Chapter 23
The Choice
---------------
The woman and man with the two horses made an odd looking group. Thonolan followed as they left the valley, traveling along the river south. They crossed the swirling waters where a steep slope covered the other side. He started to sweat when he realized where they were heading.
"Please, I don't want to go back," he whispered.
Ayla paused, but only to mount Whinney with Jondalar behind her. The land was rougher and rockier, with many canyons and slopes. They soon arrived at the location and Thonolan sat down when Ayla dismounted.
"I don't want to follow, please Mother."
A warm breeze swelled up over him. "As their Watcher, you have helped them unknowingly. It is time for them to help you." The wind tugged on his form to where his brother and Ayla stood.
Reluctantly, he got up and entered the blind canyon. His brother and Ayla were at a rockslide at the back. Shuddering, he remembered how that particular formation came to be.
"This is the place, Jondalar." Ayla drew out a pouch from his tunic and gave it to Jondalar.
"What is this?" He asked, beginning to recognize the place.
"Red earth, Jondalar. For his grave." Nodding, Jondalar stood with tears running unchecked down his cheeks. He poured the red ochre into his hand and sprinkled it over the rocks and gravel.
When the second handful was spread, Thonolan quivered. "What's happening to me?" He convulsed as he felt his being changed somehow. His body felt light, as if he had drunk too much barma. Thonolan dropped slowly to the ground, his eyes wide with awe. Something new was seeping through him, something powerful and good. Time slowed for him and he swore he could hear the Mother's heartbeat. He barely noticed when Ayla made a gesture over his grave.
A rumble was sounded and grew louder. Thonolan watched in complacent calmness as the largest cave bear he had ever seen thundered toward him. Fear never entered his mind, only an odd fascination for the creature. It stood up on its hind legs, stretching to its enormous height.
"It's time, Thonolan."
He shook his head slowly and sat up. "Time for what?"
The bear dropped down beside him and pushed its nose near. "Home, you can go home Thonolan."
His eyes widened, "how? But I thought I had to go to the Zelondonii?"
The bear snorted. "Foolish veejia, who gives the Zelondonii power? The Mother has gifted you with this chance. I can lead you to your hearth."
"Aren't you a clan spirit?"
The bear gave a low rumbling roar, "have you not learned yet? Clan or Others, they are the same to the Mother. True that each serves one kind of spirit, but we are all the same. It is in human frailty that limits their access to us." He got up and paced, "come, I can't stay long."
Thonolan jumped up eagerly. His whole being felt lighter and freer. Home! To Jetamio, and their son, and all those who had gone before. Wait until I tell Sela... He paused as he thought of his new friends. Will they ever know what happened to me? What about Jondalar and Ayla? Who will watch over them when I cannot? Stopping in indecision, he remembered when Creb had shown him the future. He had followed his brother home, but if he went now, what would happen? Torn between the two, he looked anxiously at the cave bear.
"Do I have to come now?"
The creature nodded. "If you don't, I'm not sure when you'll be able to go. The choice is yours of course."
Thonolan stood on the rocky ground feeling a deep loneliness. He wanted to discuss this with Malia and Sela; he wanted to tell Jondalar he was leaving. But the bear kept walking away as he stood in the blind canyon. Looking toward his brother who was crying openly, he knew what he had to do.
"Wait," he called out. The bear stopped and looked back, "tell the Mother when you see her, thank you. There was never a choice for me to make. I can't go back now."
The bear shook his snout up and down as if waving an affirmation and good-bye at once. Moving his massive paws, he lumbered away toward his home.
Sagging to the ground, he covered his head. "I'm so sorry, Tamio. I hope you understand. We'll have eternity together when I get there." He felt his heart squeeze painfully at losing this chance.
The wind rustled gently up to him. Surrounding the small veejia with its breath, it sighed. "You've chosen well."
He stood up angrily. "I didn't have a choice. You know that Ayla and Jondalar need protection on their journey. I haven't completed your plan either, attaching threads." He folded his arms and held himself rigid.
"I gave you the choice. The future is hard, and you must be willing to be part of it. Now, your reward will be greater at the end." The winds gentled and slowly receded.
He kicked rocks around angrily. "Sure, just speak with shadows on your tongue and leave. And me, I'm still here. What's so great about a better reward?" He almost wished for the chance to leave again, "no family, unless you can call that love-sick brother and a horse a family!" He quickly caught up with his brother and Ayla.
"You said he was brave, and he loved adventure. He was so full of life-as though he was trying to live it all at once. I would not have made this Journey if it hadn't been for him." Jondalar's voice resonated through Thonolan. "...I didn't want him to go, but I can understand him now."
Thonolan looked closer at Jondalar. "I can't believe that, you've never been able to understand me. We're so opposite." He paused and looked at his grave thoughtfully, "sometimes, I don't understand myself.
(VOH pp. 537-538)
---------------------------
RD: Thonolan always did have an eye for women, and he's been alone for awhile now. Ayla's sister would of course be lovely and attractive.
The Choice
---------------
The woman and man with the two horses made an odd looking group. Thonolan followed as they left the valley, traveling along the river south. They crossed the swirling waters where a steep slope covered the other side. He started to sweat when he realized where they were heading.
"Please, I don't want to go back," he whispered.
Ayla paused, but only to mount Whinney with Jondalar behind her. The land was rougher and rockier, with many canyons and slopes. They soon arrived at the location and Thonolan sat down when Ayla dismounted.
"I don't want to follow, please Mother."
A warm breeze swelled up over him. "As their Watcher, you have helped them unknowingly. It is time for them to help you." The wind tugged on his form to where his brother and Ayla stood.
Reluctantly, he got up and entered the blind canyon. His brother and Ayla were at a rockslide at the back. Shuddering, he remembered how that particular formation came to be.
"This is the place, Jondalar." Ayla drew out a pouch from his tunic and gave it to Jondalar.
"What is this?" He asked, beginning to recognize the place.
"Red earth, Jondalar. For his grave." Nodding, Jondalar stood with tears running unchecked down his cheeks. He poured the red ochre into his hand and sprinkled it over the rocks and gravel.
When the second handful was spread, Thonolan quivered. "What's happening to me?" He convulsed as he felt his being changed somehow. His body felt light, as if he had drunk too much barma. Thonolan dropped slowly to the ground, his eyes wide with awe. Something new was seeping through him, something powerful and good. Time slowed for him and he swore he could hear the Mother's heartbeat. He barely noticed when Ayla made a gesture over his grave.
A rumble was sounded and grew louder. Thonolan watched in complacent calmness as the largest cave bear he had ever seen thundered toward him. Fear never entered his mind, only an odd fascination for the creature. It stood up on its hind legs, stretching to its enormous height.
"It's time, Thonolan."
He shook his head slowly and sat up. "Time for what?"
The bear dropped down beside him and pushed its nose near. "Home, you can go home Thonolan."
His eyes widened, "how? But I thought I had to go to the Zelondonii?"
The bear snorted. "Foolish veejia, who gives the Zelondonii power? The Mother has gifted you with this chance. I can lead you to your hearth."
"Aren't you a clan spirit?"
The bear gave a low rumbling roar, "have you not learned yet? Clan or Others, they are the same to the Mother. True that each serves one kind of spirit, but we are all the same. It is in human frailty that limits their access to us." He got up and paced, "come, I can't stay long."
Thonolan jumped up eagerly. His whole being felt lighter and freer. Home! To Jetamio, and their son, and all those who had gone before. Wait until I tell Sela... He paused as he thought of his new friends. Will they ever know what happened to me? What about Jondalar and Ayla? Who will watch over them when I cannot? Stopping in indecision, he remembered when Creb had shown him the future. He had followed his brother home, but if he went now, what would happen? Torn between the two, he looked anxiously at the cave bear.
"Do I have to come now?"
The creature nodded. "If you don't, I'm not sure when you'll be able to go. The choice is yours of course."
Thonolan stood on the rocky ground feeling a deep loneliness. He wanted to discuss this with Malia and Sela; he wanted to tell Jondalar he was leaving. But the bear kept walking away as he stood in the blind canyon. Looking toward his brother who was crying openly, he knew what he had to do.
"Wait," he called out. The bear stopped and looked back, "tell the Mother when you see her, thank you. There was never a choice for me to make. I can't go back now."
The bear shook his snout up and down as if waving an affirmation and good-bye at once. Moving his massive paws, he lumbered away toward his home.
Sagging to the ground, he covered his head. "I'm so sorry, Tamio. I hope you understand. We'll have eternity together when I get there." He felt his heart squeeze painfully at losing this chance.
The wind rustled gently up to him. Surrounding the small veejia with its breath, it sighed. "You've chosen well."
He stood up angrily. "I didn't have a choice. You know that Ayla and Jondalar need protection on their journey. I haven't completed your plan either, attaching threads." He folded his arms and held himself rigid.
"I gave you the choice. The future is hard, and you must be willing to be part of it. Now, your reward will be greater at the end." The winds gentled and slowly receded.
He kicked rocks around angrily. "Sure, just speak with shadows on your tongue and leave. And me, I'm still here. What's so great about a better reward?" He almost wished for the chance to leave again, "no family, unless you can call that love-sick brother and a horse a family!" He quickly caught up with his brother and Ayla.
"You said he was brave, and he loved adventure. He was so full of life-as though he was trying to live it all at once. I would not have made this Journey if it hadn't been for him." Jondalar's voice resonated through Thonolan. "...I didn't want him to go, but I can understand him now."
Thonolan looked closer at Jondalar. "I can't believe that, you've never been able to understand me. We're so opposite." He paused and looked at his grave thoughtfully, "sometimes, I don't understand myself.
(VOH pp. 537-538)
---------------------------
RD: Thonolan always did have an eye for women, and he's been alone for awhile now. Ayla's sister would of course be lovely and attractive.