Hey! This is the first time I am attempting a Saiyuki fan fiction. It is written because I am now feeling kinda cranky over heart affairs. So, hope you enjoy the story.

A violet hair Youkai stood still, watching Kougaiji and Lilin paying their last respect at the grave. Although it was not normal for Youkai to shed tears, Lilin was crying while Kougaiji was trying his best not to shed a tear. Even so, she spied a tear slipping down his face. A weakness for the demon prince, something that Gyumao would be furious about. However, she understood why he did so.

"Funny. I never imagine to see you crying over someone's death." A voice echoed in the desert.

"Sanzo." Despite hating the intrusion in a solemn occasion, he acknowledged his rival. He had always been trying to get the Evil Sutra from The Sanzo party. However, as hard as he tried, he cannot beat Goku, who faithfully protected Sanzo since the beginning.

He glanced to his right hand man, Dogukaguji. He was composed and his expression was guarded. He admired him. At this kind of situation he could still be calm, especially the one dead was one of his dearest friend, and partner. How come he couldn't master such skill? Maybe it was because he loved the one that died.

Hakkai looked at the grave. He cannot bare the pain of losing another friend, and lover. He lost Kanan because of a demon, and as the result, he became one as well after killing 1000 of them. In this case, he hated himself more. Because this time, he should have known better how temperamental girls are. He should have known how rash they are. Kanan killed herself because she was pregnant with a demon. Never could he imagine losing two people he loves because of suicide. 'Why did you do this? Is the rejection too harsh for you to bear? Why?' He mentally cried out, thinking no one could hear him.

Someone did. In fact two women did. One of them was the Goddess of Mercy. She stood there, joining another watching the scene unfolding. 'Tenpo. Fate is so cruel to you when you are a human. In heaven you were very contented in reading up on war history that occurred on Earth. Didn't you wish you were there, instead of this boring heaven? Now, you had to handle two losses in your life, both who you treasure dearly. Fate is cruel indeed.'

She turned her attention to the lady at her side, and asked her. "So, what is the feeling of dying?"

The girl turned to her. Her violet eyes met her mocking eyes. "I wish I could join them and comfort all of them." She looked at Hakkai, whose anguish could be felt from where she stood. Kougaiji, oh, Kougaiji. How could she repay him like this? The one who saved her from the 100-eye creature. She should be forever grateful to him, but no! She had to fall in love with someone else. Someone else who was even their rival. How could she do this?

"Am I hearing regrets? My, you are a complex Youkai indeed." The Goddess of Mercy ridiculed her.

"I have no regrets. None at all." She lied. It was true that she had no regrets in her life. However, her decision to commit suicide was a mistake. Seeing them mourn over her death made her guilt worse. Sadly, she had no way to reverse her actions.

"Liar. However, I think you know that as well. Never mind, you get to see them cry for you." The Goddess replied. Hearing Hakkai crying out the name of the one he cared, she smiled. "That should make you pleased."

Yaone ignored her and turned her attention to Hakkai. 'Why did I put you in such misery? You lost Kanan already. Now, you lost another friend. I am so sorry.'

"Sorry has no meaning in a situation like this."

"Stop invading my thoughts!" Yaone snapped.

"Why not? I am a Goddess. I have every right to do so." She smirked.

She knew better than to argue back. How she wished she could turn back time. However, there was no way she could do it.

--- Flashback---

"Yanoe-san. Are you sure this is what you feel?"

"Yes Kougaiji. I know how I feel. However, I want your blessing before I act on it."

"Since when, did you start loving him?" Kougaiji tried to reason with her, hoping that he won't lose her to his rival.

"I am not sure myself." Yanoe blushed. "I think I was just attracted to him since I met him. His gentle nature was the one that made me like him. After that, he risked his life to save me, and other times he was so gentle and refuse to hurt me when I challenge him to a duel, even though I am his enemy. Oh, is it wrong to love an enemy?"

"No Yanoe, I don't think it is wrong." Kougaiji tried to bury his jealousy towards Hakkai. He knew that Hakkai would be good for Yaone. In fact, she will be better off without him. However, envy still filled his heart.

"Then I have your approval." Yaone asked, her violet eyes brightened up with joy. His heart melted and couldn't dampen her spirit. Whatever feelings he had for her must remain hidden. No point confusing her any further.

"Yes, go and find Hakkai. If he accepts you, stay with him. But remember you no longer our friend after this. You will be our enemy and we will fight against you if our path ever cross."

"Must it be like this?" Yaone whispered. She couldn't bear fighting with the one who saved her life in the beginning. Without him, she wouldn't have met Lilin and Dogukaguji. Without him, she wouldn't meet The Sanzo Party and Hakkai, and realized the meaning of love.

"Yes. The choice is yours." Kougaiji confirmed her worst fears. Sensing her hesitation, he went to her and cupped her face with his hands. "You are better off with them. Over here, you never know when is my step-mother ever going to kill you or whether Gyumao will wake up and destroy the world. Go to them, they will protect you as a sister and for Hakkai, as his wife. They are able to meet your needs better than me."

Yaone's eyes filled with tears and nodded her head. She gave him a kiss on the cheek for being so understanding and left him, forever.

---End Flashback---

"Hakkai. Do you know what happened to her?" Kougaiji said softly.

"I didn't wish for such a thing to happen. However, I am aware that she died because of me. She brew the poison and drank it because of me."

"So, how are you going to pay back?"

"What?" Hakkai's face paled. "You are intending to revenge her death are you?"

"You are stating the obvious." Dogukaguji said cynically. He drew his sword out and lunged at him, only to have his move blocked by Goyjo.

"There is no use blaming Hakkai for her death." Goyjo snapped. "We all miss her and her gentle way. In fact, she was one of the few female Youkai I can tolerate. Don't think only you grief over her passing. Hakkai shed his fair share of tears for her as well."

"Then why did you reject her if you care for her so much?" Dogukaguji snapped back.

"It's dumb for us to accept her into our group. It's not right." Sanzo stated coolly.

"To allow a Youkai to be with the one she loved." Kougaiji growled.

"We cannot afford to love!" Hakkai's voice boomed. "I did that, not once but twice, and see what is the result of it? Sadness, grief, death! I am cursed! I cannot love anyone, if not they will die. Kanan died, Yanoe died, all because I couldn't protect them."

"Why give her false hopes?" Kougaiji demanded.

"I couldn't... I couldn't help it." Hakkai mumbled and slowly sank onto his knees. "I didn't want her to die. YAONE!!!!!!"

Yaone was shocked by what Kougaiji was attempting to do, to avenge for her death, to kill Cho Hakkai. Not surprising but it was pure madness. She recalled the event that led to the suicide, and caused the whole uproar that was taking place in the desert.

--- Flashback---

"Hakkai!" She yelled at the green jeep as she raced towards it. She spent days trying to find for them. Finally, her effort paid off. Now, everything will be alright and she will find the one she loves. Or so she thought.

"Yaone-san. What are you doing here?"

She turned and saw Hakkai in front of her, alone. Her heart filled with joy and she ran and threw her arms around him.

"Yaone-san? Is there anything wrong?" Hakkai asked, worried that something happened to Lilin. The only time he saw her this worried when Lilin was missing and was fighting with Zenon. Fortunately for them, they managed to find her before she was killed.

"Iie Hakkai-san." She shook her head and lifted her eyes and made contact with his green eyes. "Hakkai-san. You are a Youkai right?"

He flinched at the question. It was still a sensitive topic for him, after so many years. "Yes Yanoe-san. What about it?"

She paused for a while, thinking how to tell him. "Will you find a wife in the future?"

Hakkai just laughed, embarrassed by such a question. "Yes, I will. Once this whole thing is dealt with, I might just settle down with the one I love." He gave a sad smile, imagine how would life be like with Kanan.

"Then what about me?" Yaone gathered her courage and asked.

"I am fond of you." Hakkai started cautiously. "I think you are a beautiful lady who is gentle and loving. You are so good with Lilin. I will not be surprise if she sees you as her elder sister."

"Am I then suitable for you?"

"Well..."

"None of us are finding for a wife. What makes you think we will fall in love with a Youkai." A harsh voice interrupted Hakkai's reply.

"Sanzo. You shouldn't say that." Hakkai tried to be diplomatic, even though he knows very well now, he cannot accept Yaone's proposal. "Yaone, ignore him. He is not thinking as usual."

"Baka! What makes you think that Hakkai has gotten over Kanan?" Sanzo taunted mercilessly. "On top of that, we are fighting against you and Kougaiji. Isn't it too awkward that you are now at our side when we ever engage in a battle."

"Kougaiji gave me his blessings already."

"Well then, do we have to live in fear that you could be a spy for them?" Sanzo said sarcastically. "No way it is practical for you to be with us. To be Hakkai's wife is definitely out of the question."

"Hakkai. Tell me. Do you ever for once, in this life, ever love me?" Yaone's violet eyes turned to him. He saw tears threatening to spill over. He wanted so much to pull her into his arms and tell her that he loves her. However, the situation they are in now is not right. But maybe, just maybe, they could be together, in the end.

"Baka. I didn't expect you to be such a fool." Sanzo sneered. "We cannot afford to love."

"That's not true." Yaone looked at him, for the last time. "Tell me it's not true." she saw Hakkai slowly shaking his head. "Iie. It's true we cannot afford to love anyone. We cannot love anyone if we want to survive this journey."

Yaone's heart broke, while her eyes spilled the tears. She turned away and ran far away from them, never wanting to see them again. And a plan started formulating in her mind. 'No way I can go back to Kougaiji. He will be so disappointed with me.' She cried as she ran away from Sanzo and Hakkai.

Hakkai watched her run away. He couldn't chase after her, not with Sanzo's grip around his arms. "Why did you tell her that? Must you tell her I cannot love anyone anymore?"

"Hakkai, and I thought you were the sensible one. There was no way we could take another one in, definitely not her. We have to break her heart in order for her to go away."

"A lady's heart is the most fragile thing one can ever break." Hakkai answered back.

"The most effective way to make a lady leave too." Sanzo said that coldly.

"Yaone. Aisheteru." Hakkai whispered as he watched the retreating figure.

---End Flashback---

"Are you going to stand there and let them kill each other?" The Goddess of Mercy queried. She could sense the tension in the desert. No doubt The Sanzo Party will win, however, if they kill Kougaiji, she no longer have an interesting show to watch. With a rival removed, there was no point of her to follow their journey to the West.

"Since when was I allowed to join the humans? After all, I am dead." Yaone snapped back. It was annoying to have a God with you, watching you like a hawk. Blast them.

"Go my child. They need to be comforted. Everyone of them." She said.

"I am not your child." Yaone lashed back. "I am a grown up who made her own decision." She quickly rushed down to stop the fight. Luckily for her, she didn't see the God slowly smiling.

'Foolish girl, however, it was fun to be with her.' She thought mockingly.

"Kougaiji! Don't kill them." Yaone shouted as she flew to them.

Kougaiji stood there, shocked to see Yaone coming to him. "You are dead. What are you doing here?"

"Yaone." Hakkai said reverently. Sanzo was rooted to the ground. 'Alive? Or is God playing a trick on us?'

"A trick, maybe Konren. But a great one." She smiled from heaven. 'What joy to watch an interesting show, from a boring heaven.'

Yaone on the other hand, stood in between the two parties. In front of her stood Kougaiji, Dogukaguji and Lilin, all preparing for battle. Behind her were Sanzo, Gojyo, Goku and Hakkai. Hakkai was still kneeling on the ground, with his mouth opened. 'No way she could be in front of him now. It must be a dream.'

"Don't kill them Kougaiji. It will cause more hurt." Yaone tried to be the peacemaker.

"Step aside ghost. I was never ordered around by a ghost and I don't intend to be ordered now." Kougaiji growled. The pain of Yaone's death seemed to cause havoc in his mind. Yaone is dead and she cannot be standing in front of him now, telling him not to kill the one that drove her to her grave.

"Get lost!" Goku shouted. "The wheels of destiny are turning now. It's time to fight. And they will be joining you shortly.

"SHUT UP GOKU!" a voice blasted through the desert. "STOP IT NOW!"

Yaone turned her attention to the tortured soul. Her heart shattered at his ghostly eyes. Gone was the loving gentle man she loved. His eyes were haunted by two deaths and his mouth had hardened. His appearance was shagged as well. However, a small movement he made gave her shivers down her spine.

"HAKKAI! WHY ARE YOU REMOVING YOUR LIMITERS?" She yelled. She ran to him trying to stop him from taking off his earrings.

Hakkai gave a cynical smile and removed one of his earrings. "What I did was wrong." He spoke, freezing Yaone to the spot. "I should have told you that I love you. Instead, I let Sanzo tell you a lie."

"It was a lie?"

"Well, a half truth. Yaone. But it isn't the whole truth." Hakkai took off the second earring.

"Hakkai! Stop it!" Sanzo commanded him. He sensed immediately what he wanted to do, and there was no way he will allow him to carry out his plan. 'Over my dead body'

"It was true that I cannot afford to love. However, what I failed to mention was that I have already fallen in love with you. I am sorry." Hakkai placed his hand on the third earring.

"Why are you telling me sorry? I should have said sorry. If I didn't tell you, you wouldn't be burdened by this horrible guilt." Yaone cried out. "I shouldn't have told you my feelings."

"Iie. You should. So that I know I am fortunate enough to be loved by two women. Beautiful in their own ways." Hakkai smiled, sadly. "I know this is a coward way out. However, I caused so many deaths. I don't think I should be responsible for another three others right?"

"Goku!" Sanzo shouted to the one nearest to him. "Quick!"

However it was too late. Hakkai removed the last earring and blasted a powerful force of energy through him. Before Yaone's eyes, she saw him being destroyed. She felt herself fading away from the scene and once again started drifting through the air.

'Suicide.' All of them thought at the same time. Hakkai killed himself. Just like what Yaone and Kanan did.

Sanzo's heart tightened. A friend lost, and can never be replaced. He mentally shook himself and hardened his heart from any emotion temporary. He turned his attention to Kougaiji. "We lost a companion, like you did. Do you think we should call it a truce for the time being?"

Kougaiji nodded. Witnessing a suicide was too much for him, especially if the victim was Cho Hakkai. "Let's go." He said quietly and his sister and Dogukaguji followed him.

"Sanzo. Where is Hakkai now?" Goku asked after the other party left.

Harukayuu whimpered in Sanzo's arm. Fortunately for them, Harukayuu wasn't injured. But nothing could erase the fact that Hakkai was gone, forever.

"Baka. Let's go on." Sanzo barked.

"Should you say a prayer for him?" Goyjo commented.

Sanzo looked into the sky, he mentally pictured Hakkai smiling down on them, with Yaone and Kanan at his side. "I just did. Let's move."

Hakkai watched them slowly moving on, away from the site. "Are you happy with what you done Tenpo?"

"It cannot be avoided." He shook his head. "Goddess of Mercy. What would you have done?"

"Well, that was meant for you humans there to decide. I am only a spectator. You all are the players. Therefore I cannot comment anything." She smiled. "But what you did was unexpected."

"Where is Yaone?" He asked.

"She? Oh, she will be like what all Youkai will do." She paused for a moment. "Roam the earth forever, guarding over Kougaiji and his group."

"What about me?" Hakkai looked at her, wondering what's his role after death.

"You will be most probably be watching over Sanzo." She replied.

"Rivals during life time, as well as during our deaths then." He sighed.

"Yes."

"Fate has a cruel way of treating me indeed."

What do you think??? What do you think??? :D I am not sure how this story fair. I was trying to have a sad ending to this story. Hope it worked out. That's why I need you all to R&R. Criticisms as well as the praises are all welcome. However, I love the pairing of Yaone and Hakkai. Yaone and Kougaiji suits just fine as well, but I still prefer the former pairing. So, tell me what you think about their pairing as well. Cheers! Thanks and God Bless