Naruto Primer: Lil' Shikamaru
The Laziest Baby Ever
Shikamaru has always been as lazy as he is smart. Don't believe us? Then let's just look into our Magical Crystal Ball of the Past so you can see for yourself. Want a Magic Crystal Ball of the Past for your own purposes? You're going to have to talk to Orochimaru. We had a hard enough time getting this one from him since that bastard was hoarding them all.
One fine morn, Shikato, Shikamaru's father, was at home tending to the bundle of joy. You see, since Shikato is such a passive husband, he's one of those stay at home type of fathers. It was time to feed the two year old baby that is known as Shikamaru.
He placed him in his booster seat and he applied the 'I Love My Grandpa' bib and then dropped some little cut up hotdogs on a little plate with the alphabet and a bear on it. He also lovingly filled up a sippy cup filled with milk and placed it next to the plate, leaving Shikamaru to his business.
Just as Shikato was about to lounge back and catch up on his newspaper reading, he saw Shikamaru out of the corner of his eye just sitting there and not moving. Not even LOOKING at the cut up hot dogs.
"Not hungry?" he asked.
Shikamaru nodded.
"Okay then." Said Shikato, going to his newspaper.
A few minutes later, Shikato peeked over the newspaper again to see that Shikamaru STILL hadn't moved. "Did you say that you were hungry?" Shikato asked again.
Shikamaru nodded AGAIN.
"Then why aren't you eating?" Shikato said, folding the newspaper down and putting it on the table.
Shikamaru reached out for the mini-spork on the table and presented it to Shikato, obviously wanting him to take the spork. "No, Shikamaru, I'm not going to feed you." Said Shikato. "It's too troublesome and you're old enough to feed yourself."
Shikamaru sighed and dropped the fork on the table.
"I'm still not going to feed you." Said Shikato, picking up his newspaper again. After finishing up the story in the newspaper, he looked around the paper to see Shikamaru holding his sippy cup and unscrewing the top, his hotdogs still untouched. "What are you doing now?" he asked.
Shikamaru only looked at Shikato, but didn't answer.
Shikato only watched as Shikamaru placed the cover on the table and then lifted the cup up. Just when he thought he would surely dump it all over the floor, he raised the cup to his lips and drank.
"So…you won't eat because I won't feed you, yet you unscrewed the top of your cup so you could drink it?" Shikato said, looking slightly confused. Shikamaru only placed the cup on the table and waited. "What, are you done now?"
Shikamaru nodded.
"Fine," said Shikato, lifting Shikamaru up out of his booster seat and placing him on the floor. Shikamaru ran off out of sight.
Shikato shook his head and went back to his newspaper, only to suddenly hear the sound of the television in the other room. He got up and walked in the other room to see Shikamaru holding a remote control and watching television.
"No," said Shikato, taking the remote away from Shikamaru. "You don't need to watch…"—he looked at the screen—"…CNN." Then he turned off the television and pulled a beach ball out of Shikamaru's huge box of only child toys. "Let's play with your favorite ball!" suggested Shikato as he sat down on the floor with Shikamaru.
He rolled the ball to him and he caught it. Shikamaru held it for a second or two and then turned it around a few times. He finally found the stopper in the ball and pulled on it until it came out. Then he leaned on the ball and deflated it until it was just a flat blob on the floor.
"…Or not." Said Shikato. "Look, if you don't want to play with the ball you should just say so. What do you want to play instead?"
Shikamaru stood up and went over to the shelf and pulled out a box. He brought it over to Shikato and put it on the floor. "Don't be silly, Shikamaru!" said Shikato as Shikamaru took the top off the box. "You can't play Checkers. You're just a little too young."
But Shikamaru already had the board on the floor and was pulling out all the red pieces.
"I'm red." Said Shikamaru, except he said 'wed', as he placed a red piece in the corner of the board that was closest to him.
"Okay, I'll help you." Said Shikato as he pulled out some red pieces and placed them randomly on the board. He figured that Shikamaru was ONLY playing with the pieces for fun. Like…play HOUSE with the Checkers pieces. Or pretend to play Checkers.
Shikamaru waited for Shikato to finish with his random placement of the Checkers pieces. Then he leaned over and moved them around a bit so they were all line up on his side of the board in the correct fashion.
Shikato was, at first, unable to really give an intelligent reaction.
Noticing this, Shikamaru started pulling out the black pieces and placing them in the correct places on the OTHER side of the board closest to Shikato.
"I can do it." Shikato assured him as he started taking pieces. But Shikamaru took the pieces away from him and set them up himself. "I was only pretending to not know where they went." Shikato said.
Shikamaru only gave Shikato a questioning look as he finished setting up all the black pieces as well.
"Why do I have to explain myself to a two year old?" Shikato wondered to himself.
"Me first." Said Shikamaru.
"Okay, you can go first." Said Shikato, figuring this game wouldn't really go much further.
A little later, Shikamaru's mother, who will be known as Shikaonna, came in the house. "I'm home!" she called.
"Shh, Shikamaru's sleeping." Said Shikato as he walked over to greet her.
"Oh, well I don't think it would really matter if I woke him up." Said Shikaonna. "He'd just go back to sleep anyway! So what did you two do today?"
"Well…we played…Checkers." Said Shikato finally.
"That's so cute!" said Shikaonna. "I hope you let him win!"
"Yeah…I let him win the first game…" Shikato said. "Then he…um… I don't know how to explain it. He kind of… GOT ANNOYED. Like he knew I let him win."
"How would he know a thing like that?" said Shikaonna.
"I don't know." Said Shikato. "So he made us play again. And then he beat me. Legitimately."
"He beat you when you were trying?" Shikaonna said, looking slightly shocked.
"Yeah…not just once though…" Shikato said slowly.
"He beat you twice?" Shikaonna said, looking more and more surprised.
"Actually…thirteen times." Shikato corrected. "Not counting the one where I let him win."
"Did you win at all?" Shikaonna asked.
Shikato shook his head. "And then, after the last game, he kind of just walked away as if he was bored with me." Shikato said. "When I got over my shock and followed him, I found that he put himself down for a nap. As if I had bored him SO much that he had to go to sleep, but in the comfort of his own bed."
The two stood in silence.
"What now?" asked Shikaonna.
"When he wakes up, I'm going to teach him how to play chess." Said Shikato.