DISCLAIMER- I don't own Star Trek. I do own Red-Shirt 1, and I suppose I own the biting goldfish also. And I also got all my medical knowledge from Startrek.com.
Chapter 6 In which everyone comes to Sickbay
Scene 16
Narrator- Now we go to McCoy and Nurse Chapel. He is operating on a red-shirted ensign who is under serious surgery from a goldfish.
McCoy- I keep telling you! It *couldn't* have been a goldfish-bite because goldfish don't have teeth!
RS1(Redshirt 1)- I wasn't looking at what it was! I was paying more attention to the pain!
McCoy- Nurse Chapel, look in my bag and hand me a physiostimulator.
RS1- (whimpering) What's th..that?
McCoy- It's a medicine that will help stop the pain of your "goldfish-bite".
Chapel- (digging around in McCoy's bag) I can't seem to find it, sir.
McCoy- It's in a red tube.
Chapel- I guess this is it. (holds out a tube to McCoy)
RS1- I just know it's going to taste bad. It's probably going to kill me.
McCoy- (doesn't look at it) I'm sure it is. (Pours it into the RS1's mouth)
RS1- GROSS! It tastes like.... like... actually it tastes pretty good.
McCoy- (frowns) Really? Nuts! I always try to make my medicines taste bad!
Chapel- What if you have to use your own medicine?
McCoy- I always save the good-tasting medicine to myself.
Chapel- (innocently) And where do you keep that medicine?
McCoy- It's in my- (glares at her) Oh no you don't! If I told you, you and Uhura would get together and form some sort of womens' rights movement. You'd only let the women get the good medicine!
Chapel- (pretends to be offended) How could you say that?
Narrator- Unbeknownst to the nurse and doctor, RS1 has started to turn a shade of green. They only notice when he starts screaming.
RS1- Aaaaaiiiii!
McCoy- What are you screaming for, ensign?
Chapel- Doctor, he's turned a shade of green!
Narrator- Then he begins to glow.
Chapel- He's beginning to glow!
McCoy- Cool! I wonder if he'll glow in the dark! (He turns out the lights. The ensign is glowing a neon green. He turns the lights back on.) Wow! How do you do that?
RS1- Aaaaahhhhh! I don't know! You said that stuff would help me!
McCoy- It did. You don't have that "goldfish-bite" anymore, do you?
RS1- Well no, but I prefer to stay a normal color.
McCoy- I guess I'll call Spock.
Narrator- Minutes later, Mister Spock comes into the room.
Spock- Fascinating! The ensign appears to be glowing a shade of neon green.
McCoy- (sarcastically) No, really Spock? We hadn't noticed.
Spock- You are remarkably unalert then, doctor.
McCoy- I was joking, you pointy-eared Vulcan!
Spock- I would like examine the patient, to see if I can fix his color. If he wants me to, that is.
McCoy- No, I'm sure he wants to stay glow-in-the-dark for the rest of his life!
Spock- Oh. Well then I'll be going-
McCoy- Come back here and fix my patient!
Spock- (raises eyebrow) You really must make up your mind faster, Doctor.
McCoy- (rolls eyes) I'll remember that. Now fix him!
Narrator- Spock studies him for about 6 seconds.
Spock- I believe that I have sufficiently studied him-
McCoy- (interrupting) Really? That was fast. But then again, you *are* Spock.
Spock- That is correct. I am Spock. But I do not understand how that would explain my promptness.
McCoy- Oh course *you* wouldn't understand. You're Spock!
Spock- That is the second time you have used the fact that I am who I am to explain something. That is not an logical statement. All it shows is that you know my name.
McCoy- Don't sound so surprised that I can remember your name!
Spock- (pauses, then says mildly) Doctor, would you like me to explain what I have learned about the ensign?
McCoy- Go ahead. But don't expect me to understand it! I'm a doctor, Jim, not a scientist!
Spock- Perhaps you do not know my name after all.
McCoy- (goes red) I'm just so used to using that line with Jim! I know your name is- (someone taps him on the shoulder) What?
Spock- My name is not What.
McCoy- I knew that! Your name is- (gets tapped again) What is it?!
Spock- My name is not What is it.
McCoy- (ignores Spock) Who was tapping me?
RS1- Me, sir.
McCoy- Huh? Oh yeah. You're the glowing ensign. (snickers)
RS1- Can you listen to Mister Spock so I can get back to my normal color?
McCoy- Hmmm. Listen to Spock? Maybe I'll consider it. (to Spock) Just fix the ensign, if you can.
Spock- As it happens, I was recently studying the effects of the fluid X-fatonoignoues. I believe that is what changed the ensigns color.
McCoy- No; I gave him a physiostimulator, not a X-flatun whatever!
Spock- It is X-fatonoignoues, and I would like to see your physiostimulator.
Narrator- Spock studies the physiostimulator for about 6 seconds.
Spock- I believe that I have sufficiently studied the-
McCoy- (interrupting) Really? That was fast. But then again, you *are* Spock. Wait! I'm sure I said that already!
Spock- You mean you are experiencing déja vù?
McCoy- Yeah! Maybe the ship is caught in a time loop caused by an explosion. Maybe we'll be about to crash into a ship and we have two ways to avoid it. If we choose the right one, we'll get out! But if not, we'll be stuck in here forever! We'd better get an android to record the right answer and send it back through the loop!
Spock- I doubt that will ever happen. The odds are strongly against it.
McCoy- (thinks) Yeah, you're probably right. It was a stupid idea.
Narrator- You shouldn't be too sure. The author is really weird. You never know what she could cook up.
PearlGirl- (comes onstage) Yeah! So watch out!
Spock- Are you good at cooking, PearlGirl?
PearlGirl- Ummmmm... why?
Spock- The narrator said you would cook up something.
All but Spock- (sigh) It's an *expression* Spock!
McCoy- You know, one of those illogical human expressions you hear so much!
Spock- I see.
(pause)
Spock- Doctor, after studying the physiostimulator I have discovered that it is not, in fact, a physiostimulator.
McCoy- WHAT?!
RS1- WHAT?!
Narrator- WHAT?!
PearlGirl- WHAT?!
Chapel- WHAT?!
Sulu- WHAT?!
McCoy- You weren't in this scene!
Sulu- So what? Everyone else was saying what.
PearlGirl- Okay, all together now. 1.... 2.... 3!
All but Spock, including some people who run onstage in time to say it- WHAT?!
Spock- (raises an eyebrow) It is highly unlikely that all of you had misheard me.
McCoy- We didn't. It's just that it's fun to say what.
Narrator- Okay, back to the plot! Only McCoy, Spock, RS1 and I are supposed to be in this scene.
Kirk- So what do we do?
Narrator- You LEAVE!!
PearlGirl- I'll go back to creating devious and embarrassing situations for you guys to get into. (leaves)
Uhura- I'll go back to blasting everyone's ears off with my music. (leaves)
Chekov- Do you *have* to?
Fargo- I'll go back to finding ways to steal everyone's valuables.
Kirk- Who are you?
Fargo- I'm an honest merchant, even though I look like an evil ferengi (leaves, rather quickly)
Kirk- Okaaay...
Chekov- I'll go back to eating. (leaves)
Kirk- I'll go back to practicing punching imaginary Klingons. (leaves)
Ensign Snodgrass- I'll go back to wandering around the corridors, avoiding anything that moves. (leaves)
Sulu- I'll go back to dying my raccoon's fur blue.
McCoy- You're dying your raccoon's fur blue?
Sulu- (shrugs) When I'm bored, I get weird. (leaves)
Scotty- I'll go back to checkn' on me bairns. (leaves)
McCoy- I'll go back to making my list of 100 good arguments to use against Spock. (starts to leave)
Chapel- Get back here! You're not done with this poor glowing ensign! But since *I'm* not needed, I'll go back to checking up on who needs a physical.
McCoy- (smiles) Good idea. (Chapel leaves)
Narrator- Spock and McCoy turn to the ensign, who is still glowing.
McCoy- What were you saying, Spock?
Spock- (calmly) I will tell you if you promise not to say WHAT?! after I say it.
McCoy- All right, Spock. I promise.
Spock- After studying the physiostimulator, I discovered that it is not a physiostimulator.
McCoy- WH- (stops himself just in time)
Spock- Thank you, Doctor. I have discovered that it is a tube of the fluid X-fatonoignoues, which would explain why the ensign turned neon.
RS1- Can you turn me back?
Spock- Yes. If I give you a dose of the fluid W-Glathogonia, you should turn back to your normal color.
RS1- SHOULD?!
McCoy- Where are we going to get..... whatjamakallit.
Spock- The word is W-Glathogonia, Doctor. There are two known places where it exists. One is the Verdauga forest on Bakano.
McCoy- Which is waaaay out in the middle of nowhere. And the second place?
Spock- (mildly, with no trace of emotion) Is in my bag in my room.
McCoy- Now *that's* what I call luck.
Spock- There is no such thing as luck.
McCoy- Is too!
Spock- I believe there is not.
McCoy-Is too!
Spock- You may believe so, but I do not.
McCoy- But you shouldn't *believe* so!
Spock- I am entitled to an opinion.
McCoy- No you're not! Wait... JIM!!!
Kirk- (comes onstage) What?
McCoy- Is Spock entitled to an opinion?
Kirk- Only when I say so.
McCoy- Do you say so?
Kirk- Hmmmmmm.....
RS1- Can you argue some other time?
McCoy- Like.... when? We're all here together. Seems like a good time.
RS1- Like when I'm not NEON GREEN and GLOWING IN THE DARK!!!
McCoy- Okay. I'll make a note. (writes on notepad) Argue with Spock about whether he has the right to an opinion. (puts away notepad) Okay Jim, you can go.
Kirk- Bye. (leaves)
McCoy- Spock, go get the uncoloring fluid from your bag.
Spock- It's W-Glathogonia, Doctor. (leaves)
(A/N- By the way, the thing McCoy was talking about. The Time Loop thing. That's in a NG show. It's really good, and you should see it)
REVIEWERS-
MzSnaz- Glad you liked the story. Yeah, I can understand how you fell sorry for Fargo. It's not *that* evil. But he is the bad guy in this story.
The Doctor Is In- Wow. You must be very hyper. Or insane. My story tends to do that to you. Hee hee. Spreading the insanity, that's me!
Stephanie- Oh yes. I love Spock and McCoy's "discussions" so much that I added another one in this chapter. They're so much fun to write. The main problem, of course, is getting McCoy really annoyed, while keeping Spock unemotional.
Oh no you don't! I see you trying to sneak off this page without pushing the review button! You get back here this INSTANT!!! HELLO?? I'M TALK TO YOU!! YES, YOU! GET BACK HERE AND REVIEW! That's better.
Chapter 6 In which everyone comes to Sickbay
Scene 16
Narrator- Now we go to McCoy and Nurse Chapel. He is operating on a red-shirted ensign who is under serious surgery from a goldfish.
McCoy- I keep telling you! It *couldn't* have been a goldfish-bite because goldfish don't have teeth!
RS1(Redshirt 1)- I wasn't looking at what it was! I was paying more attention to the pain!
McCoy- Nurse Chapel, look in my bag and hand me a physiostimulator.
RS1- (whimpering) What's th..that?
McCoy- It's a medicine that will help stop the pain of your "goldfish-bite".
Chapel- (digging around in McCoy's bag) I can't seem to find it, sir.
McCoy- It's in a red tube.
Chapel- I guess this is it. (holds out a tube to McCoy)
RS1- I just know it's going to taste bad. It's probably going to kill me.
McCoy- (doesn't look at it) I'm sure it is. (Pours it into the RS1's mouth)
RS1- GROSS! It tastes like.... like... actually it tastes pretty good.
McCoy- (frowns) Really? Nuts! I always try to make my medicines taste bad!
Chapel- What if you have to use your own medicine?
McCoy- I always save the good-tasting medicine to myself.
Chapel- (innocently) And where do you keep that medicine?
McCoy- It's in my- (glares at her) Oh no you don't! If I told you, you and Uhura would get together and form some sort of womens' rights movement. You'd only let the women get the good medicine!
Chapel- (pretends to be offended) How could you say that?
Narrator- Unbeknownst to the nurse and doctor, RS1 has started to turn a shade of green. They only notice when he starts screaming.
RS1- Aaaaaiiiii!
McCoy- What are you screaming for, ensign?
Chapel- Doctor, he's turned a shade of green!
Narrator- Then he begins to glow.
Chapel- He's beginning to glow!
McCoy- Cool! I wonder if he'll glow in the dark! (He turns out the lights. The ensign is glowing a neon green. He turns the lights back on.) Wow! How do you do that?
RS1- Aaaaahhhhh! I don't know! You said that stuff would help me!
McCoy- It did. You don't have that "goldfish-bite" anymore, do you?
RS1- Well no, but I prefer to stay a normal color.
McCoy- I guess I'll call Spock.
Narrator- Minutes later, Mister Spock comes into the room.
Spock- Fascinating! The ensign appears to be glowing a shade of neon green.
McCoy- (sarcastically) No, really Spock? We hadn't noticed.
Spock- You are remarkably unalert then, doctor.
McCoy- I was joking, you pointy-eared Vulcan!
Spock- I would like examine the patient, to see if I can fix his color. If he wants me to, that is.
McCoy- No, I'm sure he wants to stay glow-in-the-dark for the rest of his life!
Spock- Oh. Well then I'll be going-
McCoy- Come back here and fix my patient!
Spock- (raises eyebrow) You really must make up your mind faster, Doctor.
McCoy- (rolls eyes) I'll remember that. Now fix him!
Narrator- Spock studies him for about 6 seconds.
Spock- I believe that I have sufficiently studied him-
McCoy- (interrupting) Really? That was fast. But then again, you *are* Spock.
Spock- That is correct. I am Spock. But I do not understand how that would explain my promptness.
McCoy- Oh course *you* wouldn't understand. You're Spock!
Spock- That is the second time you have used the fact that I am who I am to explain something. That is not an logical statement. All it shows is that you know my name.
McCoy- Don't sound so surprised that I can remember your name!
Spock- (pauses, then says mildly) Doctor, would you like me to explain what I have learned about the ensign?
McCoy- Go ahead. But don't expect me to understand it! I'm a doctor, Jim, not a scientist!
Spock- Perhaps you do not know my name after all.
McCoy- (goes red) I'm just so used to using that line with Jim! I know your name is- (someone taps him on the shoulder) What?
Spock- My name is not What.
McCoy- I knew that! Your name is- (gets tapped again) What is it?!
Spock- My name is not What is it.
McCoy- (ignores Spock) Who was tapping me?
RS1- Me, sir.
McCoy- Huh? Oh yeah. You're the glowing ensign. (snickers)
RS1- Can you listen to Mister Spock so I can get back to my normal color?
McCoy- Hmmm. Listen to Spock? Maybe I'll consider it. (to Spock) Just fix the ensign, if you can.
Spock- As it happens, I was recently studying the effects of the fluid X-fatonoignoues. I believe that is what changed the ensigns color.
McCoy- No; I gave him a physiostimulator, not a X-flatun whatever!
Spock- It is X-fatonoignoues, and I would like to see your physiostimulator.
Narrator- Spock studies the physiostimulator for about 6 seconds.
Spock- I believe that I have sufficiently studied the-
McCoy- (interrupting) Really? That was fast. But then again, you *are* Spock. Wait! I'm sure I said that already!
Spock- You mean you are experiencing déja vù?
McCoy- Yeah! Maybe the ship is caught in a time loop caused by an explosion. Maybe we'll be about to crash into a ship and we have two ways to avoid it. If we choose the right one, we'll get out! But if not, we'll be stuck in here forever! We'd better get an android to record the right answer and send it back through the loop!
Spock- I doubt that will ever happen. The odds are strongly against it.
McCoy- (thinks) Yeah, you're probably right. It was a stupid idea.
Narrator- You shouldn't be too sure. The author is really weird. You never know what she could cook up.
PearlGirl- (comes onstage) Yeah! So watch out!
Spock- Are you good at cooking, PearlGirl?
PearlGirl- Ummmmm... why?
Spock- The narrator said you would cook up something.
All but Spock- (sigh) It's an *expression* Spock!
McCoy- You know, one of those illogical human expressions you hear so much!
Spock- I see.
(pause)
Spock- Doctor, after studying the physiostimulator I have discovered that it is not, in fact, a physiostimulator.
McCoy- WHAT?!
RS1- WHAT?!
Narrator- WHAT?!
PearlGirl- WHAT?!
Chapel- WHAT?!
Sulu- WHAT?!
McCoy- You weren't in this scene!
Sulu- So what? Everyone else was saying what.
PearlGirl- Okay, all together now. 1.... 2.... 3!
All but Spock, including some people who run onstage in time to say it- WHAT?!
Spock- (raises an eyebrow) It is highly unlikely that all of you had misheard me.
McCoy- We didn't. It's just that it's fun to say what.
Narrator- Okay, back to the plot! Only McCoy, Spock, RS1 and I are supposed to be in this scene.
Kirk- So what do we do?
Narrator- You LEAVE!!
PearlGirl- I'll go back to creating devious and embarrassing situations for you guys to get into. (leaves)
Uhura- I'll go back to blasting everyone's ears off with my music. (leaves)
Chekov- Do you *have* to?
Fargo- I'll go back to finding ways to steal everyone's valuables.
Kirk- Who are you?
Fargo- I'm an honest merchant, even though I look like an evil ferengi (leaves, rather quickly)
Kirk- Okaaay...
Chekov- I'll go back to eating. (leaves)
Kirk- I'll go back to practicing punching imaginary Klingons. (leaves)
Ensign Snodgrass- I'll go back to wandering around the corridors, avoiding anything that moves. (leaves)
Sulu- I'll go back to dying my raccoon's fur blue.
McCoy- You're dying your raccoon's fur blue?
Sulu- (shrugs) When I'm bored, I get weird. (leaves)
Scotty- I'll go back to checkn' on me bairns. (leaves)
McCoy- I'll go back to making my list of 100 good arguments to use against Spock. (starts to leave)
Chapel- Get back here! You're not done with this poor glowing ensign! But since *I'm* not needed, I'll go back to checking up on who needs a physical.
McCoy- (smiles) Good idea. (Chapel leaves)
Narrator- Spock and McCoy turn to the ensign, who is still glowing.
McCoy- What were you saying, Spock?
Spock- (calmly) I will tell you if you promise not to say WHAT?! after I say it.
McCoy- All right, Spock. I promise.
Spock- After studying the physiostimulator, I discovered that it is not a physiostimulator.
McCoy- WH- (stops himself just in time)
Spock- Thank you, Doctor. I have discovered that it is a tube of the fluid X-fatonoignoues, which would explain why the ensign turned neon.
RS1- Can you turn me back?
Spock- Yes. If I give you a dose of the fluid W-Glathogonia, you should turn back to your normal color.
RS1- SHOULD?!
McCoy- Where are we going to get..... whatjamakallit.
Spock- The word is W-Glathogonia, Doctor. There are two known places where it exists. One is the Verdauga forest on Bakano.
McCoy- Which is waaaay out in the middle of nowhere. And the second place?
Spock- (mildly, with no trace of emotion) Is in my bag in my room.
McCoy- Now *that's* what I call luck.
Spock- There is no such thing as luck.
McCoy- Is too!
Spock- I believe there is not.
McCoy-Is too!
Spock- You may believe so, but I do not.
McCoy- But you shouldn't *believe* so!
Spock- I am entitled to an opinion.
McCoy- No you're not! Wait... JIM!!!
Kirk- (comes onstage) What?
McCoy- Is Spock entitled to an opinion?
Kirk- Only when I say so.
McCoy- Do you say so?
Kirk- Hmmmmmm.....
RS1- Can you argue some other time?
McCoy- Like.... when? We're all here together. Seems like a good time.
RS1- Like when I'm not NEON GREEN and GLOWING IN THE DARK!!!
McCoy- Okay. I'll make a note. (writes on notepad) Argue with Spock about whether he has the right to an opinion. (puts away notepad) Okay Jim, you can go.
Kirk- Bye. (leaves)
McCoy- Spock, go get the uncoloring fluid from your bag.
Spock- It's W-Glathogonia, Doctor. (leaves)
(A/N- By the way, the thing McCoy was talking about. The Time Loop thing. That's in a NG show. It's really good, and you should see it)
REVIEWERS-
MzSnaz- Glad you liked the story. Yeah, I can understand how you fell sorry for Fargo. It's not *that* evil. But he is the bad guy in this story.
The Doctor Is In- Wow. You must be very hyper. Or insane. My story tends to do that to you. Hee hee. Spreading the insanity, that's me!
Stephanie- Oh yes. I love Spock and McCoy's "discussions" so much that I added another one in this chapter. They're so much fun to write. The main problem, of course, is getting McCoy really annoyed, while keeping Spock unemotional.
Oh no you don't! I see you trying to sneak off this page without pushing the review button! You get back here this INSTANT!!! HELLO?? I'M TALK TO YOU!! YES, YOU! GET BACK HERE AND REVIEW! That's better.