Title: Paying Old Debts
Author: Cheryl W.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fastlane or anything in conjunction with Fastlane nor am I making a profit from this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Well, the good news is this is a longer chapter. I thought it only fair since I made you wait such a long time for it. For all of you hoping I'll just finish this story soon, well, I think it'll be done in another two chapters! So please hang in there!
Replies to reviews at bottom
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Chapter 11
The world had somehow grinded to a halt for Van as Cade's words echoed through his head, '..who are you going to murder, Van? Kenny or Deaq and Billie? Make your choice because you can't save them all, Van.' Nothing else mattered but this moment, this decision. They say every man has a defining moment in his life, but Van had always argued that he had more than his share of defining moments...and this was yet another one, the one that would irrevocably set his fate in stone.
He raised his eyes from the gun in his hand to Cade's cold blue eyes and fought the urge to do the one thing he swore he would never do again...beg the man before him for mercy. And maybe he would have succumbed to that urge, maybe he would have again become the puppet Cade wanted him to be...if he didn't remember clearly the cold way Cade had looked at Boyd's lifeless body in his arms. This man knew no mercy, had no morality, no pity.
Faced with the knowledge that he could not avoid the choice Cade now forced upon him, Van turned around and looked at Kenny. Kenny began to cry in earnest now, gut wrenching sobs that shook his frame. The man was a criminal, he did Cade's every bidding no matter the horrific task, his life was not worth Deaq's or Billie's or even that of a stranger's upon the street. Taking his life now was just saving the Feds a bullet later. But no matter the logic, Van could not raise the gun in his trembling hand to Kenny's temple. He could not commit murder...not even to save Deaq and Billie. He would not become the monster Cade was.
Now with his decision made, Van turned to Cade and defiantly stated, "I'm not a murderer, Cade. If I was...you'd be died." And he shoved the gun back into Cade's hand and headed for the door. He jerked to a halt as the sound of a gunshot reverberated throughout the small room. But he did not turn around, not even when he heard the chair fall over and a body drop to the ground. For a moment, he clamped his eyes shut, willing his anger, his despair, his guilt to not overtake him. Then, having controlled his emotions, he wrenched the door open and began to stalk down the hallway, desperate to leave the house, to warn Deaq and Billie of the danger they were in.
But he hadn't gotten but a few steps before a hand snagged unto his arm jerking him around an instant before he was slammed harshly against the wall. Agony erupted from his wound but it didn't match his fury.
Cade wrapped has hand around Van's throat, pinning the younger man to the wall. "You think you're so righteous don't you, Van!" Cade snarled, leaning more brutally against Van. "You think no blood is staining your hands!?! You think just because you didn't pull the trigger that you didn't get that man killed!"
Van tried to push Cade back and had marginal success only to be slammed with more force than before into the wall. His legs started to fold under him at the agony but Cade's grip on his throat kept him standing. Cade delivered a punch to Van's stomach and threw the younger man to the floor.
Before Van could push air through his tortured body and think about moving, a knee jabbed into his back, pinning him painfully against the floor. Marshalling his strength, Van tried to roll and topple Cade from his back but the older man cruelly put down Van's revolt.
A chocked scream of pain erupted from Van as Cade brutally dug his fingers into Van's wound. As Cade pressed harder on the wound, Van's flagging strength abandoned him, leaving Van spent on the floor, his cry of pain the only response he was capable of exerting. When Cade pulled his hand back from the wound, Van swallowed his mounting scream but he did not move, he could not move. For a moment, only his labored breathing broke the quiet between the two men.
If he had owned an ounce of strength, Van would have flinched as Cade's hand lightly touched his hair but, as it was, he endured it without outward reaction. Cade's voice was reflective even regretful, "I always thought of you as a son, Van. You had potential, no enthusiasm, but potential. Whereas Boyd, he had all enthusiasm but no potential. I thought he'd rub off on you."
Through his labored breath, Van wheezed out, his eyes straight ahead, never seeking out the sight of the man that sat on the floor at his side, "That's why you kept him around as long as you did? Hoping his enthusiasm would rub off on me."
"Partly. And partly because he was another weakness of yours, a leverage I could hold over you."
Van found the strength to tinge his words with bitterness and turned his head to meet Cade's gaze, "He was just another game piece to you, to throw away when it was most advantageous."
Anger sparked in Cade's eyes. "I *threw* him away to save you, Van!"
Van growled, "I didn't ask you to save me!" and he tried to push himself off the ground but his arms refused to support him in the endeavor. In defeat, he resettled onto the ground without having truly left it, but with increased agony again singing along his nerves.
"No, you had too much pride to ask to be saved. At least too much to ask help from me," Cade watched Van's face contort in emotional pain before Van turned his head away from Cade's callous inspection. "But McNar, you had no problem asking him to *save you*."
Every time Van thought of Teddy McNar his stomach twisted and he felt like he was going to get physically sick. He still remembered kneeling over McNar, his hand pressed against the bullet hole in McNar's chest while blood surged between his fingers. And he would never forget McNar's last words, 'I screwed up, Van. I screwed up bad.'
"And McNar saved you," Cade calmly continued, "rescued you from your debt with me."
Van took note that Cade did not say McNar had *paid* his debt only *rescued* him from it. Cade never said anything carelessly.
Without warning Cade's hand shot out and gripped Van's chin and turned Van's face to him, forcing the younger man's eyes to meet his. "And how did you thank him, Van?" his voice low and deadly. When Van did not respond, Cade pressed his thumb on Van's wound causing another moan of pain from Van. "Tell me. I suppose Ray Ray paid him back the money but how did it end between you and McNar. What was his ultimate *reward* for saving you?! What was it Van?!" he demanded, though Van knew Cade already knew the answer, only wanted Van to say it.
When Cade put more pressure on his wound, Van rasped out, "Death. I got 'em killed!"
A grim smile emerged onto Cade's face, "Yes, I heard Van *Strummer* bad mouthed his paper...got him killed by Nick Selgato. Bullet to the chest. Someone even said you were there. Did McNar curse you with his last breath, Van? Did you tell you how he wished he had never saved you from me..that you were the reason he was dying, you and that damn badge you're so proud of? Or did he leave this world thinking you were still such a good boy? Someone he thought of as a son? Someone he was glad he pulled from my clutches?"
A sob began to crawl up Van's throat and he fought to dislodge it.
"McNar died because of you, Van. His blood's on your hands."
Hadn't Ray Ray said the same thing to him?! But somehow it hurt more coming from Cade. Ray Ray's prospective had been hued by emotions which meant it carried less weight. But no one could accuse Cade of that fault, of letting his emotions blind him. And the really sucky thing was, Cade was rarely wrong when it came to placing blame.
"You're a murderer already, Van. You murdered McNar, a man that risked his own soul to save you. And how many people did you watch die in that room?" and Cade pointed behind him to the room that now held the corpse of Kenny. "True, they didn't die by your hand but they weren't saved by your hand either...just like those poor bastards we dropped in the ocean screaming and begging or the ones we left to die in the desert. Their blood is on your hands, Van. And you can't wash it off by putting on a badge."
Van clamped his eyes shut, wishing he could shut out Cade's words, could deny the truth of Cade's words.
Cade watched Van's anguish in silence for a moment before he stood up and looked down at Van. "My boss doesn't care about Billie or Deaq," he paused dramatically, "He never did. He doesn't make things personal."
Van breathed out, "You bastard," and opened his eyes but did not settle his look on Cade. He jumped when Cade gripped his arm.
"Get up," Cade ordered quietly, and he began to help Van to his feet.
To Van's shame, he was too weak to resist the aid. But as soon as he was on his feet, he pulled from Cade's touch only to stumble back into the wall. By the strength of his will alone, he remained standing and looked to the man he hated most in the world.
Cade offered Van a smirk. "And killing your friends doesn't seem to benefit me in any way. At least not now. Besides, I've learned that it's never good to use all your leverage in one shot."
Loathing entered Van's voice, "This has all been some game to you. Why!? What do you want from me?!"
Cade tilted his head as if Van had just asked a ridiculous question, a question with an obvious answer. "Well, your debt paid, of course."
Desperation ripped through Van's frayed nerves. "How much?! How much do you want! What's the interest on fifty large for eleven years?"
"Did you forget? McNar paid me my fifty large." Cade stepped closer to Van and seared his look into the younger man. "I'm talking about your *personal* debt to me."
Van leaned more heavily against the wall, and forced the words past his constricted throat. "What *personal* debt?"
"I taught you a trade, Van. I let you inside my world, a world very few get invited into. I showed you mercy time and time again. How can a man pay back something like that?" Cade quietly said, without rancor but with steeliness in his eyes.
Suddenly Van found it hard to breathe. This was the debt he always knew Cade would collect on, this was the debt he could never hope to satisfy in the man's eyes. This was the one debt no one could pay for him. He repeated quietly, calmly, "What do you want from me, Cade?"
"You to come back to work for me, for real. Turn in your badge, walk away from the candy store and work your way up the ranks of my organization. Be the man I groomed you to be. Make me proud, make your father proud."
In a dead voice Van questioned, "If I agree, you'll leave Billie and Deaq alone..forever."
"You play this thing straight, you put away your badge..forever and I won't lay a finger on them. You have my word."
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In a daze, Van left Cade's house and drove through the streets. But now reality came sharply into focus as he arrived at his destination. A destination he had not mapped out but had been drawn to. Ignoring the reawakened agony of his wound, he climbed from the car and stood facing the building in front of him, forcing breath through his constricted throat.
It was in this building that Teddy McNar had died, had died because of Van, of his job. Here McNar had bitterly reaped the benefits of saving Van from Cade Roberts.
Clenching his jaw against the emotions that threaten to break him, Van tried the door and to his surprise and regret, it opened. Sucking in a breath, Van stepped into the building and found a light switch to the right. Suddenly the room's darkness abated and light lit up the deepest crevices of the room.
The room was changed since that day when Van had knelt by McNar's body. Gone was the manufacturing equipment, in it's place were stacks of boxes marked "Sammy's Salsa Sauce." But Van did not need the absent machines in place to guide him to where McNar had lain on the floor, breathing his last breath. Unerringly, Van walked between a row of boxes to the spot he would never forget.
There was no bloodstains on the concrete but in Van's mind's eye, he could see the puddle of blood again spreading upon the floor. Cade's words returned to him, 'McNar died because of you, Van. His blood's on your hands.' Suddenly Van could not deny the words any longer, could not abate his own feelings of guilt.
Sinking to his knees, Van gave an anguished cry of despair and remorse and hopelessness. With shaking hands, he touched the cold concrete where Teddy had died. A sob tore from Van, a sob that he had held since Teddy's death, a sob he had held since this whole Cade nightmare had invaded his life again. The sob was followed by another and another until his emotional barriers had been obliterated in the flow of his despair. It was all his fault, Boyd's death, Teddy's death, the jeopardy Deaq and Billie now faced. And he could no longer bear the weight of his guilt.
When his sobs finally shuttered to a halt, a calmness fell upon him as he pulled his gun from his waist. There was one solution to all his problems. A solution that he thought he would never seek, a solution reserved for cowards. Decisively, he chambered a round in the gun. He studied the gun in his hand with detachment, it's cold steel a familiar friend in his hand, so unlike the way Cade's gun had felt in his grasp today.
But an inner struggle waged inside him. He wanted it all to stop, the pain, the guilt, the hopelessness and the future he faced working for Cade. One bullet would stop it. Forever. But without prompting, he remembered what McNar had said eleven years ago when Van's shame at having had worked for Cade Roberts had overshadowed any joy life had to offer. "I don't know what Roberts had you do, Van. And I don't need to know. What I do know is, you don't have to be that person anymore. You can change, you can be the person you want to be, the type of person *you* would be proud to be. There's always a path to redemption...to happiness as long as you're still breathing." And Teddy's words had stayed in Van's heart and he had put them into practice when he joined the police force.
Redemption. Cade Roberts didn't believe in it. Was he right? Or was Teddy McNar right? But hadn't Van already been convinced that McNar had been right, that redemption could be had...in fact had been his these years he had been a cop? For every wrong he had done in Cade's employ, he had countered if with an act of righteousness during his time as a cop. When the full tally was taken, he knew he had helped more people than he could count as a cop...far more than he had hurt while working for Cade. And what was more, it repaired his soul to help others. Maybe he had not found the true path to redeem his soul yet but he had found a way to redeem his own self respect. He had become a person he was proud to be, the person Teddy McNar had urged him to be. Truly McNar had risked his life to rescue Van from Cade's clutches so that Van could have the chance for redemption, for happiness, a change to become the person he was today, to become the cop...even the cop who had unintentionally gotten him killed. How could Van throw that redemption away when it had ended up coming at such a high price?
Resolutely, Van ejected the bullet from his gun. He would cling to the redemption he had been afforded. He would put faith into his future and dare to hope that happiness would come again to him.
Putting his gun back in his waist, Van tenderly touched the cold cement in memory of a man he had loved dearly and stood to his feet. "You've saved me again, Teddy," he softly said to the empty warehouse and then he walked out into the bright sunlight.
Leaning against his car, he tried to marshal together a plan. He could not bear to heap more condemnation upon his soul...he could not work for Cade Roberts no matter the consequences to himself. However, the trick would be to restrict the consequences of his actions to himself, to firmly put Deaq and Billie in the clear and to keep them in the clear. Once he had helped a nineteen year old boy escape death at the hands of Roberts' sadistic games, and that he had accomplished at the age of sixteen. It should be a piece of cake to protect Deaq and Billie from Roberts now that he was a man, a cop... but it would take a little more than a simple phone call to a boy's father.
"Or would it?" Van spoke aloud as his thoughts sprang a plan into his head. Pulling his phone from his pocket he tried hard to remember a number from eleven years ago, a number that had allowed a father to save his son, a number that now had the possibility to save Van's friends from a similar fate at Cade Roberts' hands. As he struggled to remember the number, the past resurfaced in his memories and he vividly recalled Kyle Delpercio's fateful drive to the desert.
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Kyle Delpercio had been dumped into the trunk of Roberts' Mercedes like a bag of fertilizer. Van had cringed when Cade slammed the trunk closed, condemning Kyle to a darkness that Van did not want to envision. It was not the first time the sixteen year old Van had witnessed one of Cade's associates treated to such a ride but this time was personal. This time Van knew the boy in that trunk, knew that the *crime* he had committed against Cade was no crime but simply a curse of fate.
Kyle's father was a regular driver for Cade's boss and when Kyle wanted in the business, he had aimed a little lower on the food chain, setting his sights on a driving position with Cade. Cade had given him the job without hesitation, but now, three weeks into his work, Kyle's truck had been hijacked. Cade didn't believe for a second that the nineteen year old Kyle was involved but it did not lessen his wrath at the boy. And with his usual cold heartedness, Cade had sentenced Kyle to his own version of the death sentence: abandonment out in the desert with no hope of reaching water or help before death would claim him.
Van had tried to sway Cade's judgment, but his words were not heeded. In fact, Cade had delivered a sharp smack to Van's face and demanded, 'Someone's gotta pay his debt, you want it to be you. You ready to die, Van? For him, for his stupidity, for his gutlessness?' To that, Van had said nothing. He pitied Kyle his fate but he did not want to share in it.
But during the long drive to the desert, guilt ate at Van. Maybe some of the other people Cade had sentenced to this type of death had been guilty of disloyalty, of failure, of stupidity but Kyle, he was guilty only of the naiveté of youth. A naiveté Van had been harshly stripped of during the first month of his employ with Cade.
By the time the Mercedes had crossed the desert, using no trail but the gift of global positioning to reach its destination, Van felt sick, sick like he had become that first time he had watched Cade Roberts murder a man in that small room in his house. Numbly he got out of the car and watched as Kyle was pulled from the trunk and when Kyle fell to his knees because his legs had fallen asleep in that cramped quarters of the trunk, he was dragged ruthlessly to the spot where a single small white cross stuck out of the dirt.
Van could still remember the way Kyle had looked up at the ring of five people who stood before him, blinking against the sunlight, already covered in sweat due in no small part to the high humidity of the day and his ride in the trunk. His eyes flickered past Cade and his two thugs and landed on Boyd and Van, his terror and desperation unmasked.
"This pays your debt, Kyle. I'll tell your father we are squared away," Cade granted without a smile. Then Cade nodded to his two men and they headed back to the car. Suddenly, Kyle knew exactly how he was to pay his debt.
"No! Please!" and he tried to climb to his feet but his legs would not do his bidding, leaving him kneeling on the ground.
Dispassionately, Cade had ordered of Van, "Untie him, Van and let's go." And then he turned his back on Kyle, leaving him into the hands of nature's own cruel justice system.
Pulling out his pocketknife, Van crouched in front of Kyle and began to cut the ropes that bound the teenager's hands.
"Please don't leave me here, Van!" Kyle begged, his terror almost tangible but the boy did not cry. No, he faced the fate before him with more strength than Van had seen in the three other men Cade had abandoned to the desert. "I don't want to die! I didn't betray him!"
When Van's knife cut through the last twine of the rope, Kyle grabbed Van's hands and the sixteen year old's eyes met the eye's of the boy who was only his senior by three years. With a voice remarkable steady and quiet, Kyle appealed, "Help me. Call my father at 555-6831, tell him where to find me. Don't let me die out here, Van. Please. Please."
Van gave no response to Kyle's pleading and slid his hands from the other boy's grasp. He stood to his feet but could not force himself to tear his look away from Kyle's upturned face. Kyle's pleading eyes flickered to Boyd, but the fifteen year old gave a smirk of satisfaction that eerily reminded Kyle of Roberts before he nonchalantly turned his back on Kyle and walked to the car.
Resettling his look on Van, Kyle quietly said, "You are not like them, Van. You are no murderer. Call my father. 555-6831. If you don't, you will have killed me yourself."
Without a word, Van had turned and walked away from Kyle. Kyle said nothing, offered no more pleas or words of condemnation. He had no need to. What he had said were the only words that could sway Van and he knew it. His life now rested solely in the hand of the sixteen year old Van.
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Breaking from his memories, Van concentrated on the phone number he now remembered. But he found that he could not shut out the rest of Kyle's words. With clarity, Van knew Kyle had spoken the truth, if Van had not called Kyle's father, he would have been guilty of killing Kyle...just as he was partly to blame for Kenny's death today and as well as all those others that he had watched Cade kill.
Redemption. He had given it to Kyle only to have condemned Boyd. For every action there was a reaction. For every decision there was a consequence. But Cade did not play fair. He did not lay the consequences to the ones who deserved them but instead he twisted them to his own sick means. Van could not...would not let him do that this time.
Dialing Kyle's father's number, Van prayed that the number had not changed in the past eleven years. A man's voice answered the phone with a "hello" to which Van replied, "Is this Mr. Delpercio?"
"Yeah, That's me."
Relief and hesitation zinged through Van. All his plans centered around Kyle's father's willingness to help him. "Hello, Mr. Delpercio this is Van Ray. You might not remember me but.."
But Mr. Delperchio cut in with warmth, "I remember you Van. How could I forget you?!. You saved the life of my son."
Uncomfortable with the role of hero in this man's eyes, Van stammered, "Yeah...well, all I did was call you. You were the one who saved him."
Mr. Delpercio denied Van's humility, "No, son. You saved Kyle...and I know it cost that other boy his life. I'm sorry. I'm sorry he lost his life..."
Van swallowed hard, and clamped his eyes shut and could only choke out, "I'm sorry too."
A pause fell between them before Van got up the nerve to ask the favor he needed of the man. "I know I have absolutely no right to ask... but I need your help."
Without hesitation, Mr. Delpercio countered, "I will do whatever you need me to. I can not say no. I love my son very much and owe you everything."
"Don't...I ...Kyle didn't deserve to die. Cade was wrong. You have every right to turn me down cold."
"Van, ask your favor," Mr. Delpercio gently prodded.
Van sighed, "I need to know the location of Roberts' warehouse and when Roberts shows up there to do his inspection of the inventory."
A heavy silence fell for a moment before the other man spoke again. "I know what you risked to save my son. You know what I risk in telling you this."
"Yes but I won't implicate you in any way. I'll keep you safe," Van promised.
"19 Waterstreet Avenue and Roberts will be there tomorrow at 3pm sharp," came over the line firmly. "I don't know what you are planning but the warehouse is guarded...heavily."
"Thank you. You've saved my life, Mr. Delpercio."
But sorrow coated the other man's voice as he contradicted, "Why do I think that's a lie. I think I've just gotten you killed."
The man's perceptiveness threw Van a curse ball and it took him a moment before he could answer...truthfully. "This is what I want, what I need to save some of my friends. You've repaid back any debt you felt you or Kyle owed me."
"Kyle still talks about you Van. You're the best man he's ever known. Don't get yourself killed. I don't want to tell Kyle I was a part of that."
"I'll try my best, Mr. Delpercio. Goodbye." And Van clicked off his phone.
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Van walked into the Candy Store and couldn't help letting a small smile creep unto his face as he watched his partner and boss engage in a game of one on one basketball. Billie's height was a true disadvantage and Deaq was exploiting it to the max by tauntingly standing still and raising the ball above his head as Billie tried to jump for it. Van saw Billie's expression darkened and he almost called out a warning to Deaq but instead let the scene unfold.
Deaq was holy unprepared for Billie's fist to impact with his stomach. Doubling over with a groan, the basketball slipped from his hold and Billie snagged it midair and tossed it threw the hoop.
Van clapped and earned the startled attention of his coworkers. Their game forgotten, they both crossed to his side wearing identical worried looks.
"You were supposed to call in an hour ago!" Billie reprimanded but Van could see it was her concern for him that initiated her words.
"You OK?" Deaq questioned softly, reaching out and tilting Van's head to the side so he could better see the bruise on his partner's too pale face.
"I'm fine," Van denied, pulling back from Deaq's touch but Deaq grabbed Van's arm, halting Van's retreat.
"Van, my grandmother looked better in her casket than you do right now," Deaq sallied back. "What the hell did Roberts do to you?!"
"Set the ground rules."
Warily Billie asked, "And they are?"
Van met Billie's eyes steadily. "I go back into his business legit and he'll stay clear of you and Deaq."
But before all his words were out, Billie was shaking her head and her eyes were glittering with steely resolve. "No deal. He's not getting you back, Van. That's non negotiable."
"Everything's negotiable, Billie," Van countered.
"Not this," and he could see she believed that wholly.
Deaq had watched the interaction between Van and Billie in silence, studying Van for what the man would not say. Now he spoke up, "But you got a play to make, don't you Van? You're going to make one last ditch effort to take down Roberts before you hand over your soul to your reaper for good."
Van's eyes met Deaq's and the connection that had sparked between them since the start of their partnership clicked on and they were again of one mind. Deaq smiled and he and Van said together "Let's take the bastard down," as their fists connected in a sign of agreement.
Billie's fist joined Deaq and Van's. "I'm in."
"Alright, player, you're gonna lay it out for us.." Deaq began but before Van could agree Deaq added a condition to his request, "*after* we take a look at your back."
With a tone almost bordering on a whine, Van protested, "I said it was fine."
"Yeah, I know 'cause pros play hurt," Deaq sallied back with sarcastic reprimand. "If you're so fine, then show me your back," and he stepped behind Van but Van spun around to face his partner.
"I already got a mother, Deaq. I don't need another," Van shot back.
Billie cut in, "Well, she's not here so..." both men's eyes swung to her, ready for her to finish her sentence, self-consciously she altered the ending, "so Deaq's filling in."
"Funny," Deaq gave a fake smile and resettled his look on Van. "Put up or shut up, Van."
For a moment a silent stare down ensued but seeing that Deaq was not going to back down, Van gave in without grace, "Fine, play Dr. Welby," and he swung around offering his back to Deaq.
Gently Deaq lifted up Van's leather coat but he had no need to pull up Van's shirt to determine how Van's wound was faring. He could see the blood seeping through the shirt. Curses flew from Deaq and Van didn't know if they were directed at him or Cade. He didn't bother to try and sugarcoat the ripped stitches. Truth was, he was in some serious pain...Cade had seen to that.
At Deaq's reaction, Billie had come around and viewed the wound. But she took it a step further and lifted Van's shirt to reveal the blood soaked bandage. "I don't think I need to tell you that you ripped out some of your stitches."
"Guessed that," Van replied abandoning his denials.
"Roberts did this, didn't he?" Deaq's voice could have cut diamonds.
"We had a little disagreement," Van quietly supplied.
"About?" Billie prompted as she crossed over to the first aid kit in the corner, and began to pull out supplies. In the mean time, Deaq steered Van to a plush backless chair and pushed him down into it's depths.
Van had not answered Billie's question by the time she returned and she asked again as she removed Van's soaked bandage and ran an antiseptic cloth over the bleeding wound, "Had a disagreement about what Van?"
Flinching at the sting of the antiseptic, Van hissed in reaction before he spoke. "About me putting a lick shot into the truck driver you side lined the other night."
Billie's hands froze in their work and Deaq claimed a seat on the couch in shock.
Sensing he had captured the attention of his audience, Van continued, not meeting Deaq's eyes but letting the floor tile occupy his focus. "Cade wanted me to...and I didn't want to. Funny how eleven years goes by and we still have the same arguments."
When Billie began again to tend to his wound, Van felt some comfort that she did not recoil from him after all. He looked up to meet Deaq's eyes and found no censure there either only anguish.
"Say it all, man," Deaq gently prompted. "Billie and me are real good listeners."
Deaq made it sound so easy. Say it all. But Deaq had no idea what it all was, what it had cost Van, how long Van had kept these secrets buried in his soul.
Billie's softly encouraged as she reapplied the bandage and came around to face Van, "We aren't going to judge you, Van. You've been there for me and for Deaq when we needed you. How about you let us return the favor?"
Looking at the faces of the two people who knew him the best, Van nodded his head and finally unburdened his soul.
"At first, all Cade wanted from me was to score a car, collect a debt, run some swag 'round town." Van hung his head a moment and ran his hand through his hair before he again met Deaq's eyes. "But then one day things turned hard core. He took me and this other kid, Boyd, down to a room in his house. And we get in there and Cade's got this guy handcuffed to a chair and the guy's been worked over real good. His mother wouldna recognized him, that's how bad off he was."
Van stopped here, knowing he was almost to the point of rambling or diving into another story so he wouldn't have to finish this one. But this was one story he couldn't bear to keep locked up anymore. It hurt too badly. All his stories involving Cade hurt too damn badly.
Taking a steadying breath, he looked to Billie, "Cade gave me a gun and told me to kill the guy."
Whatever they had envisioned of Van's time with Cade, Deaq nor Billie had guessed at the depths of the horror Van had faced.
"But I wouldn't do it," Van continued, "so Cade shot him in the head to show me how easy it was. And he made Boyd and I dig a grave for the body in the desert." Van averted his eyes from Deaq and Billie. "That was just the start of it. I...I don't know how many men I watched Cade interrogate and kill in that room, or how many graves I dug. He said he wanted Boyd and me to be strong, to see that keeping what you had in life was about strength and respect and not letting your emotions dictate your actions."
At first only silence fell in the room, Deaq and Billie did not know what words to offer to Van. Then Deaq offered, "Ah, Van, hell...I .. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry." This earned him Van's eye contact again.
But Van was shaking his head, "I don't deserve your pity, Deaq! I stood there and watched those men get murdered! I dug their graves! But that...hell, that's not the worst of it." And Van stood up and turned his back on his friends, "We took people out to the desert, dropped them off in the middle of nowhere, left them out there to die. And some we took out to the ocean...near a reef that is inhabited by sharks..." here he stopped, his emotions choking off his words. "And I did nothing!"
"Van, you were a kid!" Billie defended, "Cade Roberts is with the mafia! Disobeying him was only going to get you killed!"
Van swiped at the tears that trickled down his face and turned to face his friends' again. "I did disobey him...once. He put a nineteen year old kid out in the desert because the kid had the misfortune of being the driver of a truck that got hijacked. And I..I almost let him die, I knew the boy and I still almost chose my life over his." Van sank down unto the chair again, "But I chose to save him.. I called his father and told him where he was."
Deaq dreaded the answer even as he asked the question, "And Roberts found out, didn't he?"
Van nodded his head, "Yeah. He knew it was me but ...." Van swallowed hard, uncertain if he could get the words out.
Billie laid her hand on Van's knee, "Just take your time, Van."
Closing his eyes, Van tried to control his emotions. When he opened his eyes, Deaq was shocked at the despair he saw in their depths. "He killed Boyd instead of me...made Boyd pay the price for my betrayal."
Billie cursed bitterly, surged to her feet and began to pace while Deaq's rage boiled under the surface.
"Cade said he did me a favor... he killed Boyd instead of me...cause he thought of me as a son," disgust dripped from Van's words.
"Sick bastard!" Deaq exploded. "To hell with a plan!" and he pulled his gun from his waist and chambered a round. He gained his feet but suddenly Van stood in front of him, blocking his place.
"That's what he wants, Deaq! He wants me...us... to turn into him, to become a butcher like him. But that ain't gonna happen! We are better than him, Deaq," After a moment, Van saw Deaq smother down his fury and he felt relief rush through him. They were too close to their goal to let their emotions trip them up.
"No matter what, he ain't walking away this time," Deaq promised lowly but he put his gun back in his waist.
A malicious smile spread on Van's face, "No, he ain't walking clear of this one. He wants me to repay him for teaching me his trade....I'm gonna pay that debt: fully. The student's about to become the teacher."
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TBC
See no cliffie and the plot's actually getting somewhere! (I think) . This chapter was a real struggle to write and I'm trying to fine tune the plot so I'ld really appreciate any encouragement anyone has to offer.
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DKM: Well there was no divine intervention to save Van from his decision but he survived the situation...only to be tortured more by Cade. I just couldn't see Van murdering anyone...his soul's just too good to do that. He's a fighter...even when he's on his last leg he still manages to come up swinging. I couldn't portray him any other way. Glad you're inspired to write! As for me going strong...well I almost wrote myself into a corner with this plot but then I negotiated some points and came back swinging like Van would expect of me. Did you like this chapter? Was Van's decision/reaction credible? Can you see where things are heading with taking down Roberts? I just seem a little flighty with the plot and I'm hoping I'm not screwing up this story. Drop me a line of what you thing.
Fan4fastln: For the record, I always have something evil in store for Van! (He's so cute when he's in pain/anguish) I liked your "Raymond Ray and Son counterfeiting" thought. Oh I definitely agree Ray's first choice for Van would have been his own trade. Father's love when their sons decide to follow in their footsteps. (Makes me so glad to be a girl and not have that pressure.) Thanks for forgiving me for leaving you hanging while I skipped off for Vacation...(It was great by the way). So how do you think this chapter was? I'm a little worried that it's lost its edge?
Lynne: I'm sorry about your family crisis. I hope things are better now. Glad you like Deaq chewing out Billie...some people are true Billie fan's and I worried that they would resent that argument. But truly she was out of line with her actions...especially since Van had asked her to stay clear. Ah what you do out of friendship! And yes, Cade is a quicksilver bastard. He might have a soft spot for Van but let's face it, it ain't that soft. Love to hear your thoughts on this chapter!
Alma Rates: Uh oh...so you read some of my other stories. Now I'm kinda embarrassed. It's almost like you finding out my "true identity*. But thanks so much for checking out my other stories and I'm curious to know which ones you looked at? And I'm glad you didn't want Van to kill Kenny...I wasn't sure how the vote would go with everyone. But as for me, I don't believe Van's a murderer...no matter the situation. And he's strong enough to make his own decisions and bear their consequences. Drop me a review!
Crazyk: Thanks for reading and reviewing my story!!! I'm flattered that I have you on the edge of your seat! Hope I didn't lose that edge this chapter? And I think this story should wrap up in about two chapters so please stay tuned and drop me a review.
Leann: Sorry to disappoint you but my computer automatically capitalizes your "L" in your name. (I'm as lazy as you are!) Yes, it truly sucks to be Van. He's had to make a lot of hard decisions and even though he contemplated checking out..he's too much of a fighter to give up. Cade will seriously regret trying to collect Van's debt! Serves him right!! So how did this chapter compare with the others?
Mady Bay: So glad you're still tuning in! And I just couldn't resist putting Van into a hard position of decision. In life sometimes, there are no good choices but you still gotta chose...like Van did. Please keep reading and review! I love to hear from you.
Electricgurl: Well, here's another long chapter for you! Hope you liked! And this chapter didn't even end in a cliffie! And yes, I am evil ...and I enjoy that power very much...especially since there are no repercussions...(but only because my readers can't track me down). So what did you think of this chapter?
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Thanks for everyone who read this chapter and for those who reviewed last chapter!!! Have a great day!!
Cheryl W.
Author: Cheryl W.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fastlane or anything in conjunction with Fastlane nor am I making a profit from this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Well, the good news is this is a longer chapter. I thought it only fair since I made you wait such a long time for it. For all of you hoping I'll just finish this story soon, well, I think it'll be done in another two chapters! So please hang in there!
Replies to reviews at bottom
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Chapter 11
The world had somehow grinded to a halt for Van as Cade's words echoed through his head, '..who are you going to murder, Van? Kenny or Deaq and Billie? Make your choice because you can't save them all, Van.' Nothing else mattered but this moment, this decision. They say every man has a defining moment in his life, but Van had always argued that he had more than his share of defining moments...and this was yet another one, the one that would irrevocably set his fate in stone.
He raised his eyes from the gun in his hand to Cade's cold blue eyes and fought the urge to do the one thing he swore he would never do again...beg the man before him for mercy. And maybe he would have succumbed to that urge, maybe he would have again become the puppet Cade wanted him to be...if he didn't remember clearly the cold way Cade had looked at Boyd's lifeless body in his arms. This man knew no mercy, had no morality, no pity.
Faced with the knowledge that he could not avoid the choice Cade now forced upon him, Van turned around and looked at Kenny. Kenny began to cry in earnest now, gut wrenching sobs that shook his frame. The man was a criminal, he did Cade's every bidding no matter the horrific task, his life was not worth Deaq's or Billie's or even that of a stranger's upon the street. Taking his life now was just saving the Feds a bullet later. But no matter the logic, Van could not raise the gun in his trembling hand to Kenny's temple. He could not commit murder...not even to save Deaq and Billie. He would not become the monster Cade was.
Now with his decision made, Van turned to Cade and defiantly stated, "I'm not a murderer, Cade. If I was...you'd be died." And he shoved the gun back into Cade's hand and headed for the door. He jerked to a halt as the sound of a gunshot reverberated throughout the small room. But he did not turn around, not even when he heard the chair fall over and a body drop to the ground. For a moment, he clamped his eyes shut, willing his anger, his despair, his guilt to not overtake him. Then, having controlled his emotions, he wrenched the door open and began to stalk down the hallway, desperate to leave the house, to warn Deaq and Billie of the danger they were in.
But he hadn't gotten but a few steps before a hand snagged unto his arm jerking him around an instant before he was slammed harshly against the wall. Agony erupted from his wound but it didn't match his fury.
Cade wrapped has hand around Van's throat, pinning the younger man to the wall. "You think you're so righteous don't you, Van!" Cade snarled, leaning more brutally against Van. "You think no blood is staining your hands!?! You think just because you didn't pull the trigger that you didn't get that man killed!"
Van tried to push Cade back and had marginal success only to be slammed with more force than before into the wall. His legs started to fold under him at the agony but Cade's grip on his throat kept him standing. Cade delivered a punch to Van's stomach and threw the younger man to the floor.
Before Van could push air through his tortured body and think about moving, a knee jabbed into his back, pinning him painfully against the floor. Marshalling his strength, Van tried to roll and topple Cade from his back but the older man cruelly put down Van's revolt.
A chocked scream of pain erupted from Van as Cade brutally dug his fingers into Van's wound. As Cade pressed harder on the wound, Van's flagging strength abandoned him, leaving Van spent on the floor, his cry of pain the only response he was capable of exerting. When Cade pulled his hand back from the wound, Van swallowed his mounting scream but he did not move, he could not move. For a moment, only his labored breathing broke the quiet between the two men.
If he had owned an ounce of strength, Van would have flinched as Cade's hand lightly touched his hair but, as it was, he endured it without outward reaction. Cade's voice was reflective even regretful, "I always thought of you as a son, Van. You had potential, no enthusiasm, but potential. Whereas Boyd, he had all enthusiasm but no potential. I thought he'd rub off on you."
Through his labored breath, Van wheezed out, his eyes straight ahead, never seeking out the sight of the man that sat on the floor at his side, "That's why you kept him around as long as you did? Hoping his enthusiasm would rub off on me."
"Partly. And partly because he was another weakness of yours, a leverage I could hold over you."
Van found the strength to tinge his words with bitterness and turned his head to meet Cade's gaze, "He was just another game piece to you, to throw away when it was most advantageous."
Anger sparked in Cade's eyes. "I *threw* him away to save you, Van!"
Van growled, "I didn't ask you to save me!" and he tried to push himself off the ground but his arms refused to support him in the endeavor. In defeat, he resettled onto the ground without having truly left it, but with increased agony again singing along his nerves.
"No, you had too much pride to ask to be saved. At least too much to ask help from me," Cade watched Van's face contort in emotional pain before Van turned his head away from Cade's callous inspection. "But McNar, you had no problem asking him to *save you*."
Every time Van thought of Teddy McNar his stomach twisted and he felt like he was going to get physically sick. He still remembered kneeling over McNar, his hand pressed against the bullet hole in McNar's chest while blood surged between his fingers. And he would never forget McNar's last words, 'I screwed up, Van. I screwed up bad.'
"And McNar saved you," Cade calmly continued, "rescued you from your debt with me."
Van took note that Cade did not say McNar had *paid* his debt only *rescued* him from it. Cade never said anything carelessly.
Without warning Cade's hand shot out and gripped Van's chin and turned Van's face to him, forcing the younger man's eyes to meet his. "And how did you thank him, Van?" his voice low and deadly. When Van did not respond, Cade pressed his thumb on Van's wound causing another moan of pain from Van. "Tell me. I suppose Ray Ray paid him back the money but how did it end between you and McNar. What was his ultimate *reward* for saving you?! What was it Van?!" he demanded, though Van knew Cade already knew the answer, only wanted Van to say it.
When Cade put more pressure on his wound, Van rasped out, "Death. I got 'em killed!"
A grim smile emerged onto Cade's face, "Yes, I heard Van *Strummer* bad mouthed his paper...got him killed by Nick Selgato. Bullet to the chest. Someone even said you were there. Did McNar curse you with his last breath, Van? Did you tell you how he wished he had never saved you from me..that you were the reason he was dying, you and that damn badge you're so proud of? Or did he leave this world thinking you were still such a good boy? Someone he thought of as a son? Someone he was glad he pulled from my clutches?"
A sob began to crawl up Van's throat and he fought to dislodge it.
"McNar died because of you, Van. His blood's on your hands."
Hadn't Ray Ray said the same thing to him?! But somehow it hurt more coming from Cade. Ray Ray's prospective had been hued by emotions which meant it carried less weight. But no one could accuse Cade of that fault, of letting his emotions blind him. And the really sucky thing was, Cade was rarely wrong when it came to placing blame.
"You're a murderer already, Van. You murdered McNar, a man that risked his own soul to save you. And how many people did you watch die in that room?" and Cade pointed behind him to the room that now held the corpse of Kenny. "True, they didn't die by your hand but they weren't saved by your hand either...just like those poor bastards we dropped in the ocean screaming and begging or the ones we left to die in the desert. Their blood is on your hands, Van. And you can't wash it off by putting on a badge."
Van clamped his eyes shut, wishing he could shut out Cade's words, could deny the truth of Cade's words.
Cade watched Van's anguish in silence for a moment before he stood up and looked down at Van. "My boss doesn't care about Billie or Deaq," he paused dramatically, "He never did. He doesn't make things personal."
Van breathed out, "You bastard," and opened his eyes but did not settle his look on Cade. He jumped when Cade gripped his arm.
"Get up," Cade ordered quietly, and he began to help Van to his feet.
To Van's shame, he was too weak to resist the aid. But as soon as he was on his feet, he pulled from Cade's touch only to stumble back into the wall. By the strength of his will alone, he remained standing and looked to the man he hated most in the world.
Cade offered Van a smirk. "And killing your friends doesn't seem to benefit me in any way. At least not now. Besides, I've learned that it's never good to use all your leverage in one shot."
Loathing entered Van's voice, "This has all been some game to you. Why!? What do you want from me?!"
Cade tilted his head as if Van had just asked a ridiculous question, a question with an obvious answer. "Well, your debt paid, of course."
Desperation ripped through Van's frayed nerves. "How much?! How much do you want! What's the interest on fifty large for eleven years?"
"Did you forget? McNar paid me my fifty large." Cade stepped closer to Van and seared his look into the younger man. "I'm talking about your *personal* debt to me."
Van leaned more heavily against the wall, and forced the words past his constricted throat. "What *personal* debt?"
"I taught you a trade, Van. I let you inside my world, a world very few get invited into. I showed you mercy time and time again. How can a man pay back something like that?" Cade quietly said, without rancor but with steeliness in his eyes.
Suddenly Van found it hard to breathe. This was the debt he always knew Cade would collect on, this was the debt he could never hope to satisfy in the man's eyes. This was the one debt no one could pay for him. He repeated quietly, calmly, "What do you want from me, Cade?"
"You to come back to work for me, for real. Turn in your badge, walk away from the candy store and work your way up the ranks of my organization. Be the man I groomed you to be. Make me proud, make your father proud."
In a dead voice Van questioned, "If I agree, you'll leave Billie and Deaq alone..forever."
"You play this thing straight, you put away your badge..forever and I won't lay a finger on them. You have my word."
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In a daze, Van left Cade's house and drove through the streets. But now reality came sharply into focus as he arrived at his destination. A destination he had not mapped out but had been drawn to. Ignoring the reawakened agony of his wound, he climbed from the car and stood facing the building in front of him, forcing breath through his constricted throat.
It was in this building that Teddy McNar had died, had died because of Van, of his job. Here McNar had bitterly reaped the benefits of saving Van from Cade Roberts.
Clenching his jaw against the emotions that threaten to break him, Van tried the door and to his surprise and regret, it opened. Sucking in a breath, Van stepped into the building and found a light switch to the right. Suddenly the room's darkness abated and light lit up the deepest crevices of the room.
The room was changed since that day when Van had knelt by McNar's body. Gone was the manufacturing equipment, in it's place were stacks of boxes marked "Sammy's Salsa Sauce." But Van did not need the absent machines in place to guide him to where McNar had lain on the floor, breathing his last breath. Unerringly, Van walked between a row of boxes to the spot he would never forget.
There was no bloodstains on the concrete but in Van's mind's eye, he could see the puddle of blood again spreading upon the floor. Cade's words returned to him, 'McNar died because of you, Van. His blood's on your hands.' Suddenly Van could not deny the words any longer, could not abate his own feelings of guilt.
Sinking to his knees, Van gave an anguished cry of despair and remorse and hopelessness. With shaking hands, he touched the cold concrete where Teddy had died. A sob tore from Van, a sob that he had held since Teddy's death, a sob he had held since this whole Cade nightmare had invaded his life again. The sob was followed by another and another until his emotional barriers had been obliterated in the flow of his despair. It was all his fault, Boyd's death, Teddy's death, the jeopardy Deaq and Billie now faced. And he could no longer bear the weight of his guilt.
When his sobs finally shuttered to a halt, a calmness fell upon him as he pulled his gun from his waist. There was one solution to all his problems. A solution that he thought he would never seek, a solution reserved for cowards. Decisively, he chambered a round in the gun. He studied the gun in his hand with detachment, it's cold steel a familiar friend in his hand, so unlike the way Cade's gun had felt in his grasp today.
But an inner struggle waged inside him. He wanted it all to stop, the pain, the guilt, the hopelessness and the future he faced working for Cade. One bullet would stop it. Forever. But without prompting, he remembered what McNar had said eleven years ago when Van's shame at having had worked for Cade Roberts had overshadowed any joy life had to offer. "I don't know what Roberts had you do, Van. And I don't need to know. What I do know is, you don't have to be that person anymore. You can change, you can be the person you want to be, the type of person *you* would be proud to be. There's always a path to redemption...to happiness as long as you're still breathing." And Teddy's words had stayed in Van's heart and he had put them into practice when he joined the police force.
Redemption. Cade Roberts didn't believe in it. Was he right? Or was Teddy McNar right? But hadn't Van already been convinced that McNar had been right, that redemption could be had...in fact had been his these years he had been a cop? For every wrong he had done in Cade's employ, he had countered if with an act of righteousness during his time as a cop. When the full tally was taken, he knew he had helped more people than he could count as a cop...far more than he had hurt while working for Cade. And what was more, it repaired his soul to help others. Maybe he had not found the true path to redeem his soul yet but he had found a way to redeem his own self respect. He had become a person he was proud to be, the person Teddy McNar had urged him to be. Truly McNar had risked his life to rescue Van from Cade's clutches so that Van could have the chance for redemption, for happiness, a change to become the person he was today, to become the cop...even the cop who had unintentionally gotten him killed. How could Van throw that redemption away when it had ended up coming at such a high price?
Resolutely, Van ejected the bullet from his gun. He would cling to the redemption he had been afforded. He would put faith into his future and dare to hope that happiness would come again to him.
Putting his gun back in his waist, Van tenderly touched the cold cement in memory of a man he had loved dearly and stood to his feet. "You've saved me again, Teddy," he softly said to the empty warehouse and then he walked out into the bright sunlight.
Leaning against his car, he tried to marshal together a plan. He could not bear to heap more condemnation upon his soul...he could not work for Cade Roberts no matter the consequences to himself. However, the trick would be to restrict the consequences of his actions to himself, to firmly put Deaq and Billie in the clear and to keep them in the clear. Once he had helped a nineteen year old boy escape death at the hands of Roberts' sadistic games, and that he had accomplished at the age of sixteen. It should be a piece of cake to protect Deaq and Billie from Roberts now that he was a man, a cop... but it would take a little more than a simple phone call to a boy's father.
"Or would it?" Van spoke aloud as his thoughts sprang a plan into his head. Pulling his phone from his pocket he tried hard to remember a number from eleven years ago, a number that had allowed a father to save his son, a number that now had the possibility to save Van's friends from a similar fate at Cade Roberts' hands. As he struggled to remember the number, the past resurfaced in his memories and he vividly recalled Kyle Delpercio's fateful drive to the desert.
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Kyle Delpercio had been dumped into the trunk of Roberts' Mercedes like a bag of fertilizer. Van had cringed when Cade slammed the trunk closed, condemning Kyle to a darkness that Van did not want to envision. It was not the first time the sixteen year old Van had witnessed one of Cade's associates treated to such a ride but this time was personal. This time Van knew the boy in that trunk, knew that the *crime* he had committed against Cade was no crime but simply a curse of fate.
Kyle's father was a regular driver for Cade's boss and when Kyle wanted in the business, he had aimed a little lower on the food chain, setting his sights on a driving position with Cade. Cade had given him the job without hesitation, but now, three weeks into his work, Kyle's truck had been hijacked. Cade didn't believe for a second that the nineteen year old Kyle was involved but it did not lessen his wrath at the boy. And with his usual cold heartedness, Cade had sentenced Kyle to his own version of the death sentence: abandonment out in the desert with no hope of reaching water or help before death would claim him.
Van had tried to sway Cade's judgment, but his words were not heeded. In fact, Cade had delivered a sharp smack to Van's face and demanded, 'Someone's gotta pay his debt, you want it to be you. You ready to die, Van? For him, for his stupidity, for his gutlessness?' To that, Van had said nothing. He pitied Kyle his fate but he did not want to share in it.
But during the long drive to the desert, guilt ate at Van. Maybe some of the other people Cade had sentenced to this type of death had been guilty of disloyalty, of failure, of stupidity but Kyle, he was guilty only of the naiveté of youth. A naiveté Van had been harshly stripped of during the first month of his employ with Cade.
By the time the Mercedes had crossed the desert, using no trail but the gift of global positioning to reach its destination, Van felt sick, sick like he had become that first time he had watched Cade Roberts murder a man in that small room in his house. Numbly he got out of the car and watched as Kyle was pulled from the trunk and when Kyle fell to his knees because his legs had fallen asleep in that cramped quarters of the trunk, he was dragged ruthlessly to the spot where a single small white cross stuck out of the dirt.
Van could still remember the way Kyle had looked up at the ring of five people who stood before him, blinking against the sunlight, already covered in sweat due in no small part to the high humidity of the day and his ride in the trunk. His eyes flickered past Cade and his two thugs and landed on Boyd and Van, his terror and desperation unmasked.
"This pays your debt, Kyle. I'll tell your father we are squared away," Cade granted without a smile. Then Cade nodded to his two men and they headed back to the car. Suddenly, Kyle knew exactly how he was to pay his debt.
"No! Please!" and he tried to climb to his feet but his legs would not do his bidding, leaving him kneeling on the ground.
Dispassionately, Cade had ordered of Van, "Untie him, Van and let's go." And then he turned his back on Kyle, leaving him into the hands of nature's own cruel justice system.
Pulling out his pocketknife, Van crouched in front of Kyle and began to cut the ropes that bound the teenager's hands.
"Please don't leave me here, Van!" Kyle begged, his terror almost tangible but the boy did not cry. No, he faced the fate before him with more strength than Van had seen in the three other men Cade had abandoned to the desert. "I don't want to die! I didn't betray him!"
When Van's knife cut through the last twine of the rope, Kyle grabbed Van's hands and the sixteen year old's eyes met the eye's of the boy who was only his senior by three years. With a voice remarkable steady and quiet, Kyle appealed, "Help me. Call my father at 555-6831, tell him where to find me. Don't let me die out here, Van. Please. Please."
Van gave no response to Kyle's pleading and slid his hands from the other boy's grasp. He stood to his feet but could not force himself to tear his look away from Kyle's upturned face. Kyle's pleading eyes flickered to Boyd, but the fifteen year old gave a smirk of satisfaction that eerily reminded Kyle of Roberts before he nonchalantly turned his back on Kyle and walked to the car.
Resettling his look on Van, Kyle quietly said, "You are not like them, Van. You are no murderer. Call my father. 555-6831. If you don't, you will have killed me yourself."
Without a word, Van had turned and walked away from Kyle. Kyle said nothing, offered no more pleas or words of condemnation. He had no need to. What he had said were the only words that could sway Van and he knew it. His life now rested solely in the hand of the sixteen year old Van.
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Breaking from his memories, Van concentrated on the phone number he now remembered. But he found that he could not shut out the rest of Kyle's words. With clarity, Van knew Kyle had spoken the truth, if Van had not called Kyle's father, he would have been guilty of killing Kyle...just as he was partly to blame for Kenny's death today and as well as all those others that he had watched Cade kill.
Redemption. He had given it to Kyle only to have condemned Boyd. For every action there was a reaction. For every decision there was a consequence. But Cade did not play fair. He did not lay the consequences to the ones who deserved them but instead he twisted them to his own sick means. Van could not...would not let him do that this time.
Dialing Kyle's father's number, Van prayed that the number had not changed in the past eleven years. A man's voice answered the phone with a "hello" to which Van replied, "Is this Mr. Delpercio?"
"Yeah, That's me."
Relief and hesitation zinged through Van. All his plans centered around Kyle's father's willingness to help him. "Hello, Mr. Delpercio this is Van Ray. You might not remember me but.."
But Mr. Delperchio cut in with warmth, "I remember you Van. How could I forget you?!. You saved the life of my son."
Uncomfortable with the role of hero in this man's eyes, Van stammered, "Yeah...well, all I did was call you. You were the one who saved him."
Mr. Delpercio denied Van's humility, "No, son. You saved Kyle...and I know it cost that other boy his life. I'm sorry. I'm sorry he lost his life..."
Van swallowed hard, and clamped his eyes shut and could only choke out, "I'm sorry too."
A pause fell between them before Van got up the nerve to ask the favor he needed of the man. "I know I have absolutely no right to ask... but I need your help."
Without hesitation, Mr. Delpercio countered, "I will do whatever you need me to. I can not say no. I love my son very much and owe you everything."
"Don't...I ...Kyle didn't deserve to die. Cade was wrong. You have every right to turn me down cold."
"Van, ask your favor," Mr. Delpercio gently prodded.
Van sighed, "I need to know the location of Roberts' warehouse and when Roberts shows up there to do his inspection of the inventory."
A heavy silence fell for a moment before the other man spoke again. "I know what you risked to save my son. You know what I risk in telling you this."
"Yes but I won't implicate you in any way. I'll keep you safe," Van promised.
"19 Waterstreet Avenue and Roberts will be there tomorrow at 3pm sharp," came over the line firmly. "I don't know what you are planning but the warehouse is guarded...heavily."
"Thank you. You've saved my life, Mr. Delpercio."
But sorrow coated the other man's voice as he contradicted, "Why do I think that's a lie. I think I've just gotten you killed."
The man's perceptiveness threw Van a curse ball and it took him a moment before he could answer...truthfully. "This is what I want, what I need to save some of my friends. You've repaid back any debt you felt you or Kyle owed me."
"Kyle still talks about you Van. You're the best man he's ever known. Don't get yourself killed. I don't want to tell Kyle I was a part of that."
"I'll try my best, Mr. Delpercio. Goodbye." And Van clicked off his phone.
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Van walked into the Candy Store and couldn't help letting a small smile creep unto his face as he watched his partner and boss engage in a game of one on one basketball. Billie's height was a true disadvantage and Deaq was exploiting it to the max by tauntingly standing still and raising the ball above his head as Billie tried to jump for it. Van saw Billie's expression darkened and he almost called out a warning to Deaq but instead let the scene unfold.
Deaq was holy unprepared for Billie's fist to impact with his stomach. Doubling over with a groan, the basketball slipped from his hold and Billie snagged it midair and tossed it threw the hoop.
Van clapped and earned the startled attention of his coworkers. Their game forgotten, they both crossed to his side wearing identical worried looks.
"You were supposed to call in an hour ago!" Billie reprimanded but Van could see it was her concern for him that initiated her words.
"You OK?" Deaq questioned softly, reaching out and tilting Van's head to the side so he could better see the bruise on his partner's too pale face.
"I'm fine," Van denied, pulling back from Deaq's touch but Deaq grabbed Van's arm, halting Van's retreat.
"Van, my grandmother looked better in her casket than you do right now," Deaq sallied back. "What the hell did Roberts do to you?!"
"Set the ground rules."
Warily Billie asked, "And they are?"
Van met Billie's eyes steadily. "I go back into his business legit and he'll stay clear of you and Deaq."
But before all his words were out, Billie was shaking her head and her eyes were glittering with steely resolve. "No deal. He's not getting you back, Van. That's non negotiable."
"Everything's negotiable, Billie," Van countered.
"Not this," and he could see she believed that wholly.
Deaq had watched the interaction between Van and Billie in silence, studying Van for what the man would not say. Now he spoke up, "But you got a play to make, don't you Van? You're going to make one last ditch effort to take down Roberts before you hand over your soul to your reaper for good."
Van's eyes met Deaq's and the connection that had sparked between them since the start of their partnership clicked on and they were again of one mind. Deaq smiled and he and Van said together "Let's take the bastard down," as their fists connected in a sign of agreement.
Billie's fist joined Deaq and Van's. "I'm in."
"Alright, player, you're gonna lay it out for us.." Deaq began but before Van could agree Deaq added a condition to his request, "*after* we take a look at your back."
With a tone almost bordering on a whine, Van protested, "I said it was fine."
"Yeah, I know 'cause pros play hurt," Deaq sallied back with sarcastic reprimand. "If you're so fine, then show me your back," and he stepped behind Van but Van spun around to face his partner.
"I already got a mother, Deaq. I don't need another," Van shot back.
Billie cut in, "Well, she's not here so..." both men's eyes swung to her, ready for her to finish her sentence, self-consciously she altered the ending, "so Deaq's filling in."
"Funny," Deaq gave a fake smile and resettled his look on Van. "Put up or shut up, Van."
For a moment a silent stare down ensued but seeing that Deaq was not going to back down, Van gave in without grace, "Fine, play Dr. Welby," and he swung around offering his back to Deaq.
Gently Deaq lifted up Van's leather coat but he had no need to pull up Van's shirt to determine how Van's wound was faring. He could see the blood seeping through the shirt. Curses flew from Deaq and Van didn't know if they were directed at him or Cade. He didn't bother to try and sugarcoat the ripped stitches. Truth was, he was in some serious pain...Cade had seen to that.
At Deaq's reaction, Billie had come around and viewed the wound. But she took it a step further and lifted Van's shirt to reveal the blood soaked bandage. "I don't think I need to tell you that you ripped out some of your stitches."
"Guessed that," Van replied abandoning his denials.
"Roberts did this, didn't he?" Deaq's voice could have cut diamonds.
"We had a little disagreement," Van quietly supplied.
"About?" Billie prompted as she crossed over to the first aid kit in the corner, and began to pull out supplies. In the mean time, Deaq steered Van to a plush backless chair and pushed him down into it's depths.
Van had not answered Billie's question by the time she returned and she asked again as she removed Van's soaked bandage and ran an antiseptic cloth over the bleeding wound, "Had a disagreement about what Van?"
Flinching at the sting of the antiseptic, Van hissed in reaction before he spoke. "About me putting a lick shot into the truck driver you side lined the other night."
Billie's hands froze in their work and Deaq claimed a seat on the couch in shock.
Sensing he had captured the attention of his audience, Van continued, not meeting Deaq's eyes but letting the floor tile occupy his focus. "Cade wanted me to...and I didn't want to. Funny how eleven years goes by and we still have the same arguments."
When Billie began again to tend to his wound, Van felt some comfort that she did not recoil from him after all. He looked up to meet Deaq's eyes and found no censure there either only anguish.
"Say it all, man," Deaq gently prompted. "Billie and me are real good listeners."
Deaq made it sound so easy. Say it all. But Deaq had no idea what it all was, what it had cost Van, how long Van had kept these secrets buried in his soul.
Billie's softly encouraged as she reapplied the bandage and came around to face Van, "We aren't going to judge you, Van. You've been there for me and for Deaq when we needed you. How about you let us return the favor?"
Looking at the faces of the two people who knew him the best, Van nodded his head and finally unburdened his soul.
"At first, all Cade wanted from me was to score a car, collect a debt, run some swag 'round town." Van hung his head a moment and ran his hand through his hair before he again met Deaq's eyes. "But then one day things turned hard core. He took me and this other kid, Boyd, down to a room in his house. And we get in there and Cade's got this guy handcuffed to a chair and the guy's been worked over real good. His mother wouldna recognized him, that's how bad off he was."
Van stopped here, knowing he was almost to the point of rambling or diving into another story so he wouldn't have to finish this one. But this was one story he couldn't bear to keep locked up anymore. It hurt too badly. All his stories involving Cade hurt too damn badly.
Taking a steadying breath, he looked to Billie, "Cade gave me a gun and told me to kill the guy."
Whatever they had envisioned of Van's time with Cade, Deaq nor Billie had guessed at the depths of the horror Van had faced.
"But I wouldn't do it," Van continued, "so Cade shot him in the head to show me how easy it was. And he made Boyd and I dig a grave for the body in the desert." Van averted his eyes from Deaq and Billie. "That was just the start of it. I...I don't know how many men I watched Cade interrogate and kill in that room, or how many graves I dug. He said he wanted Boyd and me to be strong, to see that keeping what you had in life was about strength and respect and not letting your emotions dictate your actions."
At first only silence fell in the room, Deaq and Billie did not know what words to offer to Van. Then Deaq offered, "Ah, Van, hell...I .. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry." This earned him Van's eye contact again.
But Van was shaking his head, "I don't deserve your pity, Deaq! I stood there and watched those men get murdered! I dug their graves! But that...hell, that's not the worst of it." And Van stood up and turned his back on his friends, "We took people out to the desert, dropped them off in the middle of nowhere, left them out there to die. And some we took out to the ocean...near a reef that is inhabited by sharks..." here he stopped, his emotions choking off his words. "And I did nothing!"
"Van, you were a kid!" Billie defended, "Cade Roberts is with the mafia! Disobeying him was only going to get you killed!"
Van swiped at the tears that trickled down his face and turned to face his friends' again. "I did disobey him...once. He put a nineteen year old kid out in the desert because the kid had the misfortune of being the driver of a truck that got hijacked. And I..I almost let him die, I knew the boy and I still almost chose my life over his." Van sank down unto the chair again, "But I chose to save him.. I called his father and told him where he was."
Deaq dreaded the answer even as he asked the question, "And Roberts found out, didn't he?"
Van nodded his head, "Yeah. He knew it was me but ...." Van swallowed hard, uncertain if he could get the words out.
Billie laid her hand on Van's knee, "Just take your time, Van."
Closing his eyes, Van tried to control his emotions. When he opened his eyes, Deaq was shocked at the despair he saw in their depths. "He killed Boyd instead of me...made Boyd pay the price for my betrayal."
Billie cursed bitterly, surged to her feet and began to pace while Deaq's rage boiled under the surface.
"Cade said he did me a favor... he killed Boyd instead of me...cause he thought of me as a son," disgust dripped from Van's words.
"Sick bastard!" Deaq exploded. "To hell with a plan!" and he pulled his gun from his waist and chambered a round. He gained his feet but suddenly Van stood in front of him, blocking his place.
"That's what he wants, Deaq! He wants me...us... to turn into him, to become a butcher like him. But that ain't gonna happen! We are better than him, Deaq," After a moment, Van saw Deaq smother down his fury and he felt relief rush through him. They were too close to their goal to let their emotions trip them up.
"No matter what, he ain't walking away this time," Deaq promised lowly but he put his gun back in his waist.
A malicious smile spread on Van's face, "No, he ain't walking clear of this one. He wants me to repay him for teaching me his trade....I'm gonna pay that debt: fully. The student's about to become the teacher."
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TBC
See no cliffie and the plot's actually getting somewhere! (I think) . This chapter was a real struggle to write and I'm trying to fine tune the plot so I'ld really appreciate any encouragement anyone has to offer.
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DKM: Well there was no divine intervention to save Van from his decision but he survived the situation...only to be tortured more by Cade. I just couldn't see Van murdering anyone...his soul's just too good to do that. He's a fighter...even when he's on his last leg he still manages to come up swinging. I couldn't portray him any other way. Glad you're inspired to write! As for me going strong...well I almost wrote myself into a corner with this plot but then I negotiated some points and came back swinging like Van would expect of me. Did you like this chapter? Was Van's decision/reaction credible? Can you see where things are heading with taking down Roberts? I just seem a little flighty with the plot and I'm hoping I'm not screwing up this story. Drop me a line of what you thing.
Fan4fastln: For the record, I always have something evil in store for Van! (He's so cute when he's in pain/anguish) I liked your "Raymond Ray and Son counterfeiting" thought. Oh I definitely agree Ray's first choice for Van would have been his own trade. Father's love when their sons decide to follow in their footsteps. (Makes me so glad to be a girl and not have that pressure.) Thanks for forgiving me for leaving you hanging while I skipped off for Vacation...(It was great by the way). So how do you think this chapter was? I'm a little worried that it's lost its edge?
Lynne: I'm sorry about your family crisis. I hope things are better now. Glad you like Deaq chewing out Billie...some people are true Billie fan's and I worried that they would resent that argument. But truly she was out of line with her actions...especially since Van had asked her to stay clear. Ah what you do out of friendship! And yes, Cade is a quicksilver bastard. He might have a soft spot for Van but let's face it, it ain't that soft. Love to hear your thoughts on this chapter!
Alma Rates: Uh oh...so you read some of my other stories. Now I'm kinda embarrassed. It's almost like you finding out my "true identity*. But thanks so much for checking out my other stories and I'm curious to know which ones you looked at? And I'm glad you didn't want Van to kill Kenny...I wasn't sure how the vote would go with everyone. But as for me, I don't believe Van's a murderer...no matter the situation. And he's strong enough to make his own decisions and bear their consequences. Drop me a review!
Crazyk: Thanks for reading and reviewing my story!!! I'm flattered that I have you on the edge of your seat! Hope I didn't lose that edge this chapter? And I think this story should wrap up in about two chapters so please stay tuned and drop me a review.
Leann: Sorry to disappoint you but my computer automatically capitalizes your "L" in your name. (I'm as lazy as you are!) Yes, it truly sucks to be Van. He's had to make a lot of hard decisions and even though he contemplated checking out..he's too much of a fighter to give up. Cade will seriously regret trying to collect Van's debt! Serves him right!! So how did this chapter compare with the others?
Mady Bay: So glad you're still tuning in! And I just couldn't resist putting Van into a hard position of decision. In life sometimes, there are no good choices but you still gotta chose...like Van did. Please keep reading and review! I love to hear from you.
Electricgurl: Well, here's another long chapter for you! Hope you liked! And this chapter didn't even end in a cliffie! And yes, I am evil ...and I enjoy that power very much...especially since there are no repercussions...(but only because my readers can't track me down). So what did you think of this chapter?
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Thanks for everyone who read this chapter and for those who reviewed last chapter!!! Have a great day!!
Cheryl W.