(Disclaimer: I have no claim to the Star Wars world, only a joy in
everything that George Lucus and Bioware have created. I have only used my
imagination with this story. Throughout my story are direct quotes from
conversations in the game - JediKnightChristine)
Towards the end of my shift Bastila comes in, looking hesitant and I feel that she wants to talk to me about something. "You look like you have something to say"
"I do. I have been trying to come up with the best way to say this for some time, but I suppose I should just come out and say it. The truth is, I have come to depend on you. Not just for the sake of the mission, but for my own sake as well. I am... I am glad you are with us"
She surprises me with this and my face reflects my emotions, "Is that a compliment? From you?" This day is getting stranger by the hour. First Carth, now Bastila.
"Well yes. Surely that is not so surprising."
"It's just that you sounded so pained saying it," surprise still evident on my face.
"Did I? I am trying to be sincere, here. It occurred to me that I may have been too critical of you. Too demanding, at times." Knowing that this is hard for her I thank her saying that I appreciate the gesture.
"I know my manner can be a bit taciturn. I know you must be getting sick of my lectures about the dark side and... and everything else. I spend all my years being hounded by my instructors. Being told so often how gifted and important I was until I was sick of it. I remember when I was younger I used to sware that I would never become as self-absorbed and stodgy as the Jedi Masters. It's ironic, really."
"Don't forget edgy, critical and overly secretive." I add.
"Yes well... there's no need for you to agree so whole heartedly. Being controlled has kept everyone around me at arms length; even those like yourself who are most in need of my understanding and compassion. But maybe it is time to change that. You deserve to know how much I respect and admire you. I just thought ... I just thought I should tell you."
"I'm glad you did," I tell her, feeling through our link that it took a lot on her part to admit what she has.
"Well that was not nearly so difficult as I feared. Thankyou for hearing me out. I feel ... I feel much better. But enough soul searching for now. We should get on with our mission."
As it is now the end of my shift I leave her to it. She has given me a lot of food for thought ... hmmm thinking of food I find I am hungry and head to the galley to see what I can find. I brew some caffa and find that the others have left me a plate of ... something edible. Heating it up I find it tastes better than it looks but I am unsure of what it is. Everything is quiet and I look around to see if anyone is still awake, besides Bastila, as I feel that she would like some time alone with her thoughts. I don't feel like going to bed yet so I wander through the Ebon Hawk, checking to see that everything is in it's proper place. Hearing something in the back hold I wander in to see Carth working out on some gym equipment that I hadn't seen before, guessing that they must of liberated more than I thought from Kashyyyk. He hasn't seen me so I lean against the door jam. He's very focused and doesn't notice me watching him. I hadn't realised that he had such a great physique so I watch while he does several repetitions with the weight equipment, then think I had better let him know I was there before I get 'sprung'. Straightening up I walk into the room, picking up the towel draped over one of the cartons and handing it to him when he puts the weights away.
"Yes? What's on your mind?" he says as he wipes the sweat from his face.
I am still in a 'heart to heart' mood so searchingly I look into his eyes, "Tell me why you want revenge on Saul so badly"
"I already told you. He betrayed us all."
"It just seems to be more... personal than that, is all."
"Well. There ... there is more to it. I'm ... I'm sure you don't want to hear about it"
Encouragingly I say, "I do, if that's alright with you."
With a sigh he begins "It's just that I... don't talk about it very much. Ok?" He had been staring at his hands and glancing up his eyes meet mine. "I told you about my homeworld. Telos. Four years ago, Saul led the Sith fleet there and demanded it's surrender. The planet refused and Saul proceeded to devastate the entire surface. Millions died. I had ...a wife and son on Telos. I thought they would be safe there. But my task force arrived too late to be of much help. We didn't have enough medical supplies. The colony was burning and the dying were everywhere. I remember holding my wife and screaming for the medic's. They ... didn't come in time."
His voice is choked with raw emotion and I am not sure what I can say to make him feel better, settling for; "That's terrible, I'm sorry. I didn't know," and placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Of course not. How could you? I... had nothing left, really. I devoted myself to the fleet. Hunting Saul was my only purpose. I... miss them. I know killing Saul won't bring them back, and it won't make me happy again... but I have to do it. I don't expect you to understand. I have to pay him back for what he's done... I have to. It's all I have left." Devastation is very evident in his voice. Trying to soothe him I gently wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, offering to comfort him if he will let me. More tears brim in his eyes, trickling over and becoming more like a torrent as he gives in to his grief. Pulling him gently into my arms I feel the jagged sobs racking his body. His arms go around me, clinging to me, holding me in a tight embrace as if hanging onto a life raft. Slowly his tears return to a trickle, then stop and his arms loosen their death grip around me, becoming a gentler embrace. We hold each other for a long moment, feeling a new understanding develop between us before finally moving apart.
"I didn't mean to pry" I murmur.
Recovering he replies, "No it's alright, I don't mind. You deserved some kind of explanation."
Knowing through our new understanding that it won't upset him further I ask "What was she like, your wife?"
"She had courage... and she was stubborn. Heh... a little bit like you in that respect. I could never talk her out of anything once she put her mind to it. And she hated it when I signed back onto the fleet at the start of the war. I had planned on... on leaving soon, to join her..."
"So what happened to your son? You didn't say."
"His name was Dustil and I don't know what happened to him. The colony was a complete ruin, and we never found any trace of him. I made inquiries and followed the reports from Telos for years, but... I stopped. Anyway... that's the story. For what it's worth. I've... never talked about it before. To anyone. I suppose it's time I finally did."
"Thankyou for telling me." I tell him. He gives me a quick hug then we both head to our respective bunkrooms, each with a lighter heart.
Towards the end of my shift Bastila comes in, looking hesitant and I feel that she wants to talk to me about something. "You look like you have something to say"
"I do. I have been trying to come up with the best way to say this for some time, but I suppose I should just come out and say it. The truth is, I have come to depend on you. Not just for the sake of the mission, but for my own sake as well. I am... I am glad you are with us"
She surprises me with this and my face reflects my emotions, "Is that a compliment? From you?" This day is getting stranger by the hour. First Carth, now Bastila.
"Well yes. Surely that is not so surprising."
"It's just that you sounded so pained saying it," surprise still evident on my face.
"Did I? I am trying to be sincere, here. It occurred to me that I may have been too critical of you. Too demanding, at times." Knowing that this is hard for her I thank her saying that I appreciate the gesture.
"I know my manner can be a bit taciturn. I know you must be getting sick of my lectures about the dark side and... and everything else. I spend all my years being hounded by my instructors. Being told so often how gifted and important I was until I was sick of it. I remember when I was younger I used to sware that I would never become as self-absorbed and stodgy as the Jedi Masters. It's ironic, really."
"Don't forget edgy, critical and overly secretive." I add.
"Yes well... there's no need for you to agree so whole heartedly. Being controlled has kept everyone around me at arms length; even those like yourself who are most in need of my understanding and compassion. But maybe it is time to change that. You deserve to know how much I respect and admire you. I just thought ... I just thought I should tell you."
"I'm glad you did," I tell her, feeling through our link that it took a lot on her part to admit what she has.
"Well that was not nearly so difficult as I feared. Thankyou for hearing me out. I feel ... I feel much better. But enough soul searching for now. We should get on with our mission."
As it is now the end of my shift I leave her to it. She has given me a lot of food for thought ... hmmm thinking of food I find I am hungry and head to the galley to see what I can find. I brew some caffa and find that the others have left me a plate of ... something edible. Heating it up I find it tastes better than it looks but I am unsure of what it is. Everything is quiet and I look around to see if anyone is still awake, besides Bastila, as I feel that she would like some time alone with her thoughts. I don't feel like going to bed yet so I wander through the Ebon Hawk, checking to see that everything is in it's proper place. Hearing something in the back hold I wander in to see Carth working out on some gym equipment that I hadn't seen before, guessing that they must of liberated more than I thought from Kashyyyk. He hasn't seen me so I lean against the door jam. He's very focused and doesn't notice me watching him. I hadn't realised that he had such a great physique so I watch while he does several repetitions with the weight equipment, then think I had better let him know I was there before I get 'sprung'. Straightening up I walk into the room, picking up the towel draped over one of the cartons and handing it to him when he puts the weights away.
"Yes? What's on your mind?" he says as he wipes the sweat from his face.
I am still in a 'heart to heart' mood so searchingly I look into his eyes, "Tell me why you want revenge on Saul so badly"
"I already told you. He betrayed us all."
"It just seems to be more... personal than that, is all."
"Well. There ... there is more to it. I'm ... I'm sure you don't want to hear about it"
Encouragingly I say, "I do, if that's alright with you."
With a sigh he begins "It's just that I... don't talk about it very much. Ok?" He had been staring at his hands and glancing up his eyes meet mine. "I told you about my homeworld. Telos. Four years ago, Saul led the Sith fleet there and demanded it's surrender. The planet refused and Saul proceeded to devastate the entire surface. Millions died. I had ...a wife and son on Telos. I thought they would be safe there. But my task force arrived too late to be of much help. We didn't have enough medical supplies. The colony was burning and the dying were everywhere. I remember holding my wife and screaming for the medic's. They ... didn't come in time."
His voice is choked with raw emotion and I am not sure what I can say to make him feel better, settling for; "That's terrible, I'm sorry. I didn't know," and placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Of course not. How could you? I... had nothing left, really. I devoted myself to the fleet. Hunting Saul was my only purpose. I... miss them. I know killing Saul won't bring them back, and it won't make me happy again... but I have to do it. I don't expect you to understand. I have to pay him back for what he's done... I have to. It's all I have left." Devastation is very evident in his voice. Trying to soothe him I gently wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, offering to comfort him if he will let me. More tears brim in his eyes, trickling over and becoming more like a torrent as he gives in to his grief. Pulling him gently into my arms I feel the jagged sobs racking his body. His arms go around me, clinging to me, holding me in a tight embrace as if hanging onto a life raft. Slowly his tears return to a trickle, then stop and his arms loosen their death grip around me, becoming a gentler embrace. We hold each other for a long moment, feeling a new understanding develop between us before finally moving apart.
"I didn't mean to pry" I murmur.
Recovering he replies, "No it's alright, I don't mind. You deserved some kind of explanation."
Knowing through our new understanding that it won't upset him further I ask "What was she like, your wife?"
"She had courage... and she was stubborn. Heh... a little bit like you in that respect. I could never talk her out of anything once she put her mind to it. And she hated it when I signed back onto the fleet at the start of the war. I had planned on... on leaving soon, to join her..."
"So what happened to your son? You didn't say."
"His name was Dustil and I don't know what happened to him. The colony was a complete ruin, and we never found any trace of him. I made inquiries and followed the reports from Telos for years, but... I stopped. Anyway... that's the story. For what it's worth. I've... never talked about it before. To anyone. I suppose it's time I finally did."
"Thankyou for telling me." I tell him. He gives me a quick hug then we both head to our respective bunkrooms, each with a lighter heart.