Prologue or One-Shot?
By Crystal Snowflakes
Author's Notes: Well, this is meant to be a one-shot due to the inspiration I've gotten from reading a few 'Spirited Away' fic... But if I'm inspired even after this, I may continue onwards. Thank you for all of those who will be reading this. I appreciate it. First 'Spirited Away' fic =]
"Will we ever meet again?" I asked him. My heart fluttered, but saddened at the thought that he'd say 'no'. I didn't want to be rejected. Suddenly, I wanted to take that question back.
"Yes, we will." He replied and gave me a reassuring smile.
The saddening thought vanished from my mind and my heart continued to flutter, despite my effort of trying to calm it down. I did not have a single idea why I was acting like so. It was the first time I have felt this for something. What is it? What is it that I am feeling? "It's a promise?" I asked him regretfully as I looked down. I felt his hand on my shoulder and I looked up dejectedly.
"It's a promise. Now go, and don't look back." He turned me around and gave me a gentle push on the shoulder.
I didn't need another push. I walked down the steps as he trailed behind me with my hands clasped into his tightly, but protectively. Finally, he let go of my hand and I looked at him one last time, his image and his eyes forever graved into my memory. Then I turned around. And I walked farther and farther away from him. And I wanted to look back... But he had said specifically not to, so I listened.
When I reached my parents, I finally looked back, and if anyone were see me at that exact moment, they would've seen the longing clear in my eyes. It felt like a part of me had just died... And it felt like... It felt like we were going to be apart forever...
Haku...
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Once again, I sat up in my bed, sweating, memories of his promise plaguing my entire mind. I felt a sob come to my throat and I chocked it down, but knowing that sooner or later, I would end up breaking down in tears, once again, all alone. Always alone.
How many years has it been that I've felt this emptiness in my heart?
It's been so long... It was such a painful progress... Growing up and see your friends start dating. See them with guys they fancy and see them hug, kiss and whisper sweet nothings in their lover's ears. There are times I really wished that I had never met him, so I could live my life like a normal girl without any hindrances, but I know, deep inside my soul, that I would never have given up these memories and that I would have rather died than have forgotten it. The memories of him and the young and innocent love we shared...
Haku...
Everyday, every night, and every second of the day, I regretted. I regret never having told him my feelings for him, I regret never having kissed him. But how was I to know that I was in love with him? I was only ten at the time... I was too innocent, naïve and young to comprehend such a strong emotion. I know what we shared between the two of us was more than friendship, but at the time, I had no idea... I had no idea that it was love that I felt for him.
Every second of the day, I wonder if he'd keep his promise. I have faith in him, even after eight long and painful years. Eight years of longing and yearning for him and his existence. Eight years of longing for the day that the promise will be kept. I have never laid my eyes on another guy, knowing that there would be no other that could fill in the gaping hole residing in my heart. I wanted him and only him. That was my life long dream and wish. I wanted him. My Haku.
My family and friend had asked me over and over again why I have never dated any guy, but I have never, not even once, told another soul about my bittersweet journey to the Spirit World. It was something sacred at clandestine. It was something I felt that could not be told to a single soul. It was my secret. No one else's. Nor was it anyone else's business. They had no right to know... And plus...they would only ridicule me, they would tell me it was all a dream, merely a childhood fantasy, or they would think that I was insane and place in me an insane asylum. Or they could always get me a psychologist. Yeah, all the more reasons for me to tell them. Not.
The thought of me dreaming about the Spirit World had really come to me once, and only once. What I have gone through during the time, who I have met, what I had done, and what I had shared with Haku... It was all too real. It could not be my childish imagination or fantasy. It was reality.
The people closest to me had even once thought that I was not interested in the opposite sex, but in the same sex. I had thrown a tantrum about it, then I had denied it with vigor, finally, I reassured them otherwise and I was not a lesbian, but straight. I was, by no means, against any homosexuals.
Quietly, I stood up from my bed and walked to the window, my footsteps barely audible due to the carpet. Gently, I opened the window. I felt the wind contact my face with force and I sighed sadly. The silky light blue curtains of the window fluttered beautifully and gently, reminding me of rivers. Then I heard the lake near my apartment. The tender sounds of splashing water had calmed me down... Somehow...
But I suddenly felt something from to my chest. Something painful, but familiar. Something heart wrenching, but at the same time, it had gotten me to feel painful. I felt my eyes sting and water, I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
Haku...
How is it that after so many years, the pain has never once eased? Why is it that it grows with every passing second?
Shaking my head softly, I let the grief consume me as my body shook with sobs. I looked outside the window at the stunning surroundings as I stood motionless, not wanting to move and only wanting a certain someone to hold me into their arms. My lifelong dream.
My faith for him has never wavered, nor had it ever, and it never will. But it would not be long before I could not take this pain... Eight years... For eight years, I have cried every night. I had let my grief devour my soul away. I still have faith in him, and I had only wished that I had done one thing eight years ago. I wished that I had told him this before I had left him for a long time... I wish...
Haku...
I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for eight years. Remember our promise? When our promise is fulfilled, then my life will be complete and utterly whole. I miss you so much. It is so painful not being able to see or hear you. Please... I cannot stand not seeing you any longer...
Where are you?
I love you Haku.
* * * * *
Author's Notes: Well, that was that. I hoped you enjoyed it!