a long time, pale thin lips smiled and mouthed, "Wait for me," into the silent air.

Owari?