Naruto Primer: The Teachers

Our Chuunins

The Hokage was sitting in his room looking through his scrolls.  No, this is not in the future anymore.  This is actually in that paradoxical world that we created where Chuunin Shikamaru and Third Hokage can exist simultaneously.

SO ANYWAY, the door to his office suddenly flung open and surprised the Hokage.  Gai, Kakashi, Kurenai and Asuma came stumbling in, looking all beat up.  All of their clothing was ripped and torn in PG places so that means that while male chests were EVER so exposed, females were still conservatively covered.

"What happened to you four?" said the Hokage in a distressed tone as the four jounins slumped down in chairs.

"I'LL explain this!" said Asuma, standing up and readjusting his torn vest.  He cleared his throat.  "We had summoned our students to perform VITAL training exercises early that morning!  We actually planned to take them to you so that they could get a mission for the day."

"But then something awful happened!" interjected Gai.

"I'm telling the story!" said Asuma.

"Tell me, what DID happen?" asked the Hokage, folding his hands.

"We were attacked!" said Kurenai.

"I was going to say that!" whined Asuma.

"By whom?" asked the Hokage.

"We did not know his name at first, but he proved to be a very worth adversary." Kakashi explained.  Asuma pouted and crossed his arms like a baby.

"ONE MAN defeated all four of you?" the Hokage said.

"He didn't defeat us!" said Gai.  "WE won!"

"It was hard win." Said Kurenai.

"There's only one thing I can say, though." Asuma said.  "And that it was a good think Shikamaru was there or else we all would have been done for."

"Shikamaru didn't do anything." Kakashi said.

"LIES!" yelled Asuma.  "ALL LIES!!"

"Frankly, Kiba, Hinata and Shino did incredible work." Said Kurenai.

"But it was nothing compared to Lee, Neji and Tenten!" argued Gai.

"How about you all tell me exactly what happened?" suggested the Hokage.

"Okay, we started training them." Asuma began.  "When, all of a sudden, this huge cloud formed overhead!"

"It was massive!" Kurenai added, stretching her arms out.

"So very big." Kakashi agreed.

"ENORMOUS!" Gai yelled.

"Then, from the cloud, this Super A Plus-Class Ninja appeared from it!" Asuma continued.

"Super A Plus-Class Ninja?" the Hokage said with a raised eyebrow.

"That's what he called himself." Kakashi said.  "He said that he was such a great ninja that they had to think up a new name just for him."

"Oh." Said the Hokage with a nod.  "Go on."

"He said that his target was the village!" said Gai.  "And he was going to start with us and our students!"

"And that's when Shikamaru—" started Asuma.

"Didn't do anything." Kakashi interrupted sternly.

"We took it upon ourselves to do the fighting." Kurenai said.

"Even the four of us working together just wasn't enough!" Gai said, looking distressed as he stuck a pose of despair.

"What bloodshed, what horror!" Asuma added.

"Just when we thought that we would be toppled and the village SURELY taken…that's when it happened!" said Kurenai.  "Against all odds, our students joined the effort!"

"Simply put, sixteen on one was a little overwhelming for the poor guy." Said Kakashi with a wink.  But he could have been blinking.  You never really know.

"And even though our students are only genins—" started Gai.

"With the exception of Shikamaru—" Asuma said quickly.

"They were able to defend themselves and fight against a Super A Plus-Class Ranking Ninja!" Gai finished, throwing some punches while also trying to ignore Asuma.

"That's good to hear." Said the Hokage.

"They are probably chuunin level…" said Kurenai thoughtfully.

"Say…you're right!" said Gai.

"And I'd have to say that Shikamaru is jounin level." Said Asuma.

"Then they should all do fine in the next chuunin exam." Said the Hokage.  "With the exception of Shikamaru who will, in fact, be taking the jounin exam."

They all stared at the Hokage.

"Is that it?" the Hokage asked.

"I think our students are chuunin level." Kurenai repeated.

"So they should take the chuunin exam the next time it rolls around." Said the Hokage AGAIN.

The teachers frowned.

"I'm glad you all did well against this Super A Plus-Class Ninja…or whatever it was called." Said the Hokage.  "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some things I have to do."

"Right…" said the teachers sadly as they left the room and closed the door behind them.

"I thought for sure that our inside connections with the Hokage and that amazing story would get our students up to at least the chuunin level…" said Gai as he wiped some "blood" off his face.

"We ripped up our clothes for nothing…" sighed Kurenai.

"It was all because of Asuma." Said Kakashi.  "Your acting wasn't convincing enough."

"My acting was incredible." Said Asuma like a Shakespearean actor.

"I guess our students will just have to wait for the next chuunin exam." Sighed Gai.

"But I want my students to be chuunins NOW!" said Kurenai.

"Good thing Shikamaru's ALREADY a chuunin." Said Asuma.

Everyone glared at Asuma and decided that they could no longer handle his insolent behavior and it was officially time to smite him.

"Asuma, I swear if I have to hear the words 'Shikamaru' and 'chuunin' in the same sentence again, I might very well go insane." Said Kakashi.

"What if I said something like…" Asuma said, thinking.  "You know Shikamaru?  He's a chuunin!"

The teachers could no longer hold it back anymore so they pounced on Asuma and began fighting in a cloud of dust and flying paper.  "IT WASN'T IN THE SAME SENTENCE!!" Asuma yelled as everyone beat the living daylights out of him.