I got inspired, and this is a sort-of SongFic based on 'I am Understood' by Relient K. Some of the words changed to fit the story, though. NOT SLASH! I Don't like it. Anyway…Enjoy!
Estel sighed heavily as he fastened the last button of his tunic, turning to see if something was out of place or untucked in his elven outfit. This was an important party, ambassadors from Mirkwood being the guests of honor, and he didn't want to embarrass his father.
Thinking of Mirkwood elves, Estel sighed again. The sixteen-year-old had had a wonderful three hours with his best friend, Legolas, before getting into an argument.
Fights weren't uncommon, but one of such ferocity was. He had never fought like that with his friend, and felt an immense sense of guilt that smothered out all temper.
Legolas, whose temper had been sparked as well, had taken off before the man could apologize.
Estel thought back to the moment not too long ago… (flashback)
"Estel?"
The man looked over at his friend, who was sprawled undignified over the grass like his human counterpart.
"Aye?" Estel asked, noting the look in his friend's eyes. He shifted, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He knew what was coming…
"What aren't you telling me?" Legolas said softly, his eyes narrowed in accusation.
Estel coughed a little. "Nothing, mellon nin." He answered, and even he could all but feel the lie in his words.
Legolas sat up straight, a line between his eyebrows showing temper and concern.
"Do not lie, Estel." He said, his voice taking on a hint of iciness.
Estel nearly flinched at the tone, knowing that he would either have to bear his soul, or stand through with an argument. Shame made him mentally firm himself, and he shook his head.
"Nothing ails me, Legolas. I am fine."
At this Legolas jumped to his feet, making Estel sit up and look up at him.
"Like Mandos you are! I can see it in your eyes, mellon nin, something is troubling you! Why do you lie? Is my help so unwanted?" Fury now lined the Sindar's words.
Slowly, trying to rein his own guilt and temper, Estel stood. Though he still had to look up to the elf, he felt there was more even footing this way.
"Not unwanted, Legolas. Just not needed. Not this."
At this, Legolas was so furious that he never noticed the flash of pain and misery in the man's eyes.
"Not needed? Is that what I am?"
Estel suddenly realized how callous that sounded, and visibly flinched.
"That's not exactly-"
"What, exactly?" Legolas fumed, feeling too hurt and angry to listen. "I'm only a friend when you want me to be? When it's convenient?"
Estel felt his temper flare. Did Legolas think that poorly of his friendship? Did he really think that's what he thought?
"How dare you mock our friendship." He hissed dangerously, bumping toes with the blonde elf.
"Me? I'm the one mocking our friendship now?" Legolas seethed. "You're the one not telling me something, something that is obviously important. More important than me, perhaps."
Estel felt a flash of sorrow and pain at the words.
"It's not that. I just can't bring myself to bare my soul, not to you, not to anyone. Not yet."
Legolas seemed not to even hear him. "I can see where you're priorities lie. And it isn't with our…acquaintance."
Estel felt as someone struck him physically as the frosty word left his friend's lips. His eyes started to well up with tears, but he blinked them back. He was too old to cry.
"Do you really think that's how I feel?" He whispered, lowering his eyes. He bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood.
Legolas' eyes bore into the back of the man's head.
"I don't know how you feel. And at the moment, I don't really care." He said, before turning and walking away.
Estel took a moment and took a deep breath, but when he looked up Legolas was already gone…
(End Flashback)
Estel felt a sharp pang in his heart as he thought of it. Had they really said those nasty things to each other? He had been so stupid… Why didn't he just tell Legolas what was wrong?
'I just… can't' he thought, turning away from the mirror. With a heavy heart, he started toward the feast.
Legolas was already there, sitting rather stiffly in his seat. He couldn't help but wonder where Estel was…he was running late.
As he thought of the human, he felt a tug of temper, which smothered the bit of guilt that seemed to thrive in his belly.
Their argument had been a nasty one, that's for sure. As he had thought about it the past few hours, Legolas realized he had lost his temper completely.
Though, he thought with some justification, he wouldn't have if Estel had only told him what was wrong…
"Legolas, are you sitting on one of the seamstress' pincushions?"
Legolas, startled out of his thoughts, looked at Elrohir who was sitting to his left. "What?" he asked, confused.
Elrohir rolled his eyes. "You're sitting so straight, you put the walls to shame."
Realizing he was entirely too tense, Legolas let his shoulders sag. Elrohir noticed the depressed state of the Mirkwood elf, and leaned in to talk once more, only more softly.
"Legolas, mellon nin, what is wrong?"
Legolas paused, and turned to say a resolute 'Nothing', when he spotted Estel.
The man was standing uncertainly at the entrance, looking around the room. If anyone glanced at him, they would see a handsome teenager, looking rather bored. But those who knew him, would see the tension in the way he held his hands strictly at his side and in his eyes.
Legolas saw it, and after a flash of guilt, decided to ignore it.
Elrohir noticed the look on Legolas' face, and looked to see what was causing his friend such grief. When he saw his younger brother, his eyebrows raised in surprise.
"What has happened between you and Estel?" He whispered as the human started toward his seat, which was at Elrond's right and two seats away from Legolas. Elladan, occupying the other seat, pulled out the chair to accommodate him.
"We had a disagreement." Was all Legolas said, softly enough to not reach Estel's ears.
Realizing he wouldn't get any more out of the elf, Elrohir turned to the meal that was about to be served.
Legolas tried to enjoy the meal the best that he could. There was plenty of laughter, talk, and great food. Occasionally, a random elf would rise and sing a song that was pleasing.
It would be fun, Legolas realized, if Estel was beside him, laughing at their latest adventures or prank.
Looking down the table towards the object of his thoughts, he said Elladan and Elrond trying to persuade him into something.
"Come on Estel…" He heard Elladan plead, pouting at his younger brother. Estel just laughed.
"I don't think so. Too many people are here!" He protested.
"Just a song, Estel." Elrond encouraged. "You have a wonderful voice."
Legolas stared at the blushing human in shock. In the eight years he had known Estel, he had never heard him sing a note.
"You sing?" He asked, forgetting his promise not to talk to the human. Estel met his eyes levelly, and the blonde elf saw the hurt and guilt in them.
"I don't rea-" He started to say, but was interrupted by his brother.
"Aye! He has a fine voice, and many of the elven maidens are enamored with it. He is too shy, however, and refuses to grace our ears with his songs."
Estel blushed even more, the tips of his ears burning bright red. "I have the voice of a turkey compared to any of you…"
"You do not." Elrond spoke up, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Different does not mean it's bad."
"I should like to hear you sing." Legolas said suddenly, surprising himself. Estel raised his eyebrows, but his eyes remained sad.
"With all of you ganging up on me, it seems I have no choice." Estel took a deep drink from his glass and rose.
Legolas watched in fascination, surprise, and even a bit of shock.
Singing? Estel sings?
He noticed how all the elves went quiet as Estel walked toward the middle of the room, a small stringed instrument in his hands. Their faces showed only anticipation and excitement.
He listened as Estel tuned his instrument. Everything went totally silent, and Legolas was surprised when Estel looked right up a him, with a look so powerful he could almost feel it. He was even more stunned when a smooth, baritone, even beautiful voice filled the air.
"Sometimes it's embarrassing
To talk to you
To hold a conversation with
The only one
Who sees right through
This version of myself I try
To hide behind
I bury my face, because my disgrace
Will leave me terrified."
Legolas stared back at his friend, and felt his heart ache. There was apology in the words, and explanation. And, he noted with sadness, hurt. Estel's voice would seem normal to everyone else, except him. He could all but feel the misery.
"And sometimes I'm so thankful for
Your loyalty
Your love regardless of
The mistakes I made, they spoil me
My confidence is, in a sense
A gift you've given me
And I'm satisfied
To realize
You're all I ever need."
Legolas felt tears sting his eyes, even as he stared back at the man who was singing to him. He remembered when he first met Estel, how insecure and vulnerable he had been. Always been teased and seeming inferior.
That had all changed after Legolas had started to teach him archery and self defense. He had grown, in so many ways, and learned to stand on his own.
"You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
It's so simple, and so beautiful
You recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know
I Am Understood."
Legolas smiled even as his heart broke. It was a good way of portraying what their relationship was like. They had a knack for knowing what the other was thinking, and it came in handy at times…
"And sometimes I spend my time
just trying to escape
I work so hard, so desperately,
in an attempt to create space
cause I want distance from
the utmost important thing I know
I see your love, then turn my back,
and beg for you to go."
Legolas knew, all of a sudden he just knew. Estel didn't want to keep him in the dark, he just couldn't tell him. Legolas knew he still had problems admitting weaknesses, and this was probably one of those times.
Guilt overwhelmed him. He hadn't seen, and had taken the refusal seriously. Now, he knew, he had hurt someone dear to him. 'Oh Valar,' he thought. 'What have I done?'
"And sometimes the place I'm at
Is at a loss for words
If I think of something worthy,
You know that it's already yours
And through the times I've faded
Then you've outlined me again
You've just patiently waited,
To bring me back again"
He was humbled as he listened. He never realized how important he was to Estel, at least not really. He had always taken the feelings for granted, and now this… He felt like getting on his knees and begging for forgiveness. How could he have said such things, such awful things?
"You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
It's so simple, and so beautiful
You recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know
I Am Understood.
You're the only one who understands…completely
You're the only one who knows me and still loves…completely."
Estel's voice faded, his fingers playing the last strands on the instrument. The hall was filled with complete silence. Legolas could swear his heart was beating so loudly everyone could hear it.
For the first time, Estel broke his and Legolas' gaze. His face once again a brilliant red, Estel placed the instrument down, and headed toward the doors. Applause broke out, making the man duck his head.
Realizing the man was going to leave, Legolas jumped to his feet, ignoring the startled looks around him, and headed out as well.
Estel was sure he was going to die any minute now. If not by humiliation, then by the idea that Legolas would never forgive him.
He had poured his heart out in that song, and now it was over, he would rather jump off his balcony than see the scorn he was so sure would be on the prince's face.
Lost in his dismal thoughts, Estel didn't hear the voice call out to him at first.
"Estel!"
Legolas came up behind the boy and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Surprised, Estel turned quickly and nearly fell over. He would have fallen over if it hadn't been for the elf's steadying grip. Legolas flinched when he saw his friend's face pale and cringe as though expecting a blow.
"I'm sorry." Legolas blurted out.
Estel blinked and stared wide eyed at the elf, who seemed uncertain himself.
"W-what?" he stammered back.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. You're the best friend I've ever had. I care about what you think, and I'm sorry I ever doubted it."
Estel watched in something akin to fascination as the words tumbled out of Legolas' mouth.
"I mean it." Legolas implored, his eyes begging Estel to listen.
Estel suddenly felt giddy with relief and let out threw his arms around his friend.
"I didn't mean it either." He said into the elf's velvety dress tunic. "I'm just not ready… I can't…"
"Shh…" Legolas said, pulling away. "I understand."
Estel sighed in relief. "You do?"
Legolas had to laugh. "After your performance, how could I not?" His eyes sobered. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For making me realize what I was missing." Estel blushed slightly again, wondered if he would have this problem his whole lifetime.
Legolas grinned. "I didn't realize what a wonderful voice you had." He said in a teasing voice.
Estel shoved him playfully. "I'll try and make sure you'll never hear it again." Legolas just raised his eyebrows.
"Feel like returning to the feast?" He asked. Estel eyed the carved doors with slight distaste.
Legolas laughed and started pulling the young man down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Where are we going?" Estel said, laughing as well.
Legolas raised one eyebrow. "To the kitchens of course. Much more satisfactory, I believe."
The two dashed off down the hall, leaving the feast, and their troubles, behind them.
The end! I hope you liked it! Please review!!!
BabeyRachey