Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
A/N: I really don't have too much to say, I could probably write a 5- paragraph essay stating and backing up several excuses as to why I haven't written anything and updated lately... but that would be both really scary, and really lame.
So basically, its like this: I have been writing this story as I go, and I had so many different ideas about the end, that I wrote out an outline... but now that I've decided how its ending... I don't want to finish writing it, because than it will be final. And over.
Make sense? So yes, I will be finishing it, but it may not be as fast as you'd like. I'm reaaally sorry.
Robtaymattlouned: Thank you, that means a lot to me.
To all of my other reviewers, (and Robtaymattlouned): thank you so much for all taking the time to press the button and wait for the pop-up and everything else. I love hearing from you guys.
---------------------------------- THE FIRST PART of this chapter is basically the edited version, of the ending, of the previous chapter. So if you go back and look, it'll be chopped off. Because it's here. Yes. And now the story:
============================================== ==============================================
(Monday—G&T)
I felt bad, ditching Michael during lunch, but I thought G&T would be long enough to get Algebra help, and it's really not necessary to practice EVERY day.
Tina and I went to the girls' bathroom so she could write my poem on the card I picked out. Lars wasn't very happy when we had to go to Ho's Deli at 8:15, and only laughed when I told him why. Sometimes he can be really cool, but kind of annoying, in that adult way.
Anyways, I had Tina write this:
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue
You may not know it
But someone loves you.
Tina put in his locker. I don't know if he got it yet... I'm really nervous about this though, what happens when he finds out its me? Or what if it leads him to hooking up with Judith?
Who happens to be repulsively flirtatious today. How would I know? She's in my G&T class with her arm draped over Michael's chair. The top button of her blouse is undone, she's wearing nylons (NYLONS!!!!) and giggling madly at EVERYTHING Michael says. Who does she think she is? Lana? Ew. I mean, I know Michael's funny, and cute, but he's not THAT funny.
And obviously, he doesn't mind. He's smiling at her and clearly isn't loathing the attention she's giving him. This isn't fair. I'm the one who kissed Michael. I'm the one who has loved him since, like, forever.
What am I going to do?
-----------------------------------
(Michael's POV)
Mia didn't break up with Kenny. At all, she didn't tell him to piss off, or stay away. No, instead, she let him kiss her on the cheek, carry her books, open doors for her, pull out chairs, and hold her hand.
Hold her hand!! How childish is that?!
Okay, ignore the fact that if I could be with Mia write now, I would probably do the same. But there's a difference, really there is. Mia holding hands with Kenny just doesn't seem genuinely... real?
I'm frustrated, that's all. I'll move on, I'll pretend like it didn't happen. It isn't like Mia wasn't able to ignore it all.
She's letting Kenny fawn over her, so why can't I let Judith fawn over me? Eh? Besides, Mia is still dating Kenny, so it's not like it would matter if I spontaneously made out with Judith. But take no notice when I start vomiting half way through, that's not the point. The point is, Mia is still otherwise taken, so why can't I be?
She didn't even become jealous or angry when I let Judith paw all over me in G&T, with her disgusting face and fake perfume. I shudder to even think about it. As soon as I came home this afternoon I took a loooong and boiling shower trying to clean all of the slime off my arm from where she touched me.
I wouldn't have had to take a shower if Mia had touched me, or at least, not a cleansing shower.
Maybe I should be thankful at least, that she wouldn't let Kenny kiss her on the lips.
Then again, she never showed up in lunch. Mia's too nice to stand up one of her friends. So she had to have had a good reason for leaving me behind, I hope. Than again, she may have been lying to me, saying she thought I was one of her friends, because she was too nice... And now, after this kissing fiasco, she can't look me in the eyes anymore.
She's too nice to hurt my feelings intentionally.
Oh how I love her.
-------------------------------------------
I forgot to write earlier about this card I found my locker. It has a strawberry dripping chocolate off it on the front, and inside it says,
"Roses are red, Violets are blue, You may not know it, but some one loves you."
I just remembered because, unfortunately, Lilly found it. While in my room. (I hate her, I really do.) I won't get into what she was doing in here.
But I can't help wondering who it is. Normally, I'd brush it off as a joke, I mean, who would like me?
Other than I have Judith clawing me for attention in G&T, and making out with Mia earlier. And Lilly says she recognized the handwriting, but she won't tell me who wrote it.
I'd love to believe it was Mia, but I know it's not her handwriting. Too many times I have picture her perfect handwriting sending me a sweet, steamy, love letter. Or something of that kind.
And it's not Judith, I don't think. Her handwriting is too much of a scrawl, this was neat and round penmanship.
Mandella? I hope not, I don't want to become involved with her, and I've already got two girls I have issues with (excluding Lilly) I don't need a third.
Oh, I think I forgot this too. Mandella came back last night, and was at school today.
She was still pretty upset I think that her grandfather had died. She was much quieter, though she wasn't crying, and occasionally she'd laugh. I wanted to find out how her week in Seattle was, but she always left the room and let her self get lost in the crowd faster than I could follow.
Except in G&T where she and Mia were getting pretty chummy. I heard them titter few times when Judith did something particularly disgusting, like cross her legs and try to flash some thigh at me. Really, ew. I can not sound like a valley girl enough on this issue.
"Like. Oh. My. God. I think, I'm going, to throw, up. Yea, grrrrrrr-ross! Like get a room, and like yea. Ew. Oh. My. God."
Anyways, I wish Mia would just talk to me, instead of laughing at me. I know I am one huge pathetic loser who so obviously loves her, that she can successfully trail me on, but really, I want some mercy.
Maybe she's really not too nice, at all. And I've just been blinded by it this whole time.
Yea, that's it. I can't love Mia, she's a whore and a bitch. First she goes out with Kenny, than makes out with me, and now she's still dating Kenny! What the hell?
I hate her.
---------------------------
(5 minutes later)
I deleted that.
I know I love her. I know she's not a bitch, or a whore. What am I doing??
I love you, Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo, Princess of Genovia. If only you would give me a chance to prove that we were made for each other.
---------------------------
This cannot be a good thing. I SMS-ed Mandella to make sure she was okay, (and check that she hadn't completely bashed my appearance with Mia) and she immediately turned the conversation on to Mia. I was going to smoothly lead into that, so subtly she wouldn't know what hit her. Sort of. But she did it first! How does she do that? I was asking how the funeral went and the next thing I knew I was spilling my guts once more.
I swear, if I had met Mandella before Mia...
But I didn't, and its not Mandella I love, and its not Mandella I want to be spilling my guts too. It's Mia. Always Mia.
Mandellla, once again, has ordered me to let her take care of things. So ... what am I going to do? Let her take care of things, of course. Since I obviously don't have the balls to.
Until then, I'm going to her apartment tomorrow and practicing with her help once more.
Mia's right, Mandella would become a great director. Or producer. Or whatever it is...
--------------------------
(Next day)
So after one very horrible day of school, where, once again, I was unable to speak with Mia, I went to Mandella's apartment to find, none other than the princess herself.
I swear, Mandella is insane if she thinks that was supposed to help my day. Let me start from the beginning.
Being incapable of speaking to Mia today, was not my choice. I had to take the subway to school. Nazis Judith demanded that all computer club members arrive earlier to work on the programs.
Than during both Lunch and G&T Frau Hitler herself ordered my assistance, and when I tried to get out of it...
Lets just say, she got incredibly scary. Picture Lilly, enraged, on testosterone steroids, in black stockings, with nails. That hurt.
I could've smacked her. Really, I felt like it, didn't she realize I do, amazingly enough, have a life outside of computer club? Then again, I probably would have gotten kicked. I wonder how she and Lilly didn't become best friends. Both freakishly violent and temperamental.
And, yet, I should thank Lilly everyday for being best friends with Mia. Just so that I can see her... even if she does loathe me and think I'm the scum of the Earth.
Oh and somewhere in there, I think it was after Mia's English class; I overheard one of her conversations. (I sort of followed her around, looking for an opportunity to talk to her.)
She was talking to this boy who had really short brown hair and looked just a little shorter than Mia, maybe it was her combat boots. He looked kind of funny to me, with really big ears and eyes. The sort of person who could be right out of an anime movie. Something Kenny would like, to bad he's not gay.
Back to my story, I was lurking around trying to listen to what was going on. Kenny appeared jealous, Mia looked really nervous and she was blushing. And this third kid, seemed eager, like he was about to make some great catch or about to find out he won a million dollars, but secretly he already knew it in advance.
So this kid goes, "Have you made up your mind, Mia?"
Mia acts kind of startled, and then flushes. "Yes, I'm sorry, James. I've already got a boyfriend."
This is the surprising part, this kid, (James I guess), doesn't even look disappointed. I guess Kenny had a right to look like he was in a jealous rage, after all, he was holding one of Mia's hands, and James was holding the other.
What is it with these stupid freshmen touching my girl?!
"But you said there was someone else," he said, pouting slightly. Okay so maybe this kid can show a little emotion after being rejected.
W-wait! What did he just say?
'There was someone else.'
So does that mean that she doesn't like Kenny??? Please God, yes!!! Let his annoying letting eyes pop out like that! It is thoroughly entertaining, not to mention it makes him look even more repulsive. When he looks like that, any girl would be crazy to want to date him.
Mia spoke, "There IS some one else."
Haha! Kenny's eyes just got even bigger! He looks like he's cutting off the circulation in Mia's hand though. Idiot. And that little punk James looks so thrilled.
"There's Kenny," she finished. She wasn't looking at anything in particular, so she probably missed the look of disappointment on James' face, and that stupid goat Kenny gloating.
Is it me, or are her nostrils flaring? Huh, I've never seen them do that before.
Why am I looking at her nose?? I should be so upset I could knock Kenny out.
But I'm not. I guess I expected it by now. Even a freshman like Kenny Showalter is better than going out with your best friend's geeky older brother.
"Are you sure there's not ANYONE else?" James looked at her accusingly. I wanted to shout at him desperately to just leave her the hell alone.
Of course, I didn't.
For whatever reason, Mia some how found where I was standing and looked at me. She blushed a pretty shade of pink.
"No."
She said it so quietly I could barely hear her. Mia was staring at her feet when she said it. Kenny looked around triumphantly. He had won! There was NO one else! Just him. So of course that must mean she loved him back.
To be honest though, I'm not so sure. I don't think James is either. Strangely, he looked over to where I was standing, and I swear he grinned and winked at me.
I have to admit, that pretty much just weirded me out right there. But before he walked away, he looked at Mia again, MY Mia, and gave her this look like he knew something else was going on.
What did she mean by "No"? There could be so many meanings its ridiculous. And because I am this lame, I will list them all off for you. You lucky journal, you.
The Question: Are you sure there's not anyone else?
The Answer: No.
Possibilities: No, I am sure there is not anyone else
No, I'm not sure there is anyone else.
No, I don't want to answer you're question.
Okay, I lied; there are really only three possibilities I can come up with. And the third seems really unlikely to me. So that just leaves the first two, and I have no idea, which is more likely.
Wow, I really got off on a tangent didn't I? Well, so that right there pretty much ruined my day, and it was not helped at all by Judith during Lunch and G&T, but I think I already said that.
So after school I did some computer club things, and then headed over to Mandella's apartment again.
And that's where I am now. Typing as Mia has run off to the bathroom, while Mandella is trying to get her out, and yeah.
That leaves me, the pathetic loser, typing out a long-winded journal entry on his laptop.
--------------------
(Later)
"Okay, I want to work on the part where its morning, Romeo and Juliet have consummated their marriage after Tybalt's death. Now that it is morning, Romeo must leave or be caught with Juliet and killed. Alright?"
Mia and I shuffled through our bags. Whatever Mandella had said or done, it worked, and red-cheeked, grey-eyed Mia was standing, in her beautiful and ruffled glory, in the same room with me once more.
We got out our books and looked up what Mandella was talking about. Act 3, scene 5. Lovely. A lot of lines, blocked together. These were the hardest to remember.
Juliet: Wilt thou be gone? It is not near day. It was the nightingale, and not the lark, That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear.
She read it stiffly, I sat on the coach, Mia stood near the door. She looked ready to bolt in a second.
"Mia, come on. Its not like your reciting to a wall. Michael has feelings too." What was that supposed to mean?!
"Come over here, sit on the coach next to him, and say it like you mean it. Like there is a chance you'll never see him again, even though you know he's your one, true love."
Woah. Mandella, if Mia starts cracking up, laughing at me, and laughing out of joy at the idea of never seeing me again, I will personally strangle you.
Mia looked at the empty part of the coach next to me, and hesitantly walked over. Mandella followed her, shooing her closer to me. She moved about ¼ of an inch closer.
Romeo (Me): It was the lark, the herald of the morn, No nightingale. Look, love, what envious streaks Do lace the severing clouds in yonder east. Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day Stands tiptoe on the misty mountain-tops. I must be gone and live, or stay and die.
I said it as stiffly as I could. I didn't the book, I knew this line perfectly, it was later on that I had trouble. Yet this time through, I really couldn't show any signs of enjoying this, Mia wouldn't. So I wouldn't either.
Mandella glared at me.
"Remember, this is basically your one night honeymoon. You're lovers for God's sakes. L-O-V-E-R-S. Lovers."
She looked at Mia with scrutiny, than turned her gaze on me. "I don't know what has gotten into you two, but seriously stop being so childish and get a little more friendly. Your ROMEO AND JULIET. Not Lady Capulet and Lord Montague."
Yeah, right, like she didn't know perfectly well what was going on.
"Mia, if you don't say these lines the way I know you can, than I quit. And you're both going home, hopefully with a feeling of being incredibly guilty for wasting my time."
I looked at Mia out of the corner of my eye, she looked ashamed. It only made me feel ashamed. When had I become so petty?
J: Yond light is not daylight, I know it, I. It is some meteor that the sun exhaled To be to thee this night a torchbearer And light the on thy way to Mantua.
She placed a hand on my lower arm tentatively, something Mandella had instructed her to do in the past.
J: Therefore stay yet. Though need'st not to be gone.
I looked up from my book, and looked at Mia. Her eyes were as large immense pools of a swallowing gray as ever. I felt myself falling once more into them. I would love this girl, this woman, this beautiful creature with a passion burning so bright, it would become the meteor across the sky, just like she described it. I knew then, looking into her eyes, that no matter what it takes, every risk to win her heart is worth it.
I put my hand over hers and squeezed it.
R: Let me be ta'en; let me be put to death. I am content, so though wilt have it so.
I leaned forward, she closed her eyes, but I only kissed her on the forehead. Mia sighed a gentle and restrained breath. Like she didn't want me to know that she had exhaled.
R: I'll say yon gray is not the morning's eye; 'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow.* Nor that is not the lark whose notes do beat The vaulty heaven so high above our heads. I have more care to stay than will to go. Come death and welcome. Juliet wills it so. How is 't, my soul? Let's talk. It is not day.
J: It is, it is. Hie hence, begone, away!
She stood up sharply pulling away and acted very exasperated. I don't know why Mia feels she is so worthless, she's actually pretty good at playing Juliet.
J: It is the lark that sings so out of tune, Straining harsh discords and unpleasing sharps. Some say the lark makes sweet division. This doth not so, for she divideth us. Some say the lark and the loathéd toad changed eyes.
Mia came abruptly before me onto her knees. She pulled my hands into hers and let them rest on my thighs. She stared into my eyes and swallowed once, then continued. I longed to kiss her again, there. Mia had me completely with in her control.
J: O, now I would they had changed voices too, Since arm from arm that voice doth us affray, Hunting thee hence with hunt's-up to the day.
She backed away quickly. "O, now begone. More light and light it grows."
I looked away momentarily, mournfully. "More light and light, more dark and dark our woes."
I stared back into Mia's eyes. Neither one of us said anything. My heart began to drum faster and faster. Thumping so loudly against my lungs and chest, I know Mia could have heard it.
No thoughts went through my head. Just emotions, telling me what a fool I had been. They told me that if I was so lucky as to attain her love, I would be forever happy. They told me I would be forever happy just looking into her eyes, here, now.
Her lips looked so sweet, so purely ripe and red, ready for the picking, a pale blush gradually spreading across her lush skin. I felt my breath begin to become heavy. She was the most amazing person I will ever meet.
Mandella spoke as Juliet's nurse, "Madam."
Mia blinked, startled out of our reverie. "Nurse?"
Still, she did not look away from me.
"Your lady mother is coming to your chamber. The day is broke; be wary; look about."
Mia walked slowly closer to where I sat. I rose to meet her, dropping my book.
"Then, window, let day in, and life out."
I responded, slowly, deliberately, bringing myself closer to her, preparing to kiss her once more. The way I so desperately wanted to.
"Farewell, farewell. One kiss and I'll descend."
I kissed her gently on the lips, not wanting to push what she was willing to give. I did let my hands wander to her face, cupping her perfectly shaped head between my callused hands.
I pulled away and flopped back down onto the coach, sitting on my book inadvertently.
"Ow," I said, pulling it from under me, it was hard bound. Mandella giggled and clapped. Mia smiled and sat down next to me.
Remarkably, everything was relaxed now, everything was normal.
"That was much better once you guys got into it," Mandella was saying, I let my hand wonder to where Mia's lay on the coach, and held it lightly.
"Thanks," I said. Hey, she just complimented me, us. Whatever, Mia obviously wasn't going to say anything. Mandella kept talking, but I wasn't paying close attention. I was running my thumb over Mia's hand, slowly caressing her. I was thinking about everything that had happened between us, and why, all of the sudden, everything was miraculously okay.
Now, a few minutes later, I feel guilty for kissing Mia. Especially after what I saw earlier. She doesn't love me, or at least probably doesn't love me. By kissing her and holding her hand like this, I'm only making things worse between her and Kenny. And if they break up because of me, I don't want her to hate me for it.
I pulled my hand away from hers, and scooted as far away from her as I could. Mia looked at me, confused. I didn't feel like dragging the whole issue up right now, especially when things had been getting better. And especially if Mia found out that I had been eavesdropping. I don't know what sort of issues that would cause, but... its bad enough she knew I was creeping around in the background.
Now that I think about it, I can't believe I was even willing to kiss her at all. Mandella was standing right there, she saw us kiss! Its just as bad as making out in front of someone else's locker. Play or no play, I can't believe I'm turning into that.
What made me think it was okay to kiss Mia when Lilly and Kenny were there? Was just being one huge asshole? Forcing myself onto Mia?
What am I turning into?
Did I really use the play as an excuse?
-----------------------------
"Michael, what went wrong?" Mandella held her eyes on my somewhat coldly. "I got her here, I got her out of the bathroom. And half way through it all, you got really icy."
Mia had left about 10 minutes ago with a complacent Lars trailing behind her.
Honestly, I didn't know what to say. How can I explain everything I am feeling to Mandella? She probably wouldn't understand. Moreover, why bother trying? Somehow she would weasel it out of me anyways.
When I didn't answer, she did something very Judith-ish. She grabbed my arm and dug her nails in.
So I spilt my guts once again. If Mandella doesn't become a famous drama person, she needs to become the next Oprah or Barbara Walters. She can always miraculously get you to say things you would never otherwise disclose to any human being but yourself.
She stared at me incredulously. "P-D-A," she said, not quite believing me. I nodded.
Mandella smacked her forehead grunted and gestured a few times pacing furiously the length of her room. She then proceeded to lay down in the middle of the floor, stretched out.
"Michael?"
"Yes?" I asked.
"What am I going to do with you?" I didn't respond, knowing I'd get likely get kicked or clawed. Lilly and Judith were rubbing off on my other friends it appears.
"You had the perfect opportunity to force her into admitting she likes you. And don't even bother denying it all, Michael, she likes you."
There was nothing for me to respond to. Mandella wouldn't understand this feeling I have in my gut when I'm around Mia, that I can feel her loathing, and her pity.
"I'm going home, Mandella."
I didn't feel like being bombarded by her anymore. Three hours was enough.
===================================================== =====================================================
Cynthia's brow.* ( the goddess of the moon is Cynthia, so the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow would be a light/pale reflection of the moon's light onto the Earth's skies.
Review please!
A/N: I really don't have too much to say, I could probably write a 5- paragraph essay stating and backing up several excuses as to why I haven't written anything and updated lately... but that would be both really scary, and really lame.
So basically, its like this: I have been writing this story as I go, and I had so many different ideas about the end, that I wrote out an outline... but now that I've decided how its ending... I don't want to finish writing it, because than it will be final. And over.
Make sense? So yes, I will be finishing it, but it may not be as fast as you'd like. I'm reaaally sorry.
Robtaymattlouned: Thank you, that means a lot to me.
To all of my other reviewers, (and Robtaymattlouned): thank you so much for all taking the time to press the button and wait for the pop-up and everything else. I love hearing from you guys.
---------------------------------- THE FIRST PART of this chapter is basically the edited version, of the ending, of the previous chapter. So if you go back and look, it'll be chopped off. Because it's here. Yes. And now the story:
============================================== ==============================================
(Monday—G&T)
I felt bad, ditching Michael during lunch, but I thought G&T would be long enough to get Algebra help, and it's really not necessary to practice EVERY day.
Tina and I went to the girls' bathroom so she could write my poem on the card I picked out. Lars wasn't very happy when we had to go to Ho's Deli at 8:15, and only laughed when I told him why. Sometimes he can be really cool, but kind of annoying, in that adult way.
Anyways, I had Tina write this:
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue
You may not know it
But someone loves you.
Tina put in his locker. I don't know if he got it yet... I'm really nervous about this though, what happens when he finds out its me? Or what if it leads him to hooking up with Judith?
Who happens to be repulsively flirtatious today. How would I know? She's in my G&T class with her arm draped over Michael's chair. The top button of her blouse is undone, she's wearing nylons (NYLONS!!!!) and giggling madly at EVERYTHING Michael says. Who does she think she is? Lana? Ew. I mean, I know Michael's funny, and cute, but he's not THAT funny.
And obviously, he doesn't mind. He's smiling at her and clearly isn't loathing the attention she's giving him. This isn't fair. I'm the one who kissed Michael. I'm the one who has loved him since, like, forever.
What am I going to do?
-----------------------------------
(Michael's POV)
Mia didn't break up with Kenny. At all, she didn't tell him to piss off, or stay away. No, instead, she let him kiss her on the cheek, carry her books, open doors for her, pull out chairs, and hold her hand.
Hold her hand!! How childish is that?!
Okay, ignore the fact that if I could be with Mia write now, I would probably do the same. But there's a difference, really there is. Mia holding hands with Kenny just doesn't seem genuinely... real?
I'm frustrated, that's all. I'll move on, I'll pretend like it didn't happen. It isn't like Mia wasn't able to ignore it all.
She's letting Kenny fawn over her, so why can't I let Judith fawn over me? Eh? Besides, Mia is still dating Kenny, so it's not like it would matter if I spontaneously made out with Judith. But take no notice when I start vomiting half way through, that's not the point. The point is, Mia is still otherwise taken, so why can't I be?
She didn't even become jealous or angry when I let Judith paw all over me in G&T, with her disgusting face and fake perfume. I shudder to even think about it. As soon as I came home this afternoon I took a loooong and boiling shower trying to clean all of the slime off my arm from where she touched me.
I wouldn't have had to take a shower if Mia had touched me, or at least, not a cleansing shower.
Maybe I should be thankful at least, that she wouldn't let Kenny kiss her on the lips.
Then again, she never showed up in lunch. Mia's too nice to stand up one of her friends. So she had to have had a good reason for leaving me behind, I hope. Than again, she may have been lying to me, saying she thought I was one of her friends, because she was too nice... And now, after this kissing fiasco, she can't look me in the eyes anymore.
She's too nice to hurt my feelings intentionally.
Oh how I love her.
-------------------------------------------
I forgot to write earlier about this card I found my locker. It has a strawberry dripping chocolate off it on the front, and inside it says,
"Roses are red, Violets are blue, You may not know it, but some one loves you."
I just remembered because, unfortunately, Lilly found it. While in my room. (I hate her, I really do.) I won't get into what she was doing in here.
But I can't help wondering who it is. Normally, I'd brush it off as a joke, I mean, who would like me?
Other than I have Judith clawing me for attention in G&T, and making out with Mia earlier. And Lilly says she recognized the handwriting, but she won't tell me who wrote it.
I'd love to believe it was Mia, but I know it's not her handwriting. Too many times I have picture her perfect handwriting sending me a sweet, steamy, love letter. Or something of that kind.
And it's not Judith, I don't think. Her handwriting is too much of a scrawl, this was neat and round penmanship.
Mandella? I hope not, I don't want to become involved with her, and I've already got two girls I have issues with (excluding Lilly) I don't need a third.
Oh, I think I forgot this too. Mandella came back last night, and was at school today.
She was still pretty upset I think that her grandfather had died. She was much quieter, though she wasn't crying, and occasionally she'd laugh. I wanted to find out how her week in Seattle was, but she always left the room and let her self get lost in the crowd faster than I could follow.
Except in G&T where she and Mia were getting pretty chummy. I heard them titter few times when Judith did something particularly disgusting, like cross her legs and try to flash some thigh at me. Really, ew. I can not sound like a valley girl enough on this issue.
"Like. Oh. My. God. I think, I'm going, to throw, up. Yea, grrrrrrr-ross! Like get a room, and like yea. Ew. Oh. My. God."
Anyways, I wish Mia would just talk to me, instead of laughing at me. I know I am one huge pathetic loser who so obviously loves her, that she can successfully trail me on, but really, I want some mercy.
Maybe she's really not too nice, at all. And I've just been blinded by it this whole time.
Yea, that's it. I can't love Mia, she's a whore and a bitch. First she goes out with Kenny, than makes out with me, and now she's still dating Kenny! What the hell?
I hate her.
---------------------------
(5 minutes later)
I deleted that.
I know I love her. I know she's not a bitch, or a whore. What am I doing??
I love you, Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo, Princess of Genovia. If only you would give me a chance to prove that we were made for each other.
---------------------------
This cannot be a good thing. I SMS-ed Mandella to make sure she was okay, (and check that she hadn't completely bashed my appearance with Mia) and she immediately turned the conversation on to Mia. I was going to smoothly lead into that, so subtly she wouldn't know what hit her. Sort of. But she did it first! How does she do that? I was asking how the funeral went and the next thing I knew I was spilling my guts once more.
I swear, if I had met Mandella before Mia...
But I didn't, and its not Mandella I love, and its not Mandella I want to be spilling my guts too. It's Mia. Always Mia.
Mandellla, once again, has ordered me to let her take care of things. So ... what am I going to do? Let her take care of things, of course. Since I obviously don't have the balls to.
Until then, I'm going to her apartment tomorrow and practicing with her help once more.
Mia's right, Mandella would become a great director. Or producer. Or whatever it is...
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(Next day)
So after one very horrible day of school, where, once again, I was unable to speak with Mia, I went to Mandella's apartment to find, none other than the princess herself.
I swear, Mandella is insane if she thinks that was supposed to help my day. Let me start from the beginning.
Being incapable of speaking to Mia today, was not my choice. I had to take the subway to school. Nazis Judith demanded that all computer club members arrive earlier to work on the programs.
Than during both Lunch and G&T Frau Hitler herself ordered my assistance, and when I tried to get out of it...
Lets just say, she got incredibly scary. Picture Lilly, enraged, on testosterone steroids, in black stockings, with nails. That hurt.
I could've smacked her. Really, I felt like it, didn't she realize I do, amazingly enough, have a life outside of computer club? Then again, I probably would have gotten kicked. I wonder how she and Lilly didn't become best friends. Both freakishly violent and temperamental.
And, yet, I should thank Lilly everyday for being best friends with Mia. Just so that I can see her... even if she does loathe me and think I'm the scum of the Earth.
Oh and somewhere in there, I think it was after Mia's English class; I overheard one of her conversations. (I sort of followed her around, looking for an opportunity to talk to her.)
She was talking to this boy who had really short brown hair and looked just a little shorter than Mia, maybe it was her combat boots. He looked kind of funny to me, with really big ears and eyes. The sort of person who could be right out of an anime movie. Something Kenny would like, to bad he's not gay.
Back to my story, I was lurking around trying to listen to what was going on. Kenny appeared jealous, Mia looked really nervous and she was blushing. And this third kid, seemed eager, like he was about to make some great catch or about to find out he won a million dollars, but secretly he already knew it in advance.
So this kid goes, "Have you made up your mind, Mia?"
Mia acts kind of startled, and then flushes. "Yes, I'm sorry, James. I've already got a boyfriend."
This is the surprising part, this kid, (James I guess), doesn't even look disappointed. I guess Kenny had a right to look like he was in a jealous rage, after all, he was holding one of Mia's hands, and James was holding the other.
What is it with these stupid freshmen touching my girl?!
"But you said there was someone else," he said, pouting slightly. Okay so maybe this kid can show a little emotion after being rejected.
W-wait! What did he just say?
'There was someone else.'
So does that mean that she doesn't like Kenny??? Please God, yes!!! Let his annoying letting eyes pop out like that! It is thoroughly entertaining, not to mention it makes him look even more repulsive. When he looks like that, any girl would be crazy to want to date him.
Mia spoke, "There IS some one else."
Haha! Kenny's eyes just got even bigger! He looks like he's cutting off the circulation in Mia's hand though. Idiot. And that little punk James looks so thrilled.
"There's Kenny," she finished. She wasn't looking at anything in particular, so she probably missed the look of disappointment on James' face, and that stupid goat Kenny gloating.
Is it me, or are her nostrils flaring? Huh, I've never seen them do that before.
Why am I looking at her nose?? I should be so upset I could knock Kenny out.
But I'm not. I guess I expected it by now. Even a freshman like Kenny Showalter is better than going out with your best friend's geeky older brother.
"Are you sure there's not ANYONE else?" James looked at her accusingly. I wanted to shout at him desperately to just leave her the hell alone.
Of course, I didn't.
For whatever reason, Mia some how found where I was standing and looked at me. She blushed a pretty shade of pink.
"No."
She said it so quietly I could barely hear her. Mia was staring at her feet when she said it. Kenny looked around triumphantly. He had won! There was NO one else! Just him. So of course that must mean she loved him back.
To be honest though, I'm not so sure. I don't think James is either. Strangely, he looked over to where I was standing, and I swear he grinned and winked at me.
I have to admit, that pretty much just weirded me out right there. But before he walked away, he looked at Mia again, MY Mia, and gave her this look like he knew something else was going on.
What did she mean by "No"? There could be so many meanings its ridiculous. And because I am this lame, I will list them all off for you. You lucky journal, you.
The Question: Are you sure there's not anyone else?
The Answer: No.
Possibilities: No, I am sure there is not anyone else
No, I'm not sure there is anyone else.
No, I don't want to answer you're question.
Okay, I lied; there are really only three possibilities I can come up with. And the third seems really unlikely to me. So that just leaves the first two, and I have no idea, which is more likely.
Wow, I really got off on a tangent didn't I? Well, so that right there pretty much ruined my day, and it was not helped at all by Judith during Lunch and G&T, but I think I already said that.
So after school I did some computer club things, and then headed over to Mandella's apartment again.
And that's where I am now. Typing as Mia has run off to the bathroom, while Mandella is trying to get her out, and yeah.
That leaves me, the pathetic loser, typing out a long-winded journal entry on his laptop.
--------------------
(Later)
"Okay, I want to work on the part where its morning, Romeo and Juliet have consummated their marriage after Tybalt's death. Now that it is morning, Romeo must leave or be caught with Juliet and killed. Alright?"
Mia and I shuffled through our bags. Whatever Mandella had said or done, it worked, and red-cheeked, grey-eyed Mia was standing, in her beautiful and ruffled glory, in the same room with me once more.
We got out our books and looked up what Mandella was talking about. Act 3, scene 5. Lovely. A lot of lines, blocked together. These were the hardest to remember.
Juliet: Wilt thou be gone? It is not near day. It was the nightingale, and not the lark, That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear.
She read it stiffly, I sat on the coach, Mia stood near the door. She looked ready to bolt in a second.
"Mia, come on. Its not like your reciting to a wall. Michael has feelings too." What was that supposed to mean?!
"Come over here, sit on the coach next to him, and say it like you mean it. Like there is a chance you'll never see him again, even though you know he's your one, true love."
Woah. Mandella, if Mia starts cracking up, laughing at me, and laughing out of joy at the idea of never seeing me again, I will personally strangle you.
Mia looked at the empty part of the coach next to me, and hesitantly walked over. Mandella followed her, shooing her closer to me. She moved about ¼ of an inch closer.
Romeo (Me): It was the lark, the herald of the morn, No nightingale. Look, love, what envious streaks Do lace the severing clouds in yonder east. Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day Stands tiptoe on the misty mountain-tops. I must be gone and live, or stay and die.
I said it as stiffly as I could. I didn't the book, I knew this line perfectly, it was later on that I had trouble. Yet this time through, I really couldn't show any signs of enjoying this, Mia wouldn't. So I wouldn't either.
Mandella glared at me.
"Remember, this is basically your one night honeymoon. You're lovers for God's sakes. L-O-V-E-R-S. Lovers."
She looked at Mia with scrutiny, than turned her gaze on me. "I don't know what has gotten into you two, but seriously stop being so childish and get a little more friendly. Your ROMEO AND JULIET. Not Lady Capulet and Lord Montague."
Yeah, right, like she didn't know perfectly well what was going on.
"Mia, if you don't say these lines the way I know you can, than I quit. And you're both going home, hopefully with a feeling of being incredibly guilty for wasting my time."
I looked at Mia out of the corner of my eye, she looked ashamed. It only made me feel ashamed. When had I become so petty?
J: Yond light is not daylight, I know it, I. It is some meteor that the sun exhaled To be to thee this night a torchbearer And light the on thy way to Mantua.
She placed a hand on my lower arm tentatively, something Mandella had instructed her to do in the past.
J: Therefore stay yet. Though need'st not to be gone.
I looked up from my book, and looked at Mia. Her eyes were as large immense pools of a swallowing gray as ever. I felt myself falling once more into them. I would love this girl, this woman, this beautiful creature with a passion burning so bright, it would become the meteor across the sky, just like she described it. I knew then, looking into her eyes, that no matter what it takes, every risk to win her heart is worth it.
I put my hand over hers and squeezed it.
R: Let me be ta'en; let me be put to death. I am content, so though wilt have it so.
I leaned forward, she closed her eyes, but I only kissed her on the forehead. Mia sighed a gentle and restrained breath. Like she didn't want me to know that she had exhaled.
R: I'll say yon gray is not the morning's eye; 'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow.* Nor that is not the lark whose notes do beat The vaulty heaven so high above our heads. I have more care to stay than will to go. Come death and welcome. Juliet wills it so. How is 't, my soul? Let's talk. It is not day.
J: It is, it is. Hie hence, begone, away!
She stood up sharply pulling away and acted very exasperated. I don't know why Mia feels she is so worthless, she's actually pretty good at playing Juliet.
J: It is the lark that sings so out of tune, Straining harsh discords and unpleasing sharps. Some say the lark makes sweet division. This doth not so, for she divideth us. Some say the lark and the loathéd toad changed eyes.
Mia came abruptly before me onto her knees. She pulled my hands into hers and let them rest on my thighs. She stared into my eyes and swallowed once, then continued. I longed to kiss her again, there. Mia had me completely with in her control.
J: O, now I would they had changed voices too, Since arm from arm that voice doth us affray, Hunting thee hence with hunt's-up to the day.
She backed away quickly. "O, now begone. More light and light it grows."
I looked away momentarily, mournfully. "More light and light, more dark and dark our woes."
I stared back into Mia's eyes. Neither one of us said anything. My heart began to drum faster and faster. Thumping so loudly against my lungs and chest, I know Mia could have heard it.
No thoughts went through my head. Just emotions, telling me what a fool I had been. They told me that if I was so lucky as to attain her love, I would be forever happy. They told me I would be forever happy just looking into her eyes, here, now.
Her lips looked so sweet, so purely ripe and red, ready for the picking, a pale blush gradually spreading across her lush skin. I felt my breath begin to become heavy. She was the most amazing person I will ever meet.
Mandella spoke as Juliet's nurse, "Madam."
Mia blinked, startled out of our reverie. "Nurse?"
Still, she did not look away from me.
"Your lady mother is coming to your chamber. The day is broke; be wary; look about."
Mia walked slowly closer to where I sat. I rose to meet her, dropping my book.
"Then, window, let day in, and life out."
I responded, slowly, deliberately, bringing myself closer to her, preparing to kiss her once more. The way I so desperately wanted to.
"Farewell, farewell. One kiss and I'll descend."
I kissed her gently on the lips, not wanting to push what she was willing to give. I did let my hands wander to her face, cupping her perfectly shaped head between my callused hands.
I pulled away and flopped back down onto the coach, sitting on my book inadvertently.
"Ow," I said, pulling it from under me, it was hard bound. Mandella giggled and clapped. Mia smiled and sat down next to me.
Remarkably, everything was relaxed now, everything was normal.
"That was much better once you guys got into it," Mandella was saying, I let my hand wonder to where Mia's lay on the coach, and held it lightly.
"Thanks," I said. Hey, she just complimented me, us. Whatever, Mia obviously wasn't going to say anything. Mandella kept talking, but I wasn't paying close attention. I was running my thumb over Mia's hand, slowly caressing her. I was thinking about everything that had happened between us, and why, all of the sudden, everything was miraculously okay.
Now, a few minutes later, I feel guilty for kissing Mia. Especially after what I saw earlier. She doesn't love me, or at least probably doesn't love me. By kissing her and holding her hand like this, I'm only making things worse between her and Kenny. And if they break up because of me, I don't want her to hate me for it.
I pulled my hand away from hers, and scooted as far away from her as I could. Mia looked at me, confused. I didn't feel like dragging the whole issue up right now, especially when things had been getting better. And especially if Mia found out that I had been eavesdropping. I don't know what sort of issues that would cause, but... its bad enough she knew I was creeping around in the background.
Now that I think about it, I can't believe I was even willing to kiss her at all. Mandella was standing right there, she saw us kiss! Its just as bad as making out in front of someone else's locker. Play or no play, I can't believe I'm turning into that.
What made me think it was okay to kiss Mia when Lilly and Kenny were there? Was just being one huge asshole? Forcing myself onto Mia?
What am I turning into?
Did I really use the play as an excuse?
-----------------------------
"Michael, what went wrong?" Mandella held her eyes on my somewhat coldly. "I got her here, I got her out of the bathroom. And half way through it all, you got really icy."
Mia had left about 10 minutes ago with a complacent Lars trailing behind her.
Honestly, I didn't know what to say. How can I explain everything I am feeling to Mandella? She probably wouldn't understand. Moreover, why bother trying? Somehow she would weasel it out of me anyways.
When I didn't answer, she did something very Judith-ish. She grabbed my arm and dug her nails in.
So I spilt my guts once again. If Mandella doesn't become a famous drama person, she needs to become the next Oprah or Barbara Walters. She can always miraculously get you to say things you would never otherwise disclose to any human being but yourself.
She stared at me incredulously. "P-D-A," she said, not quite believing me. I nodded.
Mandella smacked her forehead grunted and gestured a few times pacing furiously the length of her room. She then proceeded to lay down in the middle of the floor, stretched out.
"Michael?"
"Yes?" I asked.
"What am I going to do with you?" I didn't respond, knowing I'd get likely get kicked or clawed. Lilly and Judith were rubbing off on my other friends it appears.
"You had the perfect opportunity to force her into admitting she likes you. And don't even bother denying it all, Michael, she likes you."
There was nothing for me to respond to. Mandella wouldn't understand this feeling I have in my gut when I'm around Mia, that I can feel her loathing, and her pity.
"I'm going home, Mandella."
I didn't feel like being bombarded by her anymore. Three hours was enough.
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Cynthia's brow.* ( the goddess of the moon is Cynthia, so the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow would be a light/pale reflection of the moon's light onto the Earth's skies.
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