Naruto Primer: Naruto/Tenten

Stupid Ninjas

Naruto was shuffling through his gallery of pictures that he had taken of the four who had been chosen to be in Sexy Ninjas Unlimited.  He sure had a lot of Sasukes…

All the better.

He took his assortment of pictures to Johnny Rocket's since that was, after all, where he first got his idea to make Awesome Ninjas Unlimited.  He placed all the pictures, ten in all, on the table and began sorting them out, deciding which were the best ones.

"What are you doing?" came a voice above him.

"NOTHING!" Naruto said immediately as he quickly jumped on the pictures and tried to cover them up with his body.

Tenten was looking down on Naruto as he did this.  She yoinked a picture out from underneath his arm that had been sticking out.  "This is a good picture of Sasuke." She commented.  "He looks sexy even when he's pouting and wet."

"It's NOT a good picture!" Naruto yelled as he swiped the picture back and put it at the bottom of his stack.

"Why do you have pictures of Sasuke anyway?" Tenten asked, trying to see the other pictures.

"They're not ALL of Sasuke." Said Naruto, eyeing Tenten.

"What are they for?" Tenten asked, sitting across from Naruto.

"Why should I tell you?" Naruto said.

"Because if you don't then I'm going to tell everyone that you have a collection of Sasuke pictures." Tenten said.

"Well fine!" said Naruto, dropping the pictures down on the table.  "If you put it that way."

Tenten picked up the stack.

"I'm making a magazine." Naruto said.  "And there's a section in the back about stupid ninjas so I took pictures of stupid ninjas doing stupid things."

"Sasuke's not stupid!" said Tenten, looking at the pictures.  "Neji's not stupid!  Shikamaru's pretty stupid.  And, for all I know, Kiba might be stupid.  Is this all you have?"

"Yeah." Said Naruto.

"How did you get these?" said Tenten.  "I don't even remember you being there when Iruka pushed Neji into that hole."

"With stealth!" Naruto answered.  "I decided to spy on Kakashi since he was four hours late and all!  And then, once I saw Iruka push Neji in that hole, I took the picture and ran!  It was so funny!"

"What is going on in this picture?" Tenten asked, showing Naruto a picture of Shikamaru wrapping Konohamaru up in blankets and belts.

"I don't know." Naruto confessed.  "But it looks like they're playing some kind of really stupid game that Shikamaru probably thought up."

"I don't even know who that random kid is." Tenten said.

"Oh, it's just Konohamaru." Naruto said.  "He's just some kid who idolizes me for some reason."

"What about this one?" Tenten asked.  "Is Iruka molesting Sasuke or something?"

"You know, he's trying to get a bee off of him…" Naruto said, taking the picture and looking closely at it.  "But the more I look at it, the more it looks like he's molesting him.  Though, I was more taking the picture because Sasuke was laughing hysterically and it looked foolish."

"And I couldn't help but notice this picture." Said Tenten, showing Naruto the perfect Sasuke 'Got Milk?' ad.  "I was there when this picture was taken."

"Isn't it great?" sighed Naruto.  "Hinata gave it to me.  That's what gave me the motivation to take the rest of these pictures."

"Why does Kiba look so horrified in this picture?" Tenten asked.

"That's after he got out of the pool at that pool party, you know?" Naruto explained.  "After Lee tossed him in the deep end, remember?"

"Oh right." Said Tenten.  "If memory serves, you were in the water when that happened.  How did you get this picture?"

"My waterproof camera!" Naruto said as if it was obvious.

"I think this picture is kind of disrespectful." Said Tenten about the one of Sasuke all unconscious and dead at the Scary Movie party at Lee's house.

"Really?" Naruto asked, looking confused.  "That's my favorite.  He was so afraid of that stupid movie that he actually passed out.  I guess it's not the actual picture, more so the concept that makes it so great."

"He didn't pass out because of the movie, he wasn't feeling very well." Tenten corrected.

"Oh please." Said Naruto.

"Did you see how many times he got up to go to the bathroom?" Tenten said.

"He was hiding in the bathroom!" Naruto said.  "I didn't hear the toilet flush a single time…well, except for when Akamaru used it…"

"Maybe he just FELT like he was going to throw up." Tenten said.  "Since he did right before he passed out at the end."

"Sasuke ALWAYS throws up when he's scared." Naruto said in an all-knowing tone.  "Trust me, I know.  It happens all the time.  You might not believe this, but I'm the level-headed one in the group!"

"You're right, I DON'T believe it." Tenten sighed, looking at the remaining three pictures.  "Okay, I can't really see what's going on in this picture.  Chouji just looks really happy and Shikamaru's sitting there."

"Well, Chouji beat Shikamaru at shougi here." Naruto said.  "When I print this picture for everyone to see, they're all going to realize that he's not as smart as they all thought and he doesn't really deserve to be a chuunin if CHOUJI was able to beat him!"

"…Naruto, I get the feeling that Shikamaru let Chouji win." Tenten said.  "Just look at the way he DOESN'T CARE."

"He never cares." Naruto said.  "But he will care once his chuunin vest is taken away!"

"Naruto, you have to admit that Shikamaru is really smart." Tenten said.

"No, he's not, because he lost to Chouji." Naruto reminded her.

"He ALWAYS wins." Tenten said.  "I hardly know him and I at least know that much about him."

"He didn't win this time." Naruto argued, crossing his arms.  "He's dumb."

"What's up with this picture of Sasuke with wet hair?" Tenten asked.  "He's just standing there with wet hair."

"But it looks SILLY!" Naruto exclaimed.

Tenten gave a heavy sigh and looked at the last picture.  "Is Kiba painting a doghouse here?" she asked.  "What's so stupid about that?  It's probably for Akamaru considering his life revolves around his dog."

"Yeah but…did you notice the COLOR of the doghouse?" Naruto said.

"…Purple?" Tenten asked.

"LAVENDER." Naruto corrected.

"…And?" Tenten said.

"A lavender doghouse for a male dog?" Naruto said as if Tenten was stupid.  "Obviously Kiba has a gay dog."

"Naruto, I think you're trying a little too hard to find stupid pictures of people." Tenten said.  "I mean, you're even making inferences about what was going on at the time. Do you even know WHY Iruka pushed Neji into that hole?"

"No." Naruto said.  "But I assumed it was because Neji was stupid."

"Neji's NOT stupid and that's not the reason!" said Tenten because she's the only person who ever sticks up for Neji.  "It was because Gai and the rest of the teachers told him to so that they'd let him be in their club."

"Oh." Said Naruto.  "That's weird.  Is that why he molested Sasuke?"

"That would make sense." Tenten shrugged.

"I'm going to have to bring that up to Kakashi." Said Naruto, scratching his chin thoughtfully.  "I mean, Sasuke's stupid and everything but that doesn't mean Kakashi can go around telling Iruka to molest him or anything.  What if it's me next?  I don't want that to happen!"

"Wouldn't you hate it if someone took a picture of you while that was happening?" Tenten asked.

"Well…yeah…" Naruto said quietly.

"And wouldn't you hate it even more if it got published in a magazine?" Tenten continued.

"That's not the point!" said Naruto.

"I thought that WAS the point." Tenten said.

"I…uh…"

"You know, Naruto, this just isn't right." Said Tenten, standing up.  "Now you can either let me take these pictures to throw them away or I'm going to have to tell Kakashi what you did.  I doubt he'd be very happy."

"I guess…"

"I'll just throw them away for you." Said Tenten as she started walking out the door to Johnny Rockets.  When she looked at Naruto to see that his head was down on the table in shame, she quickly stuffed the pictures in her pocket and sprinted off.