Well, here it is. The big finish. Well, maybe not so big. It's not like this was a particularly long story. But this is the last chapter, finally! And now I can start writing my frog prince story! The prologue is already up on the site. It's called 'A Croak of Fate.' It probably won't be funny, like this one. It's a much darker tale. But, anywhoozles, thank you all for reading and reviewing!
This chapter is dedicated to Liz, because I finally finished something.
Chapter Six – The Blizzard of Floz
The wind roared furiously against the house, making the shutters slam angrily against the windows. I shivered and Brian bent to pick me up, but was thrown against the bed as the house lurched.
"Look!" Dara cried, running to the window and pointing outside. Brian had managed, then, to pick me up and I was able to see what Dara was pointing at. "We're flying!"
It was true. We were at a dizzying height off the ground, though the gray skies seemed never to get closer. The house spun in every which way, tossing and turning with the wind, as large flakes of snow and ice pelted against the windows.
"Uh oh," Granny said and died of excitement. No one seemed to notice since she wasn't really part of the story anyway.
On the wooden floor were strewn papers and various articles of clothing that hadn't made it into the shabby little dresser, which was rocking dangerously on its wooden legs not far from the bed. Sam and Stanley were each holding onto chairs in a somewhat feeble attempt to stay on their feet
"It's a blizzard!" Sam yelled over the howling wind. "A real blizzard!"
And so it was. Dara was half hanging out the window, watching the storm with childlike excitement. Brian was hanging onto the back of her dress, lest she fall out and plummet to her death. As if that would be a great loss. Okay, fine, I wasn't that cruel.
Suddenly, a cow was blown past the window and, as it mooed with discontent, I was astonished to find that it was, well, purple. Who on earth had ever heard of a purple cow? I didn't have long to ponder over the mystery, however, for just then, the wind began dangerously to whistle. Dara shrieked as the house lurched forward and then, without warning, began to plummet.
"We're falling!" She screamed and tipped perilously forward in shock. Brian yanked on her dress and she gasped at the sharp change in motion, tumbling backwards into the great beast. Both fell and Brian almost dropped me, but I grabbed onto his thumb and ended up squished but safe in his closed fist.
We landed with a bang.
Everything went silent.
Dara moaned and rolled off of the beast, getting shakily to her feet.
"Bwyn, leggfmm."
"What?" Brian asked, unfurling his thick, furry fingers and exposing his palm. I lay there, furious and panting.
"I said," I muttered, "Let go of me."
"Oh."
I climbed to Brian's shoulder and he stood up. Stanley looked shaken as he cautiously let go of the chair he'd been clinging to for dear life, but Sam looked as though he's just had a thrill ride. Well, maybe he had.
"Well," he said cheerfully. "Why don't we see where we've landed?"
Dara guardedly opened the door and peered out. Sunlight streaked in and I had to shield my eyes before I saw anything properly. We followed Dara outside.
"Oh," she whispered, her eyes wide. "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
"Kansas?" I said irritably, as our joy ride had put me in rather a bad mood. "Where in heaven and earth is that?"
She shrugged.
"I don't know. It just seemed right to say at the time."
I looked at her oddly before taking in our surroundings. We were in some sort of village square, with a friendly, bubbling brook running through and a bridge of light colored stones rainbowing across it. On the outskirts were strange looking shrubberies and a few small houses. Nothing impressive and yet there was a feeling of peace and harmony about the place that even had me feeling somewhat nice.
"Look," Dara said suddenly, "under the house."
We turned and looked. There, sticking out from underneath the house, were two, glamorous feet. Following the feet with my eyes, I saw a pair of ankles, and then a little bit of shin, and then – the house. The reason the feet were so glamorous was due to the fact that they were covered by a pair of sparklingly glamorous shoes. The very shoes, in fact, that I had seen that young woman, Evilina, casting a spell on.
"Oh no," I moaned. "We've landed on Evilina!"
"Sorry," Sam said, scratching his head with a bemused expression on his face, "Who?"
I threw him a disgusted look.
"Never mind."
"Look at those shoes," Dara marveled. Hestitating a moment, she quickly grabbed them off the late Evilina's feet and, slipping off her own muddy shoes, stepped carefully into them. They were ridiculously big on her but, nevertheless, she began walking in them, never taking her eyes off their adoring shininess. I rolled my eyes. Though it wasn't like Dara was doing any harm. What would Evilina need the shoes for, now that she had been so tragically squashed like a bug?
"Give me back my shoes," commanded a voice. Dara looked up, startled, and then blanched. There, standing in front of her, was Evilina.
My mouth fell open.
"Aren't you," I spluttered and glanced apprehensively at the feet. Evilina's eyes narrowed.
"That's my sister you so graciously landed your house on," she hissed. I gulped.
"Your – your sister?" Brian asked fearfully. Evilina looked at him oddly, evidently wondering why a beast such as he should cower from a not particularly threatening girl.
"Yes," she said, advancing in a rather menacingly way. "My sister. Willanna had been greedy, yes. But she did not deserve to be squashed like a beastly little insect!"
"Greedy?" Dara asked without thinking, drawing the attention back to her. Evilina stopped advancing and crossed her arms.
"Those shoes," she said rather meanly to Dara, "are mine. I enchanted them to help me get to the Prince's castle. Willanna, clever as she thought she was, stole them while I was out and snuck out of our manor, as our stepmother had forbidden us to go to the ball. I was just coming after her when I found you and your wretched house. My sister is now dead. The least you can do, little girl, is to give me back my shoes."
Dara looked down at the marvelous shoes and then back up at Evilina. Before she had a chance to decide, however, a large pink bubble descended from the heavens. I watched it suspiciously as it hovered in the air for a moment before materializing into a sickeningly beautiful princess. At least, I thought she was a princess. She turned out to just be Evilina's stepsister.
"Evilina, you little Ritch!" The woman said merrily, though her eyes held hidden rage. "What are you doing outside the manor? And who are these?" she asked with a graceful sweep of her hand.
"Oh, just a child, a scarecrow, a tin woodsman, and a cowardly lion," Evilina said offhandedly, obviously wishing her stepsister would just bubble her way out of there. "Oh yes," she said suddenly, "and a talking clock."
"A scarecrow?" Sam asked, looking wildly around him. "Where?"
"And he's not a lion," I said determinedly in Brian's defense, as the cowardly Brian seemed to have been rendered speechless with fear.
"And I'm not a tin woodsman, I'm a hunter!" Stanley insisted, offended.
"And my name is Dara, and you will not get your shoes back because you're mean!" Dara cried, stamping her foot and crossing her arms indignantly.
Just then, Enchantra herself appeared, looking distraught.
"Evilina!" she exclaimed. "You are not very polite! I think I'll have to turn you into a frog."
Enchantra pointed a finger at Evilina. Evilina's eyes widened in horror as her skin began to turn a bright, emerald green.
"No!" I cried. Enchantra had to be stopped, once and for all.
Luckily, it was then that I struck midnight.
"Ha ha!" I cried triumphantly and stopped Evilina's frog transformation at once. Her skin was still green though. I was about to modify that when Enchantra turned on me. She opened her mouth in fury when, suddenly, there was a strange whoosh of air.
"Okay, okay, what's all the ruckus?" asked a new voice. Everyone turned to face two men wearing suits and each carrying a pad of paper.
"Who are you?" Evilina demanded.
"Excuse me," Evilina's stepsister said, stepping forward. "I'm the one in charge here."
She smiled graciously at the two men and batted her eyelashes slightly.
"My name is Glinda, and-"
"Oh please," Evilina huffed, pushing her way forward, "no one put you in charge Glinda and, frankly, your flirtations are making me sick."
"Will someone just tell me what's going on?" One of the men said impatiently. "We're the Brothers Grimm and we've had an urgent call to come here and find the Lost Fairy Tales. If I'm right, I believe you are them so you had all better tell us what has been going on."
There was a moment of silence. The eye before the storm. And then we all began to speak at once.
When the stories were sorted out, no one was happy.
"First of all," said one of the Brother's Grimm, pointing at Enchantra, "the title 'ritch' will have to go, as all the rich folk back at home will get offended. From now on, you will be known as a witch."
"A witch!" Enchantra wailed, but the man paid no attention to her.
"Next," he said, looking first at his pad and then at Sam. "Your shrieking beauty...that has potential, but I'm afraid it would make for a very noisy motion picture. I suggest we change it to Sleeping Beauty."
Sam looked blankly at the man.
"But why?" he asked, clearly upset.
"It's a lot quieter," the second man said kindly. Sam seemed somewhat satisfied with that but still, he did not smile.
"You," the first man said, rounding on Brian. Brian quivered and the man shook his head sadly.
"It is just not natural for such a monstrous beast to be afraid of nearly anything!" he said. "And yours could make for a most wonderful love story. Forget about this Looney of yours. From now on, it's Beauty and the Beast. Though we'll leave it up to some French guy to write. It's just not our style."
"Can't you change it to Beauty and Brian?" Brian asked rather pitifully. The man shook his head and moved on to me.
"As for you," he said, wearing a thoughtful expression upon his face. "I think we'll put you in the Prince's castle. Then, at the stroke of midnight, you can work your magic. How 'bout that, eh?"
I glared at him.
"I'm a wizard," I snapped, not bothering to hide the pride in my voice, "and I will not remain a clock forever!"
But the men weren't listening.
"As for the rest of you," the second man said, surveying us all under his great, big eyes. "L. Frank Baum will be here shortly to sort you out. That's a job for the big guy. Oh, and little girl," he said suddenly, tossing Dara a red cloak with a hood, "wear this the next time you go to Granny's."
Dara looked at the cloak suspiciously.
"Why?" she asked but received no answer.
"It doesn't matter," I whispered to her. "Your Granny's dead anyhow."
Dara looked at me in surprise.
"Is she?"
Before I had a chance to answer, I felt a strange sort of pressure squeezing down on me. The Brothers Grimm looked up and then at each other.
"Well," said the first one, "it is time for us to go."
I would have asked them to wait, to explain what in hell's name they were doing in Floz, or why I couldn't turn back into a wizard, but everything suddenly went black. And I, Argyle Archibald Worgscoth, the great Wizard of Floz, fell slowly into a black oblivion until the next time someone ventured to open up my tale. Until then, all I had was a slight awareness of the two black words pressed firmly down over my face. The End.
This chapter is dedicated to Liz, because I finally finished something.
Chapter Six – The Blizzard of Floz
The wind roared furiously against the house, making the shutters slam angrily against the windows. I shivered and Brian bent to pick me up, but was thrown against the bed as the house lurched.
"Look!" Dara cried, running to the window and pointing outside. Brian had managed, then, to pick me up and I was able to see what Dara was pointing at. "We're flying!"
It was true. We were at a dizzying height off the ground, though the gray skies seemed never to get closer. The house spun in every which way, tossing and turning with the wind, as large flakes of snow and ice pelted against the windows.
"Uh oh," Granny said and died of excitement. No one seemed to notice since she wasn't really part of the story anyway.
On the wooden floor were strewn papers and various articles of clothing that hadn't made it into the shabby little dresser, which was rocking dangerously on its wooden legs not far from the bed. Sam and Stanley were each holding onto chairs in a somewhat feeble attempt to stay on their feet
"It's a blizzard!" Sam yelled over the howling wind. "A real blizzard!"
And so it was. Dara was half hanging out the window, watching the storm with childlike excitement. Brian was hanging onto the back of her dress, lest she fall out and plummet to her death. As if that would be a great loss. Okay, fine, I wasn't that cruel.
Suddenly, a cow was blown past the window and, as it mooed with discontent, I was astonished to find that it was, well, purple. Who on earth had ever heard of a purple cow? I didn't have long to ponder over the mystery, however, for just then, the wind began dangerously to whistle. Dara shrieked as the house lurched forward and then, without warning, began to plummet.
"We're falling!" She screamed and tipped perilously forward in shock. Brian yanked on her dress and she gasped at the sharp change in motion, tumbling backwards into the great beast. Both fell and Brian almost dropped me, but I grabbed onto his thumb and ended up squished but safe in his closed fist.
We landed with a bang.
Everything went silent.
Dara moaned and rolled off of the beast, getting shakily to her feet.
"Bwyn, leggfmm."
"What?" Brian asked, unfurling his thick, furry fingers and exposing his palm. I lay there, furious and panting.
"I said," I muttered, "Let go of me."
"Oh."
I climbed to Brian's shoulder and he stood up. Stanley looked shaken as he cautiously let go of the chair he'd been clinging to for dear life, but Sam looked as though he's just had a thrill ride. Well, maybe he had.
"Well," he said cheerfully. "Why don't we see where we've landed?"
Dara guardedly opened the door and peered out. Sunlight streaked in and I had to shield my eyes before I saw anything properly. We followed Dara outside.
"Oh," she whispered, her eyes wide. "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
"Kansas?" I said irritably, as our joy ride had put me in rather a bad mood. "Where in heaven and earth is that?"
She shrugged.
"I don't know. It just seemed right to say at the time."
I looked at her oddly before taking in our surroundings. We were in some sort of village square, with a friendly, bubbling brook running through and a bridge of light colored stones rainbowing across it. On the outskirts were strange looking shrubberies and a few small houses. Nothing impressive and yet there was a feeling of peace and harmony about the place that even had me feeling somewhat nice.
"Look," Dara said suddenly, "under the house."
We turned and looked. There, sticking out from underneath the house, were two, glamorous feet. Following the feet with my eyes, I saw a pair of ankles, and then a little bit of shin, and then – the house. The reason the feet were so glamorous was due to the fact that they were covered by a pair of sparklingly glamorous shoes. The very shoes, in fact, that I had seen that young woman, Evilina, casting a spell on.
"Oh no," I moaned. "We've landed on Evilina!"
"Sorry," Sam said, scratching his head with a bemused expression on his face, "Who?"
I threw him a disgusted look.
"Never mind."
"Look at those shoes," Dara marveled. Hestitating a moment, she quickly grabbed them off the late Evilina's feet and, slipping off her own muddy shoes, stepped carefully into them. They were ridiculously big on her but, nevertheless, she began walking in them, never taking her eyes off their adoring shininess. I rolled my eyes. Though it wasn't like Dara was doing any harm. What would Evilina need the shoes for, now that she had been so tragically squashed like a bug?
"Give me back my shoes," commanded a voice. Dara looked up, startled, and then blanched. There, standing in front of her, was Evilina.
My mouth fell open.
"Aren't you," I spluttered and glanced apprehensively at the feet. Evilina's eyes narrowed.
"That's my sister you so graciously landed your house on," she hissed. I gulped.
"Your – your sister?" Brian asked fearfully. Evilina looked at him oddly, evidently wondering why a beast such as he should cower from a not particularly threatening girl.
"Yes," she said, advancing in a rather menacingly way. "My sister. Willanna had been greedy, yes. But she did not deserve to be squashed like a beastly little insect!"
"Greedy?" Dara asked without thinking, drawing the attention back to her. Evilina stopped advancing and crossed her arms.
"Those shoes," she said rather meanly to Dara, "are mine. I enchanted them to help me get to the Prince's castle. Willanna, clever as she thought she was, stole them while I was out and snuck out of our manor, as our stepmother had forbidden us to go to the ball. I was just coming after her when I found you and your wretched house. My sister is now dead. The least you can do, little girl, is to give me back my shoes."
Dara looked down at the marvelous shoes and then back up at Evilina. Before she had a chance to decide, however, a large pink bubble descended from the heavens. I watched it suspiciously as it hovered in the air for a moment before materializing into a sickeningly beautiful princess. At least, I thought she was a princess. She turned out to just be Evilina's stepsister.
"Evilina, you little Ritch!" The woman said merrily, though her eyes held hidden rage. "What are you doing outside the manor? And who are these?" she asked with a graceful sweep of her hand.
"Oh, just a child, a scarecrow, a tin woodsman, and a cowardly lion," Evilina said offhandedly, obviously wishing her stepsister would just bubble her way out of there. "Oh yes," she said suddenly, "and a talking clock."
"A scarecrow?" Sam asked, looking wildly around him. "Where?"
"And he's not a lion," I said determinedly in Brian's defense, as the cowardly Brian seemed to have been rendered speechless with fear.
"And I'm not a tin woodsman, I'm a hunter!" Stanley insisted, offended.
"And my name is Dara, and you will not get your shoes back because you're mean!" Dara cried, stamping her foot and crossing her arms indignantly.
Just then, Enchantra herself appeared, looking distraught.
"Evilina!" she exclaimed. "You are not very polite! I think I'll have to turn you into a frog."
Enchantra pointed a finger at Evilina. Evilina's eyes widened in horror as her skin began to turn a bright, emerald green.
"No!" I cried. Enchantra had to be stopped, once and for all.
Luckily, it was then that I struck midnight.
"Ha ha!" I cried triumphantly and stopped Evilina's frog transformation at once. Her skin was still green though. I was about to modify that when Enchantra turned on me. She opened her mouth in fury when, suddenly, there was a strange whoosh of air.
"Okay, okay, what's all the ruckus?" asked a new voice. Everyone turned to face two men wearing suits and each carrying a pad of paper.
"Who are you?" Evilina demanded.
"Excuse me," Evilina's stepsister said, stepping forward. "I'm the one in charge here."
She smiled graciously at the two men and batted her eyelashes slightly.
"My name is Glinda, and-"
"Oh please," Evilina huffed, pushing her way forward, "no one put you in charge Glinda and, frankly, your flirtations are making me sick."
"Will someone just tell me what's going on?" One of the men said impatiently. "We're the Brothers Grimm and we've had an urgent call to come here and find the Lost Fairy Tales. If I'm right, I believe you are them so you had all better tell us what has been going on."
There was a moment of silence. The eye before the storm. And then we all began to speak at once.
When the stories were sorted out, no one was happy.
"First of all," said one of the Brother's Grimm, pointing at Enchantra, "the title 'ritch' will have to go, as all the rich folk back at home will get offended. From now on, you will be known as a witch."
"A witch!" Enchantra wailed, but the man paid no attention to her.
"Next," he said, looking first at his pad and then at Sam. "Your shrieking beauty...that has potential, but I'm afraid it would make for a very noisy motion picture. I suggest we change it to Sleeping Beauty."
Sam looked blankly at the man.
"But why?" he asked, clearly upset.
"It's a lot quieter," the second man said kindly. Sam seemed somewhat satisfied with that but still, he did not smile.
"You," the first man said, rounding on Brian. Brian quivered and the man shook his head sadly.
"It is just not natural for such a monstrous beast to be afraid of nearly anything!" he said. "And yours could make for a most wonderful love story. Forget about this Looney of yours. From now on, it's Beauty and the Beast. Though we'll leave it up to some French guy to write. It's just not our style."
"Can't you change it to Beauty and Brian?" Brian asked rather pitifully. The man shook his head and moved on to me.
"As for you," he said, wearing a thoughtful expression upon his face. "I think we'll put you in the Prince's castle. Then, at the stroke of midnight, you can work your magic. How 'bout that, eh?"
I glared at him.
"I'm a wizard," I snapped, not bothering to hide the pride in my voice, "and I will not remain a clock forever!"
But the men weren't listening.
"As for the rest of you," the second man said, surveying us all under his great, big eyes. "L. Frank Baum will be here shortly to sort you out. That's a job for the big guy. Oh, and little girl," he said suddenly, tossing Dara a red cloak with a hood, "wear this the next time you go to Granny's."
Dara looked at the cloak suspiciously.
"Why?" she asked but received no answer.
"It doesn't matter," I whispered to her. "Your Granny's dead anyhow."
Dara looked at me in surprise.
"Is she?"
Before I had a chance to answer, I felt a strange sort of pressure squeezing down on me. The Brothers Grimm looked up and then at each other.
"Well," said the first one, "it is time for us to go."
I would have asked them to wait, to explain what in hell's name they were doing in Floz, or why I couldn't turn back into a wizard, but everything suddenly went black. And I, Argyle Archibald Worgscoth, the great Wizard of Floz, fell slowly into a black oblivion until the next time someone ventured to open up my tale. Until then, all I had was a slight awareness of the two black words pressed firmly down over my face. The End.