CHAPTER ONE: Megaman Zero 1
In the year 22XX....
CIEL: I build a happy, pappy place, where humans can live in peace and happiness and stuff.
HUMANS: Hooray!!
NEO ARCADIA: Uh oh! We're running out of Energy Crystals! Quick, let's kill all the Reploids!
REPLOIDS: Oh no! Run away!
CIEL: Dammit! Now this place sucks!
NEO ARCADIA: Well, why don't you leave and form a resistance group consisting entirely of Reploids, then?
CIEL: Okay. (leaves and forms a resistance group consisting entirely of Reploids)
NEO ARCADIA: Oh well. Let's kill 'em!
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDY BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA
RESISTANCE ARMY: Aaaaahhhhh!!! (dies)
CIEL: Quick! We must find the body of Zero!
MILAN: Here it is! Shit! It's protected! Augh! (dies)
CIEL: Crap! Well, with this Cyber-Elf, I can awaken the body of Zero!
PASSY: You suck. (dies)
SOUND EFFECT: SHWOOOOOOM!!!!
ZERO'S THEME: WahWhawawawawawaWahWahWhaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
CIEL: Zero? Help me....please....
ZERO: Fine. But I'd better get some nookie later.
CIEL: Okay!
Z-BUSTER: Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: Boom!Boom!Boom!Boom!S'PLODE!!!
CIEL: Oh no! It's a dead end!
FLOOR: Break!
CIEL: AIIIIIiiiiieeeee.....
ZERO: Grab!
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you!
ZERO: *sniff* You smell like Cheez-Its.
CIEL: Who cares? You saved my life!
GOLEM: Grab!
CIEL: AIIIIIiiiiieeeee.....
ZERO: Hey! Leggo my Eggo!
CIEL: Zero! No, run....you can't damage this thing with a buster!
ZERO: Yes I can! Just not very much....
MONITOR SCREEN: Zero! Take this!
ZERO: Why?
MONITOR SCREEN: 'Cause you can kill the boss in one hit with it!
ZERO: Okay! *slash!*
GOLEM: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Again!
ZERO: Why do you keep calling me Zero?
CIEL: 'Cause it's your name!
ZERO: Oh.
CIEL: Anyway, there's this bad place called Neo Arcadia, and it's led by a bad robot dude named Megaman X!
ZERO: Hey! He's not so bad! Once you know his hot spot....
CIEL: No! He wants to kill all the Reploids!
ZERO: Really? Hey! He wouldn't do that! That's OOC!!!
CIEL: Who cares? Anyway, there's this "Retirement Center" we want you to destroy!
ZERO: Really? What do you have against old people?
CIEL: Look, just do the job!
ZERO: Okay!
AZTEC FALCON: Alright! It's Bob's ninetieth birthday and....hey! Who are you?
ZERO: I cannot allow you to retire any more Reploids!
AZTEC FALCON: Oh yeah? Just try and stop me!
ZERO: Okay! *slash!*
AZTEC FALCON: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
CIEL: Yay! You did it, Zero!
RESISTANCE ARMY: Wow, you're so cool!
BOB: Wow, you're so cool!
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: We thrust ourselves upon you, Zero!
ZERO: Yay! ^_^
CIEL: Wait! You still have work to do!
ZERO: Damn....
MAHA GANESHARIFF: I have your data!
ZERO: Give it back! *slash!*
MAHA GANESHARIFF: Okay! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
ZERO: Hey! This data sucks!
CERVEAU: Wow! You're cool! I'll make weapons for you!
ZERO: Okay!
ANUBIS NECROMANCESS III: I'm the King of Destruction! Or am I a queen? Augh! I can't decide!!
ZERO: That's okay! Just say you're a transvestite! *slash!*
ANUBIS NECROMANCESS III: Really? But I'm a....oh! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
BLIZZACK STAGROFF: Hah! I have prisoners! You'll never rescue 'em!
ZERO: But I already did!
BLIZZACK STAGROFF: Huh? But....I....uh....ack! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
ZERO: Okay! Where's my fan club! I want some nookie!
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: Yay! ^_^
CIEL: Oh no! A giant Mechaniloid is approaching our base!
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: You suck.
ZERO: I'll kill it! *slash!*
GIANT MECHANILOID: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Uh....again!
ZERO: Goody. Can I have some nookie now?
CIEL: No! You still have work to do!
ZERO: You suck.
HARPUIA: We're guardians of Master X! We hate you!
ZERO: Oh yah? Well I really hate you! *poke!*
HARPUIA: Ow....you suck....*plip!*
FENIR: Wooooo! You're so hot! I'll kill you!
ZERO: No. *poke!*
FENIR: Ugh....I lost....but that felt strangely satisfying....*plip!*
LEVIATHAN: Oh yeah! I am SO woman! You can't touch this!
ZERO: Whatever. Die. *poke!*
LEVIATHAN: Eeeeewwwww....you touched me....pervert....*plip!*
SHADOW: I'll make your factory place blow up!
ZERO: Huh? I never secured a factory!
SHADOW: Yes you did. It's just now in this summary.
ZERO: Whatever. *poke!*
SHADOW: Ack! Ooh....I have been defeated and I must bid you adieu....but when I come back I shall defeat you!
ZERO: Why are you rhyming?
SHADOW: Déjà vu, like a bell chiming.
ZERO: That doesn't make any sense! You're rhyming for no reason!
SHADOW: Must be the stupidity season....*plip!*
BOOM: BOOOOOM!!!
CIEL: Oh no! The Neo Arcadian army is attacking our base!
NEO ARCADIAN SOLDIER: Hey Zero! If you shoot that thing there, will it, like, BURN?! Heh heh....
RESISTANCE: Boom Burn! EXPLODE!!
ZERO: Ciel! You must escape now!
CIEL: No! I was the one who created Neo Arcadia and cloned X! I hate myself!
ZERO: Fine! I'll take care of it then....silly bitch....
HANUMACHINE: Wow! We didn't have any Journey to the West references since the Wily Wars!
ZERO: Cool! But you still die. *slash!*
HANUMACHINE: Huh? Oh, crap. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Again! I think!
ZERO: Goody. Can I have some nookie now?
CIEL: No! You still have work to do!
ZERO: What? Screw this! I'm sick and tired of doing work and not being able to screw my fan club! I'm gonna go to Neo Arcadia and destroy Copy X!
CIEL: Okay! Have fun!
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: Freeze! You are trespassing on the sanctuary of Master X!
ZERO: Outta my way. *slash!*
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
JELLY MONSTER: *spooge!*
ZERO: You are too big to be a slug. Just get lost. *slash!*
JELLY MONSTER: *SPLAT!*
CIEL: Look Zero! You've reached the core!
ALL THE BOSSES ZERO FOUGHT BEFORE: Hah! You have to fight us again!
ZERO: Go away. I hate you. *slash!*
ALL THE BOSSES ZERO FOUGHT BEFORE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
FOUR GENERALS: Hah! You have to fight us again too!
ZERO: Boobies! *poke!*
HARPUIA: Ow! How could I lose? You'll never be my friend! *plip!*
FENIR: Oh yeah! That felt great! I want more! I....wait....I can't move! Damn! *plip!*
LEVIATHAN: Ack! You touched my private area! Asshole!..........do it again! *plip!*
SHADOW: No! I lost! I'll take you down with me!
ZERO: That's okay! I'll stay on the other side of the screen!
SHADOW: What?! Ack--NOOOOOOOOOO!!! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
COPY X: Hi Zero! Isn't Neo Arcadia cool?
ZERO: Kinda. It could use some furry schoolgirls, though.
COPY X: Ha ha ha. You are so funny. Die.
ZERO: No.
COPY X: Damn. Oh well. SUPER ANGELIC TRANSFORMATION!!!
Z-SABER: *slash!*
BOOM: BOOM!
COPY X: No....how could this be possible....I wanted to be a hero....
ZERO: I just remembered something. He didn't suck as much as you did. That's what made him a hero.
COPY X: I don't think I like you very much. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
MEGAMAN X: Hi Zero! It's me, your bestest friend! Megaman X!
ZERO: Hi X!
MEGAMAN X: Let me rest for a while. I'm tired of killing stuff. Besides, you're more popular than me anyway.
ZERO: Okay! Well, I'd better get back to killing stuff. *slash!slash!slash!*
STUFF: Blarg! (dies)
THE END!
ZERO: I didn't get any nookie throughout that entire thing. This sucks.
Coming soon: Chapter Two! A twisted summary of the events that take place in Megaman Zero 2! Be there! Or not....
In the year 22XX....
CIEL: I build a happy, pappy place, where humans can live in peace and happiness and stuff.
HUMANS: Hooray!!
NEO ARCADIA: Uh oh! We're running out of Energy Crystals! Quick, let's kill all the Reploids!
REPLOIDS: Oh no! Run away!
CIEL: Dammit! Now this place sucks!
NEO ARCADIA: Well, why don't you leave and form a resistance group consisting entirely of Reploids, then?
CIEL: Okay. (leaves and forms a resistance group consisting entirely of Reploids)
NEO ARCADIA: Oh well. Let's kill 'em!
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDY BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA
RESISTANCE ARMY: Aaaaahhhhh!!! (dies)
CIEL: Quick! We must find the body of Zero!
MILAN: Here it is! Shit! It's protected! Augh! (dies)
CIEL: Crap! Well, with this Cyber-Elf, I can awaken the body of Zero!
PASSY: You suck. (dies)
SOUND EFFECT: SHWOOOOOOM!!!!
ZERO'S THEME: WahWhawawawawawaWahWahWhaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
CIEL: Zero? Help me....please....
ZERO: Fine. But I'd better get some nookie later.
CIEL: Okay!
Z-BUSTER: Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!Shoot!
NEO ARCADIAN ARMY: Boom!Boom!Boom!Boom!S'PLODE!!!
CIEL: Oh no! It's a dead end!
FLOOR: Break!
CIEL: AIIIIIiiiiieeeee.....
ZERO: Grab!
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you!
ZERO: *sniff* You smell like Cheez-Its.
CIEL: Who cares? You saved my life!
GOLEM: Grab!
CIEL: AIIIIIiiiiieeeee.....
ZERO: Hey! Leggo my Eggo!
CIEL: Zero! No, run....you can't damage this thing with a buster!
ZERO: Yes I can! Just not very much....
MONITOR SCREEN: Zero! Take this!
ZERO: Why?
MONITOR SCREEN: 'Cause you can kill the boss in one hit with it!
ZERO: Okay! *slash!*
GOLEM: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Again!
ZERO: Why do you keep calling me Zero?
CIEL: 'Cause it's your name!
ZERO: Oh.
CIEL: Anyway, there's this bad place called Neo Arcadia, and it's led by a bad robot dude named Megaman X!
ZERO: Hey! He's not so bad! Once you know his hot spot....
CIEL: No! He wants to kill all the Reploids!
ZERO: Really? Hey! He wouldn't do that! That's OOC!!!
CIEL: Who cares? Anyway, there's this "Retirement Center" we want you to destroy!
ZERO: Really? What do you have against old people?
CIEL: Look, just do the job!
ZERO: Okay!
AZTEC FALCON: Alright! It's Bob's ninetieth birthday and....hey! Who are you?
ZERO: I cannot allow you to retire any more Reploids!
AZTEC FALCON: Oh yeah? Just try and stop me!
ZERO: Okay! *slash!*
AZTEC FALCON: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
CIEL: Yay! You did it, Zero!
RESISTANCE ARMY: Wow, you're so cool!
BOB: Wow, you're so cool!
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: We thrust ourselves upon you, Zero!
ZERO: Yay! ^_^
CIEL: Wait! You still have work to do!
ZERO: Damn....
MAHA GANESHARIFF: I have your data!
ZERO: Give it back! *slash!*
MAHA GANESHARIFF: Okay! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
ZERO: Hey! This data sucks!
CERVEAU: Wow! You're cool! I'll make weapons for you!
ZERO: Okay!
ANUBIS NECROMANCESS III: I'm the King of Destruction! Or am I a queen? Augh! I can't decide!!
ZERO: That's okay! Just say you're a transvestite! *slash!*
ANUBIS NECROMANCESS III: Really? But I'm a....oh! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
BLIZZACK STAGROFF: Hah! I have prisoners! You'll never rescue 'em!
ZERO: But I already did!
BLIZZACK STAGROFF: Huh? But....I....uh....ack! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
ZERO: Okay! Where's my fan club! I want some nookie!
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: Yay! ^_^
CIEL: Oh no! A giant Mechaniloid is approaching our base!
CUTE SCHOOLGIRLS: You suck.
ZERO: I'll kill it! *slash!*
GIANT MECHANILOID: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Uh....again!
ZERO: Goody. Can I have some nookie now?
CIEL: No! You still have work to do!
ZERO: You suck.
HARPUIA: We're guardians of Master X! We hate you!
ZERO: Oh yah? Well I really hate you! *poke!*
HARPUIA: Ow....you suck....*plip!*
FENIR: Wooooo! You're so hot! I'll kill you!
ZERO: No. *poke!*
FENIR: Ugh....I lost....but that felt strangely satisfying....*plip!*
LEVIATHAN: Oh yeah! I am SO woman! You can't touch this!
ZERO: Whatever. Die. *poke!*
LEVIATHAN: Eeeeewwwww....you touched me....pervert....*plip!*
SHADOW: I'll make your factory place blow up!
ZERO: Huh? I never secured a factory!
SHADOW: Yes you did. It's just now in this summary.
ZERO: Whatever. *poke!*
SHADOW: Ack! Ooh....I have been defeated and I must bid you adieu....but when I come back I shall defeat you!
ZERO: Why are you rhyming?
SHADOW: Déjà vu, like a bell chiming.
ZERO: That doesn't make any sense! You're rhyming for no reason!
SHADOW: Must be the stupidity season....*plip!*
BOOM: BOOOOOM!!!
CIEL: Oh no! The Neo Arcadian army is attacking our base!
NEO ARCADIAN SOLDIER: Hey Zero! If you shoot that thing there, will it, like, BURN?! Heh heh....
RESISTANCE: Boom Burn! EXPLODE!!
ZERO: Ciel! You must escape now!
CIEL: No! I was the one who created Neo Arcadia and cloned X! I hate myself!
ZERO: Fine! I'll take care of it then....silly bitch....
HANUMACHINE: Wow! We didn't have any Journey to the West references since the Wily Wars!
ZERO: Cool! But you still die. *slash!*
HANUMACHINE: Huh? Oh, crap. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
CIEL: Oh, Zero! Thank you! Again! I think!
ZERO: Goody. Can I have some nookie now?
CIEL: No! You still have work to do!
ZERO: What? Screw this! I'm sick and tired of doing work and not being able to screw my fan club! I'm gonna go to Neo Arcadia and destroy Copy X!
CIEL: Okay! Have fun!
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: Freeze! You are trespassing on the sanctuary of Master X!
ZERO: Outta my way. *slash!*
HERCULIOUS ANCHORTUS: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
JELLY MONSTER: *spooge!*
ZERO: You are too big to be a slug. Just get lost. *slash!*
JELLY MONSTER: *SPLAT!*
CIEL: Look Zero! You've reached the core!
ALL THE BOSSES ZERO FOUGHT BEFORE: Hah! You have to fight us again!
ZERO: Go away. I hate you. *slash!*
ALL THE BOSSES ZERO FOUGHT BEFORE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
FOUR GENERALS: Hah! You have to fight us again too!
ZERO: Boobies! *poke!*
HARPUIA: Ow! How could I lose? You'll never be my friend! *plip!*
FENIR: Oh yeah! That felt great! I want more! I....wait....I can't move! Damn! *plip!*
LEVIATHAN: Ack! You touched my private area! Asshole!..........do it again! *plip!*
SHADOW: No! I lost! I'll take you down with me!
ZERO: That's okay! I'll stay on the other side of the screen!
SHADOW: What?! Ack--NOOOOOOOOOO!!! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
COPY X: Hi Zero! Isn't Neo Arcadia cool?
ZERO: Kinda. It could use some furry schoolgirls, though.
COPY X: Ha ha ha. You are so funny. Die.
ZERO: No.
COPY X: Damn. Oh well. SUPER ANGELIC TRANSFORMATION!!!
Z-SABER: *slash!*
BOOM: BOOM!
COPY X: No....how could this be possible....I wanted to be a hero....
ZERO: I just remembered something. He didn't suck as much as you did. That's what made him a hero.
COPY X: I don't think I like you very much. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
MEGAMAN X: Hi Zero! It's me, your bestest friend! Megaman X!
ZERO: Hi X!
MEGAMAN X: Let me rest for a while. I'm tired of killing stuff. Besides, you're more popular than me anyway.
ZERO: Okay! Well, I'd better get back to killing stuff. *slash!slash!slash!*
STUFF: Blarg! (dies)
THE END!
ZERO: I didn't get any nookie throughout that entire thing. This sucks.
Coming soon: Chapter Two! A twisted summary of the events that take place in Megaman Zero 2! Be there! Or not....