DISCLIAMER- I don't own any of the characters except for ensign Snodgrass. Boo hoo.
Chapter Nine- In Which McCoy Interrupts Spock Countless Times
Narrator- Spock begins to walk down the hall to the ensign's room. On the way, he meets Kirk, Sulu, and Chekov's little gang of investigators. It now also consists of Uhura.
Kirk- (looks at Spock suspiciously) Where were you on Stardate 534.2?
Spock- (pauses momentarily) I was on the bridge, telling you the likelihood of surviving the asteroid that was going to collide with us in approximately 47.93 seconds.
Kirk- Oh yeah, I forgot. You're Spock! Of course you wouldn't steal the bags!
Spock- You have been stolen from?
Sulu- Yup. Someone stole my bag!
Chekov- And mine!
Uhura- Mine too!
McCoy- (comes down corridor) Mine was too!
Kirk- Oh. Hello Bones.
McCoy- So, what's happenin'?
Chekov- We're finding out who stole our bags.
Spock- I believe I-
McCoy- (interrupting) What was in your bag, Jim?
Kirk- It was letters from my- I mean, it was letters from Starfleet.
McCoy- *Starfleet*. I see.
Uhura- Was it another warning that if you break the Prime Directive one more time, they're going to remove your title and make you work as a pineapple farmer for the rest of your days?
Kirk- Actually I think they said apricot farmer.
McCoy- Jim? A farmer? I could imagine him giving the fruits lectures. (Imitates Kirk's voice) Now, you're not growing fast enough! I expect better next time! You say you need two more days? You don't have two more days! I don't care if it hasn't rained in a week!
Narrator- Everyone but Kirk and Spock dissolve into fits of laughter.
Kirk- (blushing) Now see here, Bones!
Chekov- Watch out! Looks like another lecture!
Kirk- I only give lectures to Navigators who don't know when to be quiet!
Uhura- Ha!
Kirk- Or to Communications officers!
Uhura- You can't do that to me! I'm a *lady!*
Spock- Captain, I know where-
McCoy- (interrupting) Chekov, what did you have in your bag?
Chekov- I had amazing Russian artifacts!
Sulu- Snore, snore.
Chekov- Russian artifacts are interesting!
McCoy- I had medical equipment.
Kirk- (faking shock) Really? *You*? Medical equipment? I never would have guessed!
McCoy- Well I would have thought that you would have ripped shirts in yours! Not "Starfleet" letters!
Narrator- I wish you guys had a copy of the script in your bags! Maybe it would help you stick to the plot a little better!
McCoy- Plot? What plot?
Sulu- Don't tell me this story had a plot, and you didn't tell me?
Spock- Shouldn't we-
McCoy- (interrupting) We didn't tell you, because we figured you would try to mess it up!
Sulu- You're right! I am Sulu, the plot messer-upper! I make sure that stories never have plots! Muahahahaha!
Uhura- But without a plot, I won't get my make-up back!
Kirk- Oh no! I am officially ordering that anyone who strays from the plot from now on most be tossed out a airlock!
McCoy- That's not fair, Jim!
Kirk- Fine. Mister Spock, I order you to nerve-pinch anyone that strays from the plot!
Spock- That is illogical.
McCoy- (turns to narrator) Was Spock supposed to say that?
Narrator- No.
McCoy- Ha! Spock has to nerve-pinch himself!
Spock- It is impossible for me to nerve-pinch myself.
Kirk- STOP! (everyone freezes) Now, Mister Spock, I believe you were trying to say something, but Bones kept interrupting.
Spock- That is correct.
McCoy- But I *have* to interrupt Spock!
Kirk- Later.
Spock- I know where the bags are.
Everyone but Spock- You *DO*?
McCoy- Why didn't you say so?
Spock- I could not say anything without-
McCoy- (interrupts) Being interrupted?
Spock- (sighs) Yes, Doctor.
Kirk- So? Who stole them? Where are they? How did he or she steal them? Is it a him or a her? Is it human or something else? Am I starting to sound like that Ensign who nobody remembers his name?
All but Kirk & Spock- YES!!
Kirk- Yes what?
Spock- The suitcases are in Ensign Snodgrass's room.
Kirk- Ensign Snodgrass stole them?
Spock- I did not say he stole them, I said-
McCoy- (interrupts) Yeah, we know what you said! You said he stole them!
Kirk- Everybody have phasers?
Narrator- Everybody but Spock looks at Kirk cluelessly.
Kirk- Don't tell me you forgot phasers.
Chekov- We forgot phasers.
Kirk- I *said* don't tell me that!
McCoy- I'm a doctor, Jim. Not a security guard!
Kirk- Oh well. He's just an ensign. A *red-shirted* ensign at that! We can get him without phasers!
Narrator- Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, Chekov and Uhura go to Ensign Snodgrass's room.
Kirk- KNOCK! KNOCK!
Snodgrass- Who's there?
Kirk- Boo!
Snodgrass- Boo who?
Kirk- You should be crying because we're here to toss you in the brig!
Snodgrass- What do you mean?
Kirk- OKAY! We're coming in!
(BAM!)
Chekov- (winces) Scotty's not going to be happy!
Narrator- All six of them come into the ensign's room through what's left of the door.
Kirk- All right, Ensign! Put your hands in the air!
Snodgrass- I think you have to have a phaser to say that.
Kirk- Oh. I can go get a phaser to threaten you with if you want.
Snodgrass- That's okay.
Kirk- Spock, guard the ensign!
Spock- Captain, I doubt the ensign will be going anywhere. It would not be logical, since-
Kirk- (interrupting) That's an order, Mister Spock!
Spock- Yes, sir.
Kirk- Besides, ensigns usually aren't all that logical.
Narrator- Sulu and Chekov search the room for the bags. McCoy searches the room for anything that he could say "He's dead, Jim" about. Uhura is sitting in a chair. Spock is standing by the ensign. Kirk is walking around with his I-am-the-Captian-and-I-have-defeated-twenty-Klingons-with-only-getting-a-ripped-shirt-so-don't-mess-with-me look.
Sulu- (holds up seven bags) We found them, Captain.
McCoy- (comes up to Kirk) Nobody's dead, Jim.
Kirk- (rolls eyes) Thank you, Doctor.
Chekov- Don't be too sure. The ensign is probably not going to last long.
Narrator- Just then, a figure jumps down from the ceiling. He is holding a disrupter.
All but Spock- KHANNN!!
Fargo- No, you fools! It's Fargo!
McCoy- Fargo? Isn't that a place in Texas?
UBP (Unidentifed Backstage Person)- No! It's a city in North Dakota!
McCoy- Same difference.
Fargo- Be QUIET!!
Sulu- Why should we?
Fargo- Because *I* have a disrupter and *you* don't! Nyahahahahaha!
Uhura- You can't *do* this to me! I'm a *lady!*
Fargo- You're going to be a headless lady in a minute if you don't be quiet!
Kirk- Oh yeah? Well I can beat you! In TV shows, the good guys always win! (turns to Narrator) Right?
Narrator- Well, he's not supposed to be in this scene. So I suppose he can do whatever he wants.
All but Spock- (dramatic) Oh no!!
Fargo- You're darn right I can! Hey! You Chinese person! Give me those bags!
Sulu- I'm *Japanese*!
Fargo- Same difference.
McCoy- I already said that!
Fargo- Do I care?
Spock- It is impossible for us to know whether you care or-
Fargo- (interrupting) Be quiet you pointy-eared, green-blooded annoying Vulcan!
McCoy- You can't do that! I'm the only one who's aloud to insult Spock! That's *my* job!
Kirk- I think that he did a better job than you, Bones.
McCoy- No he didn't!
Fargo- In case you forgot, I *do* have a disrupter.
Narrator- The room is quiet. For about five seconds.
Kirk- Good thing we have a red-shirted ensign with us.
Snodgrass- That's not fair! Is it?
Fargo- Now, whoever you are, give me the bags.
Sulu- (grumbles, but hands him the seven bags)
THE INSANE RANDOMNESS WILL CONTINUE NEXT CHAPTER
REVIEWERS-
MzSnaz- I hope this chapter has answered a few of your questions. If not, then you're still in suspense. Good. I love leaving readers in suspense. Hee hee. Thanks for reviewing.
Stephanie- Well, it's not over yet. I'm figureing it'll take about two more chapters to wrap everything up. Don't hold me to that though. But I deffinately won't be done writing. Alania and I are working on a sequel to our story "Read this or Else" and we're about two-thirds done. I want it under my name this time! It's a Star Trek story with all the usual bridge crew plus everybody's favorite ensign, Ol' what's his name.
READ AND REVIEW!!
Chapter Nine- In Which McCoy Interrupts Spock Countless Times
Narrator- Spock begins to walk down the hall to the ensign's room. On the way, he meets Kirk, Sulu, and Chekov's little gang of investigators. It now also consists of Uhura.
Kirk- (looks at Spock suspiciously) Where were you on Stardate 534.2?
Spock- (pauses momentarily) I was on the bridge, telling you the likelihood of surviving the asteroid that was going to collide with us in approximately 47.93 seconds.
Kirk- Oh yeah, I forgot. You're Spock! Of course you wouldn't steal the bags!
Spock- You have been stolen from?
Sulu- Yup. Someone stole my bag!
Chekov- And mine!
Uhura- Mine too!
McCoy- (comes down corridor) Mine was too!
Kirk- Oh. Hello Bones.
McCoy- So, what's happenin'?
Chekov- We're finding out who stole our bags.
Spock- I believe I-
McCoy- (interrupting) What was in your bag, Jim?
Kirk- It was letters from my- I mean, it was letters from Starfleet.
McCoy- *Starfleet*. I see.
Uhura- Was it another warning that if you break the Prime Directive one more time, they're going to remove your title and make you work as a pineapple farmer for the rest of your days?
Kirk- Actually I think they said apricot farmer.
McCoy- Jim? A farmer? I could imagine him giving the fruits lectures. (Imitates Kirk's voice) Now, you're not growing fast enough! I expect better next time! You say you need two more days? You don't have two more days! I don't care if it hasn't rained in a week!
Narrator- Everyone but Kirk and Spock dissolve into fits of laughter.
Kirk- (blushing) Now see here, Bones!
Chekov- Watch out! Looks like another lecture!
Kirk- I only give lectures to Navigators who don't know when to be quiet!
Uhura- Ha!
Kirk- Or to Communications officers!
Uhura- You can't do that to me! I'm a *lady!*
Spock- Captain, I know where-
McCoy- (interrupting) Chekov, what did you have in your bag?
Chekov- I had amazing Russian artifacts!
Sulu- Snore, snore.
Chekov- Russian artifacts are interesting!
McCoy- I had medical equipment.
Kirk- (faking shock) Really? *You*? Medical equipment? I never would have guessed!
McCoy- Well I would have thought that you would have ripped shirts in yours! Not "Starfleet" letters!
Narrator- I wish you guys had a copy of the script in your bags! Maybe it would help you stick to the plot a little better!
McCoy- Plot? What plot?
Sulu- Don't tell me this story had a plot, and you didn't tell me?
Spock- Shouldn't we-
McCoy- (interrupting) We didn't tell you, because we figured you would try to mess it up!
Sulu- You're right! I am Sulu, the plot messer-upper! I make sure that stories never have plots! Muahahahaha!
Uhura- But without a plot, I won't get my make-up back!
Kirk- Oh no! I am officially ordering that anyone who strays from the plot from now on most be tossed out a airlock!
McCoy- That's not fair, Jim!
Kirk- Fine. Mister Spock, I order you to nerve-pinch anyone that strays from the plot!
Spock- That is illogical.
McCoy- (turns to narrator) Was Spock supposed to say that?
Narrator- No.
McCoy- Ha! Spock has to nerve-pinch himself!
Spock- It is impossible for me to nerve-pinch myself.
Kirk- STOP! (everyone freezes) Now, Mister Spock, I believe you were trying to say something, but Bones kept interrupting.
Spock- That is correct.
McCoy- But I *have* to interrupt Spock!
Kirk- Later.
Spock- I know where the bags are.
Everyone but Spock- You *DO*?
McCoy- Why didn't you say so?
Spock- I could not say anything without-
McCoy- (interrupts) Being interrupted?
Spock- (sighs) Yes, Doctor.
Kirk- So? Who stole them? Where are they? How did he or she steal them? Is it a him or a her? Is it human or something else? Am I starting to sound like that Ensign who nobody remembers his name?
All but Kirk & Spock- YES!!
Kirk- Yes what?
Spock- The suitcases are in Ensign Snodgrass's room.
Kirk- Ensign Snodgrass stole them?
Spock- I did not say he stole them, I said-
McCoy- (interrupts) Yeah, we know what you said! You said he stole them!
Kirk- Everybody have phasers?
Narrator- Everybody but Spock looks at Kirk cluelessly.
Kirk- Don't tell me you forgot phasers.
Chekov- We forgot phasers.
Kirk- I *said* don't tell me that!
McCoy- I'm a doctor, Jim. Not a security guard!
Kirk- Oh well. He's just an ensign. A *red-shirted* ensign at that! We can get him without phasers!
Narrator- Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, Chekov and Uhura go to Ensign Snodgrass's room.
Kirk- KNOCK! KNOCK!
Snodgrass- Who's there?
Kirk- Boo!
Snodgrass- Boo who?
Kirk- You should be crying because we're here to toss you in the brig!
Snodgrass- What do you mean?
Kirk- OKAY! We're coming in!
(BAM!)
Chekov- (winces) Scotty's not going to be happy!
Narrator- All six of them come into the ensign's room through what's left of the door.
Kirk- All right, Ensign! Put your hands in the air!
Snodgrass- I think you have to have a phaser to say that.
Kirk- Oh. I can go get a phaser to threaten you with if you want.
Snodgrass- That's okay.
Kirk- Spock, guard the ensign!
Spock- Captain, I doubt the ensign will be going anywhere. It would not be logical, since-
Kirk- (interrupting) That's an order, Mister Spock!
Spock- Yes, sir.
Kirk- Besides, ensigns usually aren't all that logical.
Narrator- Sulu and Chekov search the room for the bags. McCoy searches the room for anything that he could say "He's dead, Jim" about. Uhura is sitting in a chair. Spock is standing by the ensign. Kirk is walking around with his I-am-the-Captian-and-I-have-defeated-twenty-Klingons-with-only-getting-a-ripped-shirt-so-don't-mess-with-me look.
Sulu- (holds up seven bags) We found them, Captain.
McCoy- (comes up to Kirk) Nobody's dead, Jim.
Kirk- (rolls eyes) Thank you, Doctor.
Chekov- Don't be too sure. The ensign is probably not going to last long.
Narrator- Just then, a figure jumps down from the ceiling. He is holding a disrupter.
All but Spock- KHANNN!!
Fargo- No, you fools! It's Fargo!
McCoy- Fargo? Isn't that a place in Texas?
UBP (Unidentifed Backstage Person)- No! It's a city in North Dakota!
McCoy- Same difference.
Fargo- Be QUIET!!
Sulu- Why should we?
Fargo- Because *I* have a disrupter and *you* don't! Nyahahahahaha!
Uhura- You can't *do* this to me! I'm a *lady!*
Fargo- You're going to be a headless lady in a minute if you don't be quiet!
Kirk- Oh yeah? Well I can beat you! In TV shows, the good guys always win! (turns to Narrator) Right?
Narrator- Well, he's not supposed to be in this scene. So I suppose he can do whatever he wants.
All but Spock- (dramatic) Oh no!!
Fargo- You're darn right I can! Hey! You Chinese person! Give me those bags!
Sulu- I'm *Japanese*!
Fargo- Same difference.
McCoy- I already said that!
Fargo- Do I care?
Spock- It is impossible for us to know whether you care or-
Fargo- (interrupting) Be quiet you pointy-eared, green-blooded annoying Vulcan!
McCoy- You can't do that! I'm the only one who's aloud to insult Spock! That's *my* job!
Kirk- I think that he did a better job than you, Bones.
McCoy- No he didn't!
Fargo- In case you forgot, I *do* have a disrupter.
Narrator- The room is quiet. For about five seconds.
Kirk- Good thing we have a red-shirted ensign with us.
Snodgrass- That's not fair! Is it?
Fargo- Now, whoever you are, give me the bags.
Sulu- (grumbles, but hands him the seven bags)
THE INSANE RANDOMNESS WILL CONTINUE NEXT CHAPTER
REVIEWERS-
MzSnaz- I hope this chapter has answered a few of your questions. If not, then you're still in suspense. Good. I love leaving readers in suspense. Hee hee. Thanks for reviewing.
Stephanie- Well, it's not over yet. I'm figureing it'll take about two more chapters to wrap everything up. Don't hold me to that though. But I deffinately won't be done writing. Alania and I are working on a sequel to our story "Read this or Else" and we're about two-thirds done. I want it under my name this time! It's a Star Trek story with all the usual bridge crew plus everybody's favorite ensign, Ol' what's his name.
READ AND REVIEW!!