TITLE: Bravery & First Steps
AUTHOR: medeagddss@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.
SPOILERS: None yet.
RATING: PG/PG13 here, but will go to R in a few chapters.
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean
SONG CREDIT: Nico, "Somewhere There's a Feather"
Thanks for much for all the great reviews! I've corrected some mistakes that came up in spelling
Chapter 4: Somewhere There's a Feather
One o'clock in the morning. Jesus, no wonder he was getting complaints about being short-tempered lately. Luke couldn't seem to get any sleep lately. The damn anxiety over what to do about Nicole was keeping him awake again.
Oh who was he kidding? He knew what he *had* to do but what he *wanted* to do was a completely different matter. Nicole was a good woman. A complete lady who had accepted him and his rather introverted ways with hardly any complaints. She was entitled to more than what he'd given her. Lawyer, good friend, excellent conversationalist.....
No, goddammit, he was not going to start a pros and cons list. He may be afflicted with *Lorelai on the brain* disease, but that didn't mean he needed a complete physical analysis of his own self-deprecation. It was enough for now. Lorelai had been back for nearly a week now and they'd barely crossed a dozen words. Sometimes it was easier to keep it all inside festering than it was to let it out and regret it later. Liz was more of a share-all person. Look how well that had gone for her.
Just as Luke rose from the couch to make his way to bed, the phone rang:
"Luke?"
"The one and only."
"It's Lorelai."
"I didn't think it was CrankYankers," he replied,"what's going on?"
"I'm in the middle of a breakdown. Anne Sexton heads to McLean. That'll be me, in oh, about thirty seconds!"
"Hold on, hold on. What happened?"
"The apocalypse didn't take place on 'Angel'; it took place here. At my house. On my phone. And the demon that started it looked nothing like a maggotface. He was the same demon in the same face. Good ol' Christopher - blight of my life!"
"Okay," he began grudingly,"I'll take it Rory's dad called up, gave you some typically bad news and it's causing this breakdown?"
"Except you're missing a step."
"I take what you give me and draft it. what's the Fifth Element?"
"Rory. Rory's missing. After I told her.......well, some of what the apocalyptic phone call from her father was about she went silent."
"So she's mute now?"
"Luke, she's gone! I went into her room a few minutes ago to talk and she wasn't there. I don't know where she went. My kid just doesn't take off in the middle of the night. I'm just...."
"Having a panic attack," he answered,"Look, Rory, maybe she just needed some time to take in whatever it was you told her. Could she be with Lane?"
"I could try to call there, but Mrs. Kim would probably try to excommunicate me. And if they are together, it would piss her to know Rory's there when she's not supposed to be. I really don't want to play overprotective mom right now, but what if she-"
"Took off like Jess? No, Lorelai, she's not that kind of girl and you know it. She probably just took off to talk it out."
"Yes, but even thinking that's what she's done doesn't help."
"Neither will driving yourself crazy about it," Luke replied,"Listen, do you want to try and find her."
"No, that's OK. I already went through her stuff to make sure she didn't take anything vital with her. I think you're right-"
"Can I get that in writing?"
"Smartass. She'll be back but this waiting is killing me?"
He took a deep breath before asking,"Need any company?"
"No, I don't want to bother you."
"You're kidding, right?"
"Hey, Luke. Stay in the *friend* mode, OK? It suits you better."
"I'll bring coffee."
"And pie?"
Sighing as he shook his head,"Alright. But only one pie."
"Spoil sport!"
___________________________
Back at Miss Patty's.....
Rory and Dean lay in a tumbled mess. Strewn over discarded clothing, yoga mats and jackets they panted as they looked up at the ceiling, Rory in her bra and panties and Dean in boxers.
"Oh my God," she said, in between ragged breaths.
"I agree completely," Dean replied,"That was-"
"Amazing-"
"Spectacular-"
Rory turned to face Dean and smiled. "Right. It may be simple, considering some of the vocabulary words I throw around daily, but I can't come up with anything better than that one word - right."
Dean turned to face her as well. "I know. For me too."
There was a moment of silence as she moved towards him and lay on the crock of his arm. Hugging her towards him, Dean gently kissed the top of her head. "It was also a bit terrifing, to tell you the truth?"
"Wow, was I that insaciable?"
"Come on, Rory," he laughed,"I think you know what I meant."
"Maybe. But it still would sound better coming from you."
He merely shook his head as he smiled. "After everything we've been through this past year, this is the last situation I thought we'd be in but now that we're here, it doesn't seem strange at all. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's what it feels like to me."
"Yeah," she said, growing quiet once again.
"What's wrong?"
"I think we need to face the inevitable question.
"Ah."
"What happens now, Dean?"
"Things change, Rory," he said,"Look, I feel a lot of things right now, confusion being the biggest one, but one thing I don't feel is sorry. Being with you again feels right. It feels like it should have with-"
"Lindsay", she said. They both looked away for a moment.
"I never.......you know....with her."
"Never?'
"No," he replied honestly,"the timing was never right."
Once again, they were both silent. When so much had to be said, the first natural response of the confused has always been to say nothing.
"Dean-"
"Rory-"
They spoke simultaneously, breaking up into laughter. Rory reached up and kissed him, laying on his chest and smiling to his face. Dean smiled back. He said,"You know-"
"-many things."
"I can't marry her. Not now."
"Afraid Lorelai Gilmore will come after you with a shotgun?"
"You make remarkable jokes in the face of drama."
"I try," Rory laughed. Kissing him once again, she lay on his chest and closed her eyes for a moment. It was hard to thinking of what would come next without imagining a paralyzing series of arguments and confrontation.
"Rory?"
"Tell me what you're thinking."
"That if I were at Chilton, I'd definitely not be a good 'Mary'. I think I now fall under the category of fallen woman."
"Then I'll just have to catch you."
"Good thing you're tall," she said. Rory opened her eyes and hugged him. "Dean, I'm scared."
"Don't be. I know this isn't going to be easy for either one of us but we'll pull through. After what happened between us tonight, there's no way I could go ahead with my plans with Lindsay. The fact I'm here speaks volumes about how unsure I've been."
"Unsure."
"Big time. Both of my parents have been dropping subtle *call off the wedding* signals. They wouldn't say why."
"Oh."
"Rory?"
"What?"
"Do you even want to be with me? I'm doing all the talking here and I don't want to take anything for granted. Unless of course-"
"Dean, no," she began,"no, this wasn't a one-time thing for me. I've wanted you back for, well for months. I thought of you a lot in Europe."
"Just making it clear right now that I am not wearing a beret."
"Good to know," she laughed,"but can you just promise me one thing."
"What?"
"Promise not to marry me. Promise just to be with me and try to find a way of being together again without forgetting what we really feel about each other again. I don't want to lose you again."
"I think that's the most obscure proposal I've ever gotten."
"Not hearing an answer!"
"I promise."
She smiled as she hugged Dean with all her strength."And so do I. Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"It's getting late-"
"-and you should get home. Come on, I'll take you." Dean began to sit up, but was stopped.
"Yes, I should but not just yet. What's that old expression that fallen women use. Oh yes......how 'bout one for the road."
"That won't be a problem." Dean lowered his face to hers as Rory brought him down to her again......
Somewhere in Stars Hollow, music was being played by a random insomniac. To Rory, it was a blessing; an ode of good fortune to being with Dean.
Fall and climb
Take your time
Somehow you must live up
To the precedents you've set
You need not hope for answers yet.
Don't ask me how I know it now
The future does not show itself to me.
So love and learn
Take your turn
Somewhere there's a feather
Falling slowly from the sky
You need not know the reason why.
_______________
In Boston:
Hurriedly, he threw some clothes into his duffel bag. The only hotel he'd been able to get a reservation at was the Marriott in Hartford. Summer's busy season was coming to a close and he had to pull some strings to get a room. The sooner he talked to Lorelai and Rory, the faster he could stop the situation from blowing up in his face.
He'd gone back to Sherry for the baby's sake, but forcing a marriage on him wasn't going to make everthing that was wrong between Sherry and him go away. Christopher had tried explaining tht to her, and it had gone as well as could be expected. He loved his daughter, but the love he felt for her did not cancel out the lack of love he felt for Sherry. God knows he'd tried. It just couldn't happen. Not while he still loved someone else.
Christopher turned off the lights, grabbed the keys to the Volvo, locked the front door and went towards the gauntlet. It was time to face the music.
AUTHOR: medeagddss@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.
SPOILERS: None yet.
RATING: PG/PG13 here, but will go to R in a few chapters.
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean
SONG CREDIT: Nico, "Somewhere There's a Feather"
Thanks for much for all the great reviews! I've corrected some mistakes that came up in spelling
Chapter 4: Somewhere There's a Feather
One o'clock in the morning. Jesus, no wonder he was getting complaints about being short-tempered lately. Luke couldn't seem to get any sleep lately. The damn anxiety over what to do about Nicole was keeping him awake again.
Oh who was he kidding? He knew what he *had* to do but what he *wanted* to do was a completely different matter. Nicole was a good woman. A complete lady who had accepted him and his rather introverted ways with hardly any complaints. She was entitled to more than what he'd given her. Lawyer, good friend, excellent conversationalist.....
No, goddammit, he was not going to start a pros and cons list. He may be afflicted with *Lorelai on the brain* disease, but that didn't mean he needed a complete physical analysis of his own self-deprecation. It was enough for now. Lorelai had been back for nearly a week now and they'd barely crossed a dozen words. Sometimes it was easier to keep it all inside festering than it was to let it out and regret it later. Liz was more of a share-all person. Look how well that had gone for her.
Just as Luke rose from the couch to make his way to bed, the phone rang:
"Luke?"
"The one and only."
"It's Lorelai."
"I didn't think it was CrankYankers," he replied,"what's going on?"
"I'm in the middle of a breakdown. Anne Sexton heads to McLean. That'll be me, in oh, about thirty seconds!"
"Hold on, hold on. What happened?"
"The apocalypse didn't take place on 'Angel'; it took place here. At my house. On my phone. And the demon that started it looked nothing like a maggotface. He was the same demon in the same face. Good ol' Christopher - blight of my life!"
"Okay," he began grudingly,"I'll take it Rory's dad called up, gave you some typically bad news and it's causing this breakdown?"
"Except you're missing a step."
"I take what you give me and draft it. what's the Fifth Element?"
"Rory. Rory's missing. After I told her.......well, some of what the apocalyptic phone call from her father was about she went silent."
"So she's mute now?"
"Luke, she's gone! I went into her room a few minutes ago to talk and she wasn't there. I don't know where she went. My kid just doesn't take off in the middle of the night. I'm just...."
"Having a panic attack," he answered,"Look, Rory, maybe she just needed some time to take in whatever it was you told her. Could she be with Lane?"
"I could try to call there, but Mrs. Kim would probably try to excommunicate me. And if they are together, it would piss her to know Rory's there when she's not supposed to be. I really don't want to play overprotective mom right now, but what if she-"
"Took off like Jess? No, Lorelai, she's not that kind of girl and you know it. She probably just took off to talk it out."
"Yes, but even thinking that's what she's done doesn't help."
"Neither will driving yourself crazy about it," Luke replied,"Listen, do you want to try and find her."
"No, that's OK. I already went through her stuff to make sure she didn't take anything vital with her. I think you're right-"
"Can I get that in writing?"
"Smartass. She'll be back but this waiting is killing me?"
He took a deep breath before asking,"Need any company?"
"No, I don't want to bother you."
"You're kidding, right?"
"Hey, Luke. Stay in the *friend* mode, OK? It suits you better."
"I'll bring coffee."
"And pie?"
Sighing as he shook his head,"Alright. But only one pie."
"Spoil sport!"
___________________________
Back at Miss Patty's.....
Rory and Dean lay in a tumbled mess. Strewn over discarded clothing, yoga mats and jackets they panted as they looked up at the ceiling, Rory in her bra and panties and Dean in boxers.
"Oh my God," she said, in between ragged breaths.
"I agree completely," Dean replied,"That was-"
"Amazing-"
"Spectacular-"
Rory turned to face Dean and smiled. "Right. It may be simple, considering some of the vocabulary words I throw around daily, but I can't come up with anything better than that one word - right."
Dean turned to face her as well. "I know. For me too."
There was a moment of silence as she moved towards him and lay on the crock of his arm. Hugging her towards him, Dean gently kissed the top of her head. "It was also a bit terrifing, to tell you the truth?"
"Wow, was I that insaciable?"
"Come on, Rory," he laughed,"I think you know what I meant."
"Maybe. But it still would sound better coming from you."
He merely shook his head as he smiled. "After everything we've been through this past year, this is the last situation I thought we'd be in but now that we're here, it doesn't seem strange at all. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's what it feels like to me."
"Yeah," she said, growing quiet once again.
"What's wrong?"
"I think we need to face the inevitable question.
"Ah."
"What happens now, Dean?"
"Things change, Rory," he said,"Look, I feel a lot of things right now, confusion being the biggest one, but one thing I don't feel is sorry. Being with you again feels right. It feels like it should have with-"
"Lindsay", she said. They both looked away for a moment.
"I never.......you know....with her."
"Never?'
"No," he replied honestly,"the timing was never right."
Once again, they were both silent. When so much had to be said, the first natural response of the confused has always been to say nothing.
"Dean-"
"Rory-"
They spoke simultaneously, breaking up into laughter. Rory reached up and kissed him, laying on his chest and smiling to his face. Dean smiled back. He said,"You know-"
"-many things."
"I can't marry her. Not now."
"Afraid Lorelai Gilmore will come after you with a shotgun?"
"You make remarkable jokes in the face of drama."
"I try," Rory laughed. Kissing him once again, she lay on his chest and closed her eyes for a moment. It was hard to thinking of what would come next without imagining a paralyzing series of arguments and confrontation.
"Rory?"
"Tell me what you're thinking."
"That if I were at Chilton, I'd definitely not be a good 'Mary'. I think I now fall under the category of fallen woman."
"Then I'll just have to catch you."
"Good thing you're tall," she said. Rory opened her eyes and hugged him. "Dean, I'm scared."
"Don't be. I know this isn't going to be easy for either one of us but we'll pull through. After what happened between us tonight, there's no way I could go ahead with my plans with Lindsay. The fact I'm here speaks volumes about how unsure I've been."
"Unsure."
"Big time. Both of my parents have been dropping subtle *call off the wedding* signals. They wouldn't say why."
"Oh."
"Rory?"
"What?"
"Do you even want to be with me? I'm doing all the talking here and I don't want to take anything for granted. Unless of course-"
"Dean, no," she began,"no, this wasn't a one-time thing for me. I've wanted you back for, well for months. I thought of you a lot in Europe."
"Just making it clear right now that I am not wearing a beret."
"Good to know," she laughed,"but can you just promise me one thing."
"What?"
"Promise not to marry me. Promise just to be with me and try to find a way of being together again without forgetting what we really feel about each other again. I don't want to lose you again."
"I think that's the most obscure proposal I've ever gotten."
"Not hearing an answer!"
"I promise."
She smiled as she hugged Dean with all her strength."And so do I. Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"It's getting late-"
"-and you should get home. Come on, I'll take you." Dean began to sit up, but was stopped.
"Yes, I should but not just yet. What's that old expression that fallen women use. Oh yes......how 'bout one for the road."
"That won't be a problem." Dean lowered his face to hers as Rory brought him down to her again......
Somewhere in Stars Hollow, music was being played by a random insomniac. To Rory, it was a blessing; an ode of good fortune to being with Dean.
Fall and climb
Take your time
Somehow you must live up
To the precedents you've set
You need not hope for answers yet.
Don't ask me how I know it now
The future does not show itself to me.
So love and learn
Take your turn
Somewhere there's a feather
Falling slowly from the sky
You need not know the reason why.
_______________
In Boston:
Hurriedly, he threw some clothes into his duffel bag. The only hotel he'd been able to get a reservation at was the Marriott in Hartford. Summer's busy season was coming to a close and he had to pull some strings to get a room. The sooner he talked to Lorelai and Rory, the faster he could stop the situation from blowing up in his face.
He'd gone back to Sherry for the baby's sake, but forcing a marriage on him wasn't going to make everthing that was wrong between Sherry and him go away. Christopher had tried explaining tht to her, and it had gone as well as could be expected. He loved his daughter, but the love he felt for her did not cancel out the lack of love he felt for Sherry. God knows he'd tried. It just couldn't happen. Not while he still loved someone else.
Christopher turned off the lights, grabbed the keys to the Volvo, locked the front door and went towards the gauntlet. It was time to face the music.