Chapter Elven
Giving Up Hope
Lex lay on the bed in her cell for days on end and refused to eat any of the food that the guard tried to give her. She just laid there, watching the ceiling, her horrible memories of the past flooding back to her.
Gavin was dead, those words had finally penetrated her mind and she now understood them clearly. Her eldest brother and the only real family she had left had been murdered, and it was because of that, that she was in Azkaban. She frowned and tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes.
At night, if she slept, it was full of terrible dreams about all the horrible events in life. She dreamt about her Father dying, her mother taking her away from her Father again, Jillian keeping Griffen away and everyone else in her life leaving her again. She would wake after a horrifying dream to hear her own screams echoing quietly off the walls of her cell. She stayed up most of the time, with only her miserable state to dwell on.
A month passed and Lex would watch from her bed in the corner as the snow began to fall slowly from the sky. She said nothing and did nothing until one day the guard pushed food into Lex's cell yet again.
"C'mon Lex, ya gotta eat someting," he said with a very thick German accent, pushing the bowl closer to her bed.
She shook her head; her eyes focused on the ground.
"I don't want it," she grumbled in a raspy voice.
To her surprise, Lex heard the cell door unlocking and footsteps as the guard entered the cell. Her heart began to race; what if he was going to kill her for not obeying orders.
She looked up and saw a tall slender man looking down at her. His black hair hung in front of his face but his gray eyes drilled into hers.
"Gabe?" she croaked, watching him closely.
A small grin cracked across his face and he knelt down.
"You're going to vaste avay if you don't eat anyting, Lex," he said, his voice now filled with warmth and kindness.
Lex grinned slightly and eagerly took the bowl of food he had handed her. She didn't even take a moment to consider the fact that the way Gabe was acting was very unlike him. Lex had been extremely fond of him during her years at Hogwarts, but he showed none in return. He, in fact, always hung out with Ashlee Feriona and Hades, he even dated Ashlee several times. But he had never been kind to Lex, not even when she helped him with homework. Truth be told he was down right nasty to her, but from Lex's point of view, right now any kindness, genuine or not, was good.
Gabe left his cell and Lex finished her food. It hit the bottom of her stomach and she slumped down in the corner. The happiness had gone as quickly as it had come. Lex shivered as she heard a low, rattling breath coming from outside her cell. She didn't have to look, she knew the dementors were there, they always had at least two guarding her cell.
Another week passed by and Lex still was trying to cope with the loneliness that came with being in jail. She prayed that someday, someone would come and visit her in this hell hole, save her from the horrible mistake that had been made, and one cool late summer evening that night came.
It was around seven o'clock and Lex was curled up with the old moldy blanket they had given her, reading an old edition of the Daily Prophet that Gabe had given her. There was a long article about her brother being murdered, but Lex ignored it, she didn't want to read how terrible people thought she was...she could guess.
As she began to read an article about the Quidditch season, she heard Gabe's voice from outside the bars.
"You haff some company, Lex," he said, moving aside.
Lex looked up and saw Hari, Lorelei as well as Venefica standing outside the bars of her cell. She froze where she was and just stared at them. She was in shock. Venefica and Hari immediately towards the cell door, but Lorelei stayed back, looking frightened by where she was and what she was seeing.
"Well hello," said Lex.
She slowly and carefully stood up and walked over to the bars that guarded her cell doors. Venefica and Hari squeezed Lex tightly and looked terrible worried. As Lex shifted her gaze over to Lorelei, she tried to crack a small smile.
"Hello Lorelei," said Lex, her voice raspy and harsh.
"Hello Lex," said Lorelei timidly.
"It's about time someone has come to get me out of here," said Lex, "I've been dying in here..."
Hari and Venefica exchanged worried glances. Hari stepped forward and knelt down.
"Lex," said Hari, extending her hand out to her through the bar, "We need to talk."
Lex took Hari's hand, and saw tears in her friends' eyes.
"How are you holding up?" asked Venefica.
But Venefica didn't need to ask the question. If it was possible for Lex to have gotten any skinnier she had. She now seemed to be merely skin, a small amount of muscle and bones, but nothing else. Her hair was long and shaggy now and her eyes were dull and sad looking. She looked like a person on her deathbed.
"Terrible," Lex answered, looking into her eyes, "I didn't do it."
Venefica nodded and Hari squeezed Lex's hand slightly.
"We know you didn't do it, Lex," Hari said, "but the Daily Prophet has been full of stuff about the murder...everyone is convinced you did it..."
"...But I DIDN'T," stressed Lex, looking down at the ground, "You KNOW I never would."
"Yes Lex, WE do know, but everyone who doesn't know you personally thinks you did it," said Venefica, "We're working with some other people to get you out of here...but it will take sometime, appeals always do."
Lex nodded.
"Thank you," she said, "Without you guys, I could be here forever. I'd rot here...well...I'd keep rotting here."
Hari hugged Lex the best she could through the bars and sighed.
"I promise we will get you out of here as soon as possible, I swear to you," she whispered in Lex's ear, "You just keep up your strength."
Lex nodded and Venefica touched Hari's shoulder.
"We need to get going, Hari, we've got a lot of work to do," she said.
Hari nodded and pulled away from Lex. Immediately the happiness that had filled Lex moments before was sucked out of her again. Lorelei simply said good-bye and told her they would be in touch soon. Lex peered between the bars as far as she could until her friends disappeared from sight. She froze for a moment and heard the heavy doors that lead into the prison bang shut. She climbed to her feet and walked to her window and looked out, watching the snowfall. She hoped they maybe were going to Disapparate from outside, but they never appeared. The hope that had risen inside her was now completely gone.
Lex slid back down onto her mattress and closed her eyes. She tried to remember every inch of her friends faces, what they were wear, their smiles, but even a few seconds later it seemed to be fading.
The rest of the crawled by and it felt like an eternity had passed when the lights went out outside her cell. It had begun to snow again and Lex and dropped off into another tortured slumber. She woke with a start and heard herself yelling, "You can't make me leave". She shivered and then noticed the thin layer of snow that was covering a section of her blanket. She retreated into a corner and watched as the snow drifted into through the window. She reached under the mattress and found the small pad of paper and pen that Gabe had given her. Normally she would've found it odd that he was being so nice, but that was the least of her worries. She began to writer very quickly, but the words were very clear.
I have nothing to live for anymore. I will never see the bright beautiful lights of the London sky hanging over me, hear Gavin's heart warming laughter, feel Griffen's soft brown hair, or smell fresh flowers outside of Hogwarts. I would be better off killing myself right now and getting it over with as quickly as possible. Why live when everyone thinks you should die? I keep asking myself why and the answer never becomes clear. I wish tonight would be the last I ever live, I wish I wouldn't suffer another day.
Lex set the not pad down next to her and looked at her hands. She had guessed she lost a considerable amount of weight judging by the skeletal like state of her arms, legs and hands. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what Gavin's voice had sounded like. The gravely, warm and inviting voice that had kept her safe from the world for years. A tear slipped down her cheek. The voice was gone, and couldn't remember it anymore.
Lex lay on the bed in her cell for days on end and refused to eat any of the food that the guard tried to give her. She just laid there, watching the ceiling, her horrible memories of the past flooding back to her.
Gavin was dead, those words had finally penetrated her mind and she now understood them clearly. Her eldest brother and the only real family she had left had been murdered, and it was because of that, that she was in Azkaban. She frowned and tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes.
At night, if she slept, it was full of terrible dreams about all the horrible events in life. She dreamt about her Father dying, her mother taking her away from her Father again, Jillian keeping Griffen away and everyone else in her life leaving her again. She would wake after a horrifying dream to hear her own screams echoing quietly off the walls of her cell. She stayed up most of the time, with only her miserable state to dwell on.
A month passed and Lex would watch from her bed in the corner as the snow began to fall slowly from the sky. She said nothing and did nothing until one day the guard pushed food into Lex's cell yet again.
"C'mon Lex, ya gotta eat someting," he said with a very thick German accent, pushing the bowl closer to her bed.
She shook her head; her eyes focused on the ground.
"I don't want it," she grumbled in a raspy voice.
To her surprise, Lex heard the cell door unlocking and footsteps as the guard entered the cell. Her heart began to race; what if he was going to kill her for not obeying orders.
She looked up and saw a tall slender man looking down at her. His black hair hung in front of his face but his gray eyes drilled into hers.
"Gabe?" she croaked, watching him closely.
A small grin cracked across his face and he knelt down.
"You're going to vaste avay if you don't eat anyting, Lex," he said, his voice now filled with warmth and kindness.
Lex grinned slightly and eagerly took the bowl of food he had handed her. She didn't even take a moment to consider the fact that the way Gabe was acting was very unlike him. Lex had been extremely fond of him during her years at Hogwarts, but he showed none in return. He, in fact, always hung out with Ashlee Feriona and Hades, he even dated Ashlee several times. But he had never been kind to Lex, not even when she helped him with homework. Truth be told he was down right nasty to her, but from Lex's point of view, right now any kindness, genuine or not, was good.
Gabe left his cell and Lex finished her food. It hit the bottom of her stomach and she slumped down in the corner. The happiness had gone as quickly as it had come. Lex shivered as she heard a low, rattling breath coming from outside her cell. She didn't have to look, she knew the dementors were there, they always had at least two guarding her cell.
Another week passed by and Lex still was trying to cope with the loneliness that came with being in jail. She prayed that someday, someone would come and visit her in this hell hole, save her from the horrible mistake that had been made, and one cool late summer evening that night came.
It was around seven o'clock and Lex was curled up with the old moldy blanket they had given her, reading an old edition of the Daily Prophet that Gabe had given her. There was a long article about her brother being murdered, but Lex ignored it, she didn't want to read how terrible people thought she was...she could guess.
As she began to read an article about the Quidditch season, she heard Gabe's voice from outside the bars.
"You haff some company, Lex," he said, moving aside.
Lex looked up and saw Hari, Lorelei as well as Venefica standing outside the bars of her cell. She froze where she was and just stared at them. She was in shock. Venefica and Hari immediately towards the cell door, but Lorelei stayed back, looking frightened by where she was and what she was seeing.
"Well hello," said Lex.
She slowly and carefully stood up and walked over to the bars that guarded her cell doors. Venefica and Hari squeezed Lex tightly and looked terrible worried. As Lex shifted her gaze over to Lorelei, she tried to crack a small smile.
"Hello Lorelei," said Lex, her voice raspy and harsh.
"Hello Lex," said Lorelei timidly.
"It's about time someone has come to get me out of here," said Lex, "I've been dying in here..."
Hari and Venefica exchanged worried glances. Hari stepped forward and knelt down.
"Lex," said Hari, extending her hand out to her through the bar, "We need to talk."
Lex took Hari's hand, and saw tears in her friends' eyes.
"How are you holding up?" asked Venefica.
But Venefica didn't need to ask the question. If it was possible for Lex to have gotten any skinnier she had. She now seemed to be merely skin, a small amount of muscle and bones, but nothing else. Her hair was long and shaggy now and her eyes were dull and sad looking. She looked like a person on her deathbed.
"Terrible," Lex answered, looking into her eyes, "I didn't do it."
Venefica nodded and Hari squeezed Lex's hand slightly.
"We know you didn't do it, Lex," Hari said, "but the Daily Prophet has been full of stuff about the murder...everyone is convinced you did it..."
"...But I DIDN'T," stressed Lex, looking down at the ground, "You KNOW I never would."
"Yes Lex, WE do know, but everyone who doesn't know you personally thinks you did it," said Venefica, "We're working with some other people to get you out of here...but it will take sometime, appeals always do."
Lex nodded.
"Thank you," she said, "Without you guys, I could be here forever. I'd rot here...well...I'd keep rotting here."
Hari hugged Lex the best she could through the bars and sighed.
"I promise we will get you out of here as soon as possible, I swear to you," she whispered in Lex's ear, "You just keep up your strength."
Lex nodded and Venefica touched Hari's shoulder.
"We need to get going, Hari, we've got a lot of work to do," she said.
Hari nodded and pulled away from Lex. Immediately the happiness that had filled Lex moments before was sucked out of her again. Lorelei simply said good-bye and told her they would be in touch soon. Lex peered between the bars as far as she could until her friends disappeared from sight. She froze for a moment and heard the heavy doors that lead into the prison bang shut. She climbed to her feet and walked to her window and looked out, watching the snowfall. She hoped they maybe were going to Disapparate from outside, but they never appeared. The hope that had risen inside her was now completely gone.
Lex slid back down onto her mattress and closed her eyes. She tried to remember every inch of her friends faces, what they were wear, their smiles, but even a few seconds later it seemed to be fading.
The rest of the crawled by and it felt like an eternity had passed when the lights went out outside her cell. It had begun to snow again and Lex and dropped off into another tortured slumber. She woke with a start and heard herself yelling, "You can't make me leave". She shivered and then noticed the thin layer of snow that was covering a section of her blanket. She retreated into a corner and watched as the snow drifted into through the window. She reached under the mattress and found the small pad of paper and pen that Gabe had given her. Normally she would've found it odd that he was being so nice, but that was the least of her worries. She began to writer very quickly, but the words were very clear.
I have nothing to live for anymore. I will never see the bright beautiful lights of the London sky hanging over me, hear Gavin's heart warming laughter, feel Griffen's soft brown hair, or smell fresh flowers outside of Hogwarts. I would be better off killing myself right now and getting it over with as quickly as possible. Why live when everyone thinks you should die? I keep asking myself why and the answer never becomes clear. I wish tonight would be the last I ever live, I wish I wouldn't suffer another day.
Lex set the not pad down next to her and looked at her hands. She had guessed she lost a considerable amount of weight judging by the skeletal like state of her arms, legs and hands. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what Gavin's voice had sounded like. The gravely, warm and inviting voice that had kept her safe from the world for years. A tear slipped down her cheek. The voice was gone, and couldn't remember it anymore.