Author's Notes: This is most probably a one-shot, so I didn't get this pre-read, so it is probably fraught with errors…Sorry to ST Pika who wrote "A New Beginning A New World" but I got pissed off by the extreme OOCness and the overdose of Happiness. I'll take it down if you want me to, I just wanted to make a point, and my angry mind gave me the Idea of a Intra-Fic Critic, who wielded a katana and disembowelled plot-lines…so Eric was born :). Another Sorry to any readers who were looking for a continuation of "Old/Bad Habits" but I really haven't got the will power to do it…sorry.
Some where in the wide litera-scape that is Anime FanFic a small rip appears in a happy place…a very happy place…In fact you might say it is a bit too happy. Out of this pulsating purple rip a lithe man emerges, seeming very sombre in the overly bright environment. When the man fully steps through the hole in word-space he quickly shades his shades his eyes and swears profusely. This man is Eric, the greatest critic to ever travel the lonely path of inter-dimensional FanFic censure. On his back he carried the legendary katana, ignorance and on his body were strapped the tools of his trade, bandoliers of whiteout, sheafs of paper and more than one highlighter was concealed on his person…for emergencies of course.
"…Shit…too much…happiness..." He mutters and pulls a pair of dark shades from secret pocket on his person. Eric gazed at the new dimension into which he had just arrived. The sun was out, birds were singing and somewhere a pond was bound to sparkling happily to itself. Not one thing was out of place…eerily so. Eric suspected that there was an exact replica of this place somewhere else in this city-scape, the Author too lazy waste what he must have thought was precious brain computation on making his world seem interesting. Eric snorted in contempt…what ever brain power the author had was reflected in this world, and the image was not flattering.
"Should get moving…don't want this end up like the last one" Eric thought to himself, remembering the last time he entered a happy place. He was lucky to escape. And even with the aid of another critic he was blessed to have made it out in one piece, let alone sane. With this memory to spur him along he ventured deeper into world of "A New Beginning A New World".
Walking closer to what seemed centre of the story Eric watch the scenery go by, again and again and again. The unfortunate inhabitants of this world started to appear one by one, all of them with huge smiles plastered over their faces, and their eyes were glazed over and dead looking. They were barely out-lines of personality, and Eric struck them down with quick, practised, strokes of ignorance and said last rites as their poor tortured souls returned to Eternal Spring.
Finally the plot appeared, a hideous fluorescing streak of happiness. "Take me to your Author" Eric demanded, eager to end this task quickly. The ball of high Molar love seemed to considered the action briefly and used to opportunity to sidle closer to Eric, who was too busy shading his hurting eyes to notice. Without warning it struck out and sunk its joy deep into the flank of the surprised critic. Eric only managed to part way draw his Katana before he was rendered unconscious by the incapacitating dose of happiness.
Eric awoke feeling like a million bucks…which luckily for him he had. The sun outside rose again in a perfect harmony with the perfect world. He made sure he didn't wake his perfect girlfriend and went into the kitchen to make her a perfect breakfast. One little thought rode the back of his mind, digging it's spurs in to get some attention, but Eric dismissed it as he served his adoring girlfriend the meal which he had whipped up with the skills he ohh so naturally had.
"Oh, honey you're so great, I love so much!" replied his girlfriend, showering him with kisses.
"And your so beautiful my Angel…" Eric's brain searched for the rest of the sentence, wondering briefly if his girlfriend had a name. Of course she has a name…it's…I know it's… Cracks started appearing in the world. Eric could see that his surrounds were 2 dimensional, fake as fake can be. His girlfriend was a poor facsimile of a woman, a look of confusion on her 2 dimensional smiling features. Eric reached over his back searching for the object he knew was always there…and that it was somehow deathly important that he remember what it was. The moment his hand touched the blade's hilt, the dream he had been living in broke into a million pieces, and only the quivering plot was left in it's place. Ignorance made a sinister sound as it was drawn out of it's sheath. Afterwards Eric wiped the yellow ichor off his blade with yet another perfect patch of grass. The world slowly began to darken, as plot holes and continuity problems started to scar the landscape.
The end game was in sight, as the critic approached the Author's Citadel. The world became more scripted, until the point even Eric was unable to think outside of the harsh format.
Eric: (thinking) What has the Author done to me?
Author: (gloating) Don't like it? This format allows me to publish more and more of my hideous fanfiction onto the unsuspecting population, at least 30 seconds faster than writing it in a more enjoyable format! (Laughs) MWHAHAHA!!
Eric: (shouting) You evil Bastard!!! Don't you know how many potential great writers your FanFic has discouraged! Not even mentioning the ones that have become mindless drones stuck in your twisted fantasy land?!
Author: Ahhh Yessss…you managed to escape didn't you? Why didn't stay and enjoy the world I crafted for you? You could have been happy for a very long time!?/
Eric: BUT IT WASN"T REAL!!!
Eric then drew ignorance with a one swift motion and used his remaining will power attack the surprised Author, who was caught unawares by the un-scripted movement and was easily defeated. Eric marked the shackled omni-potent being for retrieval and trial at the Court of Literature. With the Author unable to maintain his plastic world the environment slowly returned to a less perfect but more enjoyable norm.
Somewhere Eric moved onto his next assignment…
A message from Eric:
Remember kids, Fanfiction is Forever…not just for christmas. You mustn't turn to the Dark side and write in script…Leave that to people who make the movies.