Naruto Primer: Sexy Men

Love the Camera

"Okay, now that I've got my four new sexy models, we just have to improve a few minor flaws among you all." Suzume said.  "First of all, the thing that's kind of sticking out to me the most is…Sasuke, did you sleep on your hair weird or something…?"

"…Yes." Said Sasuke.

"Okay, good." Said Suzume.  "Just as long as you didn't style it like that, I'm all right with it.  Second, Kiba, is there anything that can be done about those red things on your face?"

"…Um…?" Kiba started.

"I guess it's not important…" Suzume said.  "Forget I said anything.  But can you do anything else with your precious little Akamaru?"

"I can do EVERYTHING with Akamaru." Said Kiba.

"Good, I'll keep that logged in my memory banks." Said Suzume.  "Shikamaru, what screams out to me is…hair.  Something about it looks like you woke up and just tied it back in a pony-tail and ignored it for the rest of the day."

"What gave you that idea?" Shikamaru asked slightly sarcastically.

"Women's intuition." Suzume replied.  "So we'll work with that along with Sasuke and HIS hair.  Finally, Neji, I'm loving your hair, but do you think you could take off your forehead protector so I can get a good look at the big picture."

"Um…I have a horrible blemish on my forehead." Neji said.

"Oh, then I'm thinking…BANGS." Suzume said.

"No…I don't think so." Neji replied.

"How about a hat?" she suggested.

"As long as it covers the horrible blemish on my forehead." Neji said.

"It's a deal then!" said Suzume as she gave him the thumbs up.  "All right, we're going to do some warm-up shots just so I can see what you guys are all about and what I can expect out of you."

"Warm-up shots?" said Shikamaru, looking disgusted.

"Yes." Said Suzume as she got behind her camera.  "How about you go first, Shikamaru?"

"How troublesome." Shikamaru said as he sat down right where he was.  Then, from that position, he lied down.  "Here, this is my position.  I'll be right here."

"That's perfect!" said Suzume.  "Keep it up!"

"Should I stretch and reposition myself?" asked Shikamaru.

"Yes, yes!" said Suzume.  "You're a natural!"

This went on for a moment or two until Suzume announced that she was now finished with Shikamaru.  He stood up and walked back over to where the group was kind of looking at him with questionable expressions.

"Who's next?" said Suzume.  "How about you, Kiba?  Bring Akamaru."

"Right." Said Kiba as he stood in front of the camera nervously.  "Uh…what should I do?"

"First, take off your shirt and then…"

"Take off my shirt?!" Kiba interrupted.  "I'm TWELVE!"

"Fine, don't take off your shirt." Said Suzume, rolling her eyes.  "Just do that adorable Hug, Kiss, Squeeze, MA thing you did earlier."

"Do I have to?" Kiba said uneasily.

"That's why you're HERE." Suzume pointed out.

"Can't I just…I don't know…throw him up in the air or something?" Kiba asked.

"Fine, let's try that out." Suzume sighed.  "Remember to look REALLY excited and sexy.  Then, when you catch him, hold him above your head and look at him lovingly."

"I can't do that!" said Kiba.

"Come on, Kiba, you do it all the time." Said Shikamaru.

"No I don't!" Kiba argued.

"Yeah you really do." Shikamaru said.

"Very well, I didn't want it to have to come to this." Sighed Suzume as she walked over to Kiba and yoinked Akamaru out of his hands.

"Hey!!" said Kiba as he started pouting.  Suzume took a picture.  "Don't take a picture of me while I'm pouting!"  Now he was angry, and Suzume took another picture.  "Stop doing that!"

"Catch!" Suzume called as she tossed Akamaru at Kiba.  She got the surprised Kiba as Akamaru was coming towards him.  Then she got the happy Kiba when he was reunited with Akamaru.  Then, the best of them all, she got the perturbed Kiba as he looked at the camera with hatred.

"That's a wrap!" Suzume decided.  "Next up is Neji!"

"That was mean." Said Kiba as he walked out of the way of the camera.

"Um…I've never done anything like this before." Said Neji.

"That's okay, that camera LOVES you!" said Suzume.  Neji stood there and did nothing.  He looked rather tense and a bit nervous.  "Come on, do something.  Didn't you just hear me say that the camera loves you?"

"And?" Neji asked.

"So love the camera." Suzume insisted.

"Love the camera?" Neji said, kind of confused.

"Act like the camera is your FAVORITE thing in the world!" Suzume said.

"I can't do that." Said Neji.  "I'm not a big pretender."

"Work with me here, Neji." Said Suzume.  "I can't make you a famous model if you're not willing to love the camera or accept the camera's love in return."

"I don't really want to be a famous model…" Neji admitted.

"Fine, I'll just zoom into your face and take shots there." Suzume sighed as she DID JUST THAT!!!  "That was excellent.  And now, for everyone's favorite little genin!  My, I have heard so much about you from all of my lady students!  Let me see some of that magic of yours!"

Sasuke took a step forward.

"Stop, let me get that!" said Suzume as she took a picture.  "All right, keep going.  Go on!"

She spent infinitely more time with Sasuke than with everyone else, but it's not like anyone really cared.  They would have actually preferred it that way, probably.

"I'm looking at these pictures and I'm thinking…something is missing…" Suzume said as she looked at all the developed pictures.  "And I think I know what that something is…"