Naruto Primer: All
Tag Team Three-Legged Race
"We've made some rules to make sure everything is fair in this race." Asuma explained.
"How can it be fair with these teams?" questioned Ino.
"Are you going to remake the teams?" Naruto asked hopefully.
"No, the teams still stand." Said Kakashi.
"But here are the rules for THIS three-legged race." Continued Asuma. "Most importantly, there is no picking up the other person and carrying them along since that is just getting annoying."
"Second, you are simply NOT ALLOWED to become unattached from your partner or else you will have to run a million laps around the world." Said Gai.
"Third, you cannot run with the same person you ran the three-legged race with in the previous competition." Kurenai said.
"And the guidelines are as such:" Kakashi followed up. "It's a race. One group will start the race and meet with the other group half way through and pass of the shuriken. Then the other group will finish up the race. It's very simple."
"So now, as always, we'll give you some time to discuss it amongst yourselves." Said Asuma.
"Me and Sasuke together!" said Lee. "We're the fastest and we'll make great time!!"
"One problem," Sasuke said. "That would leave directionally challenged Neji and motivationally challenged Shikamaru in the same group. It will not be a pretty sight."
"Aw man!!" said Lee in a disappointed tone as he snapped his fingers.
"I hate that I'm one of those people that has to be placed with a 'stronger' person just so it'll balance us out." Said Neji in a very perturbed tone.
"All right, being the leader of the group, I will decide the teams and point out why they would be the most strategic." Said Shikamaru.
"You? Leader?" said Sasuke.
Shikamaru cleared his throat and fluffed his chuunin vest.
"I think enough has been said about that matter." Shikamaru said. Sasuke couldn't very well argue with that logic and, even though he knew that he was SO much better than Shikamaru, he just didn't feel like arguing with him. After all, it was only a pointless three-legged race. "I believe that it's essential to split up the speed, but we have already come to that conclusion. So it's merely a matter of which one of you two would be able to take the stress of having to deal with Neji's inability to tell his left from his right.
"That rules out Sasuke." Shikamaru finished. "Lee and Neji are a group, Sasuke and I are another group. But NOW, it's between who starts the race and who finishes it. I have to ask, Sasuke, is it more important to you to start the race or cross the finish line?"
"Why are you only asking me this?" Sasuke asked.
"Because I know you're the only one who cares." Shikamaru replied.
"Fine then." Said Sasuke because he wasn't about to DENY it. "I'd rather start the race."
"Then Sasuke and I shall start, and Lee and Neji will finish." Shikamaru concluded. "Any objections?"
No one said anything because it made enough sense.
On the not nearly as intelligent Pink Team…
"Well, me and Shino can't race together since we did the three-legged race last time." Said Kiba. "So that means it's either me and Hinata or me and Naruto and I think it should be me and Hinata since we're on the same team in real life and it's good for team bonding."
"I'm on the same team as Hinata too." Said Shino, just trying to be difficult.
"But I called her first." Kiba said with an evil glare.
"I really don't care." Said Shino.
"What about me?!" demanded Naruto, throwing a temper tantrum. "I'm here too, you know!!"
Hinata was secretly thinking; I want to be on the same team as Naruto…
On the even less intelligent team, the Hornets…
"I can't be with Chouji and I REFUSE to be with Sakura so that means I have to be with…um…what's your name again?" said Ino to Tenten.
"Tenten." Said Tenten.
"Then I'm with Tenten and YOU TWO are together." Said Ino, pointing at Sakura and Chouji as if they were something disgusting at the bottom of her shoe.
Later, when the second groups of Lee and Neji from the Puppy Team, Chouji and Sakura from the Hornets, and Kiba and Hinata from the Pink Team, were at their posts, the first groups of everyone else representing all the teams were waiting for the teachers to give the word.
"All right, Sasuke…" said Shikamaru. "As much as I hate to say it…I'm going to slow you down. But you already knew that of course."
"…Yeah." Said Sasuke.
"So this is the plan." Shikamaru continued. "You're going to jump. No running. There was nothing in the rules that said we weren't allowed to jump from tree to tree so if we do that, I won't be slowing you down because you'll be jumping and bringing me along with you."
"Is that the best you could think up?" Sasuke asked.
"Yes." Shikamaru replied.
"Are you ready to run?!" yelled Asuma because, as we've previously stated, he likes starting things in general. "Ready?! GO!!!"
AND THEY WERE OFF!!!
Initially, the teams were pretty much evenly matched. But then Sasuke and Shikamaru jumped up to the treetops and began their jumping technique and eventually pulled ahead of the other teams. The Naruto and Shino group didn't take long to get in front of the Tenten and Ino group.
"Hey, where did they go?!" demanded Naruto, looking up as Shikamaru and Sasuke disappeared into the trees.
"…The trees?" Shino tried.
"Come on, we have to beat them!!" Naruto said in a very determined voice.
"You could help you know." Said Sasuke to Shikamaru.
"No, no I can't." Shikamaru replied. "Simply couldn't."
"But I'm dragging you." Sasuke said.
"No, no, no, I'm supporting my own weight." Shikamaru insisted.
"You could at least…I don't know, push off a little bit when we hit a tree to give us a little more momentum." Sasuke continued.
"What, you're tired?" said Shikamaru. "Don't tell me you're tired. You're tired, aren't you? Sure, I understand. Yeah, I guess I'll help."
"No, actually, that's all right." Sasuke said.
"It's okay, I mean, you've done a lot today." Shikamaru said. "Most people can't do that sort of thing in a day. I think you've already pushed yourself enough."
"…" Sasuke said, ignoring Shikamaru.
Meanwhile, Tenten and Ino weren't doing anything special or interesting… they were just running, trying to get ahead of Naruto and Shino. But I'll tell you right now. It wasn't about to happen.
At the midpoint of the race, all the second groups were waiting and trying to get themselves in the zone.
"All right, Neji, remember Twister!" said Lee. "We're going to do our left leg first, then our right leg! Got it?"
"Leave me alone." Said Neji.
"I think our team is going to win this event." Said Kiba, looking off in the distance where the first groups were going to show up. "We'll own everyone else. Right, Hinata?"
"Yeah because we're our regular group plus Naruto!" said Hinata and, in her world, nothing could possibly be better.
"I just feel as though all the odds are stacked against us." Sakura sighed.
"They are." Chouji replied.
Just then, Sasuke and Shikamaru dropped from the sky. "Go!" yelled Sasuke. "Hurry up! Naruto and Shino aren't far behind!"
"Okay!" said Lee. "Left!"
They took one step and fell on their faces.
"Damn!!" yelled Neji, pounding the ground with his fist.
"Wait, that wasn't your fault, I tripped on this rock!" said Lee, picking up a rock and laughing heartily with horseshoe eyes.
"…Oh." Said Neji. Then they both stood up, took another step and then fell on their faces again. "Did you trip on another rock?"
"No, that one was your fault." Lee said sadly. "But look, we made some progress! At this rate, we'll be at the finish line in no time!"
As soon as he said that, Naruto and Shino came running up. "All right!" cheered Naruto. "We've got this won! All we have to do is keep this steady lead!" With that, Kiba and Hinata were off at the speed of light and eventually crossed the finish line, giving them a victory!!! HURRAH!!!
That's what would have happened if they hadn't fallen on their faces after the first step.
"Are you all right, Hinata?" asked Kiba.
"Yeah!" said Hinata. "I think I just did the wrong leg!"
"That's okay!" said Kiba. "Let's just start over."
They got up, took another step, and fell down again.
Shikamaru was observing the whole time and then nonchalantly walked up to where Neji and Lee were currently struggling. "Okay, two things." He began. "First, I think I have realized why Neji is directionally challenged since I have also observed a certain lack of a sense of direction in Hinata. Am I correct in assuming that the Hyuuga clan as 360 degree vision?"
"Make this quick, we have to win!" said Lee.
"Don't worry, Hinata and Kiba are having the same problem and there's no way Sakura and Chouji are going to beat you after we sort this out." Shikamaru said.
"So, yes, the Hyuuga have 360 degree vision but it doesn't do any good in a race unless I want to see behind me." Neji replied.
"Neji, if I say, 'left' then which direction would you point in?" Shikamaru asked. Neji didn't move. "Come on, point."
"Are you trying to embarrass me?" Neji asked.
"It's like looking at a bird's eye view of a round room." Shikamaru elaborated. "Which way is left? It could be anywhere. Please tell me this at least occurred to SOMEONE in your vast family."
"That makes…so much sense." Neji said.
"What's the other thing?" Lee asked.
"Oh, this one is a little more obvious." Shikamaru said. "I think it's ludicrous to say 'Left foot first!' in a three-legged race because, if you took a good look, you would see that your left foot, Lee, is on the outside. However, Neji's left foot is on the inside, attached to Lee's right foot. So, saying 'Left foot first!' is only dooming you to failure. Instead, you should say 'Inside' and 'Outside'. That way, not only would it make sense, but we'd get around Neji's little problem. Now hurry because you can still pass Sakura and Chouji."
"I feel a new found strength!!" said Lee, jumping up.
"Let's win this!" said Neji, getting all pumped because now he knew the answer to one of the many mysteries of life.
"Inside, outside, inside, outside, inside, outside…" they both chanted as they were soon out of sight.
"Do you always have to drag everything out so long?" Ino asked Shikamaru as he came strolling back over.
"It's what I do." Said Shikamaru. "I MUST drag it out."
"Why can Neji all of a sudden tell directions?" Tenten asked.
"Magic." Shikamaru replied.
"That wasn't dragging it out at all." Said Ino.
"I don't feel like explaining things again." Shikamaru confessed. "Besides, I don't want them to hear." He pointed at Kiba and Hinata who were struggling EVER so fruitlessly.
The teachers were all standing at the finish line with their big foam fingers with the names of their students written on them.
"Which team do you think will win?" asked Kakashi.
"Probably the Puppy Team." Said Kurenai. "Even though I want the Pink Team to win because all my students are on it."
"Then again, since the Puppy Team has Neji on it…I don't know…" said Asuma skeptically.
"No, I was training Neji on his left and right all day!" Gai said.
They paused and waited for a little while, eating the popcorn and foot longs.
"I hope the Pink Team wins." Said Kurenai again.
Just then, the figures of two people hooked together came up over the hill. By golly…it was…it was…
Why, it was Lee and Neji!!
They came barreling through the white tape that was stretched across the finish line and broke it while going in dramatic slow motion. Neji was happy because he had conquered his problem to some extent and Lee was happy because he just loves being alive.
"The Puppy Team wins!!" announced Gai.
Long after, Chouji and Sakura crossed in second, much to everyone's surprise.
"Where's my team?" Kurenai questioned.
"Struggling in the middle." Sakura replied. "It appears as though Hinata is as directionally challenged as Neji is…or used to be."
So they all went on ANOTHER scavenger hunt, but this one was the easiest of them all because all they had to do was go back to the middle area where they found Hinata and Kiba only feet away from where they had started.
"Okay, we'll just say it's over." Said Kakashi. All three teachers tried really hard for quite a long time to say, "IN YOUR FACE, KURENAI!!!" because the team that was pretty much composed of her entire team failed so very miserably. But then they gave up and yelled it.
"IN YOUR FACE, KURENAI!!!" they yelled.
"THIS RACE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!" bellowed Kurenai. "MY TEAM WON THE FIRST COMPETITION AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!!"
"For some reason, I think that the past two competitions have just been a bit of superiority complexes between our teachers needing to prove to one another that they had the superior team." Said a random smart person. It might have been Shikamaru. It might not have been. But it wasn't really important. Of course, it may have been important to that random smart person who had deducted that.
Then again, ANYONE should be able to deduct something like that. It was pretty obvious.