CHAPTER THREE - THE CONFESSION
The sofa was as uncomfortable as any sofa to sleep on. Something about the design of sofas makes them just a faction too small to fit the average sized human being Maybe the sofa manufacturers and the bed manufacturers are participates in some sort of worldwide conspiracy with chiropractors or maybe someone just made a mistake with a tape measure. Either way the sofa Xander slept on was uncomfortable as hell and his back testified to that. As he slowly lumbered himself onto two feet a piercing pain shot violently through his body. He instantly clutched at the lower part of his back as if his hand had magical healing plans usually only associated with myths and religious texts. Damn he hated sleeping on sofas. He promised himself that he would check into a motel tonight. He looked at his watch. It was early. He didn't like getting up early, who does? But he had too. He had much to do today. He rubbed his back until the pain subsidised and then made his way to the kitchen. Everything was exactly where he remembered it to be. He made himself the hearty breakfast made possible by the makers of Captain Crunch. He looked for the toy dinosaur that was promised on the back of the box but he couldn't find it. Obviously Dawn had beaten him to it. After clearing up, or the male equivalent, which is similar to simply putting dirty dishes by the sink, he looked at his watch again then quietly left the house. What he didn't see on his way out was the small object poking up from between the two sofa cushions. It was the photo.
Xander walked for about half an hour to what could liberally be described as downtown Sunnydale until he came to an office block. He entered through a large glass double door beneath a gigantic white plastic sign that read in bright red lettering, 'Rent-a-Car'. The room he entered was dominated by a large blue wooden block at the far end of the room that stretched right across its width. Upon this blue block sat three computer screens and just before it stood a lonely post with 'wait here' written on it. The rest of the room was empty apart from the pictures of triangles on the other three walls and a small green plastic object that was supposed to be some sort of plant in what appeared to be the exact centre of the room. No one else was in the room, either behind the computer screens or in front of the blue block. Xander approached the block trying to make as much noise as possible including a few well-timed coughs and the occasional foot stomp. Just as he was running out of explainable ways of making noise and was almost upon the wooden block, a bright-eyed blonde girl appeared from a door to Xander's left, which was hidden behind an indent in the wall. She looked about Dawn's age, which in itself was not disturbing to Xander, but he found her very attractive, which conjured up confusing feeling when his brain informed him of the similarities between her and Dawn. He didn't delve any deeper since he kind of feared what he would find and plus it was very early in the morning.
"Good morning, sir. How can I help you?" Said the blonde in an annoying chirpy voice.
The attraction Xander felt towards her diminished significantly. "Hi. My name is Alexander Harris and I have a reservation for a car?" He did have a reservation and his name was Alexander Harris but for some reason he still posed it as a question.
She nodded then began to type furiously at the computer to which she had position herself behind. The typing soon took on a peculiar pattern. There would be a short period of fast, almost fanatic typing followed by a longer one of single character typing and then a period of confused peering at the screen. This performance carried on for five minutes or so with no a word spoken between the two, although the girl did give Xander the occasional friendly smile between confused expressions, which he found enticing. There was something about her combination of absolute friendliness and naïve bewilderment that he found very appealing, though her tremendous figure didn't hurt either. Eventually she threw in the metaphorical towel and went back through the hidden door to return a few moments last with her manager. He appeared to be in his 40s and in the middle of some sort of life crisis. The way he tried to wear his clothes in a hip fashion led Xander to his conclusion as well as the ponytail and rescinding hairline. The manager typed a few things into the computer, stared at the screen then got the same confused look as the girl. He tried a few more buttons before looking up at Xander and saying, "I'm sorry Mr Harris but it appears as if we have mislaid your car."
"Mislaid?" Asked a mystified Xander. "How do you mislay a car?"
"Well, it seems we do not currently have it available for you to use today."
"But I reserved it. I made a reservation.
"Yes, we have your reservation."
"Shouldn't that keep the car here?"
"In theory, yes, but in this case, no."
"What is the point of making a reservation if you don't reserve the car?"
"Well, there looks like you have been some sort of glitch in communication between the taking of the reservation and the actual reserving of the car."
"But I need that car. I have things to do."
"We at Rent-a-Car understand your concerns Mr Harris and you do not need to worry. We are prepared to offer you an alternative vehicle if you so wish."
The manager made a few taps on the keyboard. "Ah, it seems as if we only have one car available at the moment."
"What car is that?" Asked Xander fearing the worse.
"A BMW 5 Series."
"Really?" Xander was shocked. This type of thing never happened to guy like him, at least not in real-life. If this was a movie or a television show then he could believe it could happen, well, not believe so much as accept. There had to be a problem, a glitch, a string attached somewhere. "Okay, what's the catch? Do I have to pay extra or something?"
"No, sir. It was our mistake. We will incur the cost."
"So I have a BMW 5 Series for the same price as the car I was originally going to get?"
"Yes, sir."
"I get to drive a BMW 5 Series?"
"Yes, sir."
Maybe living on the hell-mouth had its perks. He hadn't thought helpful rent-a-car agencies were one of them but who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth? He never understood that phrase but it seemed somehow appropriate. At that moment Xander even considered reaching across the blue wooden block and kissing the manager but he decided against it. Maybe for a Jaguar X-Type but not for a BMW 5 Series, he did have some standards. Instead he asked for the keys and the location of the car in exchange for which he gave a security deposit. As soon as the keys landed in his head he could have sworn that he saw a twinkle of lust in the eyes of the young blonde girl. He might have stayed to make sure but he had more important things to do and anyway, he might be driving a BMW 5 Series now but he still was Xander.
He drove his newly acquired flash car through the town, twice. He could get used to living the life of luxury. The stares people gave him and his car filled him with a sense of superiority. He knew that the car was just a loan but when in Rome and all that. Another phrase he didn't fully understand. After a few more slow cruises and admiring looks Xander made his way to his teenage hangout. Admittedly this hangout was slightly more morbid and filled with the stench of death than your usual teenage hangout but then it was a graveyard and his teen years hadn't been exactly normal. There is a large amount of difference between a graveyard during the day and one at night. During the day it has a feeling of sorrow, of loss and of mourning. The grass is somehow greener, the gravestones greyer and the flowers brighter. There are no shadows for evil to hide within, no danger of the undead raising from the newly dug graves to walk the earth as demon minions sacrificing humans to their animal hunger and there was no danger of walking into stupidity placed tombstones, something which he had, of course, never done. Xander made his way along the well-kept path past grave after grave after grave. There sure were a lot of graves in Sunnydale. Eventually he stopped in front of a simple grey tombstone. He knelt down and traced his hand across the lettering. It simply read, 'Anya. Gone but not forgotten'. "Hi, Anya. It's me, Xander. Sorry I haven't visited much but I've been away, in China. Doing building stuff, suffice to say it involved taking my shirt off and sweating a lot. You would have loved it. Anyway I just came to ask for your permission about something. I know we didn't get married and I know that was all my fault but still. I would like your permission for this. Yes, I know you don't want to waste time listening to me talk crap when you could be getting it on with Beethoven, Shakespeare and that guy from that deodorant commercial you liked, though I still don't think he's dead, but this is important. About three months ago my friend Dave, you know, the one with that thing on his face, well, Dave got involved with a Chinese guy called Kim Chang-Dang or something like that. We just used to call her Kim. Well, Kim was pregnant by this Chinese government official guy. I don't really know as Dave never told me exactly who was the father and I never asked. Anyway the father wasn't around and Dave got very friendly with Kim, I mean very friendly. He wanted to marry her and bring her back to the States and raise the kid as his own. At least that was the plan. There was an accident on the site. Dave was killed. Before he died he made me promise to look after Kim and the baby and do the thing he told me to do, I'll talk about that later. Anyway, despite me telling him that deathbed promises were so Hollywood he made me promised nevertheless. So I did. So for a couple of months I looked after Kim. I made sure she had everything I could possibly give her. Then about a month ago she gave birth while I was away on a dam project. There was a complication and she died too. She had some grandparents though and they took in the child. I gave them everything I intended to give Kim and told them they could contact me if they were ever in problem. Anyway the reason I'm telling you all this is because her death and Dave's death made me realise how short a time we have on this planet. I guess that being around death so much and on such a regular basis I kind of figured that I would either die early from a vampire or demon or I would live a long natural life. I never really thought that people could die just as suddenly from natural causes as supernatural. Well, I had told Dave everything, with obviously a few minor alternations like not mentioning the whole end of the world thing. I told him about you, Buffy, Dawn, Willow, everyone. He listened to everything I had to say and then told me exactly what he would do if he were me. That was a very Dave thing to do. He loved telling people what they should be doing with their lives. We gave him a hard time about it but really we had knack of telling someone exactly what they feared doing the most but was the best course of action for them. He was a hell of a guy. You would have liked him. He was your kind of person. Well, Dave told me what I think I have always knew to some extent and what you knew better than anyone, I love Buffy. He told me I should tell her how I feel. I owe it to myself and I owe it to Dave to see if there is something there. And after seeing what happened to him and Kim.Well, I have to seize the day, carpe that diem. I just wanted to tell you and sort of clear it with you. I know that there isn't anything you can exactly do to tell me if you approve or disapprove or for that matter if you have heard anything I have said but to be honest I hadn't really thought this through. Coming to see you was hard enough. But, well, it just felt right for me tell you."
Xander knelt staring at the lettering on the grave nether moving or speaking. He knelt there buried deep within his thoughts until finally with a wipe of his eye he got up. He looked down at the grave, "Well, I won't keep you any longer. I hope you're happy wherever you are and I hope you're not doing anything I wouldn't do." And with that he left.
Meanwhile back at the house Dawn had decided to talk Buffy. She had spent a very sleepless night thinking through everything that happened the night before and more importantly everything she had felt. Ever since she first saw Xander at the door something inside her changed. She didn't know exactly what had changed but she knew something had. Throughout the evening the feeling only grew. She had woken up in the middle of the night from the most vivid of dreams. In her dream she had been sitting in this green meadow paradise. To her left there was a small gently flowing stream teaming with fish of all colours of the rainbow. To her right there lay a small wood of the cutest trees she had ever seen populated with even cuter squirrels with big bright brown eyes. All around her there was rolling hill after rolling hill stretching as far as her eyes could see. It was paradise. It was her paradise. In the middle of all this she sat beneath a particularly large tree, which possessed lovely pink leaves that a tender wind softly plucked them from and trickled them down upon her and her companion. For she was not alone. Beside her sat Xander. They were talked but her dream-self couldn't quite work out what they were saying. Whatever it wants she seemed to be enjoying it a lot. She was acting like the love- struck Valley girl or one of the women from any period romantic novel. There was only one thing a dream like could mean. She wanted Xander. She knew that she had had a crush on him when she was younger but she thought she had grown out of those childish feelings. But suddenly she began to question everything. Was it a crush or was it something more? Was it part of a deep underlying love for Xander? Was he 'the one'? Those questions were what caused her the sleepless night and were the reason being wanting to talk to Buffy. After she was sure everyone else had gotten up to came out of her room. There was nothing she wanted less than being alone with Xander at the moment; she was too confused by her feelings. She came downstairs relieved not to see Xander lying on the sofa and even more relieved by Buffy telling her that him had left early in the morning. After finding out that Willow was also not in the house at the moment Dawn felt comfortable enough to broach the subject. "Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"I love Xander."
The sofa was as uncomfortable as any sofa to sleep on. Something about the design of sofas makes them just a faction too small to fit the average sized human being Maybe the sofa manufacturers and the bed manufacturers are participates in some sort of worldwide conspiracy with chiropractors or maybe someone just made a mistake with a tape measure. Either way the sofa Xander slept on was uncomfortable as hell and his back testified to that. As he slowly lumbered himself onto two feet a piercing pain shot violently through his body. He instantly clutched at the lower part of his back as if his hand had magical healing plans usually only associated with myths and religious texts. Damn he hated sleeping on sofas. He promised himself that he would check into a motel tonight. He looked at his watch. It was early. He didn't like getting up early, who does? But he had too. He had much to do today. He rubbed his back until the pain subsidised and then made his way to the kitchen. Everything was exactly where he remembered it to be. He made himself the hearty breakfast made possible by the makers of Captain Crunch. He looked for the toy dinosaur that was promised on the back of the box but he couldn't find it. Obviously Dawn had beaten him to it. After clearing up, or the male equivalent, which is similar to simply putting dirty dishes by the sink, he looked at his watch again then quietly left the house. What he didn't see on his way out was the small object poking up from between the two sofa cushions. It was the photo.
Xander walked for about half an hour to what could liberally be described as downtown Sunnydale until he came to an office block. He entered through a large glass double door beneath a gigantic white plastic sign that read in bright red lettering, 'Rent-a-Car'. The room he entered was dominated by a large blue wooden block at the far end of the room that stretched right across its width. Upon this blue block sat three computer screens and just before it stood a lonely post with 'wait here' written on it. The rest of the room was empty apart from the pictures of triangles on the other three walls and a small green plastic object that was supposed to be some sort of plant in what appeared to be the exact centre of the room. No one else was in the room, either behind the computer screens or in front of the blue block. Xander approached the block trying to make as much noise as possible including a few well-timed coughs and the occasional foot stomp. Just as he was running out of explainable ways of making noise and was almost upon the wooden block, a bright-eyed blonde girl appeared from a door to Xander's left, which was hidden behind an indent in the wall. She looked about Dawn's age, which in itself was not disturbing to Xander, but he found her very attractive, which conjured up confusing feeling when his brain informed him of the similarities between her and Dawn. He didn't delve any deeper since he kind of feared what he would find and plus it was very early in the morning.
"Good morning, sir. How can I help you?" Said the blonde in an annoying chirpy voice.
The attraction Xander felt towards her diminished significantly. "Hi. My name is Alexander Harris and I have a reservation for a car?" He did have a reservation and his name was Alexander Harris but for some reason he still posed it as a question.
She nodded then began to type furiously at the computer to which she had position herself behind. The typing soon took on a peculiar pattern. There would be a short period of fast, almost fanatic typing followed by a longer one of single character typing and then a period of confused peering at the screen. This performance carried on for five minutes or so with no a word spoken between the two, although the girl did give Xander the occasional friendly smile between confused expressions, which he found enticing. There was something about her combination of absolute friendliness and naïve bewilderment that he found very appealing, though her tremendous figure didn't hurt either. Eventually she threw in the metaphorical towel and went back through the hidden door to return a few moments last with her manager. He appeared to be in his 40s and in the middle of some sort of life crisis. The way he tried to wear his clothes in a hip fashion led Xander to his conclusion as well as the ponytail and rescinding hairline. The manager typed a few things into the computer, stared at the screen then got the same confused look as the girl. He tried a few more buttons before looking up at Xander and saying, "I'm sorry Mr Harris but it appears as if we have mislaid your car."
"Mislaid?" Asked a mystified Xander. "How do you mislay a car?"
"Well, it seems we do not currently have it available for you to use today."
"But I reserved it. I made a reservation.
"Yes, we have your reservation."
"Shouldn't that keep the car here?"
"In theory, yes, but in this case, no."
"What is the point of making a reservation if you don't reserve the car?"
"Well, there looks like you have been some sort of glitch in communication between the taking of the reservation and the actual reserving of the car."
"But I need that car. I have things to do."
"We at Rent-a-Car understand your concerns Mr Harris and you do not need to worry. We are prepared to offer you an alternative vehicle if you so wish."
The manager made a few taps on the keyboard. "Ah, it seems as if we only have one car available at the moment."
"What car is that?" Asked Xander fearing the worse.
"A BMW 5 Series."
"Really?" Xander was shocked. This type of thing never happened to guy like him, at least not in real-life. If this was a movie or a television show then he could believe it could happen, well, not believe so much as accept. There had to be a problem, a glitch, a string attached somewhere. "Okay, what's the catch? Do I have to pay extra or something?"
"No, sir. It was our mistake. We will incur the cost."
"So I have a BMW 5 Series for the same price as the car I was originally going to get?"
"Yes, sir."
"I get to drive a BMW 5 Series?"
"Yes, sir."
Maybe living on the hell-mouth had its perks. He hadn't thought helpful rent-a-car agencies were one of them but who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth? He never understood that phrase but it seemed somehow appropriate. At that moment Xander even considered reaching across the blue wooden block and kissing the manager but he decided against it. Maybe for a Jaguar X-Type but not for a BMW 5 Series, he did have some standards. Instead he asked for the keys and the location of the car in exchange for which he gave a security deposit. As soon as the keys landed in his head he could have sworn that he saw a twinkle of lust in the eyes of the young blonde girl. He might have stayed to make sure but he had more important things to do and anyway, he might be driving a BMW 5 Series now but he still was Xander.
He drove his newly acquired flash car through the town, twice. He could get used to living the life of luxury. The stares people gave him and his car filled him with a sense of superiority. He knew that the car was just a loan but when in Rome and all that. Another phrase he didn't fully understand. After a few more slow cruises and admiring looks Xander made his way to his teenage hangout. Admittedly this hangout was slightly more morbid and filled with the stench of death than your usual teenage hangout but then it was a graveyard and his teen years hadn't been exactly normal. There is a large amount of difference between a graveyard during the day and one at night. During the day it has a feeling of sorrow, of loss and of mourning. The grass is somehow greener, the gravestones greyer and the flowers brighter. There are no shadows for evil to hide within, no danger of the undead raising from the newly dug graves to walk the earth as demon minions sacrificing humans to their animal hunger and there was no danger of walking into stupidity placed tombstones, something which he had, of course, never done. Xander made his way along the well-kept path past grave after grave after grave. There sure were a lot of graves in Sunnydale. Eventually he stopped in front of a simple grey tombstone. He knelt down and traced his hand across the lettering. It simply read, 'Anya. Gone but not forgotten'. "Hi, Anya. It's me, Xander. Sorry I haven't visited much but I've been away, in China. Doing building stuff, suffice to say it involved taking my shirt off and sweating a lot. You would have loved it. Anyway I just came to ask for your permission about something. I know we didn't get married and I know that was all my fault but still. I would like your permission for this. Yes, I know you don't want to waste time listening to me talk crap when you could be getting it on with Beethoven, Shakespeare and that guy from that deodorant commercial you liked, though I still don't think he's dead, but this is important. About three months ago my friend Dave, you know, the one with that thing on his face, well, Dave got involved with a Chinese guy called Kim Chang-Dang or something like that. We just used to call her Kim. Well, Kim was pregnant by this Chinese government official guy. I don't really know as Dave never told me exactly who was the father and I never asked. Anyway the father wasn't around and Dave got very friendly with Kim, I mean very friendly. He wanted to marry her and bring her back to the States and raise the kid as his own. At least that was the plan. There was an accident on the site. Dave was killed. Before he died he made me promise to look after Kim and the baby and do the thing he told me to do, I'll talk about that later. Anyway, despite me telling him that deathbed promises were so Hollywood he made me promised nevertheless. So I did. So for a couple of months I looked after Kim. I made sure she had everything I could possibly give her. Then about a month ago she gave birth while I was away on a dam project. There was a complication and she died too. She had some grandparents though and they took in the child. I gave them everything I intended to give Kim and told them they could contact me if they were ever in problem. Anyway the reason I'm telling you all this is because her death and Dave's death made me realise how short a time we have on this planet. I guess that being around death so much and on such a regular basis I kind of figured that I would either die early from a vampire or demon or I would live a long natural life. I never really thought that people could die just as suddenly from natural causes as supernatural. Well, I had told Dave everything, with obviously a few minor alternations like not mentioning the whole end of the world thing. I told him about you, Buffy, Dawn, Willow, everyone. He listened to everything I had to say and then told me exactly what he would do if he were me. That was a very Dave thing to do. He loved telling people what they should be doing with their lives. We gave him a hard time about it but really we had knack of telling someone exactly what they feared doing the most but was the best course of action for them. He was a hell of a guy. You would have liked him. He was your kind of person. Well, Dave told me what I think I have always knew to some extent and what you knew better than anyone, I love Buffy. He told me I should tell her how I feel. I owe it to myself and I owe it to Dave to see if there is something there. And after seeing what happened to him and Kim.Well, I have to seize the day, carpe that diem. I just wanted to tell you and sort of clear it with you. I know that there isn't anything you can exactly do to tell me if you approve or disapprove or for that matter if you have heard anything I have said but to be honest I hadn't really thought this through. Coming to see you was hard enough. But, well, it just felt right for me tell you."
Xander knelt staring at the lettering on the grave nether moving or speaking. He knelt there buried deep within his thoughts until finally with a wipe of his eye he got up. He looked down at the grave, "Well, I won't keep you any longer. I hope you're happy wherever you are and I hope you're not doing anything I wouldn't do." And with that he left.
Meanwhile back at the house Dawn had decided to talk Buffy. She had spent a very sleepless night thinking through everything that happened the night before and more importantly everything she had felt. Ever since she first saw Xander at the door something inside her changed. She didn't know exactly what had changed but she knew something had. Throughout the evening the feeling only grew. She had woken up in the middle of the night from the most vivid of dreams. In her dream she had been sitting in this green meadow paradise. To her left there was a small gently flowing stream teaming with fish of all colours of the rainbow. To her right there lay a small wood of the cutest trees she had ever seen populated with even cuter squirrels with big bright brown eyes. All around her there was rolling hill after rolling hill stretching as far as her eyes could see. It was paradise. It was her paradise. In the middle of all this she sat beneath a particularly large tree, which possessed lovely pink leaves that a tender wind softly plucked them from and trickled them down upon her and her companion. For she was not alone. Beside her sat Xander. They were talked but her dream-self couldn't quite work out what they were saying. Whatever it wants she seemed to be enjoying it a lot. She was acting like the love- struck Valley girl or one of the women from any period romantic novel. There was only one thing a dream like could mean. She wanted Xander. She knew that she had had a crush on him when she was younger but she thought she had grown out of those childish feelings. But suddenly she began to question everything. Was it a crush or was it something more? Was it part of a deep underlying love for Xander? Was he 'the one'? Those questions were what caused her the sleepless night and were the reason being wanting to talk to Buffy. After she was sure everyone else had gotten up to came out of her room. There was nothing she wanted less than being alone with Xander at the moment; she was too confused by her feelings. She came downstairs relieved not to see Xander lying on the sofa and even more relieved by Buffy telling her that him had left early in the morning. After finding out that Willow was also not in the house at the moment Dawn felt comfortable enough to broach the subject. "Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"I love Xander."