Naruto Primer: Future Itachi

Salami

Itachi had never really expected to grow up like this. He was twenty-six, a time in which he should be meeting girls and getting married, but instead he was hiding away in his underground lair in fear of his little brother whom he heard had become quite powerful over the past few years.

The more Itachi thought about it, the more he realized that it wasn't that great of an idea to kill the clan. As satisfying and amusing as it was at the time, in the long run, it just brought him unhappiness.

He was all alone in his lair that day since Kisame had gone out to get some milk. They couldn't eat Ninja Pebbles without milk. But he was hungry and it was taking Kisame an awfully long time to get back from the supermarket so Itachi decided to make himself a sandwich.

Unhappily, he pulled out the bread and the salami. He had always been partial to salami and he liked it especially with mayonnaise and mustard. But not the disgusting mustard, only the GOOD mustard. Sure, it cost a little more but it was all worth it so he could have a fine, fine sandwich. To his dismay, he found that the bread Kisame had bought was the disgusting grainy kind with the seeds in it because Kisame had randomly decided to put them both on a diet.

"I always choke on these things…" said Itachi under his breath as he pulled out two slices anyway. Unfortunately for him, there was only two end pieces left. As if it wasn't bad enough that he had to eat gross bread, but now he had to eat the END pieces!!

First he spread the mustard, then the mayonnaise and then he put the salami on it. He also decided to pop himself some popcorn to go with his sandwich so he put some in the microwave and set the timer. He took the first bite of his sandwich just as the door slammed open.

"I've finally found you!!" yelled Sasuke. How had he found him?!

Itachi jumped in surprise at the presence of his younger brother and three of his companions, Ino, Lee and Shino. He was so surprised that the bite he had just taken got caught in his throat.

"Now I will be able to put an end to your evil ways!" Sasuke said. "I have waited almost fifteen years to finally have my revenge for what you did to our clan! You were a fool to leave me alive because now I will be the one to kill you! Prepare yourself for the fight of—"

He stopped himself when he realized that Itachi was not paying attention. Itachi was paying more attention to the bread and salami that was lodged in his throat as was coughing, choking, beating his chest and keeling over.

"And…er…" Sasuke tried to continue. "Prepare yourself for—"

But Itachi collapsed to the ground with a wheeze.

"—the fight of your life…" Sasuke said hesitantly.

"Don't be fooled by his tricks!!" said Lee.

"Sasuke, now's your chance." Ino said.

Sasuke slowly approached Itachi's body on the ground. He kicked it lightly a few times and then rolled him over onto his back. After a moment of staring at his blank face, he looked at Lee, Shino and Ino. "He's dead…" he said.

The three of them gasped.

"I was supposed to kill him!" said Sasuke. "It's not fair that he choked to death!!"

"Well, you could say that you did kill him because you surprised him so much that he choked on what he was eating!" tried Ino.

"No!" said Sasuke. "I wanted to have the fight of my life! My one purpose in life has just been taken away from me! There's no way I'LL be able to go on living after this either!"

"You'll be all right, Sasuke!" said Ino, running over and trying to comfort him. Shino and Lee came over as well but Sasuke was beyond help. Just when he was about to stab himself, Shino Judo chopped him in the back of the neck and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

"What now?!" said Lee. "He's going to kill himself."

"We'll just tell him that the choking part was all a dream." Said Shino, picking up the shuriken that Sasuke was holding. He then made a few light gashes on Sasuke in various places. "We'll tell him that he sustained those injuries from his battle and that he actually killed his brother."

"Good idea!" said Lee.

"I still feel bad for him…" said Ino.

There was nothing else they could do so Shino and Lee picked up Sasuke and the four of them returned back to Konoha village, never to speak of the incident of just HOW Itachi died ever again.