A/N: Another chapter of madness…………..
Chapter 1
What a fucking piece of cake. I thought smugly as I looked into the slightly trembling form of our companion, our driver, Hakkai.
I suppressed a fucking happy smile. Oh you know I'm not really known as a smiling lad and I'm more like the……… uh, expressionless, heartless, ruthless, frowning bastard.
If these three sarus, oh yes three, including the ever grinning Hakkai, see me in all smiles they might point an accusing finger on me, might caught up that it was indeed me, yes me, who caused the nice man to have a severe trauma.
Severe trauma you say? Ohohoho…….. All right, I'll tell you. Hakkai have a phobia now. The phobia is, of course, getting close to Goku. You see, every time he gets within 1 ft. radius of Goku disaster strikes upon him. I wonder why? I thought sarcastically as I rolled my eyes discretely.
Now back to what I was saying. I've now considered Hakkai as a saru. You want to know why? It's because he didn't give me a damn, fucking challenge. And I thought he was one tough nut. I mean, he gave up in only three days! I sighed and took a long, lazy drag on my cigarette.
And I was really looking forward in making him learn his lesson. Oh you know the lesson that he should keep his damn sharp nails out of my Goku. I still had a lot of mischief and ideas in mind to make him suffer the wrath of the big green eyed monster.
"Oi, Hakkai aren't we there yet? I'm hungry." Goku suddenly said out of nowhere that even I was startled. Goku leaned in and touched Hakkai's shoulders. My eyes bore into Goku's hand.
Goku's hand on Hakkai's shoulders………… Goku's hand on Hakkai's shoulders……………. Like a mantra it repeated over and over again in my head. I'm getting the headache and I'm steaming mad.
And I thought he learned his lesson! I thought angrily as I tried vainly to keep my composure. I am sure that in no time at all, smoke would emit out of my nose because of irritation.
"Uh, uh, uh, I-I th-th-ink we'll be the-re-re in about 3 hours." Hakkai said stammering badly. He shifted his shoulders discretely as to move Goku's hand. I smirked to myself. Good move, Hakkai.
"3 hours?! But I'm hungry!" The saru whined yet again as he propped his chin on top of Hakkai's head. Hmmm…….. Did I say that smoke was coming out of my nose? Look, it's coming out of my ears too!
I was quite pleased to see Hakkai trembling badly now. Thank the heavens for the good effect of post trauma!
"Uh, Go-go-ku………… Pl-ple-ase get off me…….." Hakkai pleaded to Goku. The saru just scrunched his forehead in confusion.
"Why?!"
"Bakasaru! It's because he's traumatized by you!!" Gojyo yelled as he pulled Goku by his cape making the saru tumble on his bum.
"Ouch!!! But why?!" The saru asked concerned. He looked at Hakkai, a little worried.
Damn! I could get Hakkai's phony nails out of Goku but I can't get him out of the saru's mind!!! What must a buozo do?!! I thought steaming. My mind was racing with hazy thoughts. I will get even…………. I looked at Hakkai sideways and smiled. Bright ideas always come to those who need it………..
"Don't you notice? Every time you get close to Hakkai, something terribly bad happens to him." Gojyo explained exasperatedly.
"No I don't!" Goku indignantly said.
"Okay, let me recount all the mishaps Hakkai went through." Gojyo held up finger one.
"One. He was bathed with ants. You know the gazillion ants that left this terrible bite marks?" Ah yes. The start of all madness. I just saw this rotten mango, and it was completely covered with feasting ants, up on that tree they were under and it happens to be directly above Hakkai. Then right atop my table sat an innocent, little slingshot and lots of bottle caps. A sharp shooter like me can't miss that target ever. Especially if my life depended on it. Gojyo held finger two.
"Two. You served him these meat buns that made him throw up the whole day." Hehehe………… This was a little bit tricky. Goku was really worried about Hakkai because of the angry red marks the ants had left. He came to me asking what he should do to cheer Hakkai up. I told him to get Hakkai something to eat. Naturally I offered that I would get the food. I found this tantalizing bottle of pills that makes you feel like you ate something bad hence you throw up. I inserted a good 5 pills on each bun. Hakkai ate three. The kappa held finger three.
"Three. You almost blinded him. I don't know how it happened, but do you remember how Hakkai's monocle broke right in his face? I swear if Hakkai weren't fast enough, those shards of tiny glass would've pierced his eyes." Hmmmm………. By far the most difficult. I discretely stole Hakkai monocle to make it ever so brittle so at the slightest contact…….. BOOM. I returned it the same night. It was like it never left his bedside table. If I'm not mistaken, it's really Goku's fault. His spit landed smack in the middle of Hakkai's monocle, and like I say, the slightest contact will be enough. Hehehe……. That's why I always tell him to chew with his mouth closed. It can be lethal you know?! Finger four.
"And the last straw. Hakuryu almost died!!!! You know how Hakkai loves that little pest dragon!!!"
"Gojyo……… Ha-haku-ryu's not a pest!!!" Hakkai said still stammering but his eyes held conviction in them. Oh, how sweet. The love of master to pet. How touching.
"Ooooops. Sorry." Gojyo said while waving his hands. Back to why Hakuryu almost died. Its kind of right after Hakkai's monocle broke. The kappa and the saru quickly went to his side, really worried. The sight of Goku clutching Hakkai's hands tightly and Hakkai patting Goku's head to shush him down really took the last bit of sanity I had. I stood up to excuse myself at the very same time I 'accidentally' knocked of my plate. The silverware, more precisely the butter knife, sailed through the air in clean arc, it would've hit Hakkai's other eye if not for that loyal pest of his.
"Teme!!!! Are you implying that I'm doing all of it to Hakkai?!" Goku asked the kappa shrilly. Gojyo turned his bored, red eyes towards Goku.
"Ah, so you mean you aren't causing it?"
"Of course! Why would I do it to him?" Gojyo shrugged.
"I don't know."
"Teme!!!!!!!!" The two sarus went off to bicker. The spiteful buozo must now do his act. And I also think its about time for Gojyo to hold finger five.
"URUSAI!!!!" I yelled in character, I fired my gun upwards. Two shots. But if you're eyes are quick enough……. I did three.
"Ahh……… You made Sanzo angry again…………" Goku said while hugging Gojyo back in fright.
"ME?!!! You're the one who…………" They bickered again.
"What's that smell?!!!" Goku said as he sniffed around. Keep composure……… Keep composure………… Act like you don't know what's happening………
"OH MY GOD!!!!!! HAKKAI YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!" Gojyo yelled as he stood up from the back seat and tried vainly to put the fire out.
"What the fuck?!" I contributed wisely as I stepped on the break to help. Finding a cup of water by my side, I quickly dumped it on Hakkai's head. Instead of putting the fire out, it became intense. Oooops……… It's not a cup of water……… its oil. Gasoline. Highly flammable stuff.
Hakkai had his eyes wide with fright and he could not react. It was as if he was frozen in his seat. Thankfully Goku really found water. He wetted his cape and tossed it on Hakkai's head, in an instant the fore was put out.
"Are you alright Hakkai?!" Goku asked as he patted Hakkai's back. Hakkai whimpered and jumped from the jeep in fright. He looked back at Goku with large, mad eyes. The he set foot in the forest.
"Hakkai!!! Wait up!!!" Gojyo yelled as he too jumped from the jeep to catch up with the nice man. Goku yelled that he'll come as well.
"No stay with the bouzo! Besides Hakkai won't appreciate it if you're there." Gojyo yelled back at Goku.
Hmmmm……………………. Good night's sleep for me. I thought smugly as I looked at the two's retreating form. I'm sure I won't have the nightmare and they won't be saying: Mission accomplished anymore.
If there is a person who will be saying that………. It will be me.
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A/N: Thanks for all those reviewed!!! Really appreciated it. Hope you like these chap as well.
M-i: Green-eyed monster is a metaphor for a very jealous person. That's why Sanzo's eyes glowed green…….. you know……… the symbolize his jealousy. Hehehehe…… J